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joke thread 09 - Page 11

Forum Index > General Forum
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Prev 1 9 10 11 12 13 14 Next All
Qwertify
Profile Joined September 2008
United States2531 Posts
September 14 2009 00:28 GMT
#201
On September 08 2009 14:51 heyoka wrote:
WHY WAS THE MEXICAN MIDGET CALLED PARAGRAPH?

+ Show Spoiler +
HE WAS TOO SHORT TO BE AN ESé


It's not "ESé." We call people of Hispanic decent, Spanish Americans, or S.A.'s for short. Hispanics eventually used this to begin addressing themselves.
CJ Entusman #24
d(O.o)a
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada5066 Posts
September 14 2009 00:54 GMT
#202
On September 14 2009 09:28 Qwertify wrote:
Show nested quote +
On September 08 2009 14:51 heyoka wrote:
WHY WAS THE MEXICAN MIDGET CALLED PARAGRAPH?

+ Show Spoiler +
HE WAS TOO SHORT TO BE AN ESé


It's not "ESé." We call people of Hispanic decent, Spanish Americans, or S.A.'s for short. Hispanics eventually used this to begin addressing themselves.


-_-
Hi.
FragKrag
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States11566 Posts
September 14 2009 00:56 GMT
#203
yeah w.e qwertify shut up
*TL CJ Entusman #40* "like scissors does anything to paper except MAKE IT MORE NUMEROUS" -paper
Wire
Profile Joined July 2009
United States494 Posts
September 14 2009 00:56 GMT
#204
what a killjoy lmao

dija call the Spanish Spaniards the SS?
"You sacced your ovie, which is great, but then you didn't watch it die, which is bad :("
Piste
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
6183 Posts
September 14 2009 01:22 GMT
#205
On September 14 2009 09:54 d(O.o)a wrote:
Show nested quote +
On September 14 2009 09:28 Qwertify wrote:
On September 08 2009 14:51 heyoka wrote:
WHY WAS THE MEXICAN MIDGET CALLED PARAGRAPH?

+ Show Spoiler +
HE WAS TOO SHORT TO BE AN ESé


It's not "ESé." We call people of Hispanic decent, Spanish Americans, or S.A.'s for short. Hispanics eventually used this to begin addressing themselves.


-_-

aka good bw-players ;:D xoxoxoxo cetectctcttctctc
Tensai176
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
Canada2061 Posts
September 14 2009 02:44 GMT
#206
So a bear walks into a bar, he goes up to the bartender and says,
"I'll have a beer . . . . . . . . . and a packet of peanuts."

The bartender looks at him and says, "Why the big pause?"
We see things they'll never see
Kyuukyuu
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
Canada6263 Posts
September 14 2009 05:57 GMT
#207
On September 14 2009 11:44 Tensai176 wrote:
So a bear walks into a bar, he goes up to the bartender and says,
"I'll have a beer . . . . . . . . . and a packet of peanuts."

The bartender looks at him and says, "Why the big pause?"


._.
FragKrag
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States11566 Posts
September 14 2009 06:00 GMT
#208
i dont get it
*TL CJ Entusman #40* "like scissors does anything to paper except MAKE IT MORE NUMEROUS" -paper
decafchicken
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
United States20164 Posts
September 14 2009 06:04 GMT
#209
On September 14 2009 15:00 FragKrag wrote:
i dont get it


pause....paws...
how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy?
EvilTeletubby
Profile Blog Joined January 2004
Baltimore, USA22259 Posts
September 14 2009 06:27 GMT
#210
On September 11 2009 20:26 Afasia wrote:
oh the irc

[14:23] Is it wrong to call it a 9 hatch when you gf gets pregnant?
[14:25] 9 hatch isnt viable, your family's economy will suck


Oh wow that's fantastic...
Moderatorhttp://carbonleaf.yuku.com/topic/408/t/So-I-proposed-at-a-Carbon-Leaf-concert.html ***** RIP Geoff
jello_biafra
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
United Kingdom6642 Posts
September 14 2009 14:10 GMT
#211
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'
A Texas doctor, not to be outdone said, 'You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brains out of Texas , put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions | aka Probert[PaiN] @ iccup / godlikeparagon @ twitch | my BW stream: http://www.teamliquid.net/video/streams/jello_biafra
Wire
Profile Joined July 2009
United States494 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-09-14 21:09:40
September 14 2009 21:03 GMT
#212
needs bump, but this isnt the best joke XD

+ Show Spoiler +
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tutti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.

