We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
-Main finding, female sexual desire begins to dive sharply at one year until at 4 years it drastically lower. Moreover, this is drastically slowed when couples do not live together...again, boredom. I guess evolutionary psychology talk is banned so I won't go there, but there are obvious reasons for this if you understand evolution and think through this.
In women, there was a marked tendency for lack of sexual desire to increase with duration of partnership, but not in men (Table II).
With a longer duration of partnership, fewer respondents described themselves as "very satisfied with sex in the partnership" (Table II). This drop in sexual satisfaction was also revealed in two additional statements: "We have had passionate sex within the last week" and "Sex with my partner could not be better" (Table II).
The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. "Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index,
In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction.
Same - he is a great guy, I am just not physically attracted to him anymore. It sucks.
Absolutely 100%. My husband is kind, sweet, funny. Not without his faults like all of us. But I have ZERO physical attraction to him. And it isn't a case of feeling it is the beginning and letting resentments and life change how I feel. I have never found him attractive. I thought I could be happy being with a man who was friendly, made me giggle and would never hurt me. I was wrong. He is a good man and father. I just don't want him.
Me. I have absolutely lost any interest in my SO sexually. He is a great person. He looks good. We get along well in every other way . The best I can figure it, there are 2 components: raising a family, paying bills and family stuff isn't sexy, it is draining. Logistics and chaos is always on my mind. To turn that off would require sedation. Its a total cock block. The other component is neediness, which results from the first component.
For me, the affair is an escape from my boring, day-in-day-out life. Unfortunately, my husband is part of that life. He's amazing. Fit, still attractive, great father, good communicator. I don't know what it is but I just don't feel alive with him anymore, and have no desire. It's sooo frustrating! Fucking another man is a way for me to feel "alive," to feel passion and excitement away from all that. 99% of the time I feel like I'm suffocating. When I'm with someone else, or talking to someone else, I feel like I get to be a sexy, desirable woman.
My husband isn't perfect but i'm pretty lucky. He's a great guy, great father. Been married for 13 years. No sexual attraction to him at all even though he is handsome and fit. I don't think this can be fixed. I know I'm not LL, just no libido with him. Just gone. Don't know why. I almost wish he would have an affair.
This is a BIOLOGICAL thing. It's going to happen, to a varying degree, in the vast majority of cases!
On September 20 2018 02:35 L_Master wrote: 82% of divorces are initiated by women. In approximately 75% of cases, the other person does NOT want the relationship to end. Guys, this means that most of the time she is divorcing you, and there is nothing you could have done to save it.
Yeah, those are all women, who suddenly completely out of the blue and without the guy ever giving them a reason suddenly filed a divorce. There was absolutely nothing those guys could have done. Yep. That's how you should read those stats.
And about your general attitude: I don't think that a "social monopoly" of monogamous life long relationships should be enforced (or at least they try, even if they obviously fail) as it is in certain more conservative areas. But telling people "It can't work" is not an inch better. All it needs to work for a couple is both of them following the same ideal. And then it can work for them, regardless of whatever else does. Pretty much the same with everything.
But telling people "It can't work" is not an inch better.
I felt I had been explicit so far. I'll be 100% direct here and state, for the record, in some cases it CAN, and DOES work. I have not said it can't work. This would be patently false indeed.
Yeah, those are all women, who suddenly completely out of the blue and without the guy ever giving them a reason suddenly filed a divorce. There was absolutely nothing those guys could have done. Yep. That's how you should read those stats.
My question here is did I suggest that all these women suddenly came out of the blue and divorced their man ass, despite him being a model husband? I sure hope not. If I did....slap me.
My comment about the "nothing you could have done about it" is related to the prime reason women cheat. Sexual boredom. Why? Well one thing that's been discovered in more recent surveys is that about 70-80% of women report cheating with a man that's "more attractive than their husband" or "has a better body". Why would looks matter so much, especially when the reasons women give for the cheating don't seem to have to do with that? Sexual boredom, as I linked above. Women don't recognize or understand this (I can link a MASSIVE womens reddit thread about confusion over this same issue sometime with literally hundreds of women being confused why they don't want, or are even repulsed by, sex with their husband despite saying outright that he is a "a wonderful man, hasn't let himself go, good father, etc.").
