EPTIf men are trash then women are raccoons.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 1006
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Emnjay808
United States10666 Posts
If men are trash then women are raccoons. | ||
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Simberto
Germany12070 Posts
On September 16 2018 18:21 Emnjay808 wrote: Trying to talk to girls that are super headstrong and anti-males is a monster of its own. It’s not even worth the time and effort to try get laid if they act so defiant just cause ur a guy. You can’t expect sex if you also talk like all men are trash of the earth. If men are trash then women are raccoons. Maybe this conflict arises because you see talking to girls as a means to the end of getting laid? | ||
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Excludos
Norway8281 Posts
I quite fancy a girl. We're in a group of friends from college who chat regularly on fb, play games together, and meet up about once every other month or so. I want to ask her out, but since we don't meet up that often (and I suspect maybe our group meetups would be a bad time to do that anyways), and asking someone out over fb is a bad idea, I am in need of ideas. I also don't know too much about her or what she likes. She doesn't talk much about herself at all; I had to ask her friend if she was even single. I do think there is a possibility she likes me too based on how she's acting around me, but I am of course your average clueless male so that could just be wishful thinking. So I need a solution on how/where to ask her out, and some idea for dates. | ||
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KR_4EVR
316 Posts
On September 17 2018 02:59 Excludos wrote: ok, I'm going to need the combined power of teamliquid for this one: I quite fancy a girl. We're in a group of friends from college who chat regularly on fb, play games together, and meet up about once every other month or so. I want to ask her out, but since we don't meet up that often (and I suspect maybe our group meetups would be a bad time to do that anyways), and asking someone out over fb is a bad idea, I am in need of ideas. I also don't know too much about her or what she likes. She doesn't talk much about herself at all; I had to ask her friend if she was even single. I do think there is a possibility she likes me too based on how she's acting around me, but I am of course your average clueless male so that could just be wishful thinking. So I need a solution on how/where to ask her out, and some idea for dates. You have already identified one of your main life features that you connect on. Your next step is to invite the lady into a different part of your life that is somewhat unrealted. Before getting to the 'dating' phase, you need to identify another activity you highly value and ask the lady to spend time with you in that mode also. During that time you need to ask reciprocally if there's something she likes doing that she wouldn't mind doing together. It is only after finishing that 3rd phase that you should broach any official front of romantic interest. Good luck. Edit: Here's the thing with declaring romance: If it's successful, it works backwards and it turns out that all that time you spent together was actually dating in a sense. If it's unsuccessful, it works forwards and you will never be able to just hang out with total cool. | ||
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KR_4EVR
316 Posts
Union is not 1+1 =2 or 1/2 +1/2 =1 but sin(fx)^2+cos(fx)^2 =1. You both are whole in the sense of complete amplitude but by yourselves you aren't whole in the sense of a constant 1. And you need to find someone who matches your frequency and is the right phase apart. If your frequency does not match then you will make fast and slow beats, and life amplitudes up and down,and these will wear you out even more than single life. If you don't make sure the base phase is a half square cycle apart like sin^2 and cos^2, then you will never be able to add up to a constant. Now, since most people are into manwoman duos, they probably won't have a phase i.e. orientation issue in their search. But you do have to take things into account regarding frequency. A woman is an feeling being. She wants the security of a man's ordered life so that she can be herself fully. A man is a thinking being. He wants the comfort of a woman's emotional understanding so that he can be himself fully. Together, supporting each other in the things in which the other is weak, a couple is strong. To attract a woman, a lot of men think they need to display emotion; to attract a man, a lot of women think they need to have eye-catching skills. This may be true in the 'lovey' phase but it can't last and it's actually a misinterpretation of the golden rule: Do for others what you would have them do for you. Note that it does not say: Do for others as they would like you to do. This is the real catch of the golden rule that a lot of people miss and suffer for it. The reality is, if you give to others what you want from them instead of what you think they want, you will be happy, and they will too. If you try to be everything for them by trying to figure out what they want, you will end up exhausted and never live up to their expectations. Besides, you can either choose to give happily and endlessly from the boundless resource of your true self, or you can exhaust yourself trying to be something you aren't. In reality people find freedom in just being themselves and not trying to be something for someone else. If you both try to be something for the other person that that other person wanted to be to you, you will both end up with zero of what you truly need. But if you both give of yourself to the other, then eventually you will grow more like each other. | ||
