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The Many Faces of GuemChi

Forum Index > BW General
75 CommentsPost a Reply
1 2 3 4 Next All

The Many Faces of GuemChi

Text byTL.net ESPORTS
Graphics byv1
November 14th, 2016 01:36 GMT
Guemchi
Kim Seunghyun (a.k.a. Guemchi) is known by many names.

OmeKim: He has an uncanny ability to produce "oh my eyes!" moments.

5:5 Toss: He can win 50% of his games against Flash, Bisu, Zero...and lose 50% of his games against Noble, Larva, Tyson, Lazy.

Cam Dragon (Cam-ryong): Along with the Star Dragon (Byul-ryong Eyewater), he is one of the New Dragons of Afreeca. Cam comes from yeocam, which refers to female webcam streamers. Let us anglicize yeocam as femcam. For a long time now, OmeKim has made femcam touring a major content of his stream. This means that he hops from one femcam to another, attempting to troll the stream with his trademark polite but lengthy chat messages that are full of imaginary context. All quotes are emulations of OmeKim's typical style.

"Hi big sis, I am studying in China right now. Other exchange students and I are soothing our yearning for the comforts of home by streaming your beautiful face to the TV from my phone. Could you pretty please do a wink for us on camera?"


"Hi big sis, it's me, 3rd year mega corp employee Seunghyun. Your sweet voice is like an oasis in the desert after a hard day's work climbing the corporate ladder. Would you be so kind as to give me a wink? I could sure use one after getting chewed out by the boss for using the wrong font on my product development report."

As you can see, everyone is "big sis", no matter how young they are. It is a ploy to give an obviously fake sense of innocence. Also, he sure loves his winks. Many femcams do not respond to people who are not big balloon donors so OmeKim will often fail. Sometimes, he will be blacklisted by the femcam so that he cannot watch her stream. At other times, one of the femcam's many "turrets", which is Afreeca slang for femcams' superfan balloon donors, will give OmeKim the boot. In fact, if he sees too many superfans in the femcam's stream, he will give up without even trying because his arbiter cannot get past the field of turrets. However, more often than you might think, OmeKim succeeds in his quixotic quest for a femcam wink. At that point, he moves on to Phase 2.

"I have died and gone to heaven, big sis. Would you please do a sexy dance on camera if I can get the friends in my group chat to click thumbs up 100 times on your stream? My life would be complete!"

Some of the startup femcams have a good sense of humor and say yes without really expecting anything. Others will give him the boot. However, if she does say yes, OmeKim will shout his rallying cry: Group chat friends, recall! Then all of his viewers will flood into the femcam's stream and create chaos but also give her the hundreds of thumbs ups that she could not have gotten otherwise.

Angus: OmeKim up
Jimmy: OmeKim up
Johnny: OmeKim up
Jorgen: OmeKim up
Jake: Seunghyun told me to come here.
Bob: OmeKim up
Chris: OmeKim up
Sam: OmeKim up
Bob: Stop calling me in the middle of the night to click thumbs up, Seunghyun. This is the last time I do this.
Uncle Mike: OmeKim up
Grandpa Joe: Hey, where is the thumbs up button Seunghyun? Grandpa can't see so well anymore.
Dave: OmeKim up
Bob: OmeKim up
Tim: OmeKim up
Tom: OmeKim up
Mark: OmeKim up
Vlad: OmeKim up

At this point, the mission is a success and the femcam usually proceeds to do a sexy dance and OmeKim's stream chat becomes an online club party. Known as the group chat friends, OmeKim's viewers are known for displaying an extraordinary amount of coordination and cooperation. However, there are always a few bad apples in the bunch that attempt to throw a wrench into OmeKim's attempts at trolling the femcams by telling the femcam that OmeKim is a streamer. OmeKim usually shouts "Oh shat" and exits the femcam's stream before the turret defenses activate. These bad apples are called deserters and mob justice is swiftly meted out by the group chat friends. OmeKim's chat fills up with condemnations of the deserter.

