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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
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do what you love doing and don't take comments on the internet so seriously.
i honestly don't see the connection between some personal work issues and some random retards making some (arguably) rude comments to you online.
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Belgium6764 Posts
Just think about this:
for every person that says something negative, there's usually like 100 others who appreciate the things you do but dont always say it
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konadora
Singapore66117 Posts
I can only give this advice:
Do what you want. If you want to return home, then go ahead. Because I think enduring so much crap (like your hostel experience, etc) isn't that worth it. If you were living in better conditions then I might tell you to stay, but seeing things as it is...
Can you try to find a different hostel? A more.. civilized one?
Also, about the internet comments, I suggest you don't take them too hard. For every one person who gives you bad comments, I'm sure there are like 10 more who appreciates your work very much.
And you spoke the truth anyway in that blog.
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i agree. if you like doing something, keep at it. and for those douchecanoes that talk shit, don't take any from them. when it comes to an argument on this site, most people spew random bullshit.
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you've already decided your staying in korea because you are doing what you want to do, and a circle of friends is not a bad reason to stay in a place, just ask rekrul.
Any who as for self-esteem issues they are bred from traumatic experiences and/or weak personalities one "remedy" often quoted is focusing on the positive, which is all you can do unless you are offered a working position in the industry. as for the language barrier, if you want a job on the scene in korea you need to learn the language, learning languages may be hard for you, but you need it, so get cracking.
Also where did you get that turning into a douche boosts self confidence?
edit:
and for the picture on the blog with the autographs etc.. not everyone can pick up sarcasm, and if they don't know you, that post could be easily interpreted as douchebaggery. try not to get upset over what people post on TL
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
Are you not with Artosis anymore? Wouldn't he be a reason to stay?
People will always talk shit online.. it is really just a part of the experience. I know it sucks, even when we pretend it doesn't matter on some level it does.. just do your best to categorize it in a meaningless place and you can do better.
The other pieces of advice are great as well..
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konadora
Singapore66117 Posts
Btw paper didn't know about sky_slasher's previous posts, and he corrected himself later on. And everyone else agreed with you.
Oh, is the discrimination really bad? That is a huge factor.
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3861 Posts
You already know what I'm gonna say.
Do what you do because you love it. You really need to stop caring about what people (names on an internet community board, really) think of you and start listening to those who actually KNOW you and care for you.
I don't know whether or not to be hurt that mere comments from complete strangers mean more to you than comments from me, someone who cares for you as a person, as a friend, as someone in real life.
If you love esports, then stay in esports. Once that starts to get stale, then leave and continue onto something else you love. You just have a terrible time with taking criticism (good and bad) and I know it's because you're not confident in yourself. But all the affirmation in the world from internet folk won't change anything until you figure yourself out first.
I'm here to talk anytime you need, you know that.
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Could you not trying going back home for a bit, then if you start feeling regret move back for a bit again?
Whatever you choose to do, I really appreciate what you are doing. I know there are many many others too. The discrimination thing would probably be my #1 concern/reason and family the next.
Good luck!
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3861 Posts
On May 29 2009 15:09 Grobyc wrote:
Could you not trying going back home for a bit, then if you start feeling regret move back for a bit again?
Whatever you choose to do, I really appreciate what you are doing. I know there are many many others too. The discrimination thing would probably be my #1 concern/reason and family the next.
Good luck!
She is on contract at a school, teaching little kids. She also no longer lives at that hostel (I had her stay with me for a bit until she could get a job and her own apartment so that she could get out of that terrible situation). She's got her own cute little one-tel now.
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konadora
Singapore66117 Posts
On May 29 2009 15:11 lilsusie wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2009 15:09 Grobyc wrote:
Could you not trying going back home for a bit, then if you start feeling regret move back for a bit again?
Whatever you choose to do, I really appreciate what you are doing. I know there are many many others too. The discrimination thing would probably be my #1 concern/reason and family the next.
Good luck! She is on contract at a school, teaching little kids. She also no longer lives at that hostel (I had her stay with me for a bit until she could get a job and her own apartment so that she could get out of that terrible situation). She's got her own cute little one-tel now.
Ah, then the real concern here is the degree of discrimination she is receiving.
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On May 29 2009 15:11 lilsusie wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2009 15:09 Grobyc wrote:
Could you not trying going back home for a bit, then if you start feeling regret move back for a bit again?
Whatever you choose to do, I really appreciate what you are doing. I know there are many many others too. The discrimination thing would probably be my #1 concern/reason and family the next.
Good luck! She is on contract at a school, teaching little kids. She also no longer lives at that hostel (I had her stay with me for a bit until she could get a job and her own apartment so that she could get out of that terrible situation). She's got her own cute little one-tel now.
