Ok, I did some cold approaches tonight and a girl also started talking to me while I was just sitting with my friends. I was in a metal (music) bar and I never go to those. It was pretty different. There was no dance floor, but it was pretty easy to have conversations with people. I have absolutely zero approach anxiety. I approached everyone except some people who would've probably killed me in a back alley, but I've now figured out that I just can't seal the deal. I doubt there is anything wrong with my looks either. I just feel like I run out of things to talk.
Is this curable only by doing tons of cold approaches or is there something I can follow to ease things up? If compared it to starcraft, I'd say it was like playing without having a build. I look at a girl and think "damn, I want to talk to her" then I go talk to her and do fine for a few minutes.
I can usually open well by taking something from the environment and using that, but I'm not really sure about the follow up. Also are there any absolute mistakes I should avoid while opening? I tried talking to a few groups, but I think I fucked it up by being too direct. I remember reading The Game and it said not to be to direct when approaching a group. What about girls that are waiting for a group that is smoking outside at the moment?
On July 31 2011 10:18 Sotamursu wrote: Ok, I did some cold approaches tonight and a girl also started talking to me while I was just sitting with my friends. I was in a metal (music) bar and I never go to those. It was pretty different. There was no dance floor, but it was pretty easy to have conversations with people. I have absolutely zero approach anxiety. I approached everyone except some people who would've probably killed me in a back alley, but I've now figured out that I just can't seal the deal. I doubt there is anything wrong with my looks either. I just feel like I run out of things to talk.
Is this curable only by doing tons of cold approaches or is there something I can follow to ease things up? If compared it to starcraft, I'd say it was like playing without having a build. I look at a girl and think "damn, I want to talk to her" then I go talk to her and do fine for a few minutes.
I can usually open well by taking something from the environment and using that, but I'm not really sure about the follow up. Also are there any absolute mistakes I should avoid while opening? I tried talking to a few groups, but I think I fucked it up by being too direct. I remember reading The Game and it said not to be to direct when approaching a group. What about girls that are waiting for a group that is smoking outside at the moment?
Any groups bigger than 3 you should have a pretty easy time with. Go indirect and introduce yourself to everybody if need be. Your goal is to grab the one you're interested in and isolate nearby (like a few feet away). Depending on the group you might need to talk with the 2 or 3 that are paying attention to you and slowly let them fade off back into their regular conversations, leaving you with your girl. A lot of the time in groups there are enough other people and other conversations that you can isolate your girl easily.
As per running out of things to say, you're just in your head to much. But that's the typical advice and it sucks, so let me explain. Something to think about first is like a caveman. Back in the day when you were a caveman hanging out naked, and you got horny, do you think you would go up to a girl in your village and say "let me woo you with my words?"
Fuck no. You would grab them and get it done. Obviously I'm not saying you should do this now, but you still need to make sure you aren't over evaluating the actual verbal communication going on.
It's all subcommunication. Again, typical advice which I hate. So what should you do? You should bring some more energy into your interactions if you can. Think enthusiasm instead of energy. That way you aren't sitting there bored and in your head, and you can actually get lost in the moment (which is what you want anyways). To do this, talk about your passions. You don't necessarily have to talk about video games, but you can use the things you enjoy about video games and build parallels to what she is interested in. Video games are a challenge, an escape, fun, social, etc. So you can talk about those within her interests. Talk about challenge and socializing and all that jazz. Easy peazy.
The other trick for not running out of things to say is to have solid eye contact. If you are looking at them in the eyes, you will actually LISTEN to them instead of just waiting for your turn to talk. If you are looking at them in the eyes while you're talking, you won't be thinking about what to say next. Try this, it's pretty trippy.
Next time you have a conversation and you find yourself NOT looking at them in the eyes, are you using that time to think about what to say? Ponder? Of course. Solid eye contact kills this. It's the same concept as public speaking and "ums".
Whenever you hear someone say "um", they are thinking about what to say next.
Remember that since you're probably an adult, you have at least 18 years of experience under your belt. You have stories upon stories of awesome content you could talk about with anybody. It's just about allowing yourself to open up and talk about it. When you hang out with your closest friends you never run out of things to say do you? And these are the guys that you have talked to THE MOST, so how is it that logically it would make sense for you to run out of things to say with them, but you don't. It's because you allow yourself to talk and open up, to express yourself, to "be yourself", etc.
