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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 17 2018 15:02 Killmo wrote:
I have not been doing well. I was talking with a woman who seemed really nice, and smart, and straightforward. I was super excited to get to meet her. We hadn't seen each other at that point. Only talked. She sent me a picture, and she was absolutely beautiful. Considering my age and the fact that I have never had any amount of success and the fact that I am not very good looking, I wasn't especially confident. But she had sent me a picture and asked for one of me, so I couldn't do much but send a picture back. I smiled and took a selfie to send to her. It wasn't my best ever photo, but it was far from my worst. She stopped speaking to me literally without a word.
Getting ghosted is the normal end for me, sadly, but this was an especially hard one. This one felt like hitting a brick wall that there is no possible way around.
Don't ask me how, but somehow I found a second woman who really seemed to like me. How that happened over the space of 3 days is something that I won't ever know, considering there was never anyone interested in my that way in my life before that. We talked and had fun for several hours. Again, this was online since I definitely did not want anyone seeing my face ever again. She said that we would talk again shortly, and I couldn't have been more excited. It's now over 2 hours since we were supposed to talk, and I am trying to come to terms with the fact that she isn't coming.
I figured I had just managed to find a new rock bottom. I guess I had, but I still had more to go tonight. I was upset, and I wanted to talk to my best friend about it. My best friend is good at helping me feel better. We talked for a few minutes, and then suddenly. Poof! Nothing! I have gone over our conversation like 100 times, and I am, admittedly, quite murky from a whole bunch of vodka that I have been drinking in the hopes of feeling less of anything. I just can't find anything wrong that I did with my best friend. I just have to hope that I still have a friend come tomorrow.
This thread is titles, "Dating: How's your luck?"
What I have just told you quite literally sums up my entire life's worth of daating. I think it is fair to say it is not going well. I really hope that this is the end of it. Thanks for reading this.
Okay. Real talk here. First thing is that yes, if you're not particularly attractive that is a handicap. I'm not going to mince words there.
On the plus side: you're probably nowhere near as bad looking as you think it are. You almost sound like you feel you're Quasimodo. Most guys aren't. Statistically most guys are around average. Link a photo if you really want an opinion.
For guys that really don't look great it's usually a combination of a few things:
1) Not lean, i.e. over 15% BF, often well over 20%
2) Don't care care of their face and skin well
3) Dress poorly
Have a guy with a natural 5/10 face do the above three and he can look borderline ugly. If your looks are handicapping you severely, and that's a source of unhappiness....get to work! It takes work, but it's fixable. You know the usual shit: eat good, solid gym routine, learn a little about good fit for clothes, and start taking care of your skin. You can turn your looks around dramatically in 6 months. They might never be a weapon in your arsenal, but an average looking guy can easily attract cute girls, even hot ones. You're in no way fucked, but you do have work to do.
Beyond that, re-asses your dating methods. Why are you talking to just one girl? Bad idea. You should have 3, 5, 10, maybe even 20 girls you're talking to. Dating is heavily a numbers game unless you just want to wait every 5 years to luck into a relationship.
Second, you say you're not that good looking...but then you mention online. Bad idea. Unless you have looks near average, a decent body, and 5-6 quality pics of you in different contexts forget the online stuff. Revisit that when you've cleaned up your appearance. For now focus on talking to new women you see out during the day, and from social circle.
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On September 17 2018 03:48 KR_4EVR wrote:
The ultimate end of any romance is companionship. What is that? Doing life together through thick and thin, fun and not-so-fun, and just being there. In this day and age a lot of people are confused about this but romance is all about people looking for their other half.
You're stating this an awful lot like a fact....
