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Active: 1237 users

Telling my parents about her...

Blogs > AppleTart
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AppleTart
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States1261 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-10-03 17:41:26
October 01 2010 20:38 GMT
#1
Hey TL, I want to start by saying I love TL!

Anyhow on to the issue... so I've been dating this girl for two years and kept it a secret from my parents (im 22 btw). My parents are very asian... not saying that in a bad manner, I am chinese after all, but they never like it when I had a girlfriend. My girlfriend and I are doing well and I think it's time for me to introduce her to them. I've been a coward and she understands my situation. I suck I know. The reason why my parents don't want me having a gf is because they think she would distract me from my studies. So I kept it secret and I have been doing well in school and received many honors. My parents are very happy with my work right now and think everything is going normal.

This week I want to tell my parents the truth and introduce my girlfriend to them the next time she visits. How should I go about this? I'm just sorta scared to be honest ><

Oh... and shes caucasian too....

Update:.
Well.... so I told my parents and actually was very surprised....
So the thing they were most concerned about was the age gap... she is 3 years younger than me. I was like well 3 years right isn't that bad. My parents said that they are okay as long as it's what I want, but they just told me like not to get too attached and just to be careful because once a relationship gets serious its a big part of my life (good or bad I suppose). They also said that they don't care about race, which relieved me. However, she is an art major which they were sorta meh about since they expect me to find a "smart" girl if I were to have a girlfriend. I dunno my parents just think art is a wash and that sciences or business is king. I just tried to explain to them that that's what she loves and although she may not be good at science or math shes a talented artist.

They were more like "you can do better" rather than like "omg wtf girlfriend you lied to us blah blah"

Regardless it went well and there was no fighting at all. I can't say they are like absolutely ecstatic, but I will say that our relationship is fine. After I told them they took me out to my birthday dinner and bought me a lot of chocolate and gummies, I know Im 22 but I still think candy is awesome. I will introduce my GF to them the next time she comes over. Thanks to everyone for their support!


***
always tired -_-
tofucake
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Hyrule19215 Posts
October 01 2010 20:41 GMT
#2
Be like "hey, I have a girlfriend!"
When they flip or whatever about you throwing your life away and ruining your education. Let them go on for a while. Then say "we've been dating for 2 years."

Then get up and walk out of the room.
Liquipediaasante sana squash banana
Kyhol
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Canada2575 Posts
October 01 2010 20:42 GMT
#3
That's cute. haha
You clearly have a good argument. Being able to hide this girl from your parents and excell in your academics. I can't imagine if you told them the truth anything could go south. Though our backgrounds are very different.
GL with what you decide to do.

I say go for it! You got thissS!! Invincible attitude.
Wishing you well.
micronesia
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States24775 Posts
October 01 2010 20:42 GMT
#4
2 years? Wow. I think the longer you keep it a secret the worse it is. I'm not sure if you should introduce her as a surprise..... wouldn't it be better if you told them first (assuming you would do this).

Not telling them immediately was probably logical considering their motivations... but haven't you proven that it's not a bad thing? Also, it's ridiculous to expect a 22 year old not to have any type of a romantic life and if they don't want it they will just have to live with it.
ModeratorThere are animal crackers for people and there are people crackers for animals.
TadH
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Canada1846 Posts
October 01 2010 20:43 GMT
#5
Dude you`re 22, just tell them.

My girlfriend is Chinese and im white, and she was in the same situation as you. but as long as she is happy (my gf) her parents are supportive. I mean, you`re old enough to make your own decisions and as long as she is not a bad influence on you then it should be fine.
SpartiK1S
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States145 Posts
October 01 2010 20:43 GMT
#6
Learn that real priorities in life, i.e. a girlfriend, supersede something like parent's actions/opinions. That's all you gotta do, life is simple.
"Why is it so cold and lonely?"-Nal_Ra
tofucake
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Hyrule19215 Posts
October 01 2010 20:45 GMT
#7
On October 02 2010 05:43 SpartiK1S wrote:
Learn that real priorities in life, i.e. a girlfriend, supersede something like parent's actions/opinions. That's all you gotta do, life is simple.

You don't know much about asian culture, do you?
Liquipediaasante sana squash banana
DoubleZee
Profile Joined July 2010
Canada556 Posts
October 01 2010 20:46 GMT
#8
No offense, but grow up, you're 22. Your parents should have no weight in what decisions you make in your personal life.
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
dudeman001
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States2412 Posts
October 01 2010 20:47 GMT
#9
I can understand the strict parents no-dating-while-in-school thing, but since you can show that you're responsible enough to balance grades and a relationship, I think they'll be fine. Yeah you're 22, they know you'll be dating eventually and you're old enough to make those decisions for yourself.