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KR_4EVR
316 Posts
To a man, there's the man and the woman, just the two of them. To a woman, there's the woman, the man, and the capitol R Relationship, all three. Many relationships have suffered because one or the other did not understand this fundamental point. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On September 17 2018 02:59 Excludos wrote:and asking someone out over fb is a bad idea, I am in need of ideas. Let me stop you right here. I don't think you should bother that much with how you ask her. Of course asking her in real shows way more confidence. But in my own experience you often go "Well I could ask her out now, But this certain situation does not 100% satisfy my perfect opportunity, lets do it another day." and then you just postpone it. I say fuck that, you know her name, she knows yours. Just shoot her a message saying something like "Hey, I'd like to know you better. Lets go for a walk this weekend!". I also don't know too much about her or what she likes. She doesn't talk much about herself at all; I had to ask her friend if she was even single. I do think there is a possibility she likes me too based on how she's acting around me, but I am of course your average clueless male so that could just be wishful thinking. So I need a solution on how/where to ask her out, and some idea for dates. That is to be expected as you have not had a 1v1 with her yet. As for what kind of date you can go on. I personally like "short" casual first dates. So, a walk around the city, park etc. Maybe go ice skating if its winter. Go for a drink at some cozy bar. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On September 17 2018 03:15 KR_4EVR wrote: You have already identified one of your main life features that you connect on. Your next step is to invite the lady into a different part of your life that is somewhat unrealted. Before getting to the 'dating' phase, you need to identify another activity you highly value and ask the lady to spend time with you in that mode also. During that time you need to ask reciprocally if there's something she likes doing that she wouldn't mind doing together. It is only after finishing that 3rd phase that you should broach any official front of romantic interest. Good luck. Edit: Here's the thing with declaring romance: If it's successful, it works backwards and it turns out that all that time you spent together was actually dating in a sense. If it's unsuccessful, it works forwards and you will never be able to just hang out with total cool. OOOOH. I almost forgot. You absolutely have to remember this: To a man, there's the man and the woman, just the two of them. To a woman, there's the woman, the man, and the capitol R Relationship, all three. Many relationships have suffered because one or the other did not understand this fundamental point. Union is not 1+1 =2 or 1/2 +1/2 =1 but sin(fx)^2+cos(fx)^2 =1. You both are whole in the sense of complete amplitude but by yourselves you aren't whole in the sense of a constant 1. And you need to find someone who matches your frequency and is the right phase apart. If your frequency does not match then you will make fast and slow beats, and life amplitudes up and down,and these will wear you out even more than single life. If you don't make sure the base phase is a half square cycle apart like sin^2 and cos^2, then you will never be able to add up to a constant. Now, since most people are into manwoman duos, they probably won't have a phase i.e. orientation issue in their search. But you do have to take things into account regarding frequency. God DAMN. What is everyone smoking today! What are you even talking about? And what the fuck was that about sin(x) and cos(x)!!!? Declaring his romance for her as if she was some fair maiden is not the way to go about it. | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On September 17 2018 02:59 Excludos wrote: ok, I'm going to need the combined power of teamliquid for this one: I quite fancy a girl. We're in a group of friends from college who chat regularly on fb, play games together, and meet up about once every other month or so. I want to ask her out, but since we don't meet up that often (and I suspect maybe our group meetups would be a bad time to do that anyways), and asking someone out over fb is a bad idea, I am in need of ideas. I also don't know too much about her or what she likes. She doesn't talk much about herself at all; I had to ask her friend if she was even single. I do think there is a possibility she likes me too based on how she's acting around me, but I am of course your average clueless male so that could just be wishful thinking. So I need a solution on how/where to ask her out, and some idea for dates. If someone wants to be asked out, they're not going to say no just because you asked them out by FB/text/smoke signals/ etc. For a date, we can only suggest generic stuff, since we don't really know anything about her. If you guys play games together, maybe a board game cafe or something? Or just a decent lunch place? Or a nice walk? | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
