On June 06 2011 07:19 Satire wrote: I make lots of friends that are girls. I am much more comfortable with who I am now in a relationship, and realize that I never had trouble attracting girls, my problem was always my view of myself. I didn't believe I was good enough for so many of the girls I liked, so I never crossed that threshold or didn't present myself in the right way. When I found someone, I tried so hard to show her how great she was, and as I result I forgot how great I was. I don't go around picking-up girls because that's not my thing, but I've realized that I can share my personality and my sense of humour with the world and let other people have fun just by being around me. I go out and make friends with lots of random people, even if's just for the night. I have a great time with the friends I have too, and that next girl that I want to be with, maybe I can show her the best side of myself too.
The community is what you get out of it. Do people make money off it? Absolutely. There are some bad apples in it too that leave people in worse shape then they found them too. I think ultimately though, at the heart of it all, it's just a bunch of guys who are trying to help each other become a better version of themselves - ultimately through trial and error, but at the core, through a whole community full of support.
Great post!
Happy to hear how you came from being a pessimist to where you are now. Love reading this stuff.
On June 03 2011 13:01 Garth wrote: This is PUA at action. anything vile here?
A lot of guys will look at this and think: "What a dick, he's not giving her space". But if you think about it - if a chick came up to you and did this, would you be pissed off at her? Of course not. A large part of the PUA community is about overcoming misconceptions about the opposite gender. You can see in the video that she is actually loving it.
I would be really pissed off at a girl getting that close to me, but then again I don't much believe in sex.
...Believe in sex?
Im really curious at what you meant by that.
He probably just meant gender.
Nah I meant... eroticism? Hard to explain.
I guess I should explain that I don't believe in it for me, not that I have a problem with the PUAs.
Is this a thread about talking about PUA or participating? I'm against the artists that are out there just to collect numbers. But its important for every man to be able to talk to women in the ever increasing sociable battle field. How bout some tips:
When starting to talk to a girl its important to position yourself to make it clear you are there to talk to her, this will deter the walking away factor. i.e. don't just lean on the railing facing the direction she is facing and comment on the weather in a non-response necessary type fashion. engage!
Pick up lines are lame but some lines have times and places, i.e you are disengaging on the patio for what ever reason "I have to check on my friend she is really drunk. Maybe ill talk to you later. if you come find me." She will be keeping an eye out for you after that. generalizing this if she says she has to go instead of saying "i hope i can talk to you later" a better response would be "k bye find me later" or "Give me your number so we can talk more later" instead of "herp number please"
Disagree with her on an easy and non controversial topic. Heat up discussion is appropriate, express your opinion and genuinely try to convince her. Shows a little intelligence and independent thought.
If you miss her text or call don't apologize, sometimes explain but you can easily come across as desperate with something like "omg so sorry i missed you! i really wanted to talk!" usually a "hey whats up" works a lot better at getting a positive response.
If your making eyes and its obvious there will be a conversation eventually. When the engagement is going to begin motion for her to approach you too.
As I'm sure you've heard confidence is key. The attitude that is very attractive is general indifference. This can make people try and win you over which is a great start.
I'm hardly a PUA. Do not know if you boys know this, but the easiest way to get a girl to like you? Talk to her. Be yourself. That simple. Be their friend. "But I want more than a friend!" you say? Alright, that is simple too. Be patient. Spend quality time. Love is not something that just flows from your fingertips, fellows. It is a powerful force and works on its own. If you are meant to be together, she'll come around. She'll give you signs, and you step forward and do your thing.
Why do we need to study psychology to be with women? Or "pickup" women (which sounds a little... objectifying, if you ask me)? Why do we need to study and all of this bullsh!t? You do not. A girl falls in love with a guy on her own accord, not by psychology or you "swaying" her in your direction. If she loves/likes you for you, you're golden. If you are not compatible with her, you just are not compatible with her. Move on or remain friends.
