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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
LegalLord
Profile Blog Joined April 2013
United States13779 Posts
August 23 2018 16:34 GMT
#20021
In principle there’s nothing wrong with dating someone significantly younger... I’ve just never had it work and the results have been universally disappointing. I fully accept it could be otherwise, I’ve just never seen it be so.
History will sooner or later sweep the European Union away without mercy.
TheBrochette
Profile Joined July 2018
67 Posts
August 24 2018 03:30 GMT
#20022
People should just try to be happy and stop Carling about what the world think imo. Who care if someone is younger or older ? Just live and see
Simberto
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Germany11952 Posts
August 24 2018 12:26 GMT
#20023
I think the age difference thing is usually less about what other people will think, and more about what kind of problems can arise from it. As such, i don't think that "age" is the interesting qualifier, but "stage of life". This is also the reason why pure age differences become less important once you get older. A 50 year old and a 40 year old are probably in similar stages of their lifes, while a 28 year old and an 18 year old are often in completely different life circumstances, which makes relating to the person harder, which is really important in a relationship.

However, do not let this dissuade you from having a relationship with a person that you think you match up well, just because they are younger. Most of the problems that would arise with a younger person that i can imagine should manifest themselves incredibly quickly and obviously. This is not really subtle stuff. Usually the problems with younger people lie in responsibility, maturity, self-reliance and self-competence. But if someone had a different life-path than you, they might have acquired those a lot more quickly then other people.

So if you think there are sparks and stuff works between the two of you, there is no problem. And, indeed, do not make this about what society would think. Society always finds a way to talk shit about people, no matter what they do.
LegalLord
Profile Blog Joined April 2013
United States13779 Posts
Last Edited: 2018-08-24 13:06:11
August 24 2018 13:05 GMT
#20024
Hell, people talk and/or think way more shit about the man being an inch shorter than the woman than about a 10 year age difference, for example.
History will sooner or later sweep the European Union away without mercy.
Jockmcplop
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
United Kingdom9959 Posts
August 24 2018 13:08 GMT
#20025
On August 24 2018 22:05 LegalLord wrote:
Hell, people talk and/or think way more shit about the man being an inch shorter than the woman than about a 10 year age difference, for example.


Do I detect a hint of bitterness in this comment?
RIP Meatloaf <3
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18866 Posts
August 24 2018 13:12 GMT
#20026
Good thing I've got over half a foot on my fiancé, though my dreams of raising all star football athlete children may be derailed accordingly :D
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
GoTuNk!
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
Chile4591 Posts
August 24 2018 13:19 GMT
#20027
On August 24 2018 22:12 farvacola wrote:
Good thing I've got over half a foot on my fiancé, though my dreams of raising all star football athlete children may be derailed accordingly :D


I'm 5 7" my gf is 5". We always joke our sons will be small but powerful
LegalLord
Profile Blog Joined April 2013
United States13779 Posts
Last Edited: 2018-08-24 13:59:03
August 24 2018 13:56 GMT
#20028
On August 24 2018 22:08 Jockmcplop wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 24 2018 22:05 LegalLord wrote:
Hell, people talk and/or think way more shit about the man being an inch shorter than the woman than about a 10 year age difference, for example.


Do I detect a hint of bitterness in this comment?

No. Thankfully I don't have that problem.
History will sooner or later sweep the European Union away without mercy.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18866 Posts
Last Edited: 2018-08-24 14:15:05
August 24 2018 14:14 GMT
#20029
On August 24 2018 22:19 GoTuNk! wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 24 2018 22:12 farvacola wrote:
Good thing I've got over half a foot on my fiancé, though my dreams of raising all star football athlete children may be derailed accordingly :D


I'm 5 7" my gf is 5". We always joke our sons will be small but powerful

Because you said this, now you'll only get daughters
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
GoTuNk!
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
Chile4591 Posts
August 24 2018 15:52 GMT
#20030
On August 24 2018 23:14 farvacola wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 24 2018 22:19 GoTuNk! wrote:
On August 24 2018 22:12 farvacola wrote:
Good thing I've got over half a foot on my fiancé, though my dreams of raising all star football athlete children may be derailed accordingly :D


I'm 5 7" my gf is 5". We always joke our sons will be small but powerful

Because you said this, now you'll only get daughters


Small and powerful daughters
ThunderJunk
Profile Joined December 2015
United States741 Posts
Last Edited: 2018-08-24 20:33:05
August 24 2018 20:30 GMT
#20031
The only stages of life that are relevant to dating are: Before kids are wanted, While kids are wanted, While pregnant, While kids are being raised, and After kids have flown from the nest. Age is secondary to those things. If you're both in the same one of those stages, or one of you is willing to convert to it, then it can work out.