The ultimate end of any romance is companionship. What is that? Doing life together through thick and thin, fun and not-so-fun, and just being there. In this day and age a lot of people are confused about this but romance is all about people looking for their other half. I mean, not necessarily? Some people can be happy alone and be happy in a relationship. A significant other can just be a friend with whom you share sexual attraction. A woman is an feeling being. She wants the security of a man's ordered life so that she can be herself fully. A man is a thinking being. He wants the comfort of a woman's emotional understanding so that he can be himself fully. Together, supporting each other in the things in which the other is weak, a couple is strong. Okay, please, don't spread stuff like this. We live in a fairly different time now, where it's getting more okay for men to display emotion and for women to be independent and secure in their lives. Some people want to fuck, some want companionship, some want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. This isn't locked to different sexes. To attract a woman, a lot of men think they need to display emotion; to attract a man, a lot of women think they need to have eye-catching skills. This may be true in the 'lovey' phase but it can't last and it's actually a misinterpretation of the golden rule: Do for others what you would have them do for you. Note that it does not say: Do for others as they would like you to do. This is the real catch of the golden rule that a lot of people miss and suffer for it. The reality is, if you give to others what you want from them instead of what you think they want, you will be happy, and they will too. If you try to be everything for them by trying to figure out what they want, you will end up exhausted and never live up to their expectations. Besides, you can either choose to give happily and endlessly from the boundless resource of your true self, or you can exhaust yourself trying to be something you aren't. ... I mean, what? What happens when something you want doesn't align with what the other person wants? You're not a static person, and sometimes compromise is necessary. | ||
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Excludos
Norway8281 Posts
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Bigtony
United States1606 Posts
On September 17 2018 04:58 Excludos wrote: Well, most people seem to favor just going for it, so I'll try that. I'll return soon with a "yay" or "mayday" Just ask her to do literally anything 1 on 1 with you and see if she says yes. Try a new cafe/bar, playtest a new boardgame you just got, check out a park, whatever you are into. If she says yes, you see how it goes and say something like you should hang out again sometimes. Suggest one thing and give 1 or 2 potential day/time. If she says no, probably just not into you. | ||
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Killmo
China82 Posts
Getting ghosted is the normal end for me, sadly, but this was an especially hard one. This one felt like hitting a brick wall that there is no possible way around. Don't ask me how, but somehow I found a second woman who really seemed to like me. How that happened over the space of 3 days is something that I won't ever know, considering there was never anyone interested in my that way in my life before that. We talked and had fun for several hours. Again, this was online since I definitely did not want anyone seeing my face ever again. She said that we would talk again shortly, and I couldn't have been more excited. It's now over 2 hours since we were supposed to talk, and I am trying to come to terms with the fact that she isn't coming. I figured I had just managed to find a new rock bottom. I guess I had, but I still had more to go tonight. I was upset, and I wanted to talk to my best friend about it. My best friend is good at helping me feel better. We talked for a few minutes, and then suddenly. Poof! Nothing! I have gone over our conversation like 100 times, and I am, admittedly, quite murky from a whole bunch of vodka that I have been drinking in the hopes of feeling less of anything. I just can't find anything wrong that I did with my best friend. I just have to hope that I still have a friend come tomorrow. This thread is titles, "Dating: How's your luck?" What I have just told you quite literally sums up my entire life's worth of daating. I think it is fair to say it is not going well. I really hope that this is the end of it. Thanks for reading this. | ||