Angus: Deserters must die.
Jimmy: Blacklist the deserter!
Johnny: Blacklist the deserter!
Jorgen: Blacklist the deserter!
Jake: Cut the bxlls off that deserter.
Bob: Gxd dxmn you fxxxing deserter.
Chris: Blacklist the deserter!
Sam: Blacklist the deserter!
Bob: Blacklist the deserter!
Uncle Mike: Blacklist the deserter!
Grandpa Joe: Blacklist him from all BW streams.
Dave: Blacklist the deserter!
Bob: Deserters must die!
Tim: Not you again, Cletus!
Tom: Blacklist the deserter!
Mark: Blacklist the deserter!
Vlad: Blacklist the deserter!

OmeKim's ultimate goal was to get one of these femcams to date him. After more failures than anyone can count, he finally succeeded in snagging a femcam who goes by the nickname CO2. CO2 is a tattoo artist who claims to have what might best be translated as a "fugtish", i.e., a fetish for fugly people.

Some say that the great (P)Bisu was the cupid who finally led OmeKim to success in romance.

A summary from DC:
One day, Bisu was laughing his butt off while watching OmeKim do his thing. Before signing off, Bisu told his viewers to go watch OmeKim's stream. 800 viewers flooded in, more than tripling his audience in a minute. With such a large contingent of group chat friends behind him, OmeKim successfully trolled a small-time femcam into doing a sexy dance. That femcam was CO2. United as one, the group chat friends filled up her chat with praises of OmeKim.

However, one anti-social deserter exposed OmeKim for who he is: a Starcraft BJ. CO2's superfans visited OmeKim's stream to confirm the truth and CO2 herself soon arrived. It was at this point, OmeKim, who had not even showered that day turned off the camera and started grooming himself. He even put on a suit jacket that had not seen the light of day in many years. The group chat friends greeted CO2 by calling her "sister-in-law". Amused, she asked whether they were to be married now and joked that she wanted to have two children.

Excited beyond control, OmeKim made a risky move by proclaiming himself "Lionel Messi between the sheets", which made her frown with discomfort. Sensing that he had screwed up, a depressed OmeKim quickly turned off CO2's stream and started verbally flagellating himself for failing once again. Fortunately, she was still watching and was touched by the heartfelt reactions of our hero in despair. She agreed to do a live stream with him at her tattoo parlor and they exchanged phone numbers. The rest is history.

In a move that is rare for superfans of femcams, most of CO2's superfans agreed to "let her go" and follow her to the strange and entertaining world of OmeKim. You can see CO2 and OmeKim doing a couples' version of OmeKim's famous Genghis Khan dance here:
+ Show Spoiler +


Here's a solo version that he did in a failed attempt to "seduce" another femcam.
+ Show Spoiler +


Femcam tours are OmeKim's most popular live streams by a mile. They would attract around 300 viewers on average before he hit the big times. Yes, you might have noticed that OmeKim's viewership numbers have gone through the roof. He now hits anywhere from 1000 to 5000 viewers.

OmeKim has joined Moo Entertainment, which is the name of (P)Britney's fake Afreeca production agency (Note: Moo is the Korean word for radish. Britney is known for drinking the liquid that is used to pickle radish). He was selected as an intern and now is going through his probationary period. Britney has become one of the most popular streamers on Afreeca and is known as King. I do not watch Britney's stream, but I hear that he rarely plays Starcraft. At any rate, this has led to a massive infusion of cash from Britney's superfans as well. Those fans are even paying for OmeKim's couples vacation trip to Jeju Island with CO2 under the condition that he live stream everything. OmeKim has become perhaps the most successful "hire" in the history of Moo Entertainment.

But the road to the big leagues is paved over with thorns. We can check out for ourselves the kind of abuse he is taking at the workplace:
+ Show Spoiler +


Only recently has OmeKim finished his probationary period and became an official member ("full-time employee") of Moo Entertainment. He was approved via an online vote of Britney's viewers with an overwhelming majority of 70%. Going forward, many questions remain to be answered. Can the group chat friends successfully bring Britney's rough-and-tumble fans into the fold? Can the deserters be kept in check even as they rise in number? Will OmeKim's romance end with wedding bells or heartbreak? More importantly, OmeKim has vowed to find a girlfriend for (T)Flash. Will he succeed in finding such a "Godfriend"? Our hero's story is ...to be continued.