Ahh... How much longer does the contract last? I mean, if she has to wait a few more months
(or even longer) still by the time that's up it would be easier to make up your mind, but if she could just leave, either temporarily or permanently, sometime soon and have to choice to come back whenever I would recommend just "getting away from it all."
Having your own place is really nice though. Sure beats a hostel.
EDIT: Oops I missed that in the OP haha, thnx konda 
+ Show Spoiler +
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konadora
Singapore66117 Posts
I think she said she's staying until January?
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1 thought: Have you tried applying as a photographer for KeSPA? That way you don't have to teach anymore and you get to do what you love without nearly as much discrimination(from what I would imagine).
I'm sure there's some obvious reason why you don't work for them right now, but would someone care to explain?
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konadora
Singapore66117 Posts
I'm guessing it's the language barrier... NeverGG, do you take Korean lessons over there?
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I can't give any real answer with what I know. I would turn to the people you knew before korea, and then to the people you met in korea (lilsusie? etc?)..
A career is important to me though, and if you went to korea because you weren't sure exactly what you were going to do, and it now looks like you can turn esports photography into a career, then that seems like a major plus to me. Beats me if you can really turn foreigner - english language teacher into a career.
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You should definitely ignore the negative comments on forums about your photos. Almost everyone here loves them, only a few don't.
As for reporting on esports vs going home, do whichever will make you happier. If you'd rather go home and take a break, do it. I personally think it'd be easier to make up for lost time reporting than it would be for the time you miss with the people you know from home, but that might not be true.
Wait for the few months and see how you feel then. Don't feel like you have to make a decision now.
Don't decide based on what other people want you to do, do what would make you happiest.
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On the plus side, you may get a lot more photo job opportunities when SC2 is released. Maybe even enough to make a full-time job off of it.
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NEVERGG
ISN'T YOUR DRILL THE ONE THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS, THE EARTH, AND THROUGH TO TOMORROW? WORK HARDER. DO BETTER. BE STRONGER. NEVER WASTE TIME PITYING YOURSELF BECAUSE IT'S TIME YOU COULD USE DOING SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. DON'T WALK. RUN! DON'T JUMP. FLY! (THEN SHARE THE SECRET!?!)
IF THERE'S A WALL IN OUR WAY WE'LL BREAK IT DOWN!
IF THERE'S NO PATH WE'LL MAKE IT WITH THESE HANDS!
GO BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE AND KICK REASON TO THE CURB!
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hmm
Really?
hmm
Ok. So heres the deal there are two facts of life 1)mean people suck 2) not all people are mean. Online there are mean people and not mean people that is all.
Does some seventeen year old, crazed over guys playing a 10 year old video game in a country thousands of miles away really have the power over you to make you question your life and hobby?
There are 2 answers, yes, immature men on an internet forum dictate my life or no, I'm better then that.
I have never been a fan of your less then zero self confidence, we have even exchanged pms about you misunderstanding something I wrote and completly bashing me over it and then realizing you made a mistake and apologizing
BUT
I am a big fan of your work and involvement of the community. I for one would think korea e-sports would lose one of it great portals in losing you. Maybe its time to realize that even alot of the forum veterns here are nothing but assholes with years of experience. Remember this forum actually thinks chill is funny. People here sometimes suck but for every 20 of them you get a konadora or a dwyrmz or a plexa or some other amazing person who actually makes being a part of it all that much more special!
I hope you can learn to spot people who are just being assholes and also when its just your over active defense system kicking in.
"No justice no peace, plus fuck the po-lice" - crooked - I (sorry needed to end with a rap quote)
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i love you work, big fan (:
i'd hate to lose someone like you in korea doing so much work for the sc community!
although, i think most people will say that do what you think is right, do what is in your heart o:
i'm sure basically everyone on tl.net will support your decision whichever one you choose :D
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I appreciate your photos, not really sure what to say about the rest of it o.O
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Maybe do kickboxing or some kind of sport to build confidence.
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Don't let your environment define you.
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United States20661 Posts
On May 29 2009 15:34 MYM.Testie wrote:
NEVERGG
ISN'T YOUR DRILL THE ONE THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS, THE EARTH, AND THROUGH TO TOMORROW? WORK HARDER. DO BETTER. BE STRONGER. NEVER WASTE TIME PITYING YOURSELF BECAUSE IT'S TIME YOU COULD USE DOING SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. DON'T WALK. RUN! DON'T JUMP. FLY! (THEN SHARE THE SECRET!?!)
IF THERE'S A WALL IN OUR WAY WE'LL BREAK IT DOWN!
IF THERE'S NO PATH WE'LL MAKE IT WITH THESE HANDS!