Express yourself.
If you're "newer", you could also write a few stories that you like to tell on a paper to remind yourself about them. Some idiots would say this isn't natural, but that's because they are idiots. All "naturals" tell the same stories all of the time too, they just aren't aware of it. But there's no doubt they tell the same fucking stories over and over again, because they realize "they work".
Hope that helps. Add me to facebook (send me a PM) and I can help you out on facebook chat more.
@Colbert. I was that guy who wanted help with helping his friend out to get the chicks. Added me on facebook and twitter. So sad I'm forgotten
---
This story is kind of long but...
Yesterday I was laying in bed with a girl. Pillow talking.
We've been talking for awhile (about a month and a half or so). She lives four hours away, but goes to a college around here (but not the one I go to). She has driven down to see me three or four times now since class isn't in session. We've been somewhat serious but basically she was telling me how much she liked me and a conundrum kind of hit me. She was the first girl that I really kind of "practiced" with PUA style. I am somewhat naturally good with women - I just never used it to my advantage and was doing the wrong things. I was too uh... timid around them I guess. Sure I'd flirt, but I wouldn't escalate. I might joke with them, but if I felt like they didn't like it I'd like apologize or something. I changed that with her.
Anyway, this conundrum that I had laying in bed was wondering if it was really me who attracted her, or the "PUA" style that did. And I feel like this is something that eventually people may struggle with - their identity when it comes to PUA. I mean sure, I didn't use any of those dumb ass tricks that they talk about. But is it who I was? I guess at the core I was wondering this: Could I not get girls based on how I used to be? Was it a "Lie" so to speak? I mean really, was it me that got this girl or PUA me?
But then it kind of hit me rather quickly (I tend to be able to put things together very fast). This new "PUA" me was me. And fuck the phrase pick up artist in that sense. It wasn't pick up artist Justin. It was still me, but now I knew who I was to a greater degree. I could be confident because I was a confident person. I could flirt and not give a fuck if they were offended because if they can't take a joke, that sucks for them. I don't want someone who I can't joke around with. I don't need to be validated by others. Some women don't like my advances. That is okay with me. Things don't always work out. I'll find someone else.
Recently I've found myself changed around chicks. I used to be that guy that always talked to and met a lot a women, but to be honest I never picked the fruit when it was ripe so to say. I let opportunities go by because I was either too lazy to make the effort, too scared to get involved, too scared what they would think of me. Like I said, that too has changed.
I may be talking to someone, but I don't put my eggs all in one basket either. In a 3 week period I made out with three other chicks besides the one I'm serious with, two of them in the same night. I could have went further with all three of them (All redheads too I might add ), but the fact that I was seriously talking to someone held me back in. A gentleman? A douche? You decide.
My only... qualm with the above women is that they were drunk. For the two women that I made out with at the same night so was I, while the third one I wasn't but she was. I simply told her I wouldn't initiate it because I was sober and she wasn't, but I wouldn't stop her either. So that kind of leads me to something I'm still trying to figure out. How do you "count" it when alcohol is involved? Is it you or the alcohol? Do you pursue for another time? Are they only there because their drunk or did you attract them and the alcohol just helped?
... That went off in the completely wrong direction and wasn't even what I wanted to get in to. Damn.
Used an opener about smoking! Roflbits! Opened a 2 set. One is Mongolian and one is Peruvian. My wing comes in during the next video. This set opened like a dynamite. Instant attraction.
On August 01 2011 15:06 Catch wrote: @Colbert. I was that guy who wanted help with helping his friend out to get the chicks. Added me on facebook and twitter. So sad I'm forgotten
Oh word man what's going on.
I'm never on here so I don't know anybodys usernames... hence why I prefer to get people on fb/twitter.
I don't usually post my opinions about things in threads, but I'd gladly make an exception here.
The PUA community, like all things that are too good to be true, is too good to be true. To quickly boil it down, it's runs exactly like a cult (as does all of self-help), and it's main purpose is to indoctrinate you into the cult and the take your money.
