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+ Show Spoiler +On August 17 2014 21:59 SetGuitarsToKill wrote:+ Show Spoiler +"Due to your recent absences and you're below standard work pace, we've decided to terminate your employment."
Maybe it's time to start my progaming career, eh? hahah ya fucking right
But seriously. What the fuck? I was SICK! I HAD A DOCTOR'S NOTE AND EVERYTHING. I WASN'T EVEN A SLOW EMPLOYEE I WORKED JUST AS HARD AS EVERYONE ELSE THERE. This is absolute bullshit. Fuck me, it took me 5 goddamn months to find a fucking job and I get fired 3 months later. I have no idea what I'm gonna do anymore. I have to move home I guess, I can't afford to live until I find another one. Who knows how fucking long that'll be. I'm such a pathetic piece of shit. fuck life. Dude, shut the fuck up for a minute and listen to me. You are not a 'piece of shit'. You are a human being, a fucking wonderful amazing awesome piece of biological machinery with a brain and a beating heart. You only lost your job, a social construct developed by people who traded in their souls for money, but you still have the capacity to experience hope, happiness and love. But life can be horrible, that's why when it punches you in the mouth and knocks you down, you have to slowly push yourself up off the ground, spit out the bloody teeth, and look life right in the eyes and say "You hit like a little bitch." I actually had a conversation last night with a friend who asked me how people could go through their lives working every day, and I said to her: they go home, with a lifeless look in their eyes, their soul gone they sit down and watch television mindlessly as their children pour cereal on their heads "What are you buying me for Christmas!?" The children demand, but all you can do is try desperately to block out the noise It begins to snow outside You know you must shovel the driveway to get the car out, but your body refuses to move You slowly find the will to push yourself up. Your back hurts. Your knees hurt. The pain is staggering. You begin to fantasize about getting injured at work so you can sue them and not have to work any longer You lose all your hope for ever getting out of being a real person again. You lose your ambition and creativity. The light in your eyes dies out slowly as you set your alarm-clock just so your body won't try and give you the necessary amount of sleep necessary to function properly. The cost of living is so high that you have to kill yourself to live, and the jobs are all menial and pointless: you sell luxury items to people who feel they don't have enough luxury items, so that you can get enough money to buy luxury items of your own. But then again, perhaps you're only paying your way through each month's rent just barely so you can live in a cold, crumbling apartment with little room and a lot of noise around you in that compact claustrophobic mass of humanity being jammed away into the darkest corner of society. Is this what makes us happy? Is this where we feel loved? Or perhaps we're feeling a small sense of accomplishment, because we're told by our peers to "support ourselves" and "contribute to society", when supporting ourselves really just amounts to pushing your way through a gnashing pile of humanity to reach a job with no security, that hangs by a string held by those who would just as well cut it. But we contribute to society, do we not? Perhaps, but for the assembly line worker, she is just putting bottles onto the caps of soda bottles which don't actually quench anyone's thirst, but are just a sweetened accessory to compliment their meal. Or walking the floor of your local office-supply store, asking anyone who makes eye contact with you if they 'need help with anything', not because of your passionate love for helping people find office supplies, but more so because it's what you're instructed to do or else. The customers avoid eye-contact at all costs, knowing your little charade is anything but genuine, unless they absolutely have reached the last resort where they need to find some out-of-stock or non-existent item. However, if you can help by saying 'sorry, we don't carry that brand anymore, may I suggest purchasing this new model of printer, which uses 15% less ink per copy while preserving the quality of the printed page, which is on sale [it's not really, but everything is 'on sale' to make it sound better] and will help you save money in the long run.' then you can reap the amazing benefits of being paid 50 cents extra after three months of doing this. Now, suddenly, you're a productive member of society, so say our peers, who get this notion from our nation's leaders, who can be broken down into two groups: First, a group of societal leeches who lie professionally and make false promises while begging for money so they can buy an election so they can wield a bit of power that they are clearly not educated enough to use responsibly, or, a powerful businessperson who needs cheap labor, but can't use people from third-world countries, and so, to add a false sense of pride to the meager paycheck they provide, will insist that you are now an integral part of society because you scan items with a laser and swipe plastic cards while making impersonal and tiny interactions with customers. If the businessperson could, they would instantly fire you to replace you with slave labor or robots, but since one is technically illegal, and the other is not cost-efficient yet - because robots are expensive - you will do for now. If you are fired, it's not for the official reasons that they give, but simply because they needed to fire somebody, and the roulette happened to call your number. So they send you a letter wishing you the best of luck, because really, they have nothing else to offer you but 'luck', and a letter, because managers know that employees that are stressed-out about their lives already might go on a rampage and start killing people if told face-to-face. The letter gives you time to calm and think about doing anything rash. You might break a lamp or punch a hole in your wall, but that's fine, as long as the company doesn't have to deal with it and it's behind your closed doors, then it's okay. However, some bosses like to do it the old-fashioned way, by calling you to their office, as if you are student going to the principle's office for chewing gum in class, and then informing you in the most protracted and politically-correct way possible that you are fired, often feigning sympathy for your cause, saying things like "I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do about this." which is technically true, because it's not their company, and the higher-ups felt as though a round of lay-offs would save the company money, which in turn, would appear on the bottom line of financial reports and increase the stock value of the company.
