Reality (Ret/Progaming) - Page 8

On December 28 2009 00:51 ret wrote:
just to clarify a few things:

As far as the games went, first game he went 9 pool I went 12 pool. I stopped his lings, then stopped muta/ling harass and won the game off 2 gas mutas eventually.

2nd game he scouted me first, I had went 12 pool again and he went 12 hatch, I couldn't pressure him w/ lings, then made 2 too many drones and lost quickly to non stop lings off 2 hatch.

3rd game ( I believe this one is recorded ) I went 12 hatch and he went 12 pool, he made drones early when he saw my 12 hat, it was on hbr so we actually scouted each other normally, then I failed to do any damage with lings, and when I was about to, 4 mutas popped so I had to pull back 14 lings that i couldnt do anything with, bad judgement on my part. After that I actually decided to get muta armor because I am completly unconfident doing muta / scourge vs muta / scourge with a korean. Because of that however I lost a muta battle a little bit before my upgrade finished, he had more, and his control was far better.

My living conditions have not been anything like what people here think.
I have been living with artosis for the past 3 weeks (poor guy has spent maybe 3 days alone in his new appartment he got in august lol), before that I was in the estro house for 2,5 weeks. Before that I was staying at IEF hotels/living with artosis for a month. There were a lot of differences between what estro wanted, what I wanted, and my expectations of living with a team were a lot different than reality. Details are not really important but for one nobody really played with me and the coaches didn't show any interest. It was really hard to stay motivated the past little while, wether it was in estro or sitting in a pc bang, grinding away at iccup for x ammount of hours a day anonomyously and unable to play with friends because of 'lag' has been really difficult. There were a lot of things on the side that really bothered me and them (estro) as well, things I did wrong on my part. Combined with how it all started, me coming over and being 'kicked' out for a month b/c of the false replay thing etc, it was just a far from ideal situation. I can understand estro's point of view as well, I am a 24 year old white guy, and my personality is quite different from the average 16 year old korean they bring in, so it must've been somewhat different for them also. Anyhow, I couldn't live there anymore, I was miserable there, however I didn't want to give up on the 'progamer dream' either. I'm actually really surprised people didn't catch on when I started streaming again, when you live in a progamer house your schedual is 12 hours 7 days a week so there would never be any time to stream. =P

My plan was to do well at courage and try to find a different team, but since I lost in the 1st round, not once, but twice, I don't know how feasible that is now. Those results look REALLY REALLY bad to just about anyone, not to mention what it does to my self-image and self-confidence when it comes to sc. I am extremely dissapointed with what I have done since I've gone to Korea. I got raped by terror[fou] in IEF, lost twice to people who are not really anything special in courage, and in general am still struggling hard at the A- level on iccup. I don't want to give up, but I also can't just stay for another X ammount of month in Korea troubling artosis with a roommate and spending money playing out of a pc bang and having to pay for daily food etc. Even though my training scheduales have been far from ideal, I have a hard time believing someone like kolll or dimaga would do this bad.

I'm really not sure what to do now.

On December 28 2009 04:26 ret wrote:
The estro coaches are actually very friendly. They didn't go out of their way to discriminate me, but they didn't go out of their way to help me either. It's just a huge culture difference. I have nothing against them. It just didn't work out w/ them, no hard feelings there.

I explained things because I was tired of people asking me how it was like in the estro house, and partly to make an excuse for my pityfull courage performance. But please don't turn this into an estro hate fest, because their coaches and especially the manager, hwanni, are very good people. It's partly my fault that things didn't work out as well.

On December 28 2009 01:27 ret wrote:
zergpower, taking money from people who love the game just to further fund a journey that has very little prospect right now is just about the last thing I want to do, and shouldn't be rushed into.

I really appreciate your support, but It's not really the appropiate time atm.