It gives you the illusion of being able to sack a billion girls when you are skeptical about entering, and as soon as you buy one of their products for the low price of 399.99 (This is like the average price for a DVD, im not making this up), they will send you a 18 hour long dvd to reprogram you into their "society". They give you a bunch of words that only other PUA guys know to move to from a normal society, into their pickup world. Such words include "neg" (which means to slightly insult the girl you're talking to), "peacock" (which means dress like a fucking moron in public), and mpua (master pick up artists AKA gurus which you have to respect and send your money to). Once you fully believe their bullshit, you are very likely to buy a bootcamp (which runs for like 1k+ if I remember) or a DVD, and you will statistically buy this shit over and over as time passes.
One of the funniest things I've read there is peacocking. The idea is to dress like a COMPLETE FUCKING MORON in public (im talking about crossdressing, wearing womens clothing, walking around with a dildo on your head, im being dead serious) and this is suppose to "boost your confidence" because you will come out alive and fell stronger afterward. But what it really does is it creates trauma in the individual, and then they feel more comforted in the PUA community because they fit there and peacocking is a normal practice that's encouraged in the community. This causes the person to alienate himself from everyone else who’s not in the PUA community. And once you are in, they will just want your $$$.
In the end though, you just end up traumatizing yourself and making yourself look really weird by approaching a whole bunch of random women in public with these weird pickup lines. You will end up losing a lot of your friends because they wont get the new PUA you, making a fool of yourself, and losing a considerable amount of time and $$$. If you want some more info about how pua is a scam, please feel free to visit http://www.puahate.com
If you want to get laid, here is some real advice. Go make some money, get yourself a nice car, get some straight white teeth, get a nice clean haircut, buy some fashionable sexy clothes, buy some cologne, be tall, get into body building and have a chiseled as fuck body. If you have all of these, it will be very difficult NOT to get laid. At the very least I can tell you that if you’re a fat neckbeard with acne, no matter how good your “game” is, not a lot of women will find you that appealing.
On August 03 2011 07:12 Lucid90 wrote: I don't usually post my opinions about things in threads, but I'd gladly make an exception here.
The PUA community, like all things that are too good to be true, is too good to be true. To quickly boil it down, it's runs exactly like a cult (as does all of self-help), and it's main purpose is to indoctrinate you into the cult and the take your money.
It gives you the illusion of being able to sack a billion girls when you are skeptical about entering, and as soon as you buy one of their products for the low price of 399.99 (This is like the average price for a DVD, im not making this up), they will send you a 18 hour long dvd to reprogram you into their "society". They give you a bunch of words that only other PUA guys know to move to from a normal society, into their pickup world. Such words include "neg" (which means to slightly insult the girl you're talking to), "peacock" (which means dress like a fucking moron in public), and mpua (master pick up artists AKA gurus which you have to respect and send your money to). Once you fully believe their bullshit, you are very likely to buy a bootcamp (which runs for like 1k+ if I remember) or a DVD, and you will statistically buy this shit over and over as time passes.
One of the funniest things I've read there is peacocking. The idea is to dress like a COMPLETE FUCKING MORON in public (im talking about crossdressing, wearing womens clothing, walking around with a dildo on your head, im being dead serious) and this is suppose to "boost your confidence" because you will come out alive and fell stronger afterward. But what it really does is it creates trauma in the individual, and then they feel more comforted in the PUA community because they fit there and peacocking is a normal practice that's encouraged in the community. This causes the person to alienate himself from everyone else who’s not in the PUA community. And once you are in, they will just want your $$$.
In the end though, you just end up traumatizing yourself and making yourself look really weird by approaching a whole bunch of random women in public with these weird pickup lines. You will end up losing a lot of your friends because they wont get the new PUA you, making a fool of yourself, and losing a considerable amount of time and $$$. If you want some more info about how pua is a scam, please feel free to visit http://www.puahate.com
If you want to get laid, here is some real advice. Go make some money, get yourself a nice car, get some straight white teeth, get a nice clean haircut, buy some fashionable sexy clothes, buy some cologne, be tall, get into body building and have a chiseled as fuck body. If you have all of these, it will be very difficult NOT to get laid. At the very least I can tell you that if you’re a fat neckbeard with acne, no matter how good your “game” is, not a lot of women will find you that appealing.