GO BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE AND KICK REASON TO THE CURB!
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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On May 29 2009 16:18 Last Romantic wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2009 15:34 MYM.Testie wrote:
NEVERGG
ISN'T YOUR DRILL THE ONE THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS, THE EARTH, AND THROUGH TO TOMORROW? WORK HARDER. DO BETTER. BE STRONGER. NEVER WASTE TIME PITYING YOURSELF BECAUSE IT'S TIME YOU COULD USE DOING SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. DON'T WALK. RUN! DON'T JUMP. FLY! (THEN SHARE THE SECRET!?!)
IF THERE'S A WALL IN OUR WAY WE'LL BREAK IT DOWN!
IF THERE'S NO PATH WE'LL MAKE IT WITH THESE HANDS!
GO BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE AND KICK REASON TO THE CURB! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
wat are you talking about rouis
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Pursuit what you love and don't let other people get to you. I know it's much much easier said than done, but the sky will clear up if you follow your dreams. When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
The language barrier can be tough, but if your language skills will get better even if you don't realize it (at least listening and comprehension).
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I love Julyzerg
You're becoming Julyzerg
I love you!
I have a huge confidence issue as well, especially from when comments are made online as opposed to in person, oddly enough, I usually can shrug those off. I generally don't bother to call out people who insult me or take shots at my work online, I just work to make those that appreciate it, appreciate it more. If someone doesn't like your work and sees fit to say so consistently, fuck em. Let them waste their life trying to de-value yours when your life can't be de-valued.
The discrimination thing is a tough thing to comment on because I have no such experience there, nor do I understand their state of mine - but stick to who you know and don't expect the best from people.
I don't think you have to be a douche to make yourself feel better, just drown out the bad noise. General rule of thumb, People suck until proven otherwise.
Regardless, do what you want. You've seen and done things here many on this forum would kill for (and some might have) so take that in strides. If things get tough, this is really your call to make. No one is going to blame you for going back home. I'll end on saying I do cherish your work (I swear I have minute moments of homosexual feelings when I look at some of the pro-gamers u_u;; )
Better luck in the future.
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Read some existentialist literature. (:
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On May 29 2009 14:50 NeverGG wrote:
So if anyone knows how to increase self-confidence without turning into the aforementioned 'douche' then I'd appreciate ideas.
It's how you spin it in your head.
Personally, I would be toting that "I slept in a room with drunk people having sex...for esports" all over. It would be in my sig (rofl) You're the one who gives your actions weight. People on the internet think you're ugly? Who gives a flying fuck. Flood them with pictures, and kiss pieces of paper with their names written on it. Show them they aren't shit and you don't give any.
(ps when koreans freak out around you, cough on them LOL)
I understand that your media form is made to be rated by other people. Its always nice to hear compliments. Read the complaints too, but only to improve yourself. Count the # of foreign photographers who cover the shit you do. Then divide that by the total # of people who regularly come to this website. (other way around actually) I don't know what that # is, but its really fucking big. You're doing a great service to many, many people. It gives you status...use it. TL is a great resource for networking, and you contribute something almost nobody else can.
Real confidence isn't gained in a day. A month? Maybe. Change things around as much as you can and break any rut you're in. My hometown used to do that to me, so one day I ran around and with toothpicks, gumdrops, a permanent marker + zuchinni (or maybe it was a cucumber) I made a shit ton of zuchinnipedes with gumdrop feet. I wrote some pretty snarky things on them ("your hair reminds me of a birds nest") but people loved them. It was hella weird, but it was something different. You get confidence by making your own life awesome and achieving personal goals. Get out of your comfort zone and do things that make you come home and feel like a dipshit for trying. When you improve, you get worse before you get better.
You don't turn into a douche by taking nothing personally. When I get really pissed in a situation where reacting wrong matters, I remember everybody is looking for their own happiness, and what right do you have to try and take it away from them? We're all human. You can make mistakes, and so can they. Compassion is contagious.
those are my ideas
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On May 29 2009 15:34 MYM.Testie wrote:
NEVERGG
ISN'T YOUR DRILL THE ONE THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS, THE EARTH, AND THROUGH TO TOMORROW? WORK HARDER. DO BETTER. BE STRONGER. NEVER WASTE TIME PITYING YOURSELF BECAUSE IT'S TIME YOU COULD USE DOING SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. DON'T WALK. RUN! DON'T JUMP. FLY! (THEN SHARE THE SECRET!?!)
IF THERE'S A WALL IN OUR WAY WE'LL BREAK IT DOWN!
IF THERE'S NO PATH WE'LL MAKE IT WITH THESE HANDS!
GO BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE AND KICK REASON TO THE CURB!