On September 10 2018 03:51 Excludos wrote:Show nested quote +On September 10 2018 03:26 GoTuNk! wrote:On September 10 2018 03:08 Excludos wrote:On September 10 2018 03:04 GoTuNk! wrote:On September 10 2018 02:36 Acrofales wrote:On September 10 2018 01:26 bloodwhore~ wrote:On September 08 2018 10:55 Emnjay808 wrote:On September 04 2018 12:35 Emnjay808 wrote:
Was seeing a girl for a good while. I srsly liked her a lot. Found out today she was also seeing someone else.
I feel numb as shit. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Update: we started talking again after the fact. I had angry sex with her and it didn’t feel the same. I srsly don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore. I'd move on. Seems like she used one of you as a back up plan. I wouldn't bother finding out who is the one. Kinda depends. Cheating is pretty horrible, but if you know why it happened, and that part of the relationship can be fixed, there is the possiblity to continue, assuming two very big ifs: 1. You can find it in yourself to trust her again (also implies forgiving her) 2. You both actually want the relationship to continue Cheating doesn't come out of nowhere. If the relationship was healthy, there would be no thought of cheating. If you just grew apart, then there isn't much you can do, and I agree with bloodwhore: don't do what you're doing. You have to move on. If, however, you know what is wrong and both want to work on it and make the relationship work, then that is an option. I like the interpretation that if a woman (or man) cheats, that person is scum in the context of personal relationships and you should no longer assosiate with them. If you "grew apart" you can talk it, break the relationship, etc etc. Not a big fan of all this rationalization to justify unaceptable behavior. Explaining behaviour is not the same as justification. Of course cheating isn't acceptable, but I can understand why it happens. He is saying " If, however, you know what is wrong and both want to work on it and make the relationship work, then that is an option", making it something tolerable. Don't be in personal relationships with cheaters. Don't be in business relationship with people who steal money. Makes life happier, and simple. Problem with that is that people are successfully continuing happy relationships despite cheating all the time. If both love each other and are willing to work on fixing the problems, it might work. Why and how really matters a lot
Once someone has cheated it's no longer a monogamous relationship....which begs the question, why not just make it an open relationship from the outset and put on this farce about being monogamous.
Oh, I always let women initiate exclusivity, boyfriend girlfriend etc. in their own indirect ways.
It kinda backs her into a corner when you say you're not seeing anyone and imply you want the same when she's not sure yet
Contrary to what you see in movies it's usually men that want to "lock her down" as soon as they get some, when women (on average, everyone's unique of course don't you call me sexist xD) aren't ready as they build trust and attraction over time.
Very true, In almost all the relationships I've known it's been the guy who has, relatively quickly, asked for exclusivity in the relationship in hopes that it will keep other men's dicks away. I think the girl often agrees, earlier than she might want to, because women to me seem to absolutely LOVE being able to tell all their friends they are in a relationship and "have a boyfriend" and change status on facebook and such.
On September 10 2018 16:45 Skew wrote:
Cheating isn't acceptable under any circumstance. The only reason not to ghost the person and move on is that you can't do any better and/or you're incapable of getting anything else, which should be a defining moment in your life that you need to get it together.
I agree. 100%. Unfortunately, it's rampant. 20% of people ADMIT to cheating (so the true percentage is likely much higher). 80% say they would cheat if they knew they wouldn't get caught (again, real percentage likely higher).
The easiest way to not be a scumbag of course is to simply never promise monogamy to anyone. It's a very, very hard promise to keep. Yes, if your character is iron you will hold yourself back and not cheat. But you'll still want to, which by definition means your unsatisfied sexually and living in a state of less than ideal happiness.
On September 16 2018 18:21 Emnjay808 wrote:
Trying to talk to girls that are super headstrong and anti-males is a monster of its own. It’s not even worth the time and effort to try get laid if they act so defiant just cause ur a guy. You can’t expect sex if you also talk like all men are trash of the earth.
If men are trash then women are raccoons.
I honestly have no idea wtf exactly you are talking about. Expecting sex? Should anyone ever expect sex? I'd say hell no.