Part of pick up IS fashion, looks, and staying in shape. Its developing yourself from all aspects. Of course in pickup there are a lot of people trying to sell you a lot of products that promise things like a magical pill. There is no magical pill. You gotta chose wisely. Its like buying anything. Its a business. You actually have to push yourself. Just because most people are over weight and lazy, doesn't mean diets dont work. They work its just that people are fundamentally lazy and don't want to put in the effort and stick through the pain period.
Just because you cold approach on the weekends doesn't mean you cant be funny or working out on the side, you gotta be a multi-dimensional person. The same reason why people fail at pickup is the same reason why most people don't have a body like me.
Opened a busty two set. One Indian, one Mexican. I liked the Mexican. I go up and look at her boobs, and say "You have the BIGGEST..... personality I have ever seen"
Set hooks for a while because I am funny but shes pissed off I said that and leaves after 4 minutes without even saying good bye, just straight up leaves.
But no worries, persistence for the win! I reopen them later
How do you approach a night when your serious/dating someone?
I've realized that I just prefer not to get too close as I flirt relentlessly. For example tonight a redhead was probably trying to talk to me a lot (she kept standing next to me and stuff and even texted me bye when she left and couldn't find me) but I didn't really initiate it so much when, had I considered myself single I guess, it would be the complete opposite.
I'm also learning how to really direct/create a conversation out of thin air (I'm bad at this, I can usually hold one pretty easy once I get it rolling) esp at parties when everybody is just drinking and there isn't shit to talk about. (Any quick tips you could offer would be nice, but I'd prefer to keep the focus on he original question)
On August 14 2011 17:32 Catch wrote: Got a question for y'all...
How do you approach a night when your serious/dating someone?
I've realized that I just prefer not to get too close as I flirt relentlessly. For example tonight a redhead was probably trying to talk to me a lot (she kept standing next to me and stuff and even texted me bye when she left and couldn't find me) but I didn't really initiate it so much when, had I considered myself single I guess, it would be the complete opposite.
I'm also learning how to really direct/create a conversation out of thin air (I'm bad at this, I can usually hold one pretty easy once I get it rolling) esp at parties when everybody is just drinking and there isn't shit to talk about. (Any quick tips you could offer would be nice, but I'd prefer to keep the focus on he original question)
1. Either break up, or be honest I guess. 2. There are drills to improve your conversational skills. The first one is word association. Think of a word and then think of another word that you can associate with your first word. Keep going for a few minutes and try as fast as you can. 3. The other drill is thread cutting. Start talking about a topic and after 15 or so seconds, try and transition to a new topic. For example, you can start with "Seattle"
"Seattle is an amazing place to visit. The culture there is diverse, and its basically a melting pot of many ethnicities. If you go to downtown to the pikes place market, you will notice many people with different types of crafts and foods from all over the place. There is a show there where they catch live fish and they toss them through the air and filet them in front of your face. The seafood there is amazing, I always get sushi there. There is this one place called blah blah blah where you can eat all you can sushi with a water front view. Its one of the rare places that has actual Japanese chefs preparing unlike California which most sushi places has Mexican chefs working. It just doesn't feel authentic you know? As much as I love Seattle, nothing beats California weather. A walk down Santa Monica pier and you know you wanna stay."
See how within just a few sentences I purposefully thread cut and branched in a bazillion topics? From then its a non ending network chain and the conversation never dies. Many people make the mistake of talking about one specific topic till they beat it to death and then they look awkward in silence. The trick is to "cut" the thread before you feel its coming to an end and start a new topic. When you talk about more topics, you build a faster connection with someone.
Yeah it takes practice, and you do these drills in the car and in the shower. Yeah, you sound like a weirdo talking to yourself but hey, you get laid! Once you master it, it works wonders. You can have a girl be totally no interested for 5 minutes and not even looking at you and I will just plow that shit with my amazing monologue and eventually, I will hit a topic shes into, and you can see the hook point where there is a sparkle in her eyes. Its a beautiful sight.
On August 16 2011 08:08 fearlessparagon wrote: So much time did you invest in yourself?