As long as your parents aren't racist, you have nothing to worry about.
+ Show Spoiler +
If your parents are racist... be careful :D
Sup.
tofucake
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Hyrule19215 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-10-01 20:51:02
October 01 2010 20:49 GMT
#10
Okay guys, you don't seem to understand asians. Asian parents pay a lot of money for their kids to go to school, do amazing (3.8/4.0 GPA is "bad"), get great jobs, and take care of them until they are 140.
Liquipediaasante sana squash banana
SpicyCrab
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
402 Posts
October 01 2010 20:49 GMT
#11
Double,

He ignored his parents and got a girlfriend agaist their wishes.

Now he wants advice on how to break the news to them.

The problem is?
I'm such a baller in my dreams. - HiFriend
KaRnaGe[cF]
Profile Joined September 2007
United States355 Posts
October 01 2010 20:50 GMT
#12
You are your own man now. Make your own decisions and live your life to the fullest. Your parents will be proud
"We must remember that one man is much the same as another, and that he is best who is trained in the severest school." - Athenian General Thucydides Quantum Gaming
caelym
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States6429 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-10-01 20:58:59
October 01 2010 20:52 GMT
#13
On October 02 2010 05:46 DoubleZee wrote:
No offense, but grow up, you're 22. Your parents should have no weight in what decisions you make in your personal life.

you clearly don't understand Asian culture. We don't just abandon our parents once we turn 18. Family ties remain strong throughout our entire lives. The concept of an extended family is very important.
intrigue
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Washington, D.C9935 Posts
October 01 2010 20:52 GMT
#14
do you live at home?
Moderatorsloppy little slug
DoubleZee
Profile Joined July 2010
Canada556 Posts
October 01 2010 20:54 GMT
#15
Family guy quote:

azn dad to son "you doctor yet?"
son: "no dad i'm 9"
dad: "talk to me when you doctor!"

Yea, I know about azn culture. I stand by my comment. Man up.

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
The6357
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
United States1268 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-10-01 21:02:06
October 01 2010 20:55 GMT
#16
oh damn she's cockasian!!!!
ur a stud sir

to more serious notes...nowadays i find it weird even for asian parents to be against their kids having relationships...I'm a korean and during high school years, I didn't have a gf for a big nerd i was (im big nerd now too :D)...and my parents always asked me if i date a girl and i should find a girl friend...and when I got a gf, they were all happy although they didn't want my gf to wear short skirts when we go to church...they seemed really awkward telling me to tell my gf not to wear short skirts at church :p
2010 worldcup!! corea fighting!!!
caelym
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States6429 Posts
October 01 2010 20:57 GMT
#17
>family guy quote
>Yea, I know about azn culture

bulletproof logic right there
DoubleZee
Profile Joined July 2010
Canada556 Posts
October 01 2010 21:02 GMT
#18
On October 02 2010 05:52 caelym wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 02 2010 05:46 DoubleZee wrote:
No offense, but grow up, you're 22. Your parents should have no weight in what decisions you make in your personal life.

you clearly don't understand Asian culture. We don't just abandon our parents once we turn 18. Family ties remain strong throughout our entire lives. The concept of an extended family is very important.


Yea, because clearly a white person like me could never understand a concept such as family values. Where did I say to abandon his parents? If he mans up and tells them they've been dating for 2 years without any negative affect on his studies, whats the problem?

Carry on.
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
Chill
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
Calgary25998 Posts
October 01 2010 21:03 GMT
#19
haha asians, god. every asian ive ever fooled around with is like 'i dont think this is wrong personally, but if i talk to my parents about it they will kill me'

i cant imagine being an adult and being afraid to talk to your parents.

WHOA WAIT YOURE AN ASIAN DUDE WITH A WHITE GIRL? Fucking rights man you did it!!!!
Moderator
Happy.fairytail
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States327 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-10-01 21:05:20
October 01 2010 21:03 GMT
#20
Haha, the way I'd do it would be in the car (where 90% of my conversations with my dad happen), and ask him, "Hey dad, how would you feel if I were to start dating?" If the response is favorable, I go from there. If it's a no-go, I'd let it rest for a few days, then start again with a "Hey dad, when do you think I should start dating?" Still a no-go, then after a few more days, I'd go, "Hey dad, when did you start dating?"

It's pretty indirect, but I found with my dad he needs time to process things, so I get him to start thinking about the issue well in advance before I come down to an actual real "conversation" about it. (Conversation which consist of him either lecturing me for 2hrs, or telling me stories and advice for 2hrs lol)


Random aside:
+ Show Spoiler +
I'm probably racist for feeling this way, but it makes me really happy to see an asian male with a white female. Kinda like sticking it to the Man, you know? (conversely, I get pissed off whenever I see an asian girl with a white guy. WTF stop stealing our women!) lololol jk...mostly =P
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