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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote:
Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either..
It isn't a matter of you cheating on him. It is a matter of respect for your bf. If that guy has no respect for you, your relationship OR the girl really than why the fuck would you want her hanging with him in the first place? And if she doesn't care to avoid guys like that, or at least make YOU feel better about it then she isn't worth the concern.
If a guy repeatedly hits on my gf KNOWING she has a bf I would curb stomp him and spare the gene pool. If he made an honest mistake no worries.. she is worth hitting on. Its the guys who don't give a fuck about people that you cannot trust.
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On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote:
Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either..
wtf? i would not want to be your bf
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On July 20 2009 03:56 {88}iNcontroL wrote:Show nested quote +On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote:
Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either.. It isn't a matter of you cheating on him. It is a matter of respect for your bf. If that guy has no respect for you, your relationship OR the girl really than why the fuck would you want her hanging with him in the first place? And if she doesn't care to avoid guys like that, or at least make YOU feel better about it then she isn't worth the concern. If a guy repeatedly hits on my gf KNOWING she has a bf I would curb stomp him and spare the gene pool. If he made an honest mistake no worries.. she is worth hitting on. Its the guys who don't give a fuck about people that you cannot trust.
RAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESMASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Guys hit on girls, my gf would tell me to flirt when I would go to bars and shit just for the fun of it. She got hit on all the time just part of life. You can't go around curbstomping people, go lift some weights while you rage about your girl with a friend thats a guy ~~
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
This isn't an issue we have thanks!
She hangs with guys all the time.. cause they are good guys who don't need to hit on her to have a good time.
When we go to bars or parties or w/e she gets hit on.. they get the message and realize I am more trouble than it is worth.
Life goes on.
I'm offering my advice because I don't think a guy should sit and tolerate his girl getting hit on.. or much worse: Pursuing a guy who perpetually hits on her.
You can blather about rage or weightlifting all you like.. doesn't change the fact that in the real world people need to have respect or they will get fucking demolished. Physically or in some other fashion.
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On July 20 2009 03:40 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
you guys would all seriously be ok with your gf saying "sup going for drinks and a smoke with that dude that hit on me the other day"
rofl
You guys are so fucking manly! I Envy the cock sizes around here.
/barf
No, I just wouldn't go out with a girl like that  "KBYE, don't come back" There's no way I'd trust a girl like that.
But then it depends what you consider 'hitting on.' Some people think "I like your hair" is synonymous with "nice tits, lemme feel."
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yup this is fucked up dont allow it
ur gf has issues definately (not being rude i hope)
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either that or she has absolutely no issues whatsoever, ever, but you wouldnt be making this thread if you knew that
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remember girls get turned on for different reasons to guys, and this is the sort of situation/guy that a girl would get turned on by
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let her drink or whatever, as long as at the end of the night she's going home with you then who gives a crap, it's not like anything will happen between them in public.
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On July 20 2009 01:34 kOre wrote:
Is it controlling of me if I don't want my girlfriend to go drinking or shisha with just 1 other guy? Here's some information on our relationship.
- She doesn't consider the people as REALLY REALLY old friends.
- The one guy tried to like "do shit" last time they went shisha but I was there to stop it.
- She won't let me tell the guys to "fuck off" so to say because they are her friends.
- I would never do this kind of shit to her.
- Isn't there some sort of "guy code" that pretty much tells the guy not to even ask the girl this stuff?
EDIT: Yeah I edited the OP so that it has more info. Thanks for the title change. Its not controlling to not want her to go. A bit suspicious and jealous? Sure. But it sounds warranted in this case. But its not controlling to be against it; if however, you were extremely adamant and actually tried to stop her from going, rather than suggesting she not go, that would be controlling. 
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On July 20 2009 04:40 BalliSLife wrote:
let her drink or whatever, as long as at the end of the night she's going home with you then who gives a crap, it's not like anything will happen between them in public.
You'd be ok with your gf doing something in private? -.-
Inc, I agree with you. I wouldn't be very happy at all with this situation.
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On July 20 2009 03:38 Chef wrote:Show nested quote +On July 20 2009 02:54 kOre wrote:
I trust her, I don't trust the guys that she is with.
Why? They continue to hit on her and try shit even though they know she is already taken. Yet, she won't let me do anything about it because they are her "friends". Takes all I have to restrain myself from going all psycho-im-going-to-fucking-shoot-you on them.
What I mean by "clueless" is that she keeps telling me nothing is going to happen even when she is drunk/high. But I know that when these guys see an opportunity they are going to take it. You don't trust her not to reject his advances or leave if he starts pawing her. "Trust" is more than just a word. Unless you're afraid of him raping her, than it's not really your point. And if you think she's so dumb she won't notice he's feeling her up, maybe that's a reason not to trust her either. Honestly, it sounds like you must be going out with a 15 year old. If you're so desperate to be in a relationship, fine, tell her you don't want her to go. Your relationship will never get any deeper than it is right now and you can expect it to end within a year. If you're not desperate, you might as well dump her now or learn to trust her.
IMO QFT and I have 2 questions:
1) How do you know she's going to meet this guy? She told you that?
If I understand this right they are going to smoke... flavoured tobacco. zomg zomg
2) Do you know any other girl close enough to tell her about this situation (starting with what she's going to do and what you know about that guy) to ask her to act like she's hitting on you and you respond to that in friendly manner when your gf is around?