Sexual boredom means they are no longer attracted to their man. They might, and usually do, still really respect him or value him as a person...but a marriage/relationship is not a friendship...and this means the divorce is more or less inevitable.
Knowing how people in general tend to be, I would agree with you that ALL relationships have aspects in which both partners could do better. That said, we are dealing with huge numbers here. If it was 10%, I might say okay well 10% of people probably just choose partners that are really shitty/shitty for them and call it at that. We are talking 50-70%, both in divorce and cheating, and that's not even including all the relationships that don't make it to marriage because they either fail, someone cheats, or both.
I strongly suspect if you grab 50% of random marriages, a respectable percent of those have couples putting in a respectable effort to make things work.
One other thing I'd like to add though is "making things work" generally, not always...but generally, means "doing things that are unpleasant and against your own desires". Some compromise and change here and there is expected and necessary, and I suspect almost everyone will agree on that. However, if you're having to do a ridiculous amount of stuff to make your relationship work are you sure you're with the right person?
All it needs to work for a couple is both of them following the same ideal. And then it can work for them, regardless of whatever else does. Pretty much the same with everything.
It can work. If both people are dedicated. And remain dedicated. Huge gambles on which to place the future of your happiness though. Especially when, as far as I can tell, there is no need to place such a gamble in the first place. Deep, serious relationships are great. Just don't promise monogamy, don't expect monogamy, and don't get legally married (or at the very least don't get legally married without a strong pre-nup).
That to me is a better optional all around for the "serious relationship" oriented guy.
On September 20 2018 02:35 L_Master wrote: 82% of divorces are initiated by women. In approximately 75% of cases, the other person does NOT want the relationship to end. Guys, this means that most of the time she is divorcing you, and there is nothing you could have done to save it.
Yeah, those are all women, who suddenly completely out of the blue and without the guy ever giving them a reason suddenly filed a divorce. There was absolutely nothing those guys could have done. Yep. That's how you should read those stats.
And about your general attitude: I don't think that a "social monopoly" of monogamous life long relationships should be enforced (or at least they try, even if they obviously fail) as it is in certain more conservative areas. But telling people "It can't work" is not an inch better. All it needs to work for a couple is both of them following the same ideal. And then it can work for them, regardless of whatever else does. Pretty much the same with everything.
But telling people "It can't work" is not an inch better.
I felt I had been explicit so far. I'll be 100% direct here and state, for the record, in some cases it CAN, and DOES work. I have not said it can't work. This would be patently false indeed.
Yeah, those are all women, who suddenly completely out of the blue and without the guy ever giving them a reason suddenly filed a divorce. There was absolutely nothing those guys could have done. Yep. That's how you should read those stats.
My question here is did I suggest that all these women suddenly came out of the blue and divorced their man ass, despite him being a model husband? I sure hope not. If I did....slap me.
My comment about the "nothing you could have done about it" is related to the prime reason women cheat. Sexual boredom. Why? Well one thing that's been discovered in more recent surveys is that about 70-80% of women report cheating with a man that's "more attractive than their husband" or "has a better body". Why would looks matter so much, especially when the reasons women give for the cheating don't seem to have to do with that? Sexual boredom, as I linked above. Women don't recognize or understand this (I can link a MASSIVE womens reddit thread about confusion over this same issue sometime with literally hundreds of women being confused why they don't want, or are even repulsed by, sex with their husband despite saying outright that he is a "a wonderful man, hasn't let himself go, good father, etc.").
Sexual boredom means they are no longer attracted to their man. They might, and usually do, still really respect him or value him as a person...but a marriage/relationship is not a friendship...and this means the divorce is more or less inevitable.
Knowing how people in general tend to be, I would agree with you that ALL relationships have aspects in which both partners could do better. That said, we are dealing with huge numbers here. If it was 10%, I might say okay well 10% of people probably just choose partners that are really shitty/shitty for them and call it at that. We are talking 50-70%, both in divorce and cheating, and that's not even including all the relationships that don't make it to marriage because they either fail, someone cheats, or both.
