The PUA community - Page 23

On July 26 2011 02:34 ToxNub wrote:
Yeah, I know this girl from a very small music scene, where I know a lot of people, and she knows a lot of people, and I have to see her and her friends regularly. A lot of the people we know are the same people.

I don't know about oneitis. Is she special, like, my soulmate special? No. Is she special like I find her motherfucking sexy as hell? Special like she's half native half white so she's got these sexy eyes and natural tan? Is she special like she's a science graduate like myself, we both DJ the same style of music, and we both like to dance? So according to PUA, there's like lots of sexy science drum and bass djs around, right? ... Just one in a crowd, eh? I think PUA just assumes you are a typical dude going for generic girls, but that isnt the case. There are no other girls like this one, at least not ones I am going to meet. No, that doesn't mean if this fails I'm going to be destitute. Yes, there are other types of women I like. Yes, I still want to fuck other women. But is she special? Sure, to me she is.

On July 20 2011 08:03 Blanke wrote:

Shit, sucks that you're currently banned, but I thought I'd go ahead and ask a few questions anyhow.

1. You mentioned this yourself, and I meant to include it in my own post, but the notion of "failure" when hitting on women is not what aggravates me. Rather, it is the utter lack of feedback, the critical component of someone telling you WHY you lost and HOW you go about fixing it. You mentioned that you've learned how to recognize your own mistakes over the years, do you have any advice on gaining the insight to do so myself?

2. It's a bittersweet irony how spending most of my time at the gym has yielded impressive results, but none of which seem to provoke any response from women. (Well, I should say my brother's female friends often flatter me for it, but they're not interested in dating me.) I hope to rejoin wrestling this September at my university - - do you think this will help improve my chances with women?

3. The hindsight realization of my own mortality, that life is too short to be wasted in fear, grants me all the confidence I need to talk to women and never break eye contact. Unfortunately, this only seems to deter them! (I smile at ladies on the street, but they never seem to smile back.) Otherwise I simply get friendzoned. Clearly I must not be saying the right things . . . although I most commonly find women at the gym, they seem to be dead-focused on working out rather than chit-chat. (And how can I blame them?) Any advice on breaking the ice in a gym setting?

4. I beginning to suspect that it's unhealthy to spend so much time mulling over the secret of always knowing what to say to women, but when I'm painting for 9.5 hrs 4-5 days a week, and I can't seem to stop my brain from running in circles, cursing myself for not picking up talents like the guitar or dancing, anything superior to writing! These talents seem to be a part of what PUA's coin "inner game," correct? Working out and mastering your hobbies. I try my hardest to stay focused at work, but I can't help but dread the possibility of spending another weekend alone. ( I don't really want to go into a bar by myself, plus I live in a city with only 34 000 ppl, 70% of which are elderly.) Is the key to inner game just practicing improv relentlessly? Humor is the best defense, always prevailing. I just wish there was a place in this cesspool of a city to practice it.

5. As I mentioned in my post, I fear the complacency of my friends (assuring me that "of course you'll meet someone in college, everyone does"), and that if i do not make drastic changes within the few fleeting weeks of summer, I may not be prepared. With my short timeframe outside of work, what area do you think I should focus all my energies on? (As aforementioned, I usually workout, read a bit, and then hit the sack cause I'm up at 5:00 AM the next day.)

6. A friend of mine claims that reading Harry Potter will win you lots of chicks. Is he full of shit, or must I torture myself to read Twilight instead?

7. I came up with an idea recently for hitting on chicks in nightclubs, preferably those sitting at a table. Basically, you'll need a female friend to hang onto your phone, hide somewhere, and pretend to be your girlfriend for 10 minutes. Approach the ladies confidently, and ask politely if you could borrow their cellphone to make a local call. This is what my conversation would go like on the phone:

"Hey, Avary? Yeah, it's me. Listen, I think we should start seeing other people now . . . . I am serious, and don't call me Shirley . . . . Where am I? I'm at the bar. And before you ask, yes, I've met a beautiful woman . . . . Her name? [Looks at girl] it's uh, Amy? Doesn't matter what her name is, she's funny, and friendly, and I can already tell we have lots in common . . . . Yup . . . . Yes, in fact, we WILL play World of Warcraft together . . . . because I'm awesometacular, that's why . . . Of course that's a real word . . . . No, don't make a scene here, please . . . . it wont amount to anything . . . sigh, whatever. [Look at girl] She wants to talk to you!"