See her reaction then ask when is she going to meet with that penis then ask her how she felt. Then tell her both what really happened. She should be impressed that you can go that far just to make her understand how you feel!
edit: Try to remember how you met each other and how started to be together. Was she easy to be picked up lol?
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just tell how you feel
if she is certain nothing will happen then let her go
if she's a cheater it won't matter if she let her or not let her, it will happen eventually, better to have it happen before marriage and kids
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On July 20 2009 03:56 Orlandu wrote:This isn't even all about trust. You can trust someone but still be uncomfortable with a situation. It's one thing to trust someone, it's another thing for that person to knowingly put themselves into potentially harmful situations. Even if nothing is going to happen, it clearly makes at least one person uncomfortable, and generally speaking, if you're in a relationship you should be considerate of the other person's feelings and what makes them uncomfortable. It may not always be reasonable (that's another issue of its own), but telling or expecting them to just "deal with it" is completely uncalled for and pretty disrespectful. Any girl that ever tried that on me would get dumped so fast it's not even funny. If something's bothering your significant other, you don't just ignore it or do things that will make it worse, whether it's unreasonable or not. Show nested quote +On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote:
Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either.. Attitudes like that are terribly disrespectful... That's great if things are working out well for you, but you need to know, that's a pretty disrespectful way to treat someone. To tell them that how they feel doesn't matter, that you don't care about their worries. Trust is something that is built up, not something that you're automatically entitled to. Whether they truly have trust for you or not, pulling stuff like what's quoted definitely isn't going to help build up any more trust. The guy has a legit reason to be concerned. Maybe he's overreacting, maybe he's not. We don't know all the details or all the sides, but it sounds like he's got a good reason to at least be concerned. I don't think this is an issue of him trusting the girl or not. This is him being uncomfortable with a situation that clearly smells. There's nothing wrong with that. Even if the girl is completely trustworthy and loyal, that doesn't mean that something bad can't happen.
This post along with Incontrol's are pretty much the TRUTH.
I would still advice that you talk with your girlfriend and try to work this out, if she just ignores you and doesnt give a fuck about what you feel then thats the basis for ending this relationship asap and then do what Kennigit said .
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On July 20 2009 03:56 {88}iNcontroL wrote:Show nested quote +On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote:
Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either.. It isn't a matter of you cheating on him. It is a matter of respect for your bf. If that guy has no respect for you, your relationship OR the girl really than why the fuck would you want her hanging with him in the first place? And if she doesn't care to avoid guys like that, or at least make YOU feel better about it then she isn't worth the concern. If a guy repeatedly hits on my gf KNOWING she has a bf I would curb stomp him and spare the gene pool. If he made an honest mistake no worries.. she is worth hitting on. Its the guys who don't give a fuck about people that you cannot trust.
But that's the point. Who are you to decide who she hangs out with just because you're dating her? You can want her to stop hanging out with someone, sure, but would you actually order her around like that?
If my bf asked me not to, and put it in different words of course I'd consider what he's saying, and I doubt I'd keep hanging out with the guy, at least not without telling him to back off. I'd never do anything to hurt a bf or anyone else I know and care about. However, the bottom line is that I'm a person free to do whatever I want. If he thinks that me not doing what he tells me to do is disrespectful I'm not sure I'd be able to stay in the relationship.
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
uh
he didn't decide who she can hang out with. He is discussing who he wants her to hang out with. Who SHE wants/decides to hang out with is what we are discussing..
Stay on topic please.
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On July 20 2009 03:56 Orlandu wrote:Show nested quote +On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote:
Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either.. Attitudes like that are terribly disrespectful... That's great if things are working out well for you, but you need to know, that's a pretty disrespectful way to treat someone. To tell them that how they feel doesn't matter, that you don't care about their worries. Trust is something that is built up, not something that you're automatically entitled to. Whether they truly have trust for you or not, pulling stuff like what's quoted definitely isn't going to help build up any more trust.
If the case would be my bf telling me not to do something I really want to do, just because he doesn't want me to, how respectful is that towards me? It'd make me terribly uncomfortable and upset if someone that I love and trust fully would tell me that he didn't want me to hang out with one of my friends. Deciding things for me - or trying to - is something I find highly disrespectful as well.
Trust is indeed built up, but the guy says he trusts her already, if there was an issue with him trusting her I'd tell him to dump her as well, but if he really does trust her, then there is no reason not to let her go. And in my opinion he isn't the one deciding whether she gets to go or not in the first place.
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Judging from the OP's information, I can guess (fairly accurately) at what's going on in her mind. On a conscious level, she's telling herself, "I want to hang out with my friends because it's fun! I don't see why my boyfriend is controlling me, it's just having some fun."
On the vicious, catty, biologically-programmed subconscious level, she's thinking three things:
1. I like the attention
2. I like when my boyfriend gets jealous
3. I want to keep my options open
There's no reason that she would rather hang out with these types of acquaintances over her boyfriend except for at least 1&2 or 1&3. She's either playing mindgames with you because she IS interested in you (and girls nearly always feel the stupid urge to make their bf jealous), or she's not as interested as you think and wants to see what other guys are like. No girl would come out and admit these motives to anyone, but these are three pretty common responses for females in general.
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Ok then, I guess I missunderstood your last post. Since you were talking about what you'd do in the situation, I just told you what I'd do if I was in hers. That's ok, though, right? or is that off topic too?
If he's just uncomfortable about the situation that's fine, and he if he doesn't want her to go that's on him. But if he acted on it I'd find it controlling, and if he did it to me, it wouldn't be ok.
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EPT