I strongly suspect if you grab 50% of random marriages, a respectable percent of those have couples putting in a respectable effort to make things work.
One other thing I'd like to add though is "making things work" generally, not always...but generally, means "doing things that are unpleasant and against your own desires". Some compromise and change here and there is expected and necessary, and I suspect almost everyone will agree on that. However, if you're having to do a ridiculous amount of stuff to make your relationship work are you sure you're with the right person?
All it needs to work for a couple is both of them following the same ideal. And then it can work for them, regardless of whatever else does. Pretty much the same with everything.
It can work. If both people are dedicated. And remain dedicated. Huge gambles on which to place the future of your happiness though. Especially when, as far as I can tell, there is no need to place such a gamble in the first place. Deep, serious relationships are great. Just don't promise monogamy, don't expect monogamy, and don't get legally married (or at the very least don't get legally married without a strong pre-nup).
That to me is a better optional all around for the "serious relationship" oriented guy.
As I've said a few times, don't get married just to "get married". Get married TO HAVE CHILDREN; that's the reason to get married, period. For any other reason, avoid it like the plague. If you wanna fool around forever, even with long term relationships between, I agree, do not get married. On all the other stats, I'm not sure how accurate they are, but infering something with a thousand year tradition that has been the pillar of western civilization can't work, seems far fetched. 70% of house holds are also in debt, doesn't mean you can live a debt-free life with some financial literacy and discipline.
Just need 2 people with the apropiate values (and circumstances) to make it work.
Not sure if the following thoughts are coherrent, but lets go!
I don't really think bringing up marriage statistics say anything other than a ton of people get married who probably aren't ready for what it "should" entail. They probably think they are ready though. Consider how many couples believe they will last forever and how few that actually do. Just stating that 60% of all married couples divorce doesn't really say anything unless you put it into context. How many of normal relationships last? How many of the normal relationships "where both partners at some point are 100% sure the relationship will last forever" actually lasts?
Wouldn't surprise me if those numbers are fairly equal, and that "60% of all marriages end up in divorce" is blown out of proportion when you don't consider how many of the normal couples end up breaking up.
Moreover, I'm 25 and most of the people I meet are so fucking far away from being what I consider mature and should even think about getting married. I think it's insane that people marry so early. It's not as common in Sweden, but most young marriages I've seen have failed after a year or two. Whenever I see someone on reddit going like "My husband [20 M] blabla" I replace "husband" with "boyfriend" in my mind. You've barely begun handling your own taxes. You being married doesn't mean shit other than that you're most likely naive thinking it will last.
What do you think?
TL:DR: 60% divorce rate probably isn't that bad People are naive and marry too young
On September 20 2018 02:35 L_Master wrote: 82% of divorces are initiated by women. In approximately 75% of cases, the other person does NOT want the relationship to end. Guys, this means that most of the time she is divorcing you, and there is nothing you could have done to save it.
Yeah, those are all women, who suddenly completely out of the blue and without the guy ever giving them a reason suddenly filed a divorce. There was absolutely nothing those guys could have done. Yep. That's how you should read those stats.
And about your general attitude: I don't think that a "social monopoly" of monogamous life long relationships should be enforced (or at least they try, even if they obviously fail) as it is in certain more conservative areas. But telling people "It can't work" is not an inch better. All it needs to work for a couple is both of them following the same ideal. And then it can work for them, regardless of whatever else does. Pretty much the same with everything.
But telling people "It can't work" is not an inch better.
I felt I had been explicit so far. I'll be 100% direct here and state, for the record, in some cases it CAN, and DOES work. I have not said it can't work. This would be patently false indeed.
Yeah, those are all women, who suddenly completely out of the blue and without the guy ever giving them a reason suddenly filed a divorce. There was absolutely nothing those guys could have done. Yep. That's how you should read those stats.
My question here is did I suggest that all these women suddenly came out of the blue and divorced their man ass, despite him being a model husband? I sure hope not. If I did....slap me.