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On August 18 2014 08:21 ninazerg wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On August 17 2014 21:59 SetGuitarsToKill wrote:+ Show Spoiler +"Due to your recent absences and you're below standard work pace, we've decided to terminate your employment."
Maybe it's time to start my progaming career, eh? hahah ya fucking right
But seriously. What the fuck? I was SICK! I HAD A DOCTOR'S NOTE AND EVERYTHING. I WASN'T EVEN A SLOW EMPLOYEE I WORKED JUST AS HARD AS EVERYONE ELSE THERE. This is absolute bullshit. Fuck me, it took me 5 goddamn months to find a fucking job and I get fired 3 months later. I have no idea what I'm gonna do anymore. I have to move home I guess, I can't afford to live until I find another one. Who knows how fucking long that'll be. I'm such a pathetic piece of shit. fuck life. Dude, shut the fuck up for a minute and listen to me. You are not a 'piece of shit'. You are a human being, a fucking wonderful amazing awesome piece of biological machinery with a brain and a beating heart. You only lost your job, a social construct developed by people who traded in their souls for money, but still have the capacity to experience hope, happiness and love. But life can be horrible, that's why when it punches you in the mouth and knocks you down, you have to slowly push yourself up off the ground, spit out the blood teeth, and look life right in the eyes and say "You hit like a little bitch." I actually had a conversation last night with a friend who asked me how people could go through their lives working every day, and I said to her: they go home, with a lifeless look in their eyes, their soul gone they sit down and watch television mindlessly as their children pour cereal on their heads "What are you buying me for Christmas!?" The children demand, but all you can do is try desperately to block out the noise It begins to snow outside You know you must shovel the driveway to get the car out, but your body refuses to move You slowly find the will to push yourself up. Your back hurts. Your knees hurt. The pain is staggering. You begin to fantasize about getting injured at work so you can sue them and not have to work any longer You lose all your hope for ever getting out of being a real person again. You lose your ambition and creativity. The light in your eyes dies out slowly as you set your alarm-clock just so your body won't try and give you the necessary amount of sleep necessary to function properly. The cost of living is so high that you have to kill yourself to live, and the jobs are all menial and pointless: you sell luxury items to people who feel they don't have enough luxury items, so that you can get enough money to buy luxury items of your own. But then again, perhaps you're only paying your way through each month's rent just barely so you can live in a cold, crumbling apartment with little room and a lot of noise around you in that compact claustrophobic mass of humanity being jammed away into the darkest corner of society. Is this what makes us happy? Is this where we feel loved? Or perhaps we're feeling a small sense of accomplishment, because we're told by our peers to "support ourselves" and "contribute to society", when supporting ourselves really just amounts to pushing your way through a gnashing pile of humanity to reach a job with no security, that hangs by a string held by those who would just as well cut it. But we contribute to society, do we not? Perhaps, but for the assembly line worker, she is just putting bottles onto the caps of soda bottles which don't actually quench anyone's thirst, but are just a sweetened accessory to compliment their meal. Or walking the floor of your local office-supply store, asking anyone who makes eye contact with you if they 'need help with anything', not because you passionate love for helping people find office supplies, but more so because it's what you're instructed to do or else. The customers avoid eye-contact at all costs, knowing your little charade is anything but genuine, unless they absolutely have reached the last resort where they need to find some out-of-stock or non-existent item. However, if you can help by saying 'sorry, we don't carry that brand anymore, may I suggest purchasing this new model of printer, which uses 15% less ink per copy while preserving the quality of the printed page, which is on sale [it's not really, but everything is 'on sale' to make it sound better] and will help you save money in the long run.' then you can reap the amazing benefits of being paid 50 cents extra after three months of doing this. Now, suddenly, you're a productive member of society, so say our peers, who get this notion from our nation's leaders, who can be broken down into two groups: First, a group of societal leeches who lie professionally and make false promises while begging for money so they can buy an election so they can wield a bit of power that they are clearly not educated enough to use responsibly, or, a powerful businessperson who needs cheap labor, but can't use people from third-world countries, and so, to add a false sense of pride to the meager paycheck they provide, will insist that you are now an integral part of society because you scan items with a laser and swipe plastic cards while making impersonal and tiny interactions with customers. If the businessperson could, they would instantly fire you to replace you with slave labor or robots, but since one is technically illegal, and the other is not cost-efficient yet - because robots are expensive - you will do for now. If you are fired, it's not for the official reasons that they give, but simply because they needed to fire somebody, and the roulette happened to call your number. So they send you a letter wishing you the best of luck, because really, they have nothing else to offer you but 'luck', and a letter, because managers know that employees that are stressed-out about their lives already might go on a rampage and start killing people if told face-to-face. The letter gives you time to calm and think about doing anything rash. You might break a lamp or punch a hole in your wall, but that's fine, as long as the company doesn't have to deal with it and it's behind your closed doors, then it's okay. However, some bosses like to do it the old-fashioned way, by calling you to their office, as if you are student going to the principle's office for chewing gum in class, and then informing you in the most protracted and politically-correct way possible that you are fired, often feigning sympathy for your cause, saying things like "I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do about this." which is technically true, because it's not their company, and the higher-ups felt as though a round of lay-offs would save the company money, which in turn, would appear on the bottom line of financial reports and increase the stock value of the company.