I never understand why men go to other men for advice. Just be you guys. Be you. Day[9] said it himself. Just TALK and BE YOU. If you're a nervous fellow, you're a nervous fellow. Some girls love shy guys. They find them sexy and/or cute. Some girls love those confident guys, and if you're a confident guy, that's fine. But if you're a nervous guy, do not worry either. Women who are interested in you love your little faults (as long as they aren't... well.. y'know, hurtful and detrimental to the ones around you. Like if you have a history of cheating. That is not a fault she is going to find attractive, and for good reason!).
Anyway, all I have to say on this matter. Be you, guys. Do not change a damn thing about who you are.
Its a common misconception to think "Just be yourself and it will be OK". It doesn't work this way. This isin't a Disney movie where people just fall in love out of the blue.
Not only is it false, but it should be a man's duty to mold himself into someone better. To avoid the common pitfalls. Learning the psychology not only helps YOU, but it will help the relationship to be a lot more happier.
Remember....
- I trust that….You will make me feel comfortable being myself”. Otherwise known as she will be ok with being a woman. This is probably a little caveat I missed and many other men miss for longest time. You need to embrace her womanhood. She will thank you for letting her be who she is. When she’s irrational she doesn’t want to reason and have logical discussion. When she wants sweet cuddling loving she’s being a woman. When she wants rough fast hardcore fucking, she’s being a woman. When she wants to have romantic picnic she’s being a woman. When she makes you dinner and puts candles on the table, two glasses of wine she’s being a woman. You love woman and what they do for you, themselves and people they care for. When it takes her 2 hours to get ready in the bathroom, account for it. You know it will take her that long. Planning is man’s job, remember? She is getting pretty FOR YOU, ASSHOLE! So don’t blame her for being late because “someone” had to spend 6 hours getting ready. Plan this into your arrival time, so you’re not late for the reservations. Thank her for being a woman. When she’s finally done getting ready, tell her she looks gorgeous, pretty or stunning. If she was going for “sexy” look then tell her she looks sexy. Come close to her, put your hands around her pull her in, whisper in her ear “baby, I already cannot wait till we get back, the things I will do to you” give her a kiss and pull away, take her hand and walk with her. When she made you dinner, eat with her, look into her eyes and tell her that it was great. Even if it wasn’t. She asked you “how was it?” you tell her it was great because she did it for you. When she’s washing the dishes after, come behind her, put your arms around her lean into her ear, kiss her neck and say “it turns me own when you are being such a good little girl” in low voice. Who knows, this might lead into makeout and passionate sex on the kitchen floor. When she’s being irrational, do not tell her she’s being irrational, do not tell her she’s acting stupid. Just let her vent. Give her a big hug, hold her close and tell her that “everything is going to be ok. Trust me, I will make it ok for you” RE-INFORCE that she can rely on you even if you physically cannot help her, she will still trust in your support.
You can control your own destiny or you can "be yourself" and let the randomness of life control it for you.
On June 11 2011 04:51 Alexhandr wrote: I'm hardly a PUA. Do not know if you boys know this, but the easiest way to get a girl to like you? Talk to her. Be yourself. That simple. Be their friend. "But I want more than a friend!" you say? Alright, that is simple too. Be patient. Spend quality time. Love is not something that just flows from your fingertips, fellows. It is a powerful force and works on its own. If you are meant to be together, she'll come around. She'll give you signs, and you step forward and do your thing.
Why do we need to study psychology to be with women? Or "pickup" women (which sounds a little... objectifying, if you ask me)? Why do we need to study and all of this bullsh!t? You do not. A girl falls in love with a guy on her own accord, not by psychology or you "swaying" her in your direction. If she loves/likes you for you, you're golden. If you are not compatible with her, you just are not compatible with her. Move on or remain friends.
I never understand why men go to other men for advice. Just be you guys. Be you. Day[9] said it himself. Just TALK and BE YOU. If you're a nervous fellow, you're a nervous fellow. Some girls love shy guys. They find them sexy and/or cute. Some girls love those confident guys, and if you're a confident guy, that's fine. But if you're a nervous guy, do not worry either. Women who are interested in you love your little faults (as long as they aren't... well.. y'know, hurtful and detrimental to the ones around you. Like if you have a history of cheating. That is not a fault she is going to find attractive, and for good reason!).