My comment about the "nothing you could have done about it" is related to the prime reason women cheat. Sexual boredom. Why? Well one thing that's been discovered in more recent surveys is that about 70-80% of women report cheating with a man that's "more attractive than their husband" or "has a better body". Why would looks matter so much, especially when the reasons women give for the cheating don't seem to have to do with that? Sexual boredom, as I linked above. Women don't recognize or understand this (I can link a MASSIVE womens reddit thread about confusion over this same issue sometime with literally hundreds of women being confused why they don't want, or are even repulsed by, sex with their husband despite saying outright that he is a "a wonderful man, hasn't let himself go, good father, etc.").
Sexual boredom means they are no longer attracted to their man. They might, and usually do, still really respect him or value him as a person...but a marriage/relationship is not a friendship...and this means the divorce is more or less inevitable.
Knowing how people in general tend to be, I would agree with you that ALL relationships have aspects in which both partners could do better. That said, we are dealing with huge numbers here. If it was 10%, I might say okay well 10% of people probably just choose partners that are really shitty/shitty for them and call it at that. We are talking 50-70%, both in divorce and cheating, and that's not even including all the relationships that don't make it to marriage because they either fail, someone cheats, or both.
I strongly suspect if you grab 50% of random marriages, a respectable percent of those have couples putting in a respectable effort to make things work.
One other thing I'd like to add though is "making things work" generally, not always...but generally, means "doing things that are unpleasant and against your own desires". Some compromise and change here and there is expected and necessary, and I suspect almost everyone will agree on that. However, if you're having to do a ridiculous amount of stuff to make your relationship work are you sure you're with the right person?
All it needs to work for a couple is both of them following the same ideal. And then it can work for them, regardless of whatever else does. Pretty much the same with everything.
It can work. If both people are dedicated. And remain dedicated. Huge gambles on which to place the future of your happiness though. Especially when, as far as I can tell, there is no need to place such a gamble in the first place. Deep, serious relationships are great. Just don't promise monogamy, don't expect monogamy, and don't get legally married (or at the very least don't get legally married without a strong pre-nup).
That to me is a better optional all around for the "serious relationship" oriented guy.
As I've said a few times, don't get married just to "get married". Get married TO HAVE CHILDREN; that's the reason to get married, period. For any other reason, avoid it like the plague. If you wanna fool around forever, even with long term relationships between, I agree, do not get married. On all the other stats, I'm not sure how accurate they are, but infering something with a thousand year tradition that has been the pillar of western civilization can't work, seems far fetched. 70% of house holds are also in debt, doesn't mean you can live a debt-free life with some financial literacy and discipline.
Just need 2 people with the apropiate values (and circumstances) to make it work.
Again, not "can't". It can.
Usually won't and "is probably a stupid idea" is where I'm headed.
True it has been a pillar of western civilization for 10k years. Western civilizations has also changed dramatically in the last 100 years, and even more dramatically in the last 20. It used to be hugely patriarchal, mostly with arranged marriages designed to help control property, arrange families, and serve as politics. Women had no choice in the matter (often men didn't either), were subservient to their husband, and absolutely dependent on him for their survival and welfare. Monogamy works in such society. I'm sure it works just fine in most of say India due, which is much more culturally repressed (by Western standards).
Western Society today is characterized by key differences: Beliefs in gender equality or even gender equivalency. Women having desire to have careers, be breadwinners, and earn money and status. Far less dependency on male as a provider. Vastly greater and more accessible opportunities to be exposed to and find other mates. More relaxed sexual attitudes. Women more empower to have sex. Etc.
All these changes, make monogamy much, much, much harder to work. The stats around this are damning. Its clearly, blatantly not working. I can't possible see 66% of marriages and a much higher % of relationships fail, combined with 50-75%+ of relationships have cheating and thus are nonmonagamous as anything other than a clear indictment that for the vast majority this relationship dynamic doesn't work, or works very poorly.
75% or more cheating? Just be open from the start! No cheating. No dishonesty.
-----
Marriage for kids. I could see that. But I'd still say why get married. Getting your name on a piece of paper, in government records, and having a nice ceremony has nothing at all to do with being a good couple and raising quality kids.