A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.

The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope.
They said that they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he could also bless gay people.

The Pope said, "Sure".

The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini, et Tutti Fruiti."


+ Show Spoiler +

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk in a stuttering voice: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?"

The clerk, trying as hard as he could not to burst out laughing, politely replies: "Yes, we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models. Can I help you find one?"

The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt t twoo inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by buhbuhbuhbuhbatteries?

The clerk responds, "Yes, we do."

She asks: "Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe gaaaahdaaaam ssunoooffabbitch offffff?"
"You sacced your ovie, which is great, but then you didn't watch it die, which is bad :("
betaben
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
681 Posts
September 14 2009 21:44 GMT
#213
how do you catch a polar bear?
dig a hole in the ice, and line it with peas. when the polar bear stops fro a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
aeroH
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
United States1034 Posts
September 14 2009 21:55 GMT
#214
On September 14 2009 11:44 Tensai176 wrote:
So a bear walks into a bar, he goes up to the bartender and says,
"I'll have a beer . . . . . . . . . and a packet of peanuts."

The bartender looks at him and says, "Why the big pause?"

oh man, that was good.
showed it to two of my friends, and both went something like this
him - i don't get it..
me - you will after you stare at it for 20 seconds
him - i still don't get it.. wtf.... OHH ROFLL

pretty funny
WoodenSpider
Profile Joined April 2008
United States85 Posts
September 15 2009 02:04 GMT
#215
On September 14 2009 23:10 jello_biafra wrote:
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'
A Texas doctor, not to be outdone said, 'You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brains out of Texas , put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.


What is the difference between an Englishman and his photograph?

+ Show Spoiler +
The photograph is fully developed!


They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.

Never ask a foreigner where he is from. If he is not english he will tell you within a few minutes, and if he is English, why embarrass him?

The greatest practical joke ever played on the French by the British occurred in 1940. The French fleet was laying at anchor in Mers-el-Kebir, French North Africa (now Algeria) when elements of the Royal Navy Mediterranian Fleet blasted the crap out of them. Oh how DeGaulle and Churchill laughed about that in later years.


Zapdos_Smithh
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Canada2620 Posts
September 15 2009 02:15 GMT
#216
What do you call an East-Indian Carpenter?

+ Show Spoiler +
Carpinder


What do you call an East-Indian football receiver?

+ Show Spoiler +
Go Deep
CaucasianAsian
Profile Blog Joined September 2005
Korea (South)11598 Posts
September 15 2009 02:32 GMT
#217
i dont get those resonance
Calendar@ Fish Server: `iOps]..Stark
uglymoose89
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States671 Posts
September 15 2009 02:46 GMT
#218
An energetic rookie asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be 100. The doctor asked the man: "Do you smoke or drink?"


"No," he replied: "I've never done either. I'm dedicated to my sport and I'm going to be a major league star one day."


"Do you gamble, drive fast motorcycles or fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.


"No, I've never done any of those things, either."


"Well, then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be 100 for?"
hiro protagonist
Profile Joined January 2009
1294 Posts
September 15 2009 02:48 GMT
#219
A priest, a rabbi , and Mormon walk into a bar. The bar tender says "what is this, a joke?"
"I guess if you climb enough off-widths, one of these days, your gonna get your knee stuck and shit your pants. Its just an odds thing really" -Jason Kruk
uglymoose89
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States671 Posts
September 15 2009 02:55 GMT
#220
A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a man having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a man with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar.
"For God's sake!", the tourist cried: "What the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a man shagging a sheep, and now some man's wanking himself off in the bar!"
"Settle down mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep."
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