Anyway, all I have to say on this matter. Be you, guys. Do not change a damn thing about who you are.
What you are talking is like taking a round trip with a taxi. Yes, you can do it but its expensive so its pointless. When youre a pro, you know what you want, you study the methodology to get it, and you go for it. And that is why Mystery Method is employed. You see, its genius in its simplicity. It doesnt contain anything but information about the model of behavior of human mating rituals. It is standardized and universalized, all the emotional haze that prevents from seeing it clearly with our own eyes has been removed. It is the true information. And thats why Mystery is so great.
On June 11 2011 04:51 Alexhandr wrote: I'm hardly a PUA. Do not know if you boys know this, but the easiest way to get a girl to like you? Talk to her. Be yourself. That simple. Be their friend. "But I want more than a friend!" you say? Alright, that is simple too. Be patient. Spend quality time. Love is not something that just flows from your fingertips, fellows. It is a powerful force and works on its own. If you are meant to be together, she'll come around. She'll give you signs, and you step forward and do your thing.
Why do we need to study psychology to be with women? Or "pickup" women (which sounds a little... objectifying, if you ask me)? Why do we need to study and all of this bullsh!t? You do not. A girl falls in love with a guy on her own accord, not by psychology or you "swaying" her in your direction. If she loves/likes you for you, you're golden. If you are not compatible with her, you just are not compatible with her. Move on or remain friends.
I never understand why men go to other men for advice. Just be you guys. Be you. Day[9] said it himself. Just TALK and BE YOU. If you're a nervous fellow, you're a nervous fellow. Some girls love shy guys. They find them sexy and/or cute. Some girls love those confident guys, and if you're a confident guy, that's fine. But if you're a nervous guy, do not worry either. Women who are interested in you love your little faults (as long as they aren't... well.. y'know, hurtful and detrimental to the ones around you. Like if you have a history of cheating. That is not a fault she is going to find attractive, and for good reason!).
Anyway, all I have to say on this matter. Be you, guys. Do not change a damn thing about who you are.
Just be yourself is the a stock answer given by those who know nothing about dating. It says nothing except: be patient and it will eventually find you which is true: when women look to settle down and marry. The fact of the matter is, for most people just being themselves is not enough. Most guys I know who are total chumps when it comes to dating are "being themselves". That advice is basically stating "don't do anything".
I'm not saying go out and put on an act and pretend to be something your not, but you should focus on improving yourself. I am part of a PUA community but it is not one that focuses on routines or cheap gimmicks but rather on becoming a better man. I used to have your philosophy of trying to become friends with a girl before dating her. It rarely works, and when it does chances are you will be whipped. The reason why it doesn't work is because when a girl is "just friends" with you, there is no attraction. No amount of always being there for her will make her come around. All it will get you is her complaining about her boyfriend to you while saying "why can't guys be more like you".
Strive to be a better person, rather than settling for what you are at the moment.
I agree with some points, disagree with others. Not all women are the same, so some of those points are situationally true or false. In fact, one of the only things that seems 100% consistent across all men is simple: Being good looking. Like, as pointed out in the OP, looks isn't everything, but it NEVER hurts. It sets a solid base for everything (like, think honestly about it. If you're talking to an ugly chick vs. a hot chick, they could say the exact same thing, but you'd be more interested/involved with what the hot one says).
who cares if looks help or not. use what you have cause that's all you got.
if you're good looking, rock it. use that as a strength.
if you aren't but you are a funny mother fucker, use that.
the emotional connection will always outweigh anything else, so if you develop a stronger emotional connection with a girl she isn't going to leave you for a better looking guy.
when girls talk about their new boyfriend to their girlfriends, they aren't saying:
"omg i have this new bf and hes got a 6-pack and hes 6 feet tall and so good looking."
she says
"this guy makes me laugh, hes really funny, he makes me smile, he makes me feel good."
and if the guy has a 6-pack etc then she will probably add that on the end.