Move in together (optional), call each other "husband and wife"/"mommy and daddy", provide for the kid together, etc. Just don't get married (and don't promise monogamy). Neither of those are needed to raise kids.
70% of house holds are also in debt, doesn't mean you can live a debt-free life with some financial literacy and discipline.
It still means you usually won't. More importantly, this isn't an apples to apples comparison. If you decide to save diligently, cut expenses, and develop a great budget you can become debt free and nothing barring insane disasters can stop you.
Marriage? The other person can up and leave for no reason. They can stop having sex with you. They can start giving you drama and make your life a living hell. They can gain 100lbs on you. They can become mentally unstable. They can change from someone who loved into someone you find yourself no longer all that attracted to you etc. In all those cases you are powerless.
In a debt situation, it's you vs the money, 100% control. In a marriage, your only 50% of the equation. The other 50% can ruin you at any time, for any reason.
On September 19 2018 15:53 Emnjay808 wrote: Met a LOVELY girl and had a great date with her. Talked about really deep, intimate stuff on the first date and all. I connected with her so fucking quick. She said she admired my confidence and ability to make her laugh. I was being forward with her and said that I just got off a relationship that ended sour, which is why I put myself out there. She consoled me and basically said being in serious relationships suck.
I’m like fuckkkkkk. I’m gonna fall so fucking hard for u it’s gonna be a huge contradiction to ur views. I’m ready to get my shit hurt again.
JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.
Oh she is GORGEOUS btw. Soft, pale skin. Bouncy, brunette hair. My god, I try not to have a type but this combo definitely makes me weak. Also her music depth is so deep I don’t even know half the bands she listens to. They all sound like deep-track Jimmy eat world or Death cab for cutie. Which is totally my shit.
Ok I’m done.
Dude. I'm happy for you!!
But I'm also worried for you. You seem VERY into this girl already, I mean you had one date and already you basically sound like you want to GF this girl up. I get the sense you would be incredibly disappointed if a second date didn't happen or she didn't text you back. That's going to come across as needy/clingly and just too into her in general and just kill attraction. Your attitude should legitimately be that if she disappeared now you'd shrug your shoulders, say "ah well", and move on without being bothered at all...because you know there are tens of thousands of women just as cool or cooler than this chick out there.
This will also help you not either screw up, or at least send the relationship dynamics and overall picture into the wrong direction on date two.
Be excited you found someone who seems cool. Then go take some deep breaths, remember there are thousands of others girls just as cool and as pretty as she is out there and bring yourself down a bit.
I’m more excited about getting over the last girl I dated. I finally feel like myself again cause I was in a pretty dark place this past month cause of her.
As far as a second date with her goes... Idk. If it happens it happens. I also don’t mind if we just stay friends. It’s just nice to spend time with an attractive girl who share the same interests as me (occasional sex on the side as well). I have her on all social media so it’d be no problem to hit her up again.
On September 20 2018 05:58 bloodwhore~ wrote: I don't really think bringing up marriage statistics say anything other than a ton of people get married who probably aren't ready for what it "should" entail. They probably think they are ready though.
Quite possible. Like having children, I'm sure tons of people go into a marriage not really understanding what they are getting themselves into. In fact, given how unaware people are of things like biological boredom and other such factors this number might approach 100%.
On September 20 2018 05:58 bloodwhore~ wrote: How many of normal relationships last?
Far, far fewer than do marriages. Most relationships fail within the first year or two that never make it to marriage. Relationship failure rate probably is close to 90% or more.
On September 20 2018 05:58 bloodwhore~ wrote: How many of the normal relationships "where both partners at some point are 100% sure the relationship will last forever" actually lasts?
I can't remember the actual study/stats but I believe where both partners reported being "highly committed to making it work" there was a between 10-20% reduction if divorce rates. So this might bring the stats down to 35-50% depending on area/time of marriage, etc.
Wouldn't surprise me if those numbers are fairly equal, and that "60% of all marriages end up in divorce" is blown out of proportion when you don't consider how many of the normal couples end up breaking up.
