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joke thread 09 - Page 14

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Headlines
Profile Blog Joined April 2007
United States482 Posts
December 15 2009 00:02 GMT
#261
Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

- Facebook Group: I enjoy corny science jokes
Brett
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
Australia3822 Posts
December 15 2009 01:14 GMT
#262
A robber walks into a bank and yells: "This is a fuck up!".

The teller-lady looks at him strangely and says: "Don't you mean a stick up?"

The robber replies: "No, I left my gun at home!".
uhgotosleep
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States30 Posts
December 15 2009 04:38 GMT
#263
On December 14 2009 14:00 BroOd wrote:
Whats the difference between jam and marmalade?

+ Show Spoiler +
You can't marmalade your cock down a girl's throat


HAHAHAHA. I can't stop laughing.
saritenite
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Singapore1680 Posts
December 15 2009 15:40 GMT
#264
From my good pal Josh:

One day, four sailors and a nurse were shipwrecked on an island.

On the first day, the nurse got so disgusted with what she was doing, and killed herself.

On the second day, the sailors were so disgusted with what they were doing, and buried her.

On the third day, the sailors were so disgusted with what they were doing, that they dug her up again.l
BlasiuS
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States2405 Posts
December 15 2009 17:50 GMT
#265
A priest, a rabbi, and an archbishop walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says "What is this, a joke?"
next week on Everybody Loves HypnoToad:
omfghi2u2
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States831 Posts
December 15 2009 18:18 GMT
#266
So Chill, Manifesto7, and FakeSteve were living in an apartment together. Chill asks his roommates if he can borrow the apartment for the night since Chill's girlfriend was coming. Manifesto7 and FakeSteve said alright. They leave for the night and come back next day to see the couch and the floor covered in semen. They ask, "Shit Chill, what happened?!" Chill replies, "Man it was good, we did it like 5 times at least."

Couple of nights later, Manifesto7 asks his roommates if he can borrow the apartment for two nights because his girlfriend was coming. Chill and FakeSteve agree and come back two nights later to see the couch, floor, and walls covered in semen. They ask, "Whoa Manifesto7, what happened?!" Manifesto7 replies, "My girlfriend came over and we did it 12 times."

A week later, FakeSteve asks his roommates if he can borrow the apartment for the upcoming 3 day weekend because his girlfriend was coming. Chill and Manifesto7 agree and come back a weekend later to see the entire apartment covered in semen. Floor, couch, walls, ceiling, kitchen, everything is covered in semen. They ask, "WHOA WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!" FakeSteve replies, "my girlfriend never came."

-----------------------
What is the difference between 1000 gallons of milk, and 1000 gallons of period blood?
+ Show Spoiler +
I cant drink 1000 gallons of milk


----------------------
What is funnier then a dead baby going 500 miles per hour?
+ Show Spoiler +
Stopping it with a hammer
KizZBG
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
u gotta skate8152 Posts
December 15 2009 21:33 GMT
#267
Just been chatting to my neighbours teenage daughter and it turns out she's big into UFOs and aliens.

Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.

:O :p
eSTRO for life | #2 Sea.Really fan! | #1 GosI[Flying] fan! | Clide - best SC2 terran!
UFO
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
582 Posts
December 15 2009 21:47 GMT
#268
No joke man
ShaperofDreams
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Canada2492 Posts
December 15 2009 21:53 GMT
#269
Whats the difference between menstrual blood and sand?

+ Show Spoiler +
You can't gurgle sand.


(I believe that's the original joke)
Bitches don't know about my overlord. FUCK OFF ALDARIS I HAVE ENOUGH PYLONS. My Balls are as smooth as Eggs.
GeneralCash
Profile Joined December 2005
Croatia346 Posts
December 15 2009 21:59 GMT
#270
how do you call a boomerang that doesn't return when you throw it?
+ Show Spoiler +
a stick
Khul Sadukar
Profile Joined August 2009
Australia1735 Posts
December 17 2009 02:00 GMT
#271
What did 1 lame poster say to the other?

I suck at jokes.

What did one lesbian teacher say to the other lesbian teacher?

The cleaner should be here in 20m for a threesome.

Why did aliens abort their recall over Norway recently?

Cause Flash saw it coming, obviously.
I don't want to be part everything. I want to be something. - Weapon X
KurtistheTurtle
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States1966 Posts
December 17 2009 06:17 GMT
#272
On September 10 2009 04:02 Auhsoj wrote:
So there was a sailor and a priest golfing together. Sailor tees off and hits his ball out into the rough. He starts cursing a storm as the priest says "God will punish you if you continue to curse." So the priest prays and hits the ball and POOF right onto the green.

The next hole comes and the sailor tees off and, once again, into the rough. Again he curses a storm. The priest again warned him that god was gonna strike him for cursing like that. He prays and hits the ball and POW. hole in one.

So the third hole comes and the sailor hits and into the rough. as he starts to curse again clouds swarm the golf course and ZAP. The priest gets hit by the lightning. The sailor heard a voice from the heavens, "God damn, I missed."

rephrased ending
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
[UoN]Sentinel
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States11320 Posts
December 17 2009 18:03 GMT
#273
An Israeli, a Frenchman, and a German get caught by cannibals. The leader says each gets one last request before they are eaten.

The German is selected first and says, "I wish I had some schnitzel." The cannibals make some for him, he eats it and is eaten himself.

The Frenchman is selected second. He says, "I wish I could have one more orgy." Five cannibal women go up to him, they have crazy sex, and then he too is eaten.

The Israeli is last and says, "Punch me on the nose," and the leader is confused but does so. When the connection between the nose and the fist is broken, the Israeli whips out an Uzi and mortally wounds the leader and keeps a distance away from the others.

The leader asks the Israeli why he didn't shoot the leader before the German and the Frenchman died. He says, "My parents taught me to attack only in self-defense."
Нас зовет дух отцов, память старых бойцов, дух Москвы и твердыня Полтавы
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