+ Show Spoiler +damn dude, that was way more of a reply than I ever expected. but it's hard to say it makes me feel better right now when I literally am going to have to borrow money to pay rent now. I'm sure I'll be fine in the end though. I agree that I never want to become an office drone or a soulless worker, but Im not sure how one can get by in society without doing so...
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Northern Ireland23745 Posts
I'm surprised society is still the way it is tbh given how soul-destroying and oft superfluous many jobs are. Most people I talk to are of the opinion it's BS, but everyone just seems to be resigned to it.
Cheers for that post Nina, oddly uplifting for me
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I just re-read that and realize how many words are missing, like damn. I just a whole word.
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United States1434 Posts
+ Show Spoiler +I spent the last 3 hours of my time reading the Letting off Steam thread. It got me really sad harboring in all of the sorrows and frustrations and you know what it all got me in the mood for another post. I have so many regrets right now and just I'm looking back but it's already all been said and done so there isn't really any point in crying over it.
For a long time when I first started playing BW I was with the Justice clan of east server for 2 years when I first started gaming. It was home and damn it I actually liked Suplex, the Jt clan leader, at a time way before I realized how flawed, irrational, and power hungry he could be. I didn't take wind of suplex's true colors until I decided to leave the Jt clan. I only left though because Suplex was accusing a former clan member who decided to make his own clan of trying to steal me away from him. Then we started conversing about peace and resolution to which Suplex didn't change his mind to. Typical Suplex. Then I finally decided to leave the Jt clan, the clan that was my home, the clan that was a part of my most precious gaming years when I actually loved to play brood war and didn't care about losing. I left all of it for a clan that I forget the name of now which really pains me because I rarely forget the name of the clans I've been through. I'm the only remaining member from that clan and it's almost as if it never existed. Damn. Now I walk around exposed with no clan tag going through my own identity crisis donning on several clan tags but eventually I end up never staying committed. Suplex is inactive by now though so I'd say it's safe to put the Jt clan tag on now but I'm already in the Legendary Gamers clan.......Damn.
There was a good former bnet bud of mine who was in the Jt clan with me who goes by the name Nara or Narazzang. We used to be on such good terms. He meant a lot to me encouraging me to play and not be afraid of losing. He was super supportive but then when I started getting cocky unintentionally after winning some ZvT games by saying phrases similar to "Hey let's TvT" and then adding the fact he gets pissed off whenever I do anything remotely cheesy or all in which I happened to do a lot and he just went full on korean on me. It's sad too since I still remember his comment on my first ever blog post and I saw him being so incredibly positive. How people change....He's in back in Korea after finishing college in the states and is currently doing his military service. I don't know why I bothered to remember that.
He's even more hostile than the infamous MuJuk who is also korean and happens to have a strong distaste of cheese. Yah...he's bm but recently he's been respecting me and calling me a B+ player just because I started beating him in macro games which is weird. I don't think I've ever met someone who's hated a person just by the way they play StarCraft as much as Nara and mujuk do....those koreans. He calls himself a B rank player even though his max rank in the last 3 years is C+ and his rank nowadays is...C-. He also has this incredibly astounding inferiority complexity or maybe he's just a dick. Mujuk was last seen trash talking Lorthar, clan leader of Legendary Gamers claiming that he was the better Zerg player out of the two.
Sandman86 was a cool guy and someone I really looked up to and have so many regrets towards. He was republican and said he could never befriend a gay person and saw Mitt Romney as the lesser of the two evils compared to Barack Obama. He'd play lots of FFA's and did the most annoying Defiler/Scourge/Queen/Lurker style that ended up winning him so many games even with the biggest disadvantages. I was actually very biased against him and I'd just slow him down as much as I possibly could in the FFA games. I never looked towards winning, all I derived a sense of joy from was seeing sandman lose which sounds really douchey because it is.
When I used to observe games sometimes I'd be super descriptive with my type casting typing out what's occurring in the game. I know a few times people would say some compliments and that meant a lot to me. Maybe they were just really bad and hadn't picked up a book in the past month. I remember one guy 2 years ago asked me "do you write for a living"? I kid you not and maybe I was just really euphoric at the time or maybe the guy was under the influence but that meant so much for me. I think a lot of my literary skills have been slipping or maybe they were never there and I'm full of it. Really I've just lost interest in learning.
Nowadays I just let my brain rot out slowly constantly browsing teamliquid to watch sc2 and BW events refreshing the page for new comments and on reddit I'd constantly refresh the front page hoping for a new link I hadn't already clicked on yet. I was supposed to be reading constantly for my school assignments but really I just lied and decided to write short reading responses on books I had already read. I really felt like I'd lost a lot of my literacy and calm mindedness from that point on. I think I went without reading a book for 4 months which feels strange thinking about it.
My attention span has been really crippled now. I can't even sit and observe a starcraft game without alt tabbing to browse reddit or teamliquid hoping for some internet novelty to entertain me for 5 minutes or some new thread or comments section. I think I'm at that point of no return where I've killed off so many of my brain cells from the floods of dopamine I get from using the computer 6+ hours a day. It's gotten to the point where my eyes hurt everytime I look at the computer screen. I know I should give myself a week long break but I can't and I end up doing my normal computer routine with my eyes burning.
