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[Advice] What to do?

Blogs > NeverGG
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NeverGG *
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
United Kingdom5399 Posts
May 29 2009 05:50 GMT
#1
I've not posted a personal blog on here - basically sorry in advance and please don't rip me to shreds for this. I'm genuinely worried about the issues below.


++++



I've been living in South Korea for the last two years and I'm honestly not sure if I want to stay here any more. I've done some amazingly fun things here, but there are many things that make me miserable upon a daily basis;

~ The language barrier (I'm rubbish with languages even if I'm trying.)
~ Seeing/experiencing discrimination because I'm a foreign English teacher (it's not only me if you go look at Dave's ESL cafe.) Plus apparently now we all have swine flu -_-;
~ Missing my Mum (my only remaining family.)
~ Becoming Julyzerg because I have issues with food.

Basically - aside from the small circle of friends I've made here I'm only staying for one thing; Esports. I love photographing the events because I can finally produce something creative. I love doing projects like the Backho card to unite fans and make people happy.

I probably come off as a defensive bitch when I post/in IRC sometimes because I'm defending myself and my lack of any self-asteem from the idea that maybe going home might be the right idea.

Things haven't been good in the recent past:
+ Show Spoiler +
I've scrubbed floors in a dirty hostel with a manager who made me work even when I had food poisoning and constantly told me I wasn't allowed to bring any friends there even when they were standing right there.

I've slept in a room with four other people whilst one of them had sex in the next bed because him and his partner were drunk. All because I wanted to stay here and keep reporting esports.


Today, getting called a whiny, defensive, obnoxious douche for expressing my opinion on someone's blog and then for posting a photo as a joke - after agreeing with a forum veteran not to get upset about people being like this online. I've also been called ugly here more than once (hence no photos even when people ask.)

It's knocked my confidence again. I'm not looking for sympathy and I'm sorry if this is worded in a way people dislike, but I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this kind of feeling and could offer advice about how to work through it?

I have to stay here until January after all and I'm currently feeling like a piece of shit.

I figure there are two paths to take;

~ Take all the personal elements out of reporting/photographing here and ignore any negative comments (probably the best idea.)

~ Go home and quit reporting altogether. (I don't want to do this, but it's so tempting at times - like today.)

When it comes down to it I think it's all because I lack confidence in any part of my life and I'm trying so hard to please everyone here that I go off the deep end every time someone says something negative. The last thing I want is for people to hate me at TL that's why I wanted to explain some of why I react the way I do.

It's a really frustrating character flaw upon my part and I don't know how to handle it.

So if anyone knows how to increase self-confidence without turning into the aforementioned 'douche' then I'd appreciate ideas.

****
우리 행운의 모양은 여러개지만 행복의 모양은 하나
paper
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
13196 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-05-29 05:58:06
May 29 2009 05:56 GMT
#2
do what you love doing and don't take comments on the internet so seriously.

i honestly don't see the connection between some personal work issues and some random retards making some (arguably) rude comments to you online.
Hates Fun🤔
Xeofreestyler
Profile Blog Joined June 2005
Belgium6771 Posts
May 29 2009 05:57 GMT
#3
Just think about this:
for every person that says something negative, there's usually like 100 others who appreciate the things you do but dont always say it
Graphics
konadora *
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
Singapore66183 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-05-29 05:58:42
May 29 2009 05:58 GMT
#4
I can only give this advice:

Do what you want. If you want to return home, then go ahead. Because I think enduring so much crap (like your hostel experience, etc) isn't that worth it. If you were living in better conditions then I might tell you to stay, but seeing things as it is...

Can you try to find a different hostel? A more.. civilized one?

Also, about the internet comments, I suggest you don't take them too hard. For every one person who gives you bad comments, I'm sure there are like 10 more who appreciates your work very much.

And you spoke the truth anyway in that blog.
POGGERS
theron[wdt]
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States395 Posts
May 29 2009 06:01 GMT
#5
i agree. if you like doing something, keep at it. and for those douchecanoes that talk shit, don't take any from them. when it comes to an argument on this site, most people spew random bullshit.
Etherone
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States1898 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-05-29 06:05:14
May 29 2009 06:01 GMT
#6
you've already decided your staying in korea because you are doing what you want to do, and a circle of friends is not a bad reason to stay in a place, just ask rekrul.

Any who as for self-esteem issues they are bred from traumatic experiences and/or weak personalities one "remedy" often quoted is focusing on the positive, which is all you can do unless you are offered a working position in the industry. as for the language barrier, if you want a job on the scene in korea you need to learn the language, learning languages may be hard for you, but you need it, so get cracking.

Also where did you get that turning into a douche boosts self confidence?

edit:
and for the picture on the blog with the autographs etc.. not everyone can pick up sarcasm, and if they don't know you, that post could be easily interpreted as douchebaggery. try not to get upset over what people post on TL
iNcontroL *
Profile Blog Joined July 2004
USA29055 Posts
May 29 2009 06:01 GMT
#7
Are you not with Artosis anymore? Wouldn't he be a reason to stay?

People will always talk shit online.. it is really just a part of the experience. I know it sucks, even when we pretend it doesn't matter on some level it does.. just do your best to categorize it in a meaningless place and you can do better.

The other pieces of advice are great as well..
konadora *
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
Singapore66183 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-05-29 06:04:49
May 29 2009 06:02 GMT
#8
Btw paper didn't know about sky_slasher's previous posts, and he corrected himself later on. And everyone else agreed with you.

Oh, is the discrimination really bad? That is a huge factor.
POGGERS
lilsusie
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
3861 Posts
May 29 2009 06:08 GMT
#9
You already know what I'm gonna say.