"he makes me laugh hes funny and he has a 6-pack blah blah blah."
but the 6-pack is actually representing something else: to get a 6-pack you have to work out, and do it consistently, so a 6-pack more than anything will represent that you actually value yourself enough to take the time consistently to be in good shape, to eat well, etc. if you work hard on that, you will probably put in that type of effort into a relationship, so it's very attractive to the girl.
I think theres a fine line between confident male and delusional douche-bag... anyone who considers other people to be a "game" is in fact, a douche bag. Being yourself and having some confidence is really all you need. reading forums and books sounds like you are patching a hole in your confidence with some kind of higher knowledge of tips and tricks to "pick up women" Chances are they are attracted to your confidence, not your "game".
Its interesting to read online personal ads, because you see women who want shy quiet nerdy type guys, buff meat heads, older men, younger men, athletes, artists, and everything in between. Being yourself no matter what category you fall under is guaranteed to find someone in life. But i take it the purpose of this isnt to find a mate but rather a good looking hole to insert your body into.
Who cares? I never really saw the point in having a relationship with someone. It all comes down to ensuring the survival of our species; others will do it for me so ForeverAlone.jpg. I don't like relationships (I've never been in one but fuck it). Their stupid. Just my 2 cents.
On June 29 2011 10:20 SaYyId wrote: Who cares? I never really saw the point in having a relationship with someone. It all comes down to ensuring the survival of our species; others will do it for me so ForeverAlone.jpg. I don't like relationships (I've never been in one but fuck it). Their stupid. Just my 2 cents.
"I don't like relationships... So I choose not to be in one even though many girls are attracted to me and I could date them if I wanted to."
Or:
"I don't like relationships... Because I'm unable to get girls to be interested in me even if I wanted to."
On June 29 2011 10:08 Destro wrote: I think theres a fine line between confident male and delusional douche-bag... anyone who considers other people to be a "game" is in fact, a douche bag.
Dating or skills are considered the 'game', not the people. The 'dating game' is also a mainstream term not limited to the seduction community.
On June 29 2011 10:08 Destro wrote: Being yourself and having some confidence is really all you need. reading forums and books sounds like you are patching a hole in your confidence with some kind of higher knowledge of tips and tricks to "pick up women"
Being yourself and having some confidence is really all you need to be a professional Starcraft player. Reading forums and books sounds like you are patching a hole in your confidence with some kind of higher knowledge of tips and trips to 'win games'.
Do you see the problem with your logic?
On June 29 2011 10:08 Destro wrote:Its interesting to read online personal ads, because you see women who want shy quiet nerdy type guys, buff meat heads, older men, younger men, athletes, artists, and everything in between.
Actually, the one consistent thing that you'll notice in online personal ads is that most of the people there (the real ones anyway, not the ones who are selling a 'service) are the ones whose attractiveness is not mainstream. E.g. you'll find a lot of older people, overweight people, LGBTs, specific subcultures, unusual kinks, etc. Which makes sense since conventionally attractive straight people with vanilla kinks wouldn't turn to online personals, when they can just go out to a bar, be invited to a party, or maybe just walk down the street.
On June 29 2011 10:08 Destro wrote:Being yourself no matter what category you fall under is guaranteed to find someone in life.
Yeah, if you have no standards whatsoever. Everyone can find someone who is unintelligent, out of shape, and unattractive.
Because people of value frequently know their own value, however, the only way to find someone awesome is to either (a) be naturally awesome yourself, or (b) learn how to become awesome. The seduction community is concerned with aspects of the latter (insofar as social skills anyway; though we might be advise to work out/make more money/improve fashion, there's other places for that).
Few years ago I was very interested in this stuff.