I haven't touched BW for a whole week which must mean something. What does that mean? Maybe I'm finally getting tired of Brood War and I can move on. There was a time I didn't have access to starcraft for 6 months but I saw what I did, I replaced it with another RTS game called Rome Total War which had the worst online gaming client that froze up every god damn 30 seconds and then you'd have to exit the game and start it up from the desktop screen icon. I endured it though because I needed something to replace starcraft.
I used to play trombone and I had a trombone teacher who I formed an unlikely friendship with. It started long before any of the events I listed above started. It was very strange because the only reason I got him teaching me was because someone recommended him to my parents. It took two years until I learned how big of a gamer he was, how he used to play StarCraft, counter strike, all of those things. He really understood me my one and only friend. Wow we had a great bond. Slowly though I just kept getting more and more depressed and I started losing interest in everything including StarCraft.
Ha....the school band was just really depressing to be in. The school band was really something to respect when I got to be in it in my first year of middle school. Somehow it devolved into this really crappy undisciplined oversized group of fucking kids that stretched that tiny band room to its limits who were there because their parents forced them to. I remember improving playing trombone. it was a satisfying feeling just like how I felt when I was improving in StarCraft. Really just.....ugh the school band just progressively grew worse and worse. It was very depressing to see. At some point I was playing trombone more than I was playing StarCraft.
When I lost interest in trombone I just stopped practicing and my trombone teacher would come by just as he usually did every saturday or sunday and I'd feel sooo crappy knowing I was disappointing the shiiiit out of him. I'd convince myself "No, not this week! I'm gonna get motivated and not play StarCraft and do my homework and actually PRACTICE!" It'd be a neverending cycle though of me just feeling like trash everytime he'd come on saturday thinking "shiiiiit I didn'r practice he's gonna be able to tell." Kind of funny thinking about it.
. I almost dreaded it but he was a considerate guy always wanting to hear what I wanted to say and this one time he let me play StarCraft 2 for the first time on his laptop. It was pretty exciting. He was the first guy I ever got to hang out with. We went to shake shack ONE day and we played StarCraft 2 for the rest of the day. He also started watching anime when I introduced him to my favorite tv shows and manga. Shortly after I just told my parents I wanted to quit my trombone lessons which had to be done since really my trombone lessons had devolved in just hanging out with matt. Wow my last trombone lesson was really sad for me. I didn't even look at my trombone teacher in the eye though when I said I wasn't gonna go through with the trombone lessons anymore. He told me to keep in contact. I never did. I was pretty sad.
He was going through with some special test to get his doctorate degree too. He was taking part in this special class and he was supposed to take this one test that costs him 200 dollars just to take it each time. He can't just retake it, at some point the 4 judges or whoever is in charge can just bar him from taking the test again and just have 4+ years of his work become meaningless all of a sudden. He wanted that doctorate degree so he could teach music at a college. He ended up retaking it three different times and for the fourth time he knew it was a final straw so he just asked all of his friends including me to write him a letter of recommendation for the judges to see. I never learned if they let him retake it for a 4th time. He studied oh so hard and he was broke. Just to be able to afford to be able to take the tests he ate only instant ramen noodles.
This was all taking place shortly after his girlfriend of four years broke up with him. I still remember what I said to him for "reassurance....He came by for the trombone lesson, told me what happened, and fuck. He came to me looking for some solace or whatever and all I said was "There are plenty more girls out there." I don't know but at the time it struck me as perfectly normal and something about girlfriend of four years didn't really strike me as anything important. Through the stress of trying to get money for a test he might not even pass possibly wasting 4 years of his life for a degree he's not even going to get, eating instant ramen, and breaking up with his girlfriend he put on some weight. It was too depressing to see.
I was put in some hospital for my mental problems for depression which took place around 3 months before I ended my trombone lessons with matt(trombone teacher). I spent 4 weeks in there and it did a lot more harm than good. Afterwards I felt no motivation to continue school and my grades just fell to an all time low wow just wow. The hospital was just meh.
I've been getting so tired on the computer and just losing my interest in StarCraft may just be because I'm getting depressed and burned out from playing the game so much. I feel numb nowadays.
I'm learning recently I can't maintain a relationship through just the internet. If I don't meet them in real life or whatever I lose incentive to talk to them. Now it's really awkward after 1+ year of not talking to my trombone teacher. Maybe he committed suicide or maybe he's going to the presidential band like he planned to as his backup if he didn't get his doctorate degree. Damn. Now I'm just doing nothing with my life at a complete standstill.
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Northern Ireland23745 Posts
On August 18 2014 17:29 Ty2 wrote:+ Show Spoiler +I spent the last 3 hours of my time reading the Letting off Steam thread. It got me really sad harboring in all of the sorrows and frustrations and you know what it all got me in the mood for another post. I have so many regrets right now and just I'm looking back but it's already all been said and done so there isn't really any point in crying over it.