[image loading]

 

Writers: lemmata
Graphics: v1
Editors: BigFan
Photo Credits: Liquipedia, Game of Thrones and Daily Esports
 
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TL+ Member
BLinD-RawR
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
ALLEYCAT BLUES50107 Posts
November 14 2016 01:39 GMT
#2
God damn it Cletus, when will you learn to play along.
Brood War EICWoo Jung Ho, never forget.| Twitter: @BLinDRawR
TL+ Member
BigFan
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
TLADT24920 Posts
November 14 2016 01:40 GMT
#3
you didn't see nothing
Former BW EiC"Watch Bakemonogatari or I will kill you." -Toad, April 18th, 2017
Lucumo
Profile Joined January 2010
6850 Posts
Last Edited: 2016-11-14 01:55:38
November 14 2016 01:41 GMT
#4
On November 14 2016 10:40 BigFan wrote:
you didn't see nothing

I saw everything though.

User was warned for claiming to see something that never happened.
KameZerg
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
Sweden1761 Posts
November 14 2016 01:51 GMT
#5
Lol afreeca...
asdasdasdasdasd123123123
sickkungen
Profile Joined July 2012
Sweden179 Posts
November 14 2016 01:52 GMT
#6
It all makes sense now. This is amazing. Don't like Britney though :/
CursOr
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States6335 Posts
November 14 2016 02:06 GMT
#7
[image loading]
CJ forever (-_-(-_-(-_-(-_-)-_-)-_-)-_-)
Ty2
Profile Blog Joined March 2013
United States1434 Posts
November 14 2016 03:36 GMT
#8
--- Nuked ---
Writer
MasterChingChong
Profile Joined April 2010
United States13 Posts
November 14 2016 03:41 GMT
#9
Even after reading this, I'm still confused.
Thaniri
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
1264 Posts
November 14 2016 03:42 GMT
#10
Tattoo artist who doesn't have a visible tattoo even when wearing casual clothes hmmmmmmm

nurle
Profile Joined August 2009
Norway308 Posts
November 14 2016 04:08 GMT
#11
On November 14 2016 12:41 MasterChingChong wrote:
Even after reading this, I'm still confused.


Glad I am not the only one
Jaedong fucking beast
BigFan
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
TLADT24920 Posts
November 14 2016 04:17 GMT
#12
On November 14 2016 13:08 nurle wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 14 2016 12:41 MasterChingChong wrote:
Even after reading this, I'm still confused.


Glad I am not the only one

What's confusing?
Former BW EiC"Watch Bakemonogatari or I will kill you." -Toad, April 18th, 2017
Lucumo
Profile Joined January 2010
6850 Posts
November 14 2016 04:29 GMT
#13
On November 14 2016 13:17 BigFan wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 14 2016 13:08 nurle wrote:
On November 14 2016 12:41 MasterChingChong wrote:
Even after reading this, I'm still confused.


Glad I am not the only one

What's confusing?

The fact that GuemChi hasn't had more success with this so far.
juvenal
Profile Joined July 2013
2448 Posts
November 14 2016 07:03 GMT
#14
Is his alias a transliteration of kimchi?
Michael Probu
]343[
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
United States10328 Posts
November 14 2016 07:14 GMT
#15
I tried to find RealPenguin's old Guemchi memes but they're all gone now
Writer
GTR
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
51416 Posts
November 14 2016 07:50 GMT
#16
On November 14 2016 16:03 juvenal wrote:
Is his alias a transliteration of kimchi?


guemchi is the korean word for spinach
Commentator
Jealous
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
10111 Posts
November 14 2016 08:31 GMT
#17
This might be the greatest article on TL of all time.
"The right to vote is only the oar of the slaveship, I wanna be free." -- бум бум сучка!
abuse
Profile Joined April 2011
Latvia1928 Posts
November 14 2016 08:35 GMT
#18
awesome read, thank you
I don't believe you.
Waxangel
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
United States33298 Posts
November 14 2016 08:54 GMT
#19
such quality content
AdministratorHey HP can you redo everything youve ever done because i have a small complaint?
RaiKageRyu
Profile Joined August 2009
Canada4773 Posts
November 14 2016 08:58 GMT
#20
what have I just read...
Someone call down the Thunder?
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