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Excludos
Norway8281 Posts
On September 17 2018 15:02 Killmo wrote: I have not been doing well. I was talking with a woman who seemed really nice, and smart, and straightforward. I was super excited to get to meet her. We hadn't seen each other at that point. Only talked. She sent me a picture, and she was absolutely beautiful. Considering my age and the fact that I have never had any amount of success and the fact that I am not very good looking, I wasn't especially confident. But she had sent me a picture and asked for one of me, so I couldn't do much but send a picture back. I smiled and took a selfie to send to her. It wasn't my best ever photo, but it was far from my worst. She stopped speaking to me literally without a word. Getting ghosted is the normal end for me, sadly, but this was an especially hard one. This one felt like hitting a brick wall that there is no possible way around. Don't ask me how, but somehow I found a second woman who really seemed to like me. How that happened over the space of 3 days is something that I won't ever know, considering there was never anyone interested in my that way in my life before that. We talked and had fun for several hours. Again, this was online since I definitely did not want anyone seeing my face ever again. She said that we would talk again shortly, and I couldn't have been more excited. It's now over 2 hours since we were supposed to talk, and I am trying to come to terms with the fact that she isn't coming. I figured I had just managed to find a new rock bottom. I guess I had, but I still had more to go tonight. I was upset, and I wanted to talk to my best friend about it. My best friend is good at helping me feel better. We talked for a few minutes, and then suddenly. Poof! Nothing! I have gone over our conversation like 100 times, and I am, admittedly, quite murky from a whole bunch of vodka that I have been drinking in the hopes of feeling less of anything. I just can't find anything wrong that I did with my best friend. I just have to hope that I still have a friend come tomorrow. This thread is titles, "Dating: How's your luck?" What I have just told you quite literally sums up my entire life's worth of daating. I think it is fair to say it is not going well. I really hope that this is the end of it. Thanks for reading this. Go to bed, sleep it off. The first two ghosting you sucks, but unfortunately it's the norm these days. Your friend however could have any numerous non-dramatic reasons for not answering. Maybe he fell asleep? There's no point pondering about it. I don't know what the time is for you atm, but sleep it off and talk to him again when you're sober | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On September 17 2018 15:02 Killmo wrote: I have not been doing well. I was talking with a woman who seemed really nice, and smart, and straightforward. I was super excited to get to meet her. We hadn't seen each other at that point. Only talked. She sent me a picture, and she was absolutely beautiful. Considering my age and the fact that I have never had any amount of success and the fact that I am not very good looking, I wasn't especially confident. But she had sent me a picture and asked for one of me, so I couldn't do much but send a picture back. I smiled and took a selfie to send to her. It wasn't my best ever photo, but it was far from my worst. She stopped speaking to me literally without a word. Getting ghosted is the normal end for me, sadly, but this was an especially hard one. This one felt like hitting a brick wall that there is no possible way around. Don't ask me how, but somehow I found a second woman who really seemed to like me. How that happened over the space of 3 days is something that I won't ever know, considering there was never anyone interested in my that way in my life before that. We talked and had fun for several hours. Again, this was online since I definitely did not want anyone seeing my face ever again. She said that we would talk again shortly, and I couldn't have been more excited. It's now over 2 hours since we were supposed to talk, and I am trying to come to terms with the fact that she isn't coming. I figured I had just managed to find a new rock bottom. I guess I had, but I still had more to go tonight. I was upset, and I wanted to talk to my best friend about it. My best friend is good at helping me feel better. We talked for a few minutes, and then suddenly. Poof! Nothing! I have gone over our conversation like 100 times, and I am, admittedly, quite murky from a whole bunch of vodka that I have been drinking in the hopes of feeling less of anything. I just can't find anything wrong that I did with my best friend. I just have to hope that I still have a friend come tomorrow. This thread is titles, "Dating: How's your luck?" What I have just told you quite literally sums up my entire life's worth of daating. I think it is fair to say it is not going well. I really hope that this is the end of it. Thanks for reading this. Some people find love/a relationship/a date on the first try, some go through a few people before it happens. For a lot of people, ghosting or breaking off communications is easier than breaking stuff by talking. Not much to do about it but to move on. When you're sober and awake, go back to what you talked about with your best friend and try and sort that out. That one's a lot more important. | ||