For a long time when I first started playing BW I was with the Justice clan of east server for 2 years when I first started gaming. It was home and damn it I actually liked Suplex, the Jt clan leader, at a time way before I realized how flawed, irrational, and power hungry he could be. I didn't take wind of suplex's true colors until I decided to leave the Jt clan. I only left though because Suplex was accusing a former clan member who decided to make his own clan of trying to steal me away from him. Then we started conversing about peace and resolution to which Suplex didn't change his mind to. Typical Suplex. Then I finally decided to leave the Jt clan, the clan that was my home, the clan that was a part of my most precious gaming years when I actually loved to play brood war and didn't care about losing. I left all of it for a clan that I forget the name of now which really pains me because I rarely forget the name of the clans I've been through. I'm the only remaining member from that clan and it's almost as if it never existed. Damn. Now I walk around exposed with no clan tag going through my own identity crisis donning on several clan tags but eventually I end up never staying committed. Suplex is inactive by now though so I'd say it's safe to put the Jt clan tag on now but I'm already in the Legendary Gamers clan.......Damn.
There was a good former bnet bud of mine who was in the Jt clan with me who goes by the name Nara or Narazzang. We used to be on such good terms. He meant a lot to me encouraging me to play and not be afraid of losing. He was super supportive but then when I started getting cocky unintentionally after winning some ZvT games by saying phrases similar to "Hey let's TvT" and then adding the fact he gets pissed off whenever I do anything remotely cheesy or all in which I happened to do a lot and he just went full on korean on me. It's sad too since I still remember his comment on my first ever blog post and I saw him being so incredibly positive. How people change....He's in back in Korea after finishing college in the states and is currently doing his military service. I don't know why I bothered to remember that.
He's even more hostile than the infamous MuJuk who is also korean and happens to have a strong distaste of cheese. Yah...he's bm but recently he's been respecting me and calling me a B+ player just because I started beating him in macro games which is weird. I don't think I've ever met someone who's hated a person just by the way they play StarCraft as much as Nara and mujuk do....those koreans. He calls himself a B rank player even though his max rank in the last 3 years is C+ and his rank nowadays is...C-. He also has this incredibly astounding inferiority complexity or maybe he's just a dick. Mujuk was last seen trash talking Lorthar, clan leader of Legendary Gamers claiming that he was the better Zerg player out of the two.
Sandman86 was a cool guy and someone I really looked up to and have so many regrets towards. He was republican and said he could never befriend a gay person and saw Mitt Romney as the lesser of the two evils compared to Barack Obama. He'd play lots of FFA's and did the most annoying Defiler/Scourge/Queen/Lurker style that ended up winning him so many games even with the biggest disadvantages. I was actually very biased against him and I'd just slow him down as much as I possibly could in the FFA games. I never looked towards winning, all I derived a sense of joy from was seeing sandman lose which sounds really douchey because it is.
When I used to observe games sometimes I'd be super descriptive with my type casting typing out what's occurring in the game. I know a few times people would say some compliments and that meant a lot to me. Maybe they were just really bad and hadn't picked up a book in the past month. I remember one guy 2 years ago asked me "do you write for a living"? I kid you not and maybe I was just really euphoric at the time or maybe the guy was under the influence but that meant so much for me. I think a lot of my literary skills have been slipping or maybe they were never there and I'm full of it. Really I've just lost interest in learning.
Nowadays I just let my brain rot out slowly constantly browsing teamliquid to watch sc2 and BW events refreshing the page for new comments and on reddit I'd constantly refresh the front page hoping for a new link I hadn't already clicked on yet. I was supposed to be reading constantly for my school assignments but really I just lied and decided to write short reading responses on books I had already read. I really felt like I'd lost a lot of my literacy and calm mindedness from that point on. I think I went without reading a book for 4 months which feels strange thinking about it.
My attention span has been really crippled now. I can't even sit and observe a starcraft game without alt tabbing to browse reddit or teamliquid hoping for some internet novelty to entertain me for 5 minutes or some new thread or comments section. I think I'm at that point of no return where I've killed off so many of my brain cells from the floods of dopamine I get from using the computer 6+ hours a day. It's gotten to the point where my eyes hurt everytime I look at the computer screen. I know I should give myself a week long break but I can't and I end up doing my normal computer routine with my eyes burning.
I haven't touched BW for a whole week which must mean something. What does that mean? Maybe I'm finally getting tired of Brood War and I can move on. There was a time I didn't have access to starcraft for 6 months but I saw what I did, I replaced it with another RTS game called Rome Total War which had the worst online gaming client that froze up every god damn 30 seconds and then you'd have to exit the game and start it up from the desktop screen icon. I endured it though because I needed something to replace starcraft.
I used to play trombone and I had a trombone teacher who I formed an unlikely friendship with. It started long before any of the events I listed above started. It was very strange because the only reason I got him teaching me was because someone recommended him to my parents. It took two years until I learned how big of a gamer he was, how he used to play StarCraft, counter strike, all of those things. He really understood me my one and only friend. Wow we had a great bond. Slowly though I just kept getting more and more depressed and I started losing interest in everything including StarCraft.
Ha....the school band was just really depressing to be in. The school band was really something to respect when I got to be in it in my first year of middle school. Somehow it devolved into this really crappy undisciplined oversized group of fucking kids that stretched that tiny band room to its limits who were there because their parents forced them to. I remember improving playing trombone. it was a satisfying feeling just like how I felt when I was improving in StarCraft. Really just.....ugh the school band just progressively grew worse and worse. It was very depressing to see. At some point I was playing trombone more than I was playing StarCraft.