Beyond that, I can't even tell the situation. Was this a date? If so, she was already attracted to you in some way. Headstrong isn't a problem for me. Or rather, it's not a quality I'd value for a long term relationship, but I do enjoy interacting with headstrong women on occasions. A little spiciness and ability to dish it is fun.
Yea, if she starts blasting all men in front of you that would turn me off. If she went on about that for more than twenty or thirty seconds I would stop her and say "Your attitude about men isn't compatible with what I'm interested in from a woman". I would say nothing else and calmly leave. I have done this on two occasions.
If you're goal was entirely to have a ONS/FWB and you absolutely don't care about her attitude towards hating men you just let her talk, smile knowingly, and acknowledge her points. She'll love you for that, and might even be wondering if you're different.
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On September 18 2018 01:56 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2018 01:07 Excludos wrote:On September 18 2018 00:50 Acrofales wrote:On September 18 2018 00:37 Excludos wrote:On September 17 2018 04:58 Excludos wrote:
Well, most people seem to favor just going for it, so I'll try that. I'll return soon with a "yay" or "mayday" Update: She said yes, but she's also sick so I'll have to wait a little bit. I guess just going for it was the most reasonable choice after all, but I wish my timing had been better. Now I'm going to have to stress out over when I can ask her again without sounding like I'm nagging. Your answer is "great! let me know when you feel better and we'll do XYZ" Yeah I said something along those lines. Now I'll just have to wait.. this is the worst -.- Shouldn't be that bad, but I realize what impatience can do to you. This is 1000x better than her saying up front "nah bro, not really feeling it". So she said yes, and if she follows through that means right now she is either somewhere between "let's see how this goes, I might be interested in dating this guy" and "I'd totally date this guy unless he turns out to be a total bore or wierdo". Now your job is to demonstrate to her that you're a cool dude. FYI if you're looking to see how interested in you she is just pay attention to her body language. Is she open, relaxed, and facing you? Or does it seem like she is closed off or away from you. When you touch her, does she seem uncomfortable or pull away, or does she reciprocate that touch at all. Does she touch you? Not all girls will, but if a girl does its almost always a sign she has some attraction. FYI, this date doesn't have to be long, and it should be low key. Please don't go buying her dinner or something like that. Just go do something you like whether that's a walk, grabbing a drink, whatever. Nothing formal, expensive, or high pressure. Nothing that isn't fun to you. You want to be yourself. Beyond that, just have fun with her. GET HER TO DO MOST OF THE TALKING. Most women, well people in general, like to talk about themselves, especially once comfortable. She might not be crazy talkative at first, and if not that's fine just have some fun conversation, and then once things are comfortable you can start asking her things you think are interesting about herself and let her talk about herself. If she does 80% of the talking and you do 20% of the talking she is going to come away with a pretty good impression. Use this to learn about her and see what you think of her personality. Finally, don't be too platonic and play it too safe. Once everything is comfortable and the vibe is good, don't be afraid to get sexual. And no, I don't mean in a horny "Omg your ass is so nice way". I mean in a leading the conversation to sex this way. Talk about people you've dated, what you enjoy sexually, etc. Women LOVE to talk about this stuff, and it sets the tone that this is a dating situation and not a friend situation. I like to end with a good, tight hug that leaves her wanting more. I don't like ending with a kiss unless we are actually going to have sex. For the second time we meet I usually have her come to my place or vice versa.
This last one is a good idea from personal experience (or rather a failed experience). I went on a date with someone to a coffee place and we wibed pretty good. Talked a lot, laughed a bit, and generally had a surprisingly not awkward time. Next time we went to another coffee place. Much of the same happened, but afterwards we never talked again. Both of us ended up feeling like the other person was genuinely nice and interesting, but that there was no spark. I think if I had made the second one a lot more romantic, then things could maybe have gone places, but too much casual just ended up failing.
