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On September 10 2009 01:10 HeavenS wrote:
haha i love the stoner koala one!!!! anywyas heres one in spanish that ill translate and hopefully its just as good ;]
Three sailors are caught in a storm, their boat capsizes plunging them into the cold water! They swim for their lives and reach a nearby island thankful for another day of life. Soon after however, as they lay in the sand drying up, a tribe of wildmen finds them and captures them! They're taken back to their tribe leader to await their fate!
The tribe leader says to them, "Each one of you shall go and gather ten pieces of fruit each!"
So the men oblige, confused by their task. After a couple of hours, the first man comes back with ten apples and offers them to the tribe leader.
The tribe leader says,
"Now white man, you must fit all of your ten apples up your ass, without making a single noise, without making any face whatsoever or we WILL execute you!"
Scared shitless but determined to live, the sailor begins his task. He manages to painfully shove up his ass 3 apples, on the fourth however he rips open his asshole and screams in agony! "AGHHHHHHH"
The tribe leader plucks an arrow into his bow and sends it flying through the sailors chest, killing him.
A couple of minutes later the second man comes back with 10 cherries and offers them to the tribe leader. The leader repeats the same instructions to this sailor, which is delighted at the ease of his task! And so he begins..
In goes the first cherry, popping in with some struggle.
The second cherry goes in a little smoother, as does the third, fourth, fifth and sixth cherry. The sailor hasnt even made a squirm. He pops in the seventh, then the eighth. He gets past the 9th and when he's FINALLY about to shove the last cherry up his ass he bursts out in an uproar of laughter! "BWAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA"
The outraged Tribe leader grabs his club and bashes in the mans head, killing him instantly.
The sailor rises up to heaven, and meets up with the first sailor. The first says "What the fuck mate?? You almost had it you were on your last one! What gives?!"
And the second man replies
"I know ! But as i was about to put it up my ass, I saw our other mate coming back with 10 PINEAPPLES!"
The same one have been posted. It is just another variation. Funny though XD
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So 2 men were golfing and it started to rain and lightning. One of the golfers grabs a club and hits it out into the bunker. As the other golfer goes to tee off he gets struck by lightning and knocked unconsious. after waking up the golfer askes the other "How did you not get hit." The other golfer replied"Not even God can hit a 7-iron."
So there was a sailor and a priest golfing together. Sailor tees off and hits his ball out into the rough. He starts cursing a storm as the priest says "God will punish you if you continue to curse." So the priest prays and hits the ball and POOF right onto the green.
The next hole comes and the sailor tees off and, once again, into the rough. Again he curses a storm. The priest again warned him that god was gonna strike him for cursing like that. He prays and hits the ball and POW. hole in one.
So the third hole comes and the sailor hits and into the rough. as he starts to curse again clouds swarm the golf course and ZAP. The priest gets hit by the lightning and all you could hear was god cursing up a storm that he missed.
Sorry same generic joke but w/e
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On September 09 2009 11:40 lighter wrote:Show nested quote +On September 09 2009 11:18 mikeymoo wrote:
Two ducks are in a bathtub.
The cold water is turned on, and one duck says, "pass the soap".
The other duck looks at the first one and asks him, "what do you think I am? A radio?" i dont get it 
This joke makes no sense. What gives?
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a neutron walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
the bartender slides the cold beer to him, continuing his shining of a wine glass.
the neutron being surprised, asks "hey, how much is this? do i pay first or after?"
the bartender says + Show Spoiler +
hah .. hah..
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continuing in the line of atom jokes:
one hydrogen atom says to another:
- ahhh! i've lost an electron!
- you sure?
- i'm positive!
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On September 10 2009 04:04 ghostWriter wrote:Show nested quote +On September 09 2009 11:40 lighter wrote:On September 09 2009 11:18 mikeymoo wrote:
Two ducks are in a bathtub.
The cold water is turned on, and one duck says, "pass the soap".
The other duck looks at the first one and asks him, "what do you think I am? A radio?" i dont get it This joke makes no sense. What gives?
It's a 'no soap radio' joke. The point IS that it doesn't make any sense... and everyone else around you laughs because they know that, and you feel stupid for 'not getting it'.
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On September 07 2009 20:20 konadora wrote:Show nested quote +On September 07 2009 20:02 Patriot.dlk wrote:
A bear was chasing a little rabbit.