When I lost interest in trombone I just stopped practicing and my trombone teacher would come by just as he usually did every saturday or sunday and I'd feel sooo crappy knowing I was disappointing the shiiiit out of him. I'd convince myself "No, not this week! I'm gonna get motivated and not play StarCraft and do my homework and actually PRACTICE!" It'd be a neverending cycle though of me just feeling like trash everytime he'd come on saturday thinking "shiiiiit I didn'r practice he's gonna be able to tell." Kind of funny thinking about it.
. I almost dreaded it but he was a considerate guy always wanting to hear what I wanted to say and this one time he let me play StarCraft 2 for the first time on his laptop. It was pretty exciting. He was the first guy I ever got to hang out with. We went to shake shack ONE day and we played StarCraft 2 for the rest of the day. He also started watching anime when I introduced him to my favorite tv shows and manga. Shortly after I just told my parents I wanted to quit my trombone lessons which had to be done since really my trombone lessons had devolved in just hanging out with matt. Wow my last trombone lesson was really sad for me. I didn't even look at my trombone teacher in the eye though when I said I wasn't gonna go through with the trombone lessons anymore. He told me to keep in contact. I never did. I was pretty sad.
He was going through with some special test to get his doctorate degree too. He was taking part in this special class and he was supposed to take this one test that costs him 200 dollars just to take it each time. He can't just retake it, at some point the 4 judges or whoever is in charge can just bar him from taking the test again and just have 4+ years of his work become meaningless all of a sudden. He wanted that doctorate degree so he could teach music at a college. He ended up retaking it three different times and for the fourth time he knew it was a final straw so he just asked all of his friends including me to write him a letter of recommendation for the judges to see. I never learned if they let him retake it for a 4th time. He studied oh so hard and he was broke. Just to be able to afford to be able to take the tests he ate only instant ramen noodles.
This was all taking place shortly after his girlfriend of four years broke up with him. I still remember what I said to him for "reassurance....He came by for the trombone lesson, told me what happened, and fuck. He came to me looking for some solace or whatever and all I said was "There are plenty more girls out there." I don't know but at the time it struck me as perfectly normal and something about girlfriend of four years didn't really strike me as anything important. Through the stress of trying to get money for a test he might not even pass possibly wasting 4 years of his life for a degree he's not even going to get, eating instant ramen, and breaking up with his girlfriend he put on some weight. It was too depressing to see.
I was put in some hospital for my mental problems for depression which took place around 3 months before I ended my trombone lessons with matt(trombone teacher). I spent 4 weeks in there and it did a lot more harm than good. Afterwards I felt no motivation to continue school and my grades just fell to an all time low wow just wow. The hospital was just meh.
I've been getting so tired on the computer and just losing my interest in StarCraft may just be because I'm getting depressed and burned out from playing the game so much. I feel numb nowadays.
I'm learning recently I can't maintain a relationship through just the internet. If I don't meet them in real life or whatever I lose incentive to talk to them. Now it's really awkward after 1+ year of not talking to my trombone teacher. Maybe he committed suicide or maybe he's going to the presidential band like he planned to as his backup if he didn't get his doctorate degree. Damn. Now I'm just doing nothing with my life at a complete standstill.
+ Show Spoiler + A lot of your post resonated with me and my current wasted potential. I doubt you will read this but you should try reconnecting with your teacher he sounds like a pretty cool individual. Hang in there man, the shit times exist to make the good that little bit sweeter.
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+ Show Spoiler +After weeks, I felt the urge to 1on1 again. Played terran, went CC first on Nimbus while sending a 12 scout to be sure. FUCKING 6POOL ON FUCKING FOURPLAYERMAP and the guy instantly hits my base fuck this
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+ Show Spoiler ++ Show Spoiler +On August 06 2014 08:25 Wombat_NI wrote:Gesh you're so insensitive, there are totally like, 76 gender designations now if Facebook's new designations are anything to go by. Most saddening thing is that if SJW folks (well, the kind I reference) were naive but well-intentioned it'd be less fucking irritating, in my experience they are generally horrible human beings, I mean truly appalling. I recall a time one stuck me, my ex-partner in a status on Facebook and stated to her 1300 friends that we were horrible people and our son would grow up to be in a similar vein. My indiscretion that triggered this reaction was to disagree with her assertion that gay males be excluded from representation in her Student Unions LGBT body, as 'males are the beneficiaries of patriarchal power structures.' Same cunt also accused me of 'shaming those with mental health issues' and castigated me as ignorant on the issues despite being a chronic clinical depressive.  One day I shall summon the energy for a blog post on this cunt, other highlights include her being given a note-taker for lectures, being exempted from exams due to depression (while strangely was healthy enough to go to multiple student conferences overseas multiple times per semester). When she graduated she tore into the University for being UNSUPPORTIVE?! Hey, dude, sorry that it took me so long to answer you. Yeah, I'm a total insensitive shitlord, I know.  I agree with you about the SJW - that are not some naive misguided people, those are really fucktards, who has nothing better to do then poison the life of other people and really should check what 'privileged' and 'oppressed' mean and not vomit pseudo intellectual shit on tumblr. Point in case: http://imgur.com/a/a8uQkAs for your ex, man, you have my full sympathy. Sound like she is a really out of touch with everything. But still, you have a son together, so I guess you cannot ignore her totally. 