Do what you do because you love it. You really need to stop caring about what people (names on an internet community board, really) think of you and start listening to those who actually KNOW you and care for you.

I don't know whether or not to be hurt that mere comments from complete strangers mean more to you than comments from me, someone who cares for you as a person, as a friend, as someone in real life.

If you love esports, then stay in esports. Once that starts to get stale, then leave and continue onto something else you love. You just have a terrible time with taking criticism (good and bad) and I know it's because you're not confident in yourself. But all the affirmation in the world from internet folk won't change anything until you figure yourself out first.

I'm here to talk anytime you need, you know that.
Follow me on Twitter for pictures of cute gamers and food! https://twitter.com/lilsusie
Grobyc
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada18410 Posts
May 29 2009 06:09 GMT
#10
Could you not trying going back home for a bit, then if you start feeling regret move back for a bit again?

Whatever you choose to do, I really appreciate what you are doing. I know there are many many others too. The discrimination thing would probably be my #1 concern/reason and family the next.

Good luck!
If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a benevolent lizard who helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the ocean.
lilsusie
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
3861 Posts
May 29 2009 06:11 GMT
#11
On May 29 2009 15:09 Grobyc wrote:
Could you not trying going back home for a bit, then if you start feeling regret move back for a bit again?

Whatever you choose to do, I really appreciate what you are doing. I know there are many many others too. The discrimination thing would probably be my #1 concern/reason and family the next.

Good luck!


She is on contract at a school, teaching little kids. She also no longer lives at that hostel (I had her stay with me for a bit until she could get a job and her own apartment so that she could get out of that terrible situation). She's got her own cute little one-tel now.
Follow me on Twitter for pictures of cute gamers and food! https://twitter.com/lilsusie
konadora *
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
Singapore66183 Posts
May 29 2009 06:13 GMT
#12
On May 29 2009 15:11 lilsusie wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 29 2009 15:09 Grobyc wrote:
Could you not trying going back home for a bit, then if you start feeling regret move back for a bit again?

Whatever you choose to do, I really appreciate what you are doing. I know there are many many others too. The discrimination thing would probably be my #1 concern/reason and family the next.

Good luck!


She is on contract at a school, teaching little kids. She also no longer lives at that hostel (I had her stay with me for a bit until she could get a job and her own apartment so that she could get out of that terrible situation). She's got her own cute little one-tel now.


Ah, then the real concern here is the degree of discrimination she is receiving.
POGGERS
Grobyc
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada18410 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-05-29 06:18:37
May 29 2009 06:15 GMT
#13
On May 29 2009 15:11 lilsusie wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 29 2009 15:09 Grobyc wrote:
Could you not trying going back home for a bit, then if you start feeling regret move back for a bit again?

Whatever you choose to do, I really appreciate what you are doing. I know there are many many others too. The discrimination thing would probably be my #1 concern/reason and family the next.

Good luck!


She is on contract at a school, teaching little kids. She also no longer lives at that hostel (I had her stay with me for a bit until she could get a job and her own apartment so that she could get out of that terrible situation). She's got her own cute little one-tel now.

Ahh... How much longer does the contract last? I mean, if she has to wait a few more months
(or even longer) still by the time that's up it would be easier to make up your mind, but if she could just leave, either temporarily or permanently, sometime soon and have to choice to come back whenever I would recommend just "getting away from it all."

Having your own place is really nice though. Sure beats a hostel.

EDIT: Oops I missed that in the OP haha, thnx konda
+ Show Spoiler +
January
If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a benevolent lizard who helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the ocean.
konadora *
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
Singapore66183 Posts
May 29 2009 06:16 GMT
#14
I think she said she's staying until January?
POGGERS
Grobyc
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada18410 Posts
May 29 2009 06:17 GMT
#15
1 thought: Have you tried applying as a photographer for KeSPA? That way you don't have to teach anymore and you get to do what you love without nearly as much discrimination(from what I would imagine).

I'm sure there's some obvious reason why you don't work for them right now, but would someone care to explain?
If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a benevolent lizard who helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the ocean.
konadora *
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
Singapore66183 Posts
May 29 2009 06:21 GMT
#16
I'm guessing it's the language barrier... NeverGG, do you take Korean lessons over there?
POGGERS
errol1001
Profile Joined April 2008
454 Posts
May 29 2009 06:25 GMT
#17
I can't give any real answer with what I know. I would turn to the people you knew before korea, and then to the people you met in korea (lilsusie? etc?)..

A career is important to me though, and if you went to korea because you weren't sure exactly what you were going to do, and it now looks like you can turn esports photography into a career, then that seems like a major plus to me. Beats me if you can really turn foreigner - english language teacher into a career.
zulu_nation8
Profile Blog Joined May 2005
China26351 Posts
May 29 2009 06:27 GMT
#18
stay for lilsusie
Vivi57
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States6599 Posts
May 29 2009 06:29 GMT
#19
You should definitely ignore the negative comments on forums about your photos. Almost everyone here loves them, only a few don't.

As for reporting on esports vs going home, do whichever will make you happier. If you'd rather go home and take a break, do it. I personally think it'd be easier to make up for lost time reporting than it would be for the time you miss with the people you know from home, but that might not be true.

Wait for the few months and see how you feel then. Don't feel like you have to make a decision now.


Don't decide based on what other people want you to do, do what would make you happiest.
Flash hwaiting! Nal_rA forever!
Luddite
Profile Blog Joined April 2007
United States2315 Posts
May 29 2009 06:30 GMT
#20
On the plus side, you may get a lot more photo job opportunities when SC2 is released. Maybe even enough to make a full-time job off of it.
Can't believe I'm still here playing this same game
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