Making her talk is my end goal, also because I really want to know her better. But with this one I think it would be more difficult than normal. She genuinely never talks about herself when in our company, and she's super shy. I might have to work for it, but I'm not super sure on how to do that without relentlessly asking questions, which can seem off-putting.
On September 18 2018 01:56 L_Master wrote:Now your job is to demonstrate to her that you're a cool dude.
Oh, so I got no chance then? 
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Yes, definitely. Be careful with romantic though, that means different things to different people. If you go all traditional, candlelit dinner and stuff like that it probably won't get her thinking there is no spark, but she will immediately be thinking serious boyfriend mode. Not inherently a bad thing, but most guys I know want to have sex fairly fast and let the romantic stuff develop as you continue to discover each other.
If that's the case, the super romantic frame is bad because women are absolutely notorious for treating "serious BF" candidates different from "sexual guys". If I had a nickel for every time a women has told me "Oh, I couldn't sleep with him yet, it's only been three dates" even though I know just a few days ago she slept with Chad Thundercock about an hour after meeting at the bar. She basically make you jump through many more hoops and rules most of the time in the super romantic, BF frame.
Lately, and it's worked great for me, my modus operandi has been meet out at a bar or coffee place for a drink. Some casual, fun banter just being social and "cool". Then I get her talking about herself as much as I can (again, she loves this; and overall so do I because I'm figuring out quite a bit about who she is), then gradually get to talking about dating and sexual topics, oftentimes as far as explicit discussions of what we enjoy sexually. Generally there is also an increase in touch such that by the end of the date I've got my hand on her leg or playing with her hair, etc. I keep this to not much more than 60-90 minutes.
Second date is her coming over to my place or me going over to hers. Watch a movie, vibe a bit, escalate to sex. From there, you can start taking the relationship to wherever you want.
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On September 10 2018 05:52 LemOn wrote:
Oh, I always let women initiate exclusivity, boyfriend girlfriend etc. in their own indirect ways.
It kinda backs her into a corner when you say you're not seeing anyone and imply you want the same when she's not sure yet
Contrary to what you see in movies it's usually men that want to "lock her down" as soon as they get some, when women (on average, everyone's unique of course don't you call me sexist xD) aren't ready as they build trust and attraction over time.
Something to learn from
I just had a "Woah..." moment.
Long term relationships are a much bigger commitment for women then men in terms of rearing children. A five year relationship is about 1/4 of your average woman's baby-making time, whereas it's about 1/10 of the man's. No wonder women are more selective. It literally might just mostly come down to that.
Then, you have guys who are like, "I"m not going to take any of your time away, but I will give you the D." and they do really well because it's a win-win.
I feel bad for the guys who are like, "I really want to be with this girl forever" and they don't get selected, but they have to remember they'll have a second chance if they turn their lives around, get rich, whatever. Girls much less have that.
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On September 18 2018 05:12 ThunderJunk wrote:Show nested quote +On September 10 2018 05:52 LemOn wrote:
Oh, I always let women initiate exclusivity, boyfriend girlfriend etc. in their own indirect ways.
It kinda backs her into a corner when you say you're not seeing anyone and imply you want the same when she's not sure yet
Contrary to what you see in movies it's usually men that want to "lock her down" as soon as they get some, when women (on average, everyone's unique of course don't you call me sexist xD) aren't ready as they build trust and attraction over time.
Something to learn from I just had a "Woah..." moment. Long term relationships are a much bigger commitment for women then men in terms of rearing children. A five year relationship is about 1/4 of your average woman's baby-making time, whereas it's about 1/10 of the man's. No wonder women are more selective. It literally might just mostly come down to that. Then, you have guys who are like, "I"m not going to take any of your time away, but I will give you the D." and they do really well because it's a win-win. I feel bad for the guys who are like, "I really want to be with this girl forever" and they don't get selected, but they have to remember they'll have a second chance if they turn their lives around, get rich, whatever. Girls much less have that.