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+ Show Spoiler +HOLY FUCKING SHIT ALL THESE DUMB FUCKING BEANERS AND RETARDS CANT PLAY DOTO FOR SHIT. HOW THE FUCK DO U FEED FV TO THE POINT WHERE HE CAN GET A 20MIN MOM+YASHA+MIDAS
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Northern Ireland23745 Posts
On August 21 2014 03:58 Gesh wrote:+ Show Spoiler ++ Show Spoiler +On August 06 2014 08:25 Wombat_NI wrote:Gesh you're so insensitive, there are totally like, 76 gender designations now if Facebook's new designations are anything to go by. Most saddening thing is that if SJW folks (well, the kind I reference) were naive but well-intentioned it'd be less fucking irritating, in my experience they are generally horrible human beings, I mean truly appalling. I recall a time one stuck me, my ex-partner in a status on Facebook and stated to her 1300 friends that we were horrible people and our son would grow up to be in a similar vein. My indiscretion that triggered this reaction was to disagree with her assertion that gay males be excluded from representation in her Student Unions LGBT body, as 'males are the beneficiaries of patriarchal power structures.' Same cunt also accused me of 'shaming those with mental health issues' and castigated me as ignorant on the issues despite being a chronic clinical depressive. One day I shall summon the energy for a blog post on this cunt, other highlights include her being given a note-taker for lectures, being exempted from exams due to depression (while strangely was healthy enough to go to multiple student conferences overseas multiple times per semester). When she graduated she tore into the University for being UNSUPPORTIVE?! Hey, dude, sorry that it took me so long to answer you. Yeah, I'm a total insensitive shitlord, I know. I agree with you about the SJW - that are not some naive misguided people, those are really fucktards, who has nothing better to do then poison the life of other people and really should check what 'privileged' and 'oppressed' mean and not vomit pseudo intellectual shit on tumblr. Point in case: http://imgur.com/a/a8uQkAs for your ex, man, you have my full sympathy. Sound like she is a really out of touch with everything. But still, you have a son together, so I guess you cannot ignore her totally.
+ Show Spoiler + cheers for the reply. Btw the SJW I was ranting about isn't my ex partner, although she too makes my life pretty horrible to be honest
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+ Show Spoiler +Getting real sick of this ALS bucket shit from people who aren't actually going to donate $$ to the cause. They're doing it because 'oh hurr my favurite celubrity did it ima do it too'.
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+ Show Spoiler +Everyone is always late to everything. It's just the way of things now. It seems like almost literally everyone underestimates the time it takes to get anywhere, or they assume that the time it takes them to get out of the door is irrelevant when they know from experience that it takes them 15 minutes to round up their shit after they think they're ready. We have to leave at 10:30 because we have to get to somewhere at 11:00 and the drive takes 30 minutes (actually takes 40-45). At 10:30 everyone's almost ready. At 10:45 they leave. At 11:30 they're there, 30 minutes late. They have no fucking idea why. And they'll do the same fucking thing next time.
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United States1434 Posts
+ Show Spoiler +wow i started playing some zvp and I just lost. This one guy maelstromed my mutalisks and stormed then. Damn. Then he typed "xD" which got me really fucking mad. The game stretched on longer but he got all of these arbiters. He had something like 4 arbiters and he kept on stasising my overlords damn it. After that monstrosity of a game I played against another protoss and lost again arrrgh. It's so dumb. I wanted to end on a high note before I left iccup but I didn't. My left hand is so tired. I was trying to find this email that was sent to me awhile ago that I always read for comfort whenever I'm down on my luck and I couldn't find it....ARGH! It's okay though. They shall taste my fury tomorrow.
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your Country52797 Posts
On August 22 2014 23:58 Djzapz wrote:+ Show Spoiler +Everyone is always late to everything. It's just the way of things now. It seems like almost literally everyone underestimates the time it takes to get anywhere, or they assume that the time it takes them to get out of the door is irrelevant when they know from experience that it takes them 15 minutes to round up their shit after they think they're ready. We have to leave at 10:30 because we have to get to somewhere at 11:00 and the drive takes 30 minutes (actually takes 40-45). At 10:30 everyone's almost ready. At 10:45 they leave. At 11:30 they're there, 30 minutes late. They have no fucking idea why. And they'll do the same fucking thing next time.
+ Show Spoiler +I have the exact opposite problem. I keep leaving really early and getting there at a completely unrelated time compared to when I leave. For example, a few days ago, I left for a meeting forty minutes early and I got lost, so I got there 10 minutes late. But yesterday I left to go to a game club 10 minutes late and I got there 5 minutes early somehow. Basically, I have to leave whenever and hope I end up getting there when I'm supposed to. Very frustrating for someone that is trying to learn how to manage their time.
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+ Show Spoiler +
Ranting about my UK Visa application.
I am 20 years old this year and I completed my IB (International Baccalaureate) last year, scoring 40 points for those of you who know what that means. I was accepted into University College London, which is pretty much one of the top 20 universities in the world, to study Biomedical Sciences, a subject I love. All is fine and dandy, I book my plane tickets.