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Epishade
United States2267 Posts
On September 17 2018 05:50 Bigtony wrote: Just ask her to do literally anything 1 on 1 with you and see if she says yes. Try a new cafe/bar, playtest a new boardgame you just got, check out a park, whatever you are into. If she says yes, you see how it goes and say something like you should hang out again sometimes. Suggest one thing and give 1 or 2 potential day/time. If she says no, probably just not into you. "1v1 me at Starcraft, Sarah!" Then if she says yes, show her your mad macro skills and dark templar rushes and she'll be purring like a kitten. | ||
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Excludos
Norway8281 Posts
On September 17 2018 04:58 Excludos wrote: Well, most people seem to favor just going for it, so I'll try that. I'll return soon with a "yay" or "mayday" Update: She said yes, but she's also sick so I'll have to wait a little bit. I guess just going for it was the most reasonable choice after all, but I wish my timing had been better. Now I'm going to have to stress out over when I can ask her again without sounding like I'm nagging. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18487 Posts
On September 18 2018 00:37 Excludos wrote: Update: She said yes, but she's also sick so I'll have to wait a little bit. I guess just going for it was the most reasonable choice after all, but I wish my timing had been better. Now I'm going to have to stress out over when I can ask her again without sounding like I'm nagging. Your answer is "great! let me know when you feel better and we'll do XYZ" | ||
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Excludos
Norway8281 Posts
On September 18 2018 00:50 Acrofales wrote: Your answer is "great! let me know when you feel better and we'll do XYZ" Yeah I said something along those lines. Now I'll just have to wait.. this is the worst -.- | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On September 18 2018 01:07 Excludos wrote: Yeah I said something along those lines. Now I'll just have to wait.. this is the worst -.- Shouldn't be that bad, but I realize what impatience can do to you. This is 1000x better than her saying up front "nah bro, not really feeling it". So she said yes, and if she follows through that means right now she is either somewhere between "let's see how this goes, I might be interested in dating this guy" and "I'd totally date this guy unless he turns out to be a total bore or wierdo". Now your job is to demonstrate to her that you're a cool dude. FYI if you're looking to see how interested in you she is just pay attention to her body language. Is she open, relaxed, and facing you? Or does it seem like she is closed off or away from you. When you touch her, does she seem uncomfortable or pull away, or does she reciprocate that touch at all. Does she touch you? Not all girls will, but if a girl does its almost always a sign she has some attraction. FYI, this date doesn't have to be long, and it should be low key. Please don't go buying her dinner or something like that. Just go do something you like whether that's a walk, grabbing a drink, whatever. Nothing formal, expensive, or high pressure. Nothing that isn't fun to you. You want to be yourself. Beyond that, just have fun with her. GET HER TO DO MOST OF THE TALKING. Most women, well people in general, like to talk about themselves, especially once comfortable. She might not be crazy talkative at first, and if not that's fine just have some fun conversation, and then once things are comfortable you can start asking her things you think are interesting about herself and let her talk about herself. If she does 80% of the talking and you do 20% of the talking she is going to come away with a pretty good impression. Use this to learn about her and see what you think of her personality. Finally, don't be too platonic and play it too safe. Once everything is comfortable and the vibe is good, don't be afraid to get sexual. And no, I don't mean in a horny "Omg your ass is so nice way". I mean in a leading the conversation to sex this way. Talk about people you've dated, what you enjoy sexually, etc. Women LOVE to talk about this stuff, and it sets the tone that this is a dating situation and not a friend situation. I like to end with a good, tight hug that leaves her wanting more. I don't like ending with a kiss unless we are actually going to have sex. For the second time we meet I usually have her come to my place or vice versa. | ||
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