+ Show Spoiler +You're on the right track about selectivness of women. They are the choosy sex. That's primarily because of investment though. Evolutionary speaking, a man could have sex with countless women. A quick 5 to 10 minutes and his investment is done. His best "strategy" for passing on his genes successfully is to have as many babies as possible. Some will survive and grow up with his genetic material.
For a woman, it's a different story. Anytime she has sex, at the right time anyway, she had a very good chance of getting pregnant. This means that it would leave her vulnerable in a very real way for 9 months, risk childbirth (dangerous before modern medicine) and then need even more resources to ensure the child's survival. If she mated with any guy, that would be a HUGE investment for her, if she happened to get impregnated by a guy with shitty genes and/or shitty provider potential. Sexually, she wanted to pick a guy with good genes (i.e. attractiveness) and a guy with strong provider ability (think leadership, chieftan, etc.) that would be beneficial for her offspring's survival.
Men had little incentive to be choosy. Having a child is a MASSIVE investment for a women, and thus they become the choosier sex evolutionary and we developed the biological wiring we carry today. Much of it obsolete in modern society but...it's what we are.
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The guys who do real well the way you described are NOT doing really well because they are telling women "I'm going to fuck you but not get you pregnant". They are doing well because they are attractive people showing off attractive traits. Women LOVE sex and like men are biologically wired to crave it and seek it out. They just are less consistently "in the mood" and more specific about who they will have sex with it. The guys that get laid alot are hitting all the switches that turn women on, and then following through on those biological desires.
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Girls have less ability to turn that around, because guys do select more off looks and don't generally care too much about money, career, fame, status, etc. What most guys seem to care about are: is she nice/friendly/kind/fun, is she attractive to me, does she have good motherly traits, etc. Basically a combination of "is she someone I like spending time with" combined with "is she sexy AF". Women can definitely improve both, but perhaps can't make the same jump as men. That said, it's much easier for women to find partners than men, so it's really not that terrible for women.
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Please read the announcement again
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On September 18 2018 06:21 Artisreal wrote:
Please read the announcement again
PUA talk? Alpha? Beta? Nope.
Brags? Obviously not.
Rape Culture Discussion? Nope.
ONS or Hookups or Random Sex? Nope. Discussion of what is attractive applies to these things, but equally to serious relationships and marriage as well.
If you think the conversation is headed in a direction that is "off limits", at the very least justify yourself.
The fact that I posted it, clearly means that I don't believe it is in any manner objectionable content. You saying "Yes it is!!" does not help me understand why you think it is. In this case I have zero idea.
Broken down even more specifically:
Section 1: Evolutionary Biology 101, applies to all species. The choosier sex is consistently the one that invests more. This is cited and recognized in literally hundreds of papers. Certainly not inappropriate content for a post.
Section 2: Basically sums up to physically attractive guys that have good social skills and positive qualities going for them do not struggle to attract women and can get laid often, or be inference get into relationships easily. Again I would ask how is that even a contentious statement in any way?
Section 3: My opinion here. Is there something I missing that doesn't allow me to state what I have been told by most guys and observed to be what most guys look for in a women they want to date? You're free to disagree obviously, but how is stating my experience on what most guys telling me they value in a relationship in any way a violation of those guidelines?
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On September 18 2018 06:39 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2018 06:21 Artisreal wrote:
Please read the announcement again PUA talk? Alpha? Beta? Nope. Brags? Obviously not. Rape Culture Discussion? Nope. ONS or Hookups or Random Sex? Nope. Discussion of what is attractive applies to these things, but equally to serious relationships and marriage as well. If you think the conversation is headed in a direction that is "off limits", at the very least justify yourself. The fact that I posted it, clearly means that I don't believe it is in any manner objectionable content. You saying "Yes it is!!" does not help me understand why you think it is. In this case I have zero idea. Broken down even more specifically: Section 1: Evolutionary Biology 101, applies to all species. The choosier sex is consistently the one that invests more. This is cited and recognized in literally hundreds of papers. Certainly not inappropriate content for a post. Section 2: Basically sums up to physically attractive guys that have good social skills and positive qualities going for them do not struggle to attract women and can get laid often, or be inference get into relationships easily. Again I would ask how is that even a contentious statement in any way? Section 3: My opinion here. Is there something I missing that doesn't allow me to state what I have been told by most guys and observed to be what most guys look for in a women they want to date? You're free to disagree obviously, but how is stating my experience on what most guys telling me they value in a relationship in any way a violation of those guidelines?