And from that point on, it's all improv, lol! Hopefully my friend can come off as angry on the phone without deterring the girl I'm hitting on. Ideally I would follow up the phone call by offering to buy her a drink, but I sense most PUA's wouldn't actually do that for girls they've just met. What do you think?

8. A frustratingly reoccurring theme on dance floors for myself (ever since elementary, really) is that awkward feeling that nobody wants really wants to dance with you. After experiencing the same social stigma in Greece a year ago, I knew something was horribly wrong, I just could never figure out what it was. Today, I suspect talking to girls before you dance/grind with them is an absolute necessity, but more often than not it's impossible to have a conversation with the music being blasted. Of course, learning to break dance would pretty much make me the indisputable Alpha Male of the dance floor, but that's gonna require years of practice which I may not even have time for. Do you always talk to girls before you try dancing with them? What advice do you have for avoiding that cursed awkward feeling that insists on haunting me on the dance floor?

9. After being "lightly" rejected yesterday at some half-assed Latin American festival (the girl kept trolling me by insisting on dancing ONLY after she'd finish drinking, but obviously lacked the courage to tell me off straight up), a female friend of mine, Brittany, insisted that it's in human nature to flirt (meaning everyone is capable of doing so effectively enough), but both sides must be receptive in order to succeed. She explained how you cannot "force" attraction/reception in someone, and that some girls are just complete bitches when guys attempt to hit on them whom they've never met before.

Despite her reassurance, I cannot help but ponder if one CAN in fact, force attraction in a woman, and that I just cannot seem to say the "perfect" lines on the spot like any true PUA, hence why I fail. What's you're take on Brittany's opinion?

9.5 And as for the girl I was hitting on at this festival, I tried coaxing her into dancing, but she kept dodging by saying she didn't know how to dance and that she preferred grass over a cardboard dance floor for her sandals. I remained persistent, joking that my sombrero would hide us both from any embarrassment, but to no avail. If there were any more girls looking for dance partners that night, I wouldn't be writing this now, but alas there were not.

10. I've been told before that I "try too hard" with women, and quite frankly, I find this statement way too fucking vague. Obviously it's a terrible idea to talk to a girl when she's texting or has headphones in, but something tells me my errors run even deeper than that. Somehow, despite being the first to approach her, you must not show any interest in a girl until she shows interest in you. Now I suspect this is the fundamental problem I struggle with so much (perhaps humor is the instant-win solution I need to practice relentlessly until it becomes instinctive), but what exactly does "trying too hard" include? Detailing your hobbies/interests? Telling stories? Flattering her? It's instinctive for me to try my very hardest at every challenge I face in life . . . is this an ironic downfall in the dating scene?

You want to open up a lane in your conversation so it becomes a two-way street (I cannot stress enough how frustrating it is to talk to women whom offer no input, and then you're the one asking all the questions), but how do I go about this without trying so hard?

Thank you again for offering to help. I understand the art of seduction is one helluva steep staircase to climb, but I will remain undaunted as long as I can learn from my mistakes at every opportunity!

On July 29 2011 08:32 [GiTM]-Ace wrote:
Everything seems to be about inner game. Essentially it seems advice is go to the gym/do a sport or something. Accept most social invites and all of a sudden I'm going to be beaming confidence? I want that strong inner confidence but don't know how to go about achieving it.

On July 29 2011 08:32 [GiTM]-Ace wrote:
Everything seems to be about inner game. Essentially it seems advice is go to the gym/do a sport or something. Accept most social invites and all of a sudden I'm going to be beaming confidence? I want that strong inner confidence but don't know how to go about achieving it.

On July 30 2011 20:53 squattincassanova wrote:
I get pulled over by cop but used my PUA skills to get out of speeding and swerving. LOL epic fucking night.

On July 30 2011 20:53 squattincassanova wrote:
I get pulled over by cop but used my PUA skills to get out of speeding and swerving.