ROFL
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Sounds to me like there's really only one option: go back home. If you're contemplating whether or not you're miserable enough to leave SK, you're already in a bad spot. You may love Esports, but if the rest of your life doesn't jive with it, I'd say go pursue something else.
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Nevergg, I'm one of the thousands of your fans. I've appreciated your work since the first few photos. So please understand that I say this with all due respect: If you quit doing something you like because of what some few randoms think about you, you're an idiot.
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I think this would be easier if you were paid for this. Let's say you take a famous author, like Malcolm Gladwell. He knows people like his writing because they buy his books. The people that don't like it don't buy it.
The problem with a free system is that you're paid in opinions of the general public, and the majority of the general public are not artistic lovers of esports. At the end of the day, you might appreciate the opinion of close friend liking your photography or someone like you, that is someone who would feel moved by your spreads. However, the majority of responses will only be brief words of appreciation by faceless IDs, and those mixed with colorful forum abuse wouldn't inspire me if I were dealing with jackasses in everyday life.
I would say it would be more rewarding to focus on the people who care about esports and feel moved by artistic shots of the players. And the immediate idea that comes to mind is to publish a book of your photographs. I was reading Moneyball , and the baseball nut Bill James self-published The Bill James Baseball Abstract. Made a 1 inch advertisement in a baseball periodical and sold 75 copies of a book for people were as nutty about baseball statistics as he was.
I'm pretty sure you could do it with some hard work, and you would have a much greater audience and a much better advertising than James had in 1977. Best of all, you would know exactly what you've done. You have your own book and such and such people liked it enough to buy it.
The other possibility is ask to have your threads locked and stickied for a week and all feedback be given by emails/PMs. You still share your work and receive heartfelt responses.
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If you feel like crap in Korea, then go home. You shouldn't stay just to please some people on here. You should do what makes you happy.
I'm not sure what negative comments you are referring to as I never really browse BW threads other than the Stars live report threads, but is it just pure negativity or criticism? You should always take criticism and use it to fix what you are doing wrong. I remember making good friends with my English teacher and I asked her to criticize my essays for other classes. She used to rip me to fucking shreds every time, but I learned so much from her.
As for the comments on your appearance: fuck them. Seriously. I wouldn't listen to a bunch of lonely nerds on this site about how you look.
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Honestly, there's no such thing as being popular and being well-liked in the sense that our superficial media stereotypes wants us to believe. It is in the nature of the world that differences between people make it impossible for everyone to like, or even just be ok with, each other. There will always be those trolls that pop up and just don't like you, and many times you actually can't do anything about it. So do what you want to do for yourself, and don't care about them. Your choices should come from your own head, not someone else's mouth.
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NeverGG
You may be feeling discouraged now, but if photographing is what you love, then do it because you love it. Don't listen to some person on a forum, as well, its just a name on a forum. As mentioned by someone else in here, for every person who doesn't like your work, there are many many more who love it and appreciate the effort you go to to bring us quality work. Your sacrifices do not go unnoticed.
As for dealing with racism, that is one thing most of us here will not be able to help you with, from my knowledge, it is part of the south korean culture that you will a) have to get used to or b) I would ask the friends you have there how they deal with it or how they did in the past. Rekrul must have dealt with it, artosis and tasteless are most likely feeling part of it as well. See how they deal and using their tips find your own way to cope.
As for missing family, visit if you ever have a chance, its a cure for homesickness!
As for confidence boosters, talk to the friendly members of TL, your friends in korea, and you will see what you need to build confidence. You have the undying gratitude of hundreds if not thousands of people because of your work, and are envied for living out experiences in the sc community most of us could only dream of. You have much to be confident about.
As for food, well, im a cook, i love food, simple solution is moderation. If thats an issue, exercise. If thats an issue, have susie chase you with something?
Just live out your dreams, if those end up taking you away from korea, so be it but only you can really decide.
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I dont really know much about u in terms of personal life ... but do you have a boyfriend? Ithink having someone helps alot sometimes when you are at a place where you dont feel comfortable but u still wanna be there for certain reasons.. I dunno how to explain and dont wanna be offensive either o_O
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~ The language barrier (I'm rubbish with languages even if I'm trying.)
I don't think you can ever be happy over there if you don't speak the language at least at conversational level. It's just a necessity and being bad at languages is no excuse to give up from the start, you just have to try harder then. Cut back on the reporting a bit and take afternoon/evening classes at some university, good place to make friends too.
~ Seeing/experiencing discrimination because I'm a foreign English teacher (it's not only me if you go look at Dave's ESL cafe.) Plus apparently now we all have swine flu -_-;
Guess that's true but being a foreigner also has its advantages. You're special, get more attention, often have a bonus (people will more often forgive things they wouldn't forgive a Korean). It just goes both ways, don't only see the negative side.
