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On September 07 2018 11:01 mantequilla wrote:
I don't want to sound like a crybaby and don't want to devalue your advice but that's really how I think know.
I was good at doing things and it just brings an illusion of self worth that vanishes instantly when everyone leaves to meet with their partners.
I can't think of anything that's worth doing. What's the point of painting or cycling or doing any hobby when all you really want is just someone?
What's the point of spending time with some stupid hobby when everyone normal is having fun with their partners?
I waa thinking of growing some rare plants but now even the thought disgusts me. I will be caring for some rare orchid while others whispering I love you's and trying different sex positions.
I can sense the bitterness in you, and I completely empathize as not only have I been there myself, I still am. Most of my close friends are in long term relationships or even have families. I'm not going to tell you your loved one is waiting just around the corner; she might or might not be. You have no idea how long you'll need to wait, and you're going to destroy yourself if you keep feeling envious/jealous over your friends. Loneliness sucks, but at a certain point you have to feel comfortable and even content living alone as well. Your next potential gf isn't going to hang around long if you're a bitter old man by the age of 30. Not to mention it could lead to a path of deep depression... again, take it from someone who's been there. Work at your own happiness first, and you'll have much less problems later.
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On September 07 2018 18:23 Excludos wrote:Show nested quote +On September 07 2018 14:33 bloodwhore~ wrote:On September 07 2018 10:04 mantequilla wrote:
That has only one logical explanation. There's something very wrong with me that I am ignoring for a long time. Say me and my friend are %90 similar. The remaining %10 must be so huge because he is having such a relationship while I can't get any girl to get interested in me.
And that 10% is lack of self-respect, respect for your family, self-worth and general confidence. Tada, fix these and you will be good to go! The hell does "respect for your family" have to do with anything? I'm genuinly curious
calling your family members worthless is generally not associated with positive traits.
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On September 07 2018 19:02 evilfatsh1t wrote:Show nested quote +On September 07 2018 18:23 Excludos wrote:On September 07 2018 14:33 bloodwhore~ wrote:On September 07 2018 10:04 mantequilla wrote:
That has only one logical explanation. There's something very wrong with me that I am ignoring for a long time. Say me and my friend are %90 similar. The remaining %10 must be so huge because he is having such a relationship while I can't get any girl to get interested in me.
And that 10% is lack of self-respect, respect for your family, self-worth and general confidence. Tada, fix these and you will be good to go! The hell does "respect for your family" have to do with anything? I'm genuinly curious calling your family members worthless is generally not associated with positive traits.
Still don't see what that's got to do with getting a girlfriend. One's family might actually be worthless. It shouldn't have any impact on attraction.
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On September 07 2018 20:32 Excludos wrote:Show nested quote +On September 07 2018 19:02 evilfatsh1t wrote:On September 07 2018 18:23 Excludos wrote:On September 07 2018 14:33 bloodwhore~ wrote:On September 07 2018 10:04 mantequilla wrote:
That has only one logical explanation. There's something very wrong with me that I am ignoring for a long time. Say me and my friend are %90 similar. The remaining %10 must be so huge because he is having such a relationship while I can't get any girl to get interested in me.
And that 10% is lack of self-respect, respect for your family, self-worth and general confidence. Tada, fix these and you will be good to go! The hell does "respect for your family" have to do with anything? I'm genuinly curious calling your family members worthless is generally not associated with positive traits. Still don't see what that's got to do with getting a girlfriend. One's family might actually be worthless. It shouldn't have any impact on attraction.
to name a few qualities:
being a "family man"
being respectful, especially to your parents/elders but in general
a few other general qualities that cannot be found with such blatant lack of respect for your own family.
aside from the very rare and specific cases where you really might have family members that are better off in the dirt, publicly displaying such lack of respect for others is not what you would call a "good" person.
and i dunno about you, but i definitely care about how my girlfriend treats other people and talks about them. if i meet a girl that is not afraid to talk shit about her own family then thats a big "fuck that" for me. tbh even if her feelings were completely justified and she just had a really shit upbringing, i wouldnt go near her just because i dont think id be able to handle that emotional baggage.
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Think most girls I've had any kind of connection with has whined about their parents. Not like that's bothered me in the slightest. Some parents are just shit people. I'm very happy mine aren't, but can't fault those who does have them for it.
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On September 07 2018 22:20 Excludos wrote:
Think most girls I've had any kind of connection with has whined about their parents. Not like that's bothered me in the slightest. Some parents are just shit people. I'm very happy mine aren't, but can't fault those who does have them for it.