While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions.
Shoulda kept reading.
If any of you have used Tinder for a while, I've got a question:
I'm currently in between jobs, looking for something in my field instead of part time. Therefore, I'm currently unemployed. I'm also not in school right now. On Tinder, or any of the dating sites, do you guys still put down your old (last) school? For jobs, do you leave the field blank, write something like "between jobs/unemployed", or say something funny?
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On September 18 2018 07:26 Dark_Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2018 06:39 L_Master wrote:On September 18 2018 06:21 Artisreal wrote:
Please read the announcement again PUA talk? Alpha? Beta? Nope. Brags? Obviously not. Rape Culture Discussion? Nope. ONS or Hookups or Random Sex? Nope. Discussion of what is attractive applies to these things, but equally to serious relationships and marriage as well. If you think the conversation is headed in a direction that is "off limits", at the very least justify yourself. The fact that I posted it, clearly means that I don't believe it is in any manner objectionable content. You saying "Yes it is!!" does not help me understand why you think it is. In this case I have zero idea. Broken down even more specifically: Section 1: Evolutionary Biology 101, applies to all species. The choosier sex is consistently the one that invests more. This is cited and recognized in literally hundreds of papers. Certainly not inappropriate content for a post. Section 2: Basically sums up to physically attractive guys that have good social skills and positive qualities going for them do not struggle to attract women and can get laid often, or be inference get into relationships easily. Again I would ask how is that even a contentious statement in any way? Section 3: My opinion here. Is there something I missing that doesn't allow me to state what I have been told by most guys and observed to be what most guys look for in a women they want to date? You're free to disagree obviously, but how is stating my experience on what most guys telling me they value in a relationship in any way a violation of those guidelines? Show nested quote +While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. Shoulda kept reading. If any of you have used Tinder for a while, I've got a question: I'm currently in between jobs, looking for something in my field instead of part time. Therefore, I'm currently unemployed. I'm also not in school right now. On Tinder, or any of the dating sites, do you guys still put down your old (last) school? For jobs, do you leave the field blank, write something like "between jobs/unemployed", or say something funny?
Good point. I fucked up on this one, at least with section 1.
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As far as dating websites, on Tinder I really don't think it matters....although the new TinderU thing did just come out, so I'm not sure how that's going to shake things up. If it really disadvantages you in terms of pool you get shown to and get to choose from, then I would include your university as a valid alum assuming you still have that email.
If not, and before TinderU, I really never found it to make any difference whatsoever. Pictures are 90% of the game, profile 9%, and everything else 1% (approximate of course, but this has always been my experience).
As far as job status, your situation and how you present yourself can dramatically effect it's importance. In other words, if you're a smokin, fit 26 year old guy with a chiseled bod presenting himself primarily to older women as someone fun....you're "unemployed" job status is going to be irrelevant (probably advantageous tbh). If you're an average looking 35 year old guy presenting a "I'm looking for a serious long term companion" frame, then I imagine it would be a significant negative, especially if you just blatantly put unemployed. Even worse if you're pictures don't show you in quality, well fitted outfits and such.
If you're more in that latter category, I would put nothing there, or something totally silly like "Thrill Seeker" or "World Adventurer" or whatever is silly but true for you. She will notice that, and if it's important to her she will ask either in the conversation online, or ideally, when you have your first date; at which point you're in a better position to make light of or explain why you're not working and how that fits into your life mission and goals.