Being a kyopo in Korea that doesn't speak Korean is much worse I think.
~ Missing my Mum (my only remaining family.)
That's a good point.
~ Becoming Julyzerg because I have issues with food.
How will that change when you leave Korea? Don't blame it on the Korean food, blame it on your eating habits and work on them. Korean can be a very healthy low-fat diet unless you go eat samgyobsal everyday.
When it comes down to it I think it's all because I lack confidence in any part of my life and I'm trying so hard to please everyone here that I go off the deep end every time someone says something negative. The last thing I want is for people to hate me at TL that's why I wanted to explain some of why I react the way I do.
'I'm trying so hard to please everyone here' - that's exactly the problem. But I don't want to try to analyze you because I don't know you well and it would be rude, but I think the internet is the wrong place to go and look for affirmation and boost confidence.
Also you ARE whiny and defensive, look at this thread. Why deny it? Sure, you have your reasons, but that doesn't change the fact that you are and you can't expect random people on the internet to respect your feelings because it's the goddamn internet. I mean you have a star, you're a girl, you're known on the forums - you get special treatment already and then there's like 1 out 100 replys that offend you and you go off like that. That IS whiny! Not trying to be offensive here, just want to tell you that you just need to learn to deal with it.
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konadora
Singapore66117 Posts
'I'm trying so hard to please everyone here'
I think you shouldn't push yourself too hard, I was once translating every single interview there was, but that just messed me up real bad. Now, when I just don't feel like it or am too tired, I just don't do it. You should try to go by your own pace and target. Go OTOT (Own time, own target).
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Indeed. Do what you love to do.
As for all the rest... Its opportunities in disguise.
Life is giving you golden chances to remain aware while seeing all the crap come up to the surface, like lack of confidence, fear, doubt and anger. When they come up, don't identify.. You are not your thoughts, you are not your emotions. You are the one who is able to see them rising. See the pain knocking on your mind's door, wanting to become one with your thoughts. See the suffering pushing in the background, wanting to become one with your emotions. Be the observing witness, and cut it all with your sword of consciousness.
Enlightenment in 1 paragraph ;-)
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Only told you once on irc that I loved your photos, but I really do!
The internet is a harsh place and I am sure that anyone that invests in internet opinions on an emotional level is going to come out hurting again, its just not the same as friends in real life. Learning the language could be key here, it is hard for a lot of people but the difference to your lifestyle in a country when you know the language is unexplainable. Isnt tasteless learning korean too? Surely you can get some tips/tricks off him!
Stay pro o/
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IMO you should ask zourself "What are my long-term plans (~5-10 years) in life and how do I want to achieve them?" Maybe this can help to make your choice easier.
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if you truly like what you do then there should be no question
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On May 29 2009 16:18 Last Romantic wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2009 15:34 MYM.Testie wrote:
NEVERGG
ISN'T YOUR DRILL THE ONE THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS, THE EARTH, AND THROUGH TO TOMORROW? WORK HARDER. DO BETTER. BE STRONGER. NEVER WASTE TIME PITYING YOURSELF BECAUSE IT'S TIME YOU COULD USE DOING SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. DON'T WALK. RUN! DON'T JUMP. FLY! (THEN SHARE THE SECRET!?!)
IF THERE'S A WALL IN OUR WAY WE'LL BREAK IT DOWN!
IF THERE'S NO PATH WE'LL MAKE IT WITH THESE HANDS!
GO BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE AND KICK REASON TO THE CURB! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
DON'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF,
BELIEVE IN US (collective TL), WHO BELIEVES IN YOU!!!!!!!!!!
if you're completely lost:
+ Show Spoiler +
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Just don't mind the douches. Like in any internet community you're bound to find e-thugs and trolls who just take pleasure in insulting or ridiculizing people in attempt to hurt them IRL because themselves have been hurt IRL and need to feel better about it. Like many other said, it's not because some retards try to put you don't that nobody supports your work; people are much more reluctant actually thanking you for great things so it usually ends up in them not talking/posting at all. If anything you're taking the troll bait a bit too much, that kind of defensive personality is exactly what they're after because they know you'll always reply.
As far as I can tell you, do what you want. Sure, everyone says it, wah wah wah. But seriously. Can you really imagine spend a portion of your life doing something you don't like? Life is short, you can't just go around and say "the next year will be better" because you're the only one who can change things. Don't like your job? Find a new one. Trouble with languages? Get a teacher. And yes, it might be painful at times and yes, it's never easy. But it's the price to pay to bask in what you love. Life isn't easy for a good reason, it wouldn't be rewarding at all. Some people have it easy because of some social standards (be it money or fame) but you have to realize that those people usually lack what's most important: a passion.