Whining about something your parents did is not the same as calling them "worthless" for not being geniuses/very wealthy.
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On September 08 2018 01:07 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On September 07 2018 22:20 Excludos wrote:
Think most girls I've had any kind of connection with has whined about their parents. Not like that's bothered me in the slightest. Some parents are just shit people. I'm very happy mine aren't, but can't fault those who does have them for it. Whining about something your parents did is not the same as calling them "worthless" for not being geniuses/very wealthy.
From what I've heard they're genuinely worthless. But I never got to meet them so I can't confirm. But again I don't think that's in any way unattractive. People are allowed to not like their parents. If they're just whining for the sake of being whiny then they have other problems besides not being "respectful of their family".
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On September 08 2018 06:37 Excludos wrote:Show nested quote +On September 08 2018 01:07 GoTuNk! wrote:On September 07 2018 22:20 Excludos wrote:
Think most girls I've had any kind of connection with has whined about their parents. Not like that's bothered me in the slightest. Some parents are just shit people. I'm very happy mine aren't, but can't fault those who does have them for it. Whining about something your parents did is not the same as calling them "worthless" for not being geniuses/very wealthy. From what I've heard they're genuinely worthless. But I never got to meet them so I can't confirm. But again I don't think that's in any way unattractive. People are allowed to not like their parents. If they're just whining for the sake of being whiny then they have other problems besides not being "respectful of their family".
Oh yeah if your parents are alcoholics that beat you up, sure, call them worthless or worse. But don't do that on what seem normal parents who just aren't very bright/wealthy.
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As far as the "parents are/ family is worthless" remarks, I think the issue with that paragraph is less about "Is that technically true?" and more about "That is a paragraph nested in a larger monologue that focuses much more on blaming others and caring about extrinsic motivators than other approaches that could be more helpful in making you into a happier and more fulfilled individual." In other words, the fact that one's mother has superficial dinner conversations is largely irrelevant to whether or not you can be happy or be in a successful relationship in the first place. It's a scapegoat; there's probably very little reason to blame his mother at this point in time. It's probably more of a "woe is me" rant that lists a bunch of things he's unhappy with in his life, even if they're not related to actual dating.
Edit: This came off as more cold and dismissive than I meant it to be, so I apologize for the tone, mantequilla.
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On September 04 2018 12:35 Emnjay808 wrote:
Was seeing a girl for a good while. I srsly liked her a lot. Found out today she was also seeing someone else.
I feel numb as shit. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
Update: we started talking again after the fact.
I had angry sex with her and it didn’t feel the same. I srsly don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore.
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On September 08 2018 10:55 Emnjay808 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 04 2018 12:35 Emnjay808 wrote:
Was seeing a girl for a good while. I srsly liked her a lot. Found out today she was also seeing someone else.
I feel numb as shit. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Update: we started talking again after the fact. I had angry sex with her and it didn’t feel the same. I srsly don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore.
I'd imagine it's incredibly difficult and confusing to try having "just sex" with someone who you're emotionally attached to. If it's over, I recommend moving on.
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United Kingdom13775 Posts
On the matter of a bad relationship with parents I’d say I see it as a red flag either way. If the reason for making that assertion is frivolous, such as “I can’t brag about how rich and successful my parents are” that speaks volumes about what kind of person would treat their parents like that. If it’s that they genuinely have dysfunctional parents... well I’ve seen enough of quite a few people to know that you always inherit a lot more from your parents than you bargained for, no matter what you wish were true. And more than that, a strong sense of family is something I see as quite important and I can’t exactly respect people who don’t feel the same.
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On September 08 2018 12:16 LegalLord wrote:
On the matter of a bad relationship with parents I’d say I see it as a red flag either way. If the reason for making that assertion is frivolous, such as “I can’t brag about how rich and successful my parents are” that speaks volumes about what kind of person would treat their parents like that. If it’s that they genuinely have dysfunctional parents... well I’ve seen enough of quite a few people to know that you always inherit a lot more from your parents than you bargained for, no matter what you wish were true. And more than that, a strong sense of family is something I see as quite important and I can’t exactly respect people who don’t feel the same.
i agree. you described my own thoughts better than i do
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United States15275 Posts
On September 08 2018 10:55 Emnjay808 wrote:
I had angry sex with her and it didn’t feel the same. I srsly don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore.