It isn`t bad. There are many informations and insights that, even if not completely true, open your perception to certain possibilities or things you just weren`t aware of at all. For example, it points out the issues related to being a "nice guy". However, I think it, in itself just by itself, is highly incapable of bringing you succes with women.
The problem with this is that it doesn`t go deep enough, it doesn`t touch the root of the problems that many guys have with women.
First, it establishes some universal rules, correlations and facts that are too specific to be universal, often far too specific. Second, it establishes some gross generalizations. Third, there are many false presumptions and misconceptions.
For example, many PUA sources claim that its all about confidence. Personally, I disagree. Its about intelligence, about creativity, about awerness, about charisma, about self-knowing, about emotional maturity. Without these, confidence is manufactured and artificial, often even harmful, rather than helpful.
I don`t mean to take something away from some of the PUA communities. There is, imo, a lot of bullshit involved in this, there are lots of guys who want to be perceived as gurus before they aquire necessary skills/understanding and will try to convince you to their misguided crap. However, there are also insightful people who posses valuable understanding and can be helpful, there are also materials that can help you with your understanding, even if they contain a degree of bullshit.
They are not perfect but with a correct approach one can certainly learn something out there
On June 29 2011 07:58 TALegion wrote: In fact, one of the only things that seems 100% consistent across all men is simple: Being good looking. Like, as pointed out in the OP, looks isn't everything, but it NEVER hurts. It sets a solid base for everything (like, think honestly about it. If you're talking to an ugly chick vs. a hot chick, they could say the exact same thing, but you'd be more interested/involved with what the hot one says).
Good looking is subjective. Studies have also shown that women have more varied preferences in men's appearance than men do in women. Your physical appearance is also determined by how you carry yourself to some extent, which is affected by mutable characteristics. The most obvious example is confidence, and the kind of confidence that you gain from regularly making friends with beautiful/fun/awesome ladies does wonders for how girls look at you (even when they don't know about that).
Secondly, it's been shown in studies that women consider men's physical apperance less than we consider theirs. In other words, they're not just saying that not to look shallow. In fact, your looks are of lesser importance in determining whether a girl will find you attractive, though of course it doesn't hurt to be good looking (hence why it is a good idea to be in shape, dress sharp, and have good hygiene).
On June 29 2011 10:50 UFO wrote: I don`t mean to take something away from some of the PUA communities. There is, imo, a lot of bullshit involved in this, there are lots of guys who want to be perceived as gurus before they aquire necessary skills/understanding and will try to convince you to their misguided crap. However, there are also insightful people who posses valuable understanding and can be helpful, there are also materials that can help you with your understanding, even if they contain a degree of bullshit.
This is absolutely true. As the PUA community has popularized and commercialized, a lot of wannabes have sprung up to capitalize on the potential income.
It's similar to how for martial arts, McDojo's started spreading everwhere since the '70s.
Just as with martial arts, it can be difficult for the uninformed to separate the wheat from the chaff, and unfortunately, we haven't had an equivalent to MMA competitions to help clearly delineate what 'styles' are full of shit for the average person looking to improve their dating skills.
On June 29 2011 10:20 SaYyId wrote: Who cares? I never really saw the point in having a relationship with someone. It all comes down to ensuring the survival of our species; others will do it for me so ForeverAlone.jpg. I don't like relationships (I've never been in one but fuck it). Their stupid. Just my 2 cents.
"I don't like relationships... So I choose not to be in one even though many girls are attracted to me and I could date them if I wanted to."
Or:
"I don't like relationships... Because I'm unable to get girls to be interested in me even if I wanted to."
Does it matter? (for that matter I doubt it is either extreme) Some people are just less sexual than others; to each their own.
In general, my experience has been that people who say "I don't even want a girlfriend/sex/a realtionship" are lying to themselves. They have experienced failure and given up to protect themselves from rejection. I am not saying this applies to you man, just advising to take a deep look into your life and what you want out of it. Failing is part of it, when I started to turn my life around I was shot down often and brutally by girls. But I sucked up, put my head down and am now a much happier person.
EPT