So all in all I can only say you're the only one who knows what's best for you.
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I live to ridiculize people
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As everyone else has said, idiots on the internet are just nobodies. Fuck 'em.
You should definitely try learning Korean more. It's fun! Especially up to intermediate level as you pick up lots of basic but useful things quickly. It is sooooooooo satisfying actually using some new bit of Korean and then being understood. And non-Asian people speaking even basic conversational Korean get a tonne of admiration (great for your ego). If you need any advice on language courses in Seoul, fire me a PM. 
If you have no concrete plans to return to in the UK, I suggest staying in Korea. Have you forgotten how shit the UK is? Think of the chavs  , and the miserable employees, and the retarded transport system and the wtf taxes...
Also, reread snowbird's stuff. It's pretty frank but prob the best post of advice here.
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oh and for the food part I'm going through a kind of intense fitness regimen over the summer which involves monitoring/reducing my food intake, this is what I do and even though I've only been at it for a week I've already noticed results
drink a full glass of water 1/2 an hour before every meal, and when you eat take a long time to do it. Don't work on other things and concentrate on eating while you're eating. Take smaller portions, present them to yourself nicely, and go back for seconds. Stop when you feel 80%ish--where your hunger is sated but theres still room for more.
And most importantly, if you're hungry then eat something healthy as a snack. DO NOT starve yourself on purpose. You can indulge once a while.
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Count me as another of your silent fans, NeverGG. The work you do is amazing, and even more so because its a hobby rather than a profession. The sheer amount of consistently high quality photos you produce is inspiring.
That said, confidence is hard to find a lot of the time. Unfortunately there is no easy way around it either. It is all too easy to dismiss peoples praise of your work, and to take criticism too hard. For example, with your photos, I'll wager that you can look at any one of your photos and see something that you could have done better. So when someone compliments it, its easy to dismiss it because you can see what's wrong with it. Then when someone criticises it, it becomes just one more thing you've done wrong.
There are many ways to deal with it, but you are going to have to find the way that works for you. For me personally, when someone comments on something I've done, I will analyse it, see if it has merit. Note I don't care about whether the comment is positive or negative, I simply try to see if the comment has value or not. If it does have value, fantastic. Its either positive or negative. If its positive, awesome. If its negative, then fine, I've made a mistake somewhere along the line. This criticism will highlight it to me, and I can work on fixing the problem, or doing better next time.
The other thing I do is to make sure that I divorce my sense of self-worth from the work that I do. Just because I've made a mistake, or not done a perfect job, it does not reflect on my worth as a person. Perhaps the best quote I've heard on the issue is this one, from Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."
But in the end, you are going to need to find your self confidence all by yourself. Friends can give advice, personal anecdotes, and a lot of support, but in the end, the solution has to come from inside you. I wish you the best of luck, and keep in mind that there are more people out there that appreciate your work that you realise.
Also: lilsusie, I wouldn't be too offended that she didn't come to you with this. I've been in these sorts of situations before, and I've shut myself off from my friends and people I care about. Its a bad idea and counter-productive, but it is very easy to do. A lot of people also find it easier to write down their problems, it can be easier to make sure you say what you actually mean. Its also useful in that you can see exactly what is bothering you, and start working through the list to remedy the situation. Combine these two ideas, and you end up with this blog
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I would return home because from what I am reading is that you're not getting paid enough, I wouldn't accept it. I don't know if you have a photography education, but maybe that is a thing to do in the UK since they have many good schools for such.
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On May 30 2009 00:42 Wotans_Fire wrote:
I would return home because from what I am reading is that you're not getting paid enough, I wouldn't accept it. I don't know if you have a photography education, but maybe that is a thing to do in the UK since they have many good schools for such.
I'm agree, money is always the problem...
Money is not everything, but without money, you can not do anything.
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What i would evaluate is if this you are doing is really making you a better professional/really helping you out for the upcoming future. If its not, then Id definetely move, if it IS, then id just try to get as strong as possible, try to watch the stuff that usually motivated you in the first place, and try to get that inner power and sense of adventure out of you so you can stop worrying, and enjoy living what you are living now.
I hope you find the answer soon, and whatever it is, be sure to know that most, if not all of the TL community will back you up for ur decision. BE STRONG! :D
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First of all, i would like to thank you for all your contributions to the TL community. : ) and i also personally envy you and your work, to be able to go to S.Korea and to follow your dreams and passion, take such amazing pictures, meet progamer superstars and capture great moments with your camera and then share it with everyone on TL.
Hope you are able to rekindle your passion for starcraft, e-sports and most of all.... to be the best person you can be : ) So that when in the future when u look back, you'll have more sweet memories than you'll have bitter ones.