Visa applications may begin 3 months before date of travel to UK. My plane tickets were booked on the 16th September 2014, since freshers' week begins on the 20th. I begin applying for my Visa in July.
The Visa application process is long and annoying. You are required to answer a lot of intrusive and frankly stupid questions like "have you ever participated or condoned terrorism in any form" and they want all your previous passports as well as listing down every country you have travelled to in the last 10 years, date of travel and reason for travel.
Once I got over all that, I booked an appointment. The Visa application costs around 550 US Dollars. A bomb, to be sure, but it had to be cleared so my parents and I just pay it. Earliest appointment I can get: 13th August. They also need a lot of documents, such as bank account statement to prove you have funds, your birth cert, your qualifications, etc. Originals and photocopies. They don't list this shit on their website. You go to the appointment, if you didn't have the clairvoyance to provide a document that says your father will sponsor you, go home, return to the office in 2 hours and submit it again. This happened to me, and I don't drive, so I had to race home and race back to the office on public transport. Once all that is done, results will come in 15 working days.
I got my documents back today, 25th August. I am relieved when I receive the envelope. It's finally over! Right? Right?
FUCKING NOPE. "REFUSAL FOR ENTRY CLEARANCE" headed an attached letter they gave me in the envelope. They were not satisfied with my proof of finances. Apparently, on one of their "guides for supporting documents" (of which there are 5, all filled with fineprint and millions of bullet points) there is one line which says you need to have a bank account which has the funds necessary 28 days before applying. My father and I, having overlooked this minor point, used our newly opened Joint Account Statement, which had no funds 28 days before applying.
Now, I am forced to redo the whole process, which as anyone who has ever done it knows is ultra-painful, tedious and expensive. Another 550 dollars down the drain, and 280 on top of that because I will be forced to pay for an express processing service if I am to fly to the UK on 16th Sept. I only hope that the earliest available appointment is before 10th Sept, if not I might have to postpone my flight tickets, which will cost another bomb.
Sure, it is my fault for not seeing that detail. But below that detail it says that "if you are not an applicant from a low-risk country, you will have to supply....documents 28 days before..." Singapore and Malaysia are both low-risk countries according to the UK Govt website. On top of that, the officer at the Visa office didn't bother to do a rudimentary run through of my documents before accepting them for processing.
Visa applications are fucking bullshit.
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+ Show Spoiler +Why on earth, is everybody cancelling meetings with me? I started to notice this about ~3 months ago when I was dating a girl, she was the first person that cancelled a date with me about ~2 hours before we were supposed to meet. And suddenly most of my "friends" started doing the same. They make a suggestion like "Let´s go to the cinema, let´s meet at your place, I´ll be there at 2 and so on ...". And two out of three times, they cry off.
"Sorry, sth intervened...."
"Sorry, this takes (took) longer than expected..."
"Sorry, wasn´t at home now it´s too late..."
"Sorry, this... Sorry, that..."
I should be looking for other people >_>
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+ Show Spoiler +
Going to a wedding in just over 3 weeks. I come from a rather well-off family of very bourgeois people and it seems like there's a culture of "not worrying about money" because everyone's doing alright. Usually when we have weddings, the people have asked for around $150-200 per head for the reception, which is a fair bit of money but it's not an unreasonable amount of money to contribute to a marriage, especially since we get amazing food and booze and stuff and a whole bunch of frills nobody should realistically care about.
This upcoming wedding: $450 per head, plus it's held in a fancy hotel, needlessly far away from where most of the family lives, making the drive back a huge chore so we have to sleep at the hotel for another $150-200 and I have no date to make use of that hotel room with. I would drive back myself, but I can't because I can't live through a marriage without getting at least in the first stages of being shitfaced.
Asking $450 to attend a wedding is disrespectful and selfish, and if it was just me, I wouldn't go, but this fucking family is messed up and if I didn't show up, the family would literally harass my mother in a passive aggressive way and would imply that I'm some kind of asshole who doesn't care about some big event in my cousin's life.
So I'm out of more or less an entire week of net pay if not 6-7 days. The food better be fucking good. And they're not getting a gift from me, not now, not ever. Frankly if you can't hold a wedding without extorting from your family you just can't afford that wedding. Do something less fucking expensive.
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United States1434 Posts
+ Show Spoiler +Please don't open this. + Show Spoiler +Sigh, what did I just tell you? Tsk tsk + Show Spoiler +So school's gonna start in 4 days. Summer vacation passed me by so quickly. How is that possible? I planned on getting myself together over the summer but I haven't. I just got back the list of classes I signed up for and apparently I picked architecture 1 and architecture 2 for my courses......I'm going to have 2 blocks of something every school day for something I don't even have any interest in. I did need something to fill up my credits. I don't think I even fulfilled the credits I needed for last semester....shoot. I ended up missing a lot of school last semester. I wonder what I'm gonna do with myself, you know. Why am I even going to school? Yah. Very much yah.
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+ Show Spoiler +And with that Snute vs. herO series, Zergs can never ever ever complain about Protoss a-move ever again. + Show Spoiler +a-move > no-move. Fucking snorehosts. + Show Spoiler +I know Snute played to win, and you should. But my god is that style boring as hell.
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EPT