Otherwise it's not so much a question of stage of life as much as capacity and mutual desire to connect. If you love on each other, and you're in the same of the above stages, one can be in school while the other works full time, and it would still work out because you'd just talk about your respective perspectives.

Also, High Five!
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.
ThunderJunk
Profile Joined December 2015
United States741 Posts
Last Edited: 2018-08-24 20:32:56
August 24 2018 20:32 GMT
#20032
<Double posted mistakenly>
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
August 24 2018 21:59 GMT
#20033
On August 25 2018 05:30 ThunderJunk wrote:
The only stages of life that are relevant to dating are: Before kids are wanted, While kids are wanted, While pregnant, While kids are being raised, and After kids have flown from the nest. Age is secondary to those things. If you're both in the same one of those stages, or one of you is willing to convert to it, then it can work out.

Yeah I don't agree. "Before kids are wanted" contain so many different stages. Someone who is 18 living at home vs someone who is 27 who has finished university and has a job, a place to live by yourself etc. That would generally be quite the gap.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
Excludos
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Norway8278 Posts
Last Edited: 2018-08-24 22:58:17
August 24 2018 22:57 GMT
#20034
"before kids are wanted" could be your entire life, doesn't mean a 50 year old without kids isn't in a different stage of life than a 18 year old still living with her parents
NewSunshine
Profile Joined July 2011
United States5938 Posts
August 25 2018 04:01 GMT
#20035
Currently approaching 2nd anniversary with a girl 10 years my senior. Not quite a 19 year-old situation, and honestly I think that would be a bigger deal than the age gap itself. But if you find yourself having feelings and wanting to go for it, ignore the norms and stereotypes. It's all bullshit. Do what makes you happy.
"If you find yourself feeling lost, take pride in the accuracy of your feelings." - Night Vale
Slydie
Profile Joined August 2013
1998 Posts
August 25 2018 19:49 GMT
#20036
Some mixes like a man with independent kids and a woman who never wanted them can work out!

Also, I agree that kids is not the only parameter that matters. Things like education, carreer, self realisation and experience living alone can be equally important for your stage in life under 35, and are inportant for when the "when kids are wanted" stage come.

If she wants to travel work in humanitary aid in Africa, study abroad and work out if her career path is really her thing while you are pretty much setteled, just not ready for kids, there is trouble ahead...
Buff the siegetank
mantequilla
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
Turkey781 Posts
September 03 2018 20:15 GMT
#20037
I met a girl online although not on a dating site so focus was not on dating but some friendly chat. I wasn't even sure she was a she for a while.

Then we moved to WhatsApp and chatting for a few days. She lives in city A, where I live too but right now I'm in city B for a little downtime. I am planning to return to A in a couple weeks.

Chatting is fun and I really like her conversation. But I don't have the skill to move from relaxed chat involving daily events and past stories to flirting. She doesn't have a boyfriend and I imply very strongly that I want a girlfriend, although I never said directly that I want her to be.

Question one is how can I move from this to flirting? Question two is should I try to before a face to face date, which may be two to three weeks maybe later. I don't want to return to A early just because I may meet someone because if it doesn't go as I imagine I'd feel so bad interrupting my rest for it.

I'm thinking of asking hey can we do something when I come there without setting up a certain date. But I don't know what's best. I'm afraid I may lose her if I try to keep connection only through text for that much time.

There is little chance that I wont like her face to face because I am alone for a long time and she seems really nice. She may not like me even though she saw my pictures and seem to like my conversation. She says she feels alone and wants somebody that understands her but I'm not really sure she will see me as that person.
Age of Mythology forever!
TheBrochette
Profile Joined July 2018
67 Posts
September 03 2018 20:37 GMT
#20038
Once you know the date wich you Will be available ask her out . If she is liking you dont worry about the 2-3 week thing . She Will not vanish
Emnjay808
Profile Blog Joined September 2011
United States10666 Posts
September 04 2018 03:35 GMT
#20039
Was seeing a girl for a good while. I srsly liked her a lot. Found out today she was also seeing someone else.

I feel numb as shit. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
Skol
evilfatsh1t
Profile Joined October 2010
Australia8916 Posts
September 04 2018 04:59 GMT
#20040
On September 04 2018 12:35 Emnjay808 wrote:
Was seeing a girl for a good while. I srsly liked her a lot. Found out today she was also seeing someone else.

I feel numb as shit. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

yeah getting cheated on is disgusting
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