PS: Your hardships and sacrifices will not go forgotten by the community.
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konadora
Singapore66117 Posts
NeverGG please reply asap
you are scaring me
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Is your real passion E-sports, or is it photography?? Thats the most important decision you have to make. If its E-sports then you should stay, but if your passion is photography then get out. You can practice that everywhere in the world.
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- stop scrubbin and quit any underpaid jobs you are doing
- i thought teaching english in korea makes enough money for a living?
- figure out how to make money of your photographing hobby (work for a specific site only, or sell your pictures you make, contact teams and see if you can get paid for doing a team shoot or whatever, etc).. your portfolio should be big and good enough by now
- i think i once read that you didn't have any time for yourself because it all goes into photographing... spend more time on yourself (nobody's paying you so you don't have any obligations anyways)
- learn to enjoy life
- figure out what you wanna do in the future (you have any kind of education?).. you can't keep on doing what you're doing now, unless you feel this is your calling and you can move up in all this and live a happy life and enjoy what you do
Next to all that, it seems you have some confidence issues which I doubt will go away by people here telling you that you shouldn't care, but you really should work on it. Truth is, I don't care about you and I don't think anyone else here really does (few exceptions) either. Since we don't really know you personally we can't really give you the advice you really need.I don't think you were looking for advice anyways but just had to let it out. Hope it helped!
Good luck, I'm sure you'll make the right decision.
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i'm a fan, and i greatly appreciate all that you've already done!
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I think you've done what most of us could dream about. You're a foreigner living in a totally different cultural environment. Plus, you're a direct contributor to the e-sports community.
Maybe you're at the point of your life where having the low-paying job is an inconvenience. If that is the case, this is just the part of growing up. My $0.02 would be to focus on your career, and not just the job. See which part of the world that career would take you. That should do it.
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On May 30 2009 02:21 Smorrie wrote:
- figure out how to make money of your photographing hobby (work for a specific site only, or sell your pictures you make, contact teams and see if you can get paid for doing a team shoot or whatever, etc).. your portfolio should be big and good enough by now
I think the problem with that is the language barrier. NeverGG needs to learn efficient Korean, and fast! I bet she could easily get a better photography job in Korean esports.
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Don't know you personally and probably never will, but I appreciate all you've done for us. More importantly you should appreciate all you've done for yourself.
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On May 29 2009 17:55 konadora wrote:
I think you shouldn't push yourself too hard, I was once translating every single interview there was, but that just messed me up real bad. Now, when I just don't feel like it or am too tired, I just don't do it. You should try to go by your own pace and target. Go OTOT (Own time, own target).
Well pretty much standard way to get e-sports famous.
1. Massively doing things (let it be uploading vods, photos, interviews, etc)
2. You reach your peak.
3. You don't see enough respect towards you (lack of comments, traffic, popularity etc)
4. now that you have basic fanbase you can slow down things and try to get more quality towards it
5. Some point you wonder is this really necessary to do, should I just quit/retire.
6. fading out of scene
I personally have experienced same situation and going phase 6.
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Calgary25969 Posts
I've got to imagine being a foreigner in Korea is much more of an advantage than a disadvantage.
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United States24611 Posts
On May 30 2009 06:06 Chill wrote:
I've got to imagine being a foreigner in Korea is much more of an advantage than a disadvantage.
Not sure if you are on the same boat as me, but I hear all the 'good' stories about being a foreigner (often a la Rekrul lol) in Korea and I never seem to hear any of the bad ones. Maybe we are somewhat ignorant/misguided on the subject.
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Perhaps neverGG should have got his famousness from korean fans first then foreigners.
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On May 30 2009 06:06 Chill wrote:
I've got to imagine being a foreigner in Korea is much more of an advantage than a disadvantage.
I think she was specifially referring to the situation of English teachers in Korea. English teachers are dependant on a valid work contract in order to maintain their visa, employers know that and if they're bad guys they will just treat you like shit and you can't really do anything about that. Also the anti-American sentiment has gotten stronger since the free trade agreement with the US. And every foreigner is usually considered an American for that matter. English teachers in particular don't have a good reputation because of some douches who give them a bad name, also Koreans have to pay a shitload for decent English classes and feel exploited, making them angry and blame the money mongering foreigners while actually the schools make the money and the teachers don't earn that much.
edit: Generally it's of course a big advantage to be a foreigner in Korea though!
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If you feel its really making you miserable just go. Do not think you will be in some kind of debt to us, if some of us feels dissapointed, well tough shit, worry about yourself.
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
i'm very bad at giving advice but just want to say that i hope your situation gets better, again ignore stupid people on the internet and do what you like doing.