"Stop running and get back here!" yelled the bear.
"Never!" shouted the rabbit.
As the rabbit was running he tripped on a lamp. His soft furry foot brushed the lamp and out popped a genie.
The genie noticed the frightened rabbit was being chased by the bear.
The genie said to the bear,"Hey! If you stop chasing him I''ll grant you and the rabbit both two wishes!"
The bear agreed and was so eager he jumped to go first. He said, "I wish that a had the biggest penis in the world!"
*Poof!* and his wish was granted.
The rabbit went next, "I wish I had a super fast motorcycle!"
*Poof* and the rabbit''s wish was granted.
The bear looked at the rabbit and thought, "What a lame wish!"
For his final wish, the bear smirked as he wished that all the other bears in the world were female.
*Poof* his wish was granted.
The rabbit jumped on his motorcycle, revved the engine and laughed.
Just before he booked out of there he said, "I wish the bear was gay!" classic lol
rofl
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On September 10 2009 04:04 ghostWriter wrote:Show nested quote +On September 09 2009 11:40 lighter wrote:On September 09 2009 11:18 mikeymoo wrote:
Two ducks are in a bathtub.
The cold water is turned on, and one duck says, "pass the soap".
The other duck looks at the first one and asks him, "what do you think I am? A radio?" i dont get it This joke makes no sense. What gives?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-humor
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Q: What's the difference between a penis and a paycheck?
+ Show Spoiler +A: You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
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My two staples:
So a horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
A frog named Kermit Jagger goes to a bank to get a loan. He talks to a teller named Patty Mack. Patty asks the frog what he has for collateral. The frog pulls out a small figurine, but Patty says, "I'm sorry, that's just a cheap knick knack." The bank manager had been walking by at the time and overheard the conversation. Looking over, he said, "This figurine is three hundred years old -- it's priceless. That's no knick knack, Patty Mack, give that frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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United States43356 Posts
A woman walks into a pub and asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gives her one.
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Baltimore, USA22258 Posts
On September 10 2009 04:47 nobodyhome246 wrote:
continuing in the line of atom jokes:
one hydrogen atom says to another:
- ahhh! i've lost an electron!
- you sure?
- i'm positive!
LoL
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A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says,
"See that, baby? That''s 250 pounds of dynamite!"
She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs,
"See those, baby? That''s 250 pounds of dynamite!"
She is aching for action at this point.
Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks,
"Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
She replies,
"With 500 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
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On September 10 2009 04:44 QuoC wrote:a neutron walks into a bar and asks for a beer. the bartender slides the cold beer to him, continuing his shining of a wine glass. the neutron being surprised, asks "hey, how much is this? do i pay first or after?" the bartender says + Show Spoiler +hah .. hah..
/facepalm
I get it though! xD
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On September 10 2009 15:56 gchan wrote:
So a horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
me likes
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On September 09 2009 05:38 jtan wrote:Two construction workers are fixing the wall of a building. One of them needs a saw so he shouts to his co-worker five floors up, but it's too far and they can't hear eachother so instead the man points at his friend and makes a sawing motion with his hand. In response to this the other man starts masturbating furiously. So the first guy runs up five floors to his friend and yells -what the fuck is wrong with you? All I needed was a saw! + Show Spoiler +-I know, just tried to tell you I'm coming soon
LOL the masturbating part was so random
the punchline was so bad but it was fuckin hilarious cuz he started jacking off LOL
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two flies are on a shit. one fly cuts a fart, and the other fly goes: "hey, i'm eatin here"
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On September 10 2009 16:01 Kwark wrote:
A woman walks into a pub and asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gives her one.
clicked on that anti humour article and went to meta jokes too?
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United States43356 Posts
On September 10 2009 17:21 JohnColtrane wrote:Show nested quote +On September 10 2009 16:01 Kwark wrote:
A woman walks into a pub and asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gives her one. clicked on that anti humour article and went to meta jokes too?
Yep. That one made me smile.
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On September 10 2009 16:01 Kwark wrote:
A woman walks into a pub and asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gives her one.
lol that one's good =)
lol wtf
from wikipedia:
* "A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a Double Entendre. So he gave it to her."
+ Show Spoiler +wiki explanation: Here, the pun works on the two ideas of the bartender giving the woman a drink called a "Double Entrendre", and of his "giving it to her" by having sex with her.
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EPT