Cut her off and go cold turkey. Preserve your integrity FFS.
On September 08 2018 10:09 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
As far as the "parents are/ family is worthless" remarks, I think the issue with that paragraph is less about "Is that technically true?" and more about "That is a paragraph nested in a larger monologue that focuses much more on blaming others and caring about extrinsic motivators than other approaches that could be more helpful in making you into a happier and more fulfilled individual." In other words, the fact that one's mother has superficial dinner conversations is largely irrelevant to whether or not you can be happy or be in a successful relationship in the first place. It's a scapegoat; there's probably very little reason to blame his mother at this point in time. It's probably more of a "woe is me" rant that lists a bunch of things he's unhappy with in his life, even if they're not related to actual dating.
Edit: This came off as more cold and dismissive than I meant it to be, so I apologize for the tone, mantequilla.
A stoic deconstruction of the errors in his logic would be more helpful than offering him generic advice. If mantequila wants to break out of his depressive spiral, he has to recognize his insecurities are built on sand and are largely self-invented.
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This is gonna be a long rant and i just decided to do this on the spur. So sry for my broken english.
BTW most of the conversation in the story are in another language so there might be some information that are lost in the translation but i will try my best.
If you guy have any input on this please let me know cause I'm confuse and wasn't sure if i read all the sign correctly.
So there was this girl at work. Originally, she was in another department. However, my department and her was really close(kinda like a neighbor).
We rarely interact with one another, but we know each other. I wasnt really interested in her back then(she also had a bf back then). Due to some circumstance, she was transfer to my department.
So we started to get closer and begin to talk alot more (work and stuff).
She was really cheerful and was really friendly with most people. She would ask me to visit a customer with her etc. She also kinda keep on talking about how she is now single. She also call me alot
At some point I felt like she was flirting with me. She would crack some joke or give me some sign that she was interested in me.
Here are some example, (lot of this is in another language so I will do my best)
we went on a lunch (with other coworker) and there was a couple playing like a dance game at the game center. The girl who was dancing kinda similar to her in term of shape (small).
Then she say to me "you should look at that couple. Incase you have a girlfriend that small. Just like me, you would know how to treat your girlfriend."
Or one day after work she call me. So I ask her why did she call me (in a polite way since at the time I thought it was work related issue since my line of work kinda require me to work at home)
She say "Nothing, just driving home from work and was feeling lonely. Just needed someone to chat."
I brought a new phone. She ask me for my phone then proceed to take a selfie of herself with my phone. Then she try to setup the picture to show up when she call me (which she didnt know how to do).
So of course I begin to flirt back and stuff. Usually i get a little giggle or a smile from her when we do this. After a while, I begin to fall for her now.
The awkward me decide to ask her out for lunch on Saturday and she agree(at first I texted her(Tuesday eve) and ask her on the phone later(wednesday). Later, I know she went to a farewell party with her girlfriend (this friend let call her N which will come back up in the story later).
Later almost midnight Friday she cancel the lunch and mention she need to take her mother somewhere. A little disappointed, but I just say okey. I wasnt too sure if that was a bad sign or not.(Now I felt like that just some sloppy excuse but I was still optimistic)
Now come the next week, the plan was to ask her out again but I have my own stuff to do that week so I didnt.
We continue to flirt and stuff. Then come the next next week she call me we have work related conversation (20%) and a bunch of other stuff of the conversation (80%).
She say something along the line of "wanting someone to takecare* of her" (now the word takecare in my language could also meet treating someone for a meal or takecare as in taking care of the person)
So I repond with "How about me?" and she said "That would be good too" then proceed to do the giggle move. (Fking women and their giggles how am I suppose to transition out of that) I just laugh it off.
Later at night I was planing to ask her out again but was a bit of a puss so I decided to do in the next morning.
Anyway around that time there we have a grouptext on LINE(messenger app).
Another coworker was joking with me and give me a really cheesy pickup line to use. (She was in this group too so she see my converstion with this dude)
So I texted her the exact same pickup line the guy give me to her.
Before the next part I would have to revisit the N girl. At one point I was interested in N but she didnt really play along with my flirting at all. She also right out refuse to go out when I try asking her out. So the sign was clear that she didnt see me as a love interest and I quickly drop it.
We were good coworker tho or at least I think we are.
Then this is where the problem start
The conversation went like this
She: LOL
She: This is me and not N
Me : She gone now isnt she
She: gone as in?
Me : Im interested in you now (dunno how to translate this sentence properly but is was in a joking way)
She: Really?