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On May 30 2009 06:06 Chill wrote:
I've got to imagine being a foreigner in Korea is much more of an advantage than a disadvantage.
That is because men think with their penis and the easy lay is a large part of why they go there in the first place.
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Netherlands6142 Posts
I just wanna say that whatever you do I'll support you.
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konadora
Singapore66117 Posts
On May 30 2009 06:13 Too_MuchZerg wrote:
Perhaps neverGG should have got his famousness from korean fans first then foreigners.
You mean 'her'
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moving on to a new stage in life often opens up a plethora of new opportunities
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3861 Posts
Being male in Korea is definitely more of an advantage. This is a highly sexist country. That's why people like Rek can enjoy it but so can douchebag English teacher guys, cuz even tho they are on the bottom of the food chain, they are still higher up than anything a woman can do. Sad truth.
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Move after your contract is done. Until then enjoy the benefits of life.
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~ Take all the personal elements out of reporting/photographing here and ignore any negative comments (probably the best idea.)
~ Go home and quit reporting altogether. (I don't want to do this, but it's so tempting at times - like today.)
i think u have answered ur own question
also i have some friends who have low confidence and i think the one good way of fixing that w/o getting defensive is to learn to brush things off...
usually ppl aren't lacking in self-esteem just cus they r but because there's some underlying problem (like you THINK you look ugly, you are embarrassed of not having any money, etc)
so u gotta find out wat is the major reason that makes u lose ur confidence and tackle it!
also i don't understand ur money predicament, Korea usually have massive amount of space of English teachers (in those after school academies?) I even got offered a spot (it was free rm and board and friggin awesome 20 - 30 bucks per hr work!) so I think you should try and look around more... or maybe this is because u want a more freelance schedule? in which case i cannot help u cus most krns really like strict on time schedule of things
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On May 30 2009 09:18 konadora wrote:Show nested quote +On May 30 2009 06:13 Too_MuchZerg wrote:
Perhaps neverGG should have got his famousness from korean fans first then foreigners. You mean 'her'
damn typos... seriously english language should have one method when its female or male like finnish language has. So simple just type one word and both are covered. :D
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On May 30 2009 10:34 lilsusie wrote:
Being male in Korea is definitely more of an advantage. This is a highly sexist country. That's why people like Rek can enjoy it but so can douchebag English teacher guys, cuz even tho they are on the bottom of the food chain, they are still higher up than anything a woman can do. Sad truth.
I thought korea was a little more evolved then that, but after doing some research it seems to be the truth.
Just another reason to get out. Judging from the posts I read from you i got the feeling photography is your passion. You did the e-sports, now expand you horizons, get out of korea. You can photograph things all around the world, and they need english teachers everywhere. (except prolly england and the us).
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On May 29 2009 16:18 Last Romantic wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2009 15:34 MYM.Testie wrote:
NEVERGG
ISN'T YOUR DRILL THE ONE THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS, THE EARTH, AND THROUGH TO TOMORROW? WORK HARDER. DO BETTER. BE STRONGER. NEVER WASTE TIME PITYING YOURSELF BECAUSE IT'S TIME YOU COULD USE DOING SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. DON'T WALK. RUN! DON'T JUMP. FLY! (THEN SHARE THE SECRET!?!)
IF THERE'S A WALL IN OUR WAY WE'LL BREAK IT DOWN!
IF THERE'S NO PATH WE'LL MAKE IT WITH THESE HANDS!
GO BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE AND KICK REASON TO THE CURB! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGGEN GIGA DRILL BREAKERRRR.
:3
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Listen to your heart. You can tell yourself to stay and try for another x months (say 3 months). Be positive, don't be afraid. If after these 3 months, your heart tells you I don't want to stay anymore, then go back. It's a turning point for you. I feel it's an opportunity for you.
Most people appreciate your work. Always tell yourself about this, cause we do indeed.
Good luck~ You are the best.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
yo so i was in macau (las vegas in china basically)
me and a group of friends were going to this club (all the friends were asian)
they let the friends in and walk past the counter without paying the 100 hongkong dollar (15$) entryfee
then they stopped me and were like that'll be 100 hong kong
my crew turned around expecting an awkward moment
then i laughed in the guys face and said "FUCK YOU, HOW BOUT 200 LOL" and gave him 200 hongkong
i then walked into the club and crushed everything that night
because i'm the best
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Wow. I'm sure a lot of people here wish they could help you (I know I do - even though I don't know you). I have been in a similar situation recently as well, but as some of the answers here say: you are the only person who can decide what to do here. I think that deep inside you have already made up your mind, you just need to figure out which decision you made.
Good luck with that. And don't bother with the internet assholes, we've all been there and it isn't always that bad. A lot of people appreciate your work.
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EPT