You can do monologue practice while driving to work/school? That's easily 30 minutes a day. Since when was it easy to be good at anything without practice? Even Starcraft pros practice 8 hours a day.
Did my muscles grow without pain and sweat? You just gotta do what you gotta do. That's what separates someone good vs a newb. If instead of playing 10,000 starcraft games that I had in the past and I approached 10,000 girls instead. I would be like god right now. I would literally be able to blow Mystery out of the water.
Same day lay with Mall Girl Manager This was one of the quickest lays I have ever gotten. So random, I wasn't even trying to open her, just looking for some cool items for my bedroom! We also had dinner and a brief walk, I cut out a lot because it was just boring rapport and banter.
On August 14 2011 17:32 Catch wrote: Got a question for y'all...
How do you approach a night when your serious/dating someone?
I've realized that I just prefer not to get too close as I flirt relentlessly. For example tonight a redhead was probably trying to talk to me a lot (she kept standing next to me and stuff and even texted me bye when she left and couldn't find me) but I didn't really initiate it so much when, had I considered myself single I guess, it would be the complete opposite.
I'm also learning how to really direct/create a conversation out of thin air (I'm bad at this, I can usually hold one pretty easy once I get it rolling) esp at parties when everybody is just drinking and there isn't shit to talk about. (Any quick tips you could offer would be nice, but I'd prefer to keep the focus on he original question)
1. Either break up, or be honest I guess. 2. There are drills to improve your conversational skills. The first one is word association. Think of a word and then think of another word that you can associate with your first word. Keep going for a few minutes and try as fast as you can. 3. The other drill is thread cutting. Start talking about a topic and after 15 or so seconds, try and transition to a new topic. For example, you can start with "Seattle"
"Seattle is an amazing place to visit. The culture there is diverse, and its basically a melting pot of many ethnicities. If you go to downtown to the pikes place market, you will notice many people with different types of crafts and foods from all over the place. There is a show there where they catch live fish and they toss them through the air and filet them in front of your face. The seafood there is amazing, I always get sushi there. There is this one place called blah blah blah where you can eat all you can sushi with a water front view. Its one of the rare places that has actual Japanese chefs preparing unlike California which most sushi places has Mexican chefs working. It just doesn't feel authentic you know? As much as I love Seattle, nothing beats California weather. A walk down Santa Monica pier and you know you wanna stay."
See how within just a few sentences I purposefully thread cut and branched in a bazillion topics? From then its a non ending network chain and the conversation never dies. Many people make the mistake of talking about one specific topic till they beat it to death and then they look awkward in silence. The trick is to "cut" the thread before you feel its coming to an end and start a new topic. When you talk about more topics, you build a faster connection with someone.
Yeah it takes practice, and you do these drills in the car and in the shower. Yeah, you sound like a weirdo talking to yourself but hey, you get laid! Once you master it, it works wonders. You can have a girl be totally no interested for 5 minutes and not even looking at you and I will just plow that shit with my amazing monologue and eventually, I will hit a topic shes into, and you can see the hook point where there is a sparkle in her eyes. Its a beautiful sight.
Well thanks for your help man.
But I don't think you understood my question. It isn't that I want to break it off or anything, I'm just unsure of how to approach a night in general because I am so used to flirting (it comes very naturally to me) but I had a talk with someone last night about it. At the end of the day, if you know you aren't trying to get with someone and it is just how you act, then it shouldn't really bother you.
Now had I been flirting and trying to lead into more, then that would cause some concern.
Also, yeah I know about thread cutting. I do need to practice that and I will for sure practice word association because I wasn't pleased with my trail run in my head lol I wasn't fast enough for some words. But like I said, normally I can keep a conversation going pretty well. My problem is just opening a conversation at all.
This was an attempt to pull. It was a 2 set. One black girl and one mexican girl. Both had boyfriends but the black girl was giving me tons of shit tests at the end because I am trying to pull the Mexican girl. Mainly she was mad her boyfriend because they got into a fight and hes not responding to her calls. Sometimes there are these external factors that come at you that sucks and you just have to deal with that crap. The pull was a success. After she dropped of her friend, I met up with the Mexican girl.
EPT
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