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On September 18 2018 07:26 Dark_Chill wrote:
If any of you have used Tinder for a while, I've got a question:
I'm currently in between jobs, looking for something in my field instead of part time. Therefore, I'm currently unemployed. I'm also not in school right now. On Tinder, or any of the dating sites, do you guys still put down your old (last) school? For jobs, do you leave the field blank, write something like "between jobs/unemployed", or say something funny?
Don't say you're "in between jobs" unless she directly asks. I have my university listed, don't really think it matters though.
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I don't invest my time and consciousness on girls and relationship any more, so it is difficult to get trapped in a mess.
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On September 19 2018 13:43 CosCom wrote:
I don't invest my time and consciousness on girls and relationship any more, so it is difficult to get trapped in a mess.
Do you have an extremely low sex drive/desire for female companionship?
From my own personal experience it's not too hard to avoid getting involved in a mess. Unless you mean the pain of a breakup with someone you deeply care for. We all make our own decisions but...I think all the enjoyment you get out of a relationship vastly outweighs the pain of a breakup. It sucks at the time but you move on, and get many excellent months or years out of it. If you didn't, I'd suggest you picked poorly.
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Met a LOVELY girl and had a great date with her. Talked about really deep, intimate stuff on the first date and all. I connected with her so fucking quick. She said she admired my confidence and ability to make her laugh. I was being forward with her and said that I just got off a relationship that ended sour, which is why I put myself out there. She consoled me and basically said being in serious relationships suck.
I’m like fuckkkkkk. I’m gonna fall so fucking hard for u it’s gonna be a huge contradiction to ur views. I’m ready to get my shit hurt again.
JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.
Oh she is GORGEOUS btw. Soft, pale skin. Bouncy, brunette hair. My god, I try not to have a type but this combo definitely makes me weak. Also her music depth is so deep I don’t even know half the bands she listens to. They all sound like deep-track Jimmy eat world or Death cab for cutie. Which is totally my shit.
Ok I’m done.
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On September 19 2018 15:53 Emnjay808 wrote:
Met a LOVELY girl and had a great date with her. Talked about really deep, intimate stuff on the first date and all. I connected with her so fucking quick. She said she admired my confidence and ability to make her laugh. I was being forward with her and said that I just got off a relationship that ended sour, which is why I put myself out there. She consoled me and basically said being in serious relationships suck.
I’m like fuckkkkkk. I’m gonna fall so fucking hard for u it’s gonna be a huge contradiction to ur views. I’m ready to get my shit hurt again.
JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.
Oh she is GORGEOUS btw. Soft, pale skin. Bouncy, brunette hair. My god, I try not to have a type but this combo definitely makes me weak. Also her music depth is so deep I don’t even know half the bands she listens to. They all sound like deep-track Jimmy eat world or Death cab for cutie. Which is totally my shit.
Ok I’m done.
Dude. I'm happy for you!!
But I'm also worried for you. You seem VERY into this girl already, I mean you had one date and already you basically sound like you want to GF this girl up. I get the sense you would be incredibly disappointed if a second date didn't happen or she didn't text you back. That's going to come across as needy/clingly and just too into her in general and just kill attraction. Your attitude should legitimately be that if she disappeared now you'd shrug your shoulders, say "ah well", and move on without being bothered at all...because you know there are tens of thousands of women just as cool or cooler than this chick out there.
This will also help you not either screw up, or at least send the relationship dynamics and overall picture into the wrong direction on date two.
Be excited you found someone who seems cool. Then go take some deep breaths, remember there are thousands of others girls just as cool and as pretty as she is out there and bring yourself down a bit.
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I have to admit....the more I read, hear, and learn the more I become persuaded that long term monogamy rarely works and is generally not a good idea for most people.
Moreover, in so far as I can tell, there isn't a compelling reason to ever promise long term monogamy to someone.