On September 20 2018 05:58 bloodwhore~ wrote: Moreover, I'm 25 and most of the people I meet are so fucking far away from being what I consider mature and should even think about getting married. I think it's insane that people marry so early. It's not as common in Sweden, but most young marriages I've seen have failed after a year or two. Whenever I see someone on reddit going like "My husband [20 M] blabla" I replace "husband" with "boyfriend" in my mind. You've barely begun handling your own taxes. You being married doesn't mean shit other than that you're most likely naive thinking it will last.
Your absolutely correct here. Young marriages fail often, and in general much faster. 1-2 years sounds about right. The best stat I've seen is a 30% state for people who are "college educated, married later than 35, committed to make the marriage work, financially stable".
TL:DR: 60% divorce rate probably isn't that bad People are naive and marry too young What do you think?
I think it's still pretty bad. The best I've seen, is 30%, and like I highlighted there that was for educated, age 35+, stable, committed. Still almost 1 in 3 failing. And that ignores the cheating thing. I guess we don't know how that changes, but my guess is it probably doesn't change much. We all know powerful/attractive men, as a general rule, cheat like mad. Because they are men with options. Men like sex. Men like variety. Successful powerful men are used to getting regular sex, and rarely do well without it. Numerous statistics bear this out. Men with more sexual partners cheat a hell of a lot more.
The response then is often "Okay, but if you're character is strong then I won't cheat". Okay, well I tip my hat to your character. That's impressive if you control yourself that way. But the fact that your fighting hard against it means that your inherently not satisfied with your sex life. You WANT other partners. Yet you agreed to monogamy and gave up the option to have those partners. Why? Now you're less happy than you could be.
Same for marriage. Still no reason, that I can think of it, to actually get married.
On September 19 2018 15:53 Emnjay808 wrote: Met a LOVELY girl and had a great date with her. Talked about really deep, intimate stuff on the first date and all. I connected with her so fucking quick. She said she admired my confidence and ability to make her laugh. I was being forward with her and said that I just got off a relationship that ended sour, which is why I put myself out there. She consoled me and basically said being in serious relationships suck.
I’m like fuckkkkkk. I’m gonna fall so fucking hard for u it’s gonna be a huge contradiction to ur views. I’m ready to get my shit hurt again.
JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.
Oh she is GORGEOUS btw. Soft, pale skin. Bouncy, brunette hair. My god, I try not to have a type but this combo definitely makes me weak. Also her music depth is so deep I don’t even know half the bands she listens to. They all sound like deep-track Jimmy eat world or Death cab for cutie. Which is totally my shit.
Ok I’m done.
Dude. I'm happy for you!!
But I'm also worried for you. You seem VERY into this girl already, I mean you had one date and already you basically sound like you want to GF this girl up. I get the sense you would be incredibly disappointed if a second date didn't happen or she didn't text you back. That's going to come across as needy/clingly and just too into her in general and just kill attraction. Your attitude should legitimately be that if she disappeared now you'd shrug your shoulders, say "ah well", and move on without being bothered at all...because you know there are tens of thousands of women just as cool or cooler than this chick out there.
This will also help you not either screw up, or at least send the relationship dynamics and overall picture into the wrong direction on date two.
Be excited you found someone who seems cool. Then go take some deep breaths, remember there are thousands of others girls just as cool and as pretty as she is out there and bring yourself down a bit.
I’m more excited about getting over the last girl I dated. I finally feel like myself again cause I was in a pretty dark place this past month cause of her.
As far as a second date with her goes... Idk. If it happens it happens. I also don’t mind if we just stay friends. It’s just nice to spend time with an attractive girl who share the same interests as me (occasional sex on the side as well). I have her on all social media so it’d be no problem to hit her up again.
This is not a baiting question or anything like that but do you mean that honestly?
I of course, am not you. But...I cannot imagine being in a position of regularly hanging out with a girl I'm very attracted to sexually and emotionally knowing that she does not view me the same way. I would be sad, constantly horny, and feel a little bit emasculated, especially once she starts having sex with another guy not named me. I could never be in such a relationship.