She: Back then you were chasing after her
Me : Wut u talking bout
Me : You are much smarter and cuter
She: LOL sweet talk
Me : You look great at work today
Me : fall for you (now that I look back this is so cheesy what was I thinking lol)
some other stuff too lazy to try to translate but not that important
She: But you use to like N didnt you
She: That what the rumor said
Me : What rumor?
Me : Who the hell spread those rumor
She: well I know a little bit
Me : You for sure (she like to gossip a lot)
So at this point I begin to panic for no reason and try to steer the convestion back to getting with her. (only a few line of text after this)
She: Waste of time, lets be friend better LOL
Which really threw me off the bus. At this point Im at a lost as what in the actual fk just happen.
After I settle down I kinda told myself that whatever its not like we really went out anyway and if that what she want I should respect it. After all, we are still co-worker and I also dont want to fk that up.
She no longer call me for no reason, I was still texting her about work related stuff and most converstation has been somewhat professional.
We didnt see each other for about a week and a half (work related reason).
Eventually, we meeted up I no longer show any interest in her and so does she until lunch.
I teased her about her nail polish. Its like silver and really polish like galvanize steel which I never understand why would someone pick that color.
So I goes "Did you just galvanized your nail to prevent rust or something? WHy the hell did you make it look like that"
She paused for a bit and then respond
She "So you would ask. So you would pay attention to me."
Inside my head I was thinking "Fk not this again why the hell did you tell me to be your friend then do this sort of shit" of course i didnt say it.
During lunch(with her and another coworker) she ask me to take a picture of her with my phone and then sent it to her. (Why does it have to be my phone?)
Later in the evening she has to go somewhere but she didnt bring her car with her. So I offer to give her a ride and she say ok. I was in a bit of a hurry and have to left while she was a little busy with work. Another person offer her a ride but she say it was ok she will be going with me.
During the ride we have some chat but I didnt have to courage to bring the main topic up was a little uneventful actually. I think she flirt with me a lil but I dont know if Im too full of myself or not.
So come next day. This time she have to go to a meeting somewhere and there was a report that everyone has to turn in. It turn out this fking report that everyone have to do I was to be the sole expert on.
She didnt know how to do it properly ask me to stay back and help her with it. She mention that she will probably be a little late and offer to treat me a meal and it is fine for me to refuse.
Me still hoping for another chance and a free meal, tell her that I will wait for her after work. Eventually, she show up I show her the rope and was joking around the mood seem light.
Afterward, we went out to dinner this time alone. We talk or rather she talk (Im the quiet guy and she the talkative one) alot. She talk about her hobby and family so on and so forth. I think it went pretty well.
That night she texted me to pick her up the next morning since she have to do a check up on her car.
The next day she and another of her friend (also my coworker) was having a chat she did flirt with me a little and we all also have lunch.
Now I have no fking idea what is going on. Is she still interest in me or not? Obviously I still want it to happen, but at the same time I dont what to make the relationship took a bad turn since at the end of the day she is my coworker.
I dont want thing to be completely awkward in the work place. Any advice.
Edit: found some typo but fk it im too lazy now
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honestly its pretty hard to be sure for 3rd persons like us. we dont know her personality and your script isnt exactly grade a english.
my advice would be to either trust your instincts or just play along until she either makes a move or makes it really obvious for you.
if shes just playing games then shell get bored because you dont chase, and personally i think thatd be a win for you because those kinds of women are annoying.
if shes genuinely interested then youll probably get clearer signs soon and you can try again
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If she doesn’t grab her knees around you then she isn’t interested. I’ve dated many coworkers, this is the tall tale sign.
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United States15275 Posts
"Don't shit where you eat" would be the best advice in this situation. But since you've developed a level of nascent attachment already, I can't offer anything that would preclude a romantic entanglement.
Most likely, you've missed your window with the incessant dawdling and indecisiveness. She is now using you for utility while stringing you along with faint promises of interest. At the very least stop doing favors for her with the impression she will reciprocate with affection. You're a person, not a dog. Operant conditioning shouldn't work on you this easily.
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In other words “strike while the iron is hot”
Judging by the length of ur post u strike me as a dude who overthinks things. Thats not helpful at all when it comes to romance.
You’ll get rejected, trust me. But that process expedites the “moving on” portion and you’ll be the better for it.
“‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’ -Wayne Gretzky -Michael Scott”
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thanks for the advices guy really appreciate it
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EPT