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On September 20 2018 01:40 L_Master wrote:
I have to admit....the more I read, hear, and learn the more I become persuaded that long term monogamy rarely works and is generally not a good idea for most people.
Moreover, in so far as I can tell, there isn't a compelling reason to ever promise long term monogamy to someone.
You guys need to meet more conservative woman who want to build a house and raise children!
Couldn't be happier in my close to 2 year relationship.
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On September 20 2018 01:55 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On September 20 2018 01:40 L_Master wrote:
I have to admit....the more I read, hear, and learn the more I become persuaded that long term monogamy rarely works and is generally not a good idea for most people.
Moreover, in so far as I can tell, there isn't a compelling reason to ever promise long term monogamy to someone. You guys need to meet more conservative woman who want to build a house and raise children! Couldn't be happier in my close to 2 year relationship.
Come back to me at 10 years. Then at 20. Then at 40. If the first 2-3 years aren't borderline blissful, I'd say you're almost certainly in trouble long term. There are always exceptions to the rule though, and I sincerely hope you guys are one 
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www.toddkshackelford.com
"Although extramarital sex may be the marital activity most often cloaked in secrecy, empirical estimates of affairs over the
course of a marriage range from 30 to 60% for men and from 20 to 50% for women (Glass & Wright, 1992; Kinsey, Pomeroy, & Martin, 1948; Kinsey, Pomoroy, Martin, & Gebhard, 1953; Hunt, 1974; Athanasiou, Shaver, & Tavris, 1970; Levin, 1975; Petersen, 1983). Estimates of the combined probability that at least one member of a married couple will have an affair over the course of a marriage range from 40 to 76% (Thompson, 1983). Estimates of infidelity over the course of a single year of marriage, however, obviously yield lower estimates such as 5% (e.g., Greeley, 1991). A conservative interpretation of these figures suggests that although perhaps half of all married couples remain monogamous, the other half will experience an infidelity over the course of a marriage. Thus,a critical theoretical and practical issue is what predicts who has affairs and who remains maritally faithful."
So 50-75% of marriages in 1990s had infidelity...i.e. were NOT monogamous. The report stats have since risen, especially for women, so that 50-75% figure is even HIGHER today.
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Then divorce, which is often quoted as between 40-50%, but usually hovering around the mid 60% range for cities in USA/EU. Now that stat usually comes from the ratio of divorces to marriages in a given year. Couples that co-inhabit beforehand are estimated at 40-80% higher liklihood of divorce.
82% of divorces are initiated by women. In approximately 75% of cases, the other person does NOT want the relationship to end. Guys, this means that most of the time she is divorcing you, and there is nothing you could have done to save it.
Of all these stats underestimate monogomy success rate, because far more relationships never make it anywhere near marriage. Most fail within just a year or two. Moreover, they also don't include the fairly large number of unhappy marriages where people stick it out "for the kids" or "cause it's the right thing to do".
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Just the tip of the iceberg here but think about those stats for a second. 50-75%+ chance of being cheated on. 50% odds or higher of divorce, likely to initiated by your partner whether you like it or not.
These are not numbers indicative of a system that works. Not remotely.
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On September 20 2018 02:35 L_Master wrote:
82% of divorces are initiated by women. In approximately 75% of cases, the other person does NOT want the relationship to end. Guys, this means that most of the time she is divorcing you, and there is nothing you could have done to save it.
Yeah, those are all women, who suddenly completely out of the blue and without the guy ever giving them a reason suddenly filed a divorce. There was absolutely nothing those guys could have done. Yep. That's how you should read those stats.
And about your general attitude: I don't think that a "social monopoly" of monogamous life long relationships should be enforced (or at least they try, even if they obviously fail) as it is in certain more conservative areas.
But telling people "It can't work" is not an inch better. All it needs to work for a couple is both of them following the same ideal. And then it can work for them, regardless of whatever else does. Pretty much the same with everything.
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EPT