Good that you're breaking out a bit from low period. Do beware of also using girls to do that though. Then you get in a cycle where you're just girl dependent. Ideally, while you might still have pangs of longing, you should be able to get away from the emotional sadness and void by getting back out there, being social, and above all else workout on your mission and purpose. If you NEED a women to escape the pain of a breakup....then it's time to look inward because something isn't healthy in yourself.
I'm okay with being friends with a girl who I am sexually attracted to. There's a difference between being in love with someone and merely liking to have sex with a person.
All of my real female friends (not friends of friends) are girls that I've had sex with before and it didn't work out.
I meant I wouldn’t mind just being fwb with her. I’m definitely not looking for real relationship lol, not at this moment anyway. But I’m also aware that I won’t be in control of my feelings, which is why I’m ok with the logic of it going either way.
Also I’m not reliant on girls. I was already seeing the benefits of being single since my last breakup, and openly dating other girls is another nice cherry on top of it all
On September 20 2018 11:38 iopq wrote: I'm okay with being friends with a girl who I am sexually attracted to. There's a difference between being in love with someone and merely liking to have sex with a person.
All of my real female friends (not friends of friends) are girls that I've had sex with before and it didn't work out.
What do you mean by "didn't work out"? I guess I'm just not sure why you're not still having sex with them...unless it was just really bad sex and you didn't see that getting better.
I definitely agree its 1000x worse if you're being friends with a girl you love. I think it's bad either way. This blog post sums up how I feel about hanging out with a girl (I want to sleep with) when I know she will not sleep with me:
Both a little heavy on the PUA terms, so some of you guys might balk a little, but the content is spot on. When I think about myself, or any guys I've talk to about this, they've all admitted they felt the same way. It's really not something I'd get in the habit of doing.
I think it’s totally normal to have sex with a friend with no expectations past that. I believe that’s what he’s trying to get at. Whether it “works out” or not, either outcome is acceptable.
This has, more or less, been the approach I’ve been taking when talking to girls. Not necessarily dating, but with how I interact with girls I’m attracted to.
On September 21 2018 02:24 Emnjay808 wrote: I think it’s totally normal to have sex with a friend with no expectations past that. I believe that’s what he’s trying to get at. Whether it “works out” or not, either outcome is acceptable.
This has, more or less, been the approach I’ve been taking when talking to girls. Not necessarily dating, but with how I interact with girls I’m attracted to.
Yea, I think that's what he meant too. I'd call that working out though, unless you had the idea of taking it to a much more serious level with the particular girl and it didn't pan out that way.
if you're having problems meeting women maybe this approach might work...
because of the warn i'm not sure if this particular part of the post should get a response... however, it is factually incorrect so i thought i'd chime in here.
i disagree with #3 in that list of damaging things. Self esteem is the reputation you acquire with yourself. Therefore, your self esteem is not impacted by someone else rejecting you. Self rejection is the worst rejection... by far.
Self esteem is the reputation you acquire with yourself. Therefore, your self esteem is not impacted by someone else rejecting you. Self rejection is the worst rejection... by far.
Maybe this moves off topic, but this is an interesting idea.
I can understand where you're coming from.
I can also understand/see how for instance, getting endlessly rejected would eventually start to weaken a guys confidence and self-esteem. Or if he was always trying to hold down a job and failing he would begin to lose that belief in himself and thus lose the self-esteem.
I would be impressed, and possible find it odd, if a guy could take consistent negative experience over and over again without suffering losses of self esteem.
regarding self esteem and unshakable confidence.. i present Kirk Gibson. + Show Spoiler +
Baseball hitters have their self esteem tested more than other athletes because the failure rate is so high. And , in the playoffs when the pitchers are even better and success is even more rare self esteem is tested further.
Ever been sitting on the dugout bench... and the pitcher is throwing laser beams and physically over matching every hitter that arrives at the plate? Watching a hitter approach home plate ...some hitters look like they are walking into an execution chamber to their death. THis phenomenon is 1 of the things i really love about baseball... is how it tests one's confidence and self esteem on an individual level.
Kirk Gibson strides to the plate on 2 bad knees. The best reliever in baseball staring him down.. The Dodgers wanted Gibson replaced but the league office didn't allow it due to other players faking injuries to get last minute replacements.
Kirk Gibson could barely walk...This is confidence my friend.... i fucking love Kirk Gibson... an unshaven bum look...going bald ...no one is gonna put a slider past this mother fucker.
the question then becomes... how does one build this kind of unshakable self-confidence?... this immovable self esteem?
if you raise your level of self esteem and you are in the dating pool then your success in the dating world will improve. However, raising one's self esteem is not for the faint of heart... it is damn hard work.
On September 20 2018 11:38 iopq wrote: I'm okay with being friends with a girl who I am sexually attracted to. There's a difference between being in love with someone and merely liking to have sex with a person.
All of my real female friends (not friends of friends) are girls that I've had sex with before and it didn't work out.
What do you mean by "didn't work out"? I guess I'm just not sure why you're not still having sex with them...unless it was just really bad sex and you didn't see that getting better.
I definitely agree its 1000x worse if you're being friends with a girl you love. I think it's bad either way. This blog post sums up how I feel about hanging out with a girl (I want to sleep with) when I know she will not sleep with me:
Both a little heavy on the PUA terms, so some of you guys might balk a little, but the content is spot on. When I think about myself, or any guys I've talk to about this, they've all admitted they felt the same way. It's really not something I'd get in the habit of doing.
User was warned for this post
those articles are some of the dumbest shit ive ever read. the guy likes to use logic to try and make his arguments worth listening to, but according to his own logic im not allowed to be platonic friends with the girl ive known since i was 5 because i secretly want to have sex with her? what the fuck?
100% that guy is some jacked up meathead who thinks number of sexual partners is proportional to success in life. his entire stance on women is that their purpose is to satisfy his sexual requirements. his inability to look further than that will cause him to end up dying alone. what a douche
On September 20 2018 11:38 iopq wrote: I'm okay with being friends with a girl who I am sexually attracted to. There's a difference between being in love with someone and merely liking to have sex with a person.
All of my real female friends (not friends of friends) are girls that I've had sex with before and it didn't work out.
What do you mean by "didn't work out"? I guess I'm just not sure why you're not still having sex with them...unless it was just really bad sex and you didn't see that getting better.
I definitely agree its 1000x worse if you're being friends with a girl you love. I think it's bad either way. This blog post sums up how I feel about hanging out with a girl (I want to sleep with) when I know she will not sleep with me:
Both a little heavy on the PUA terms, so some of you guys might balk a little, but the content is spot on. When I think about myself, or any guys I've talk to about this, they've all admitted they felt the same way. It's really not something I'd get in the habit of doing.
User was warned for this post
those articles are some of the dumbest shit ive ever read. the guy likes to use logic to try and make his arguments worth listening to, but according to his own logic im not allowed to be platonic friends with the girl ive known since i was 5 because i secretly want to have sex with her? what the fuck?
100% that guy is some jacked up meathead who thinks number of sexual partners is proportional to success in life. his entire stance on women is that their purpose is to satisfy his sexual requirements. his inability to look further than that will cause him to end up dying alone. what a douche
You're clearly letting your emotions rule you here.
This was warned, so I won't go down this road. Suffice to say that view you have is not correct.
Going through those 2 links you posted is... disheartening. The only comment is that we live in two different, far apart, worlds apparently (I am honestly happy to live in one where I don't have to only be friends with women that are ugly, fat or old).
The only honest and sincere comment I have is: just close all those type of content and don't read it. Relationship are so much more that logically working out what's best for you, and figuring out what works *for you* is part of the fun.
(among the pile of absurdities I read, what comes out as overall message is: you never have a relationship with "equals" -- you either are in a position of power, wrt women or you "social circle" whatever that is, either you are in a position of weakness [because you are not fucking, apparently]. I want my relationships, especially the most significant ones with the women I like, to be on the same foot, there's sooo much more than this stupid logic of gain/loss in human interaction...)
I don't know if I should write this, perhaps I'll get warned, but I kind of looked up to you from the sports threads (especially from the running advice and stories) because you seem a very cool person, but this makes me revisit a bit all that ... it's just too much, too stupid
EPT
