Little Johnny joke's

The teacher of a first grade class gives instructions to the little boys on how to go to the bathroom.

The teacher tells them the following:
One - unzip your zipper
Two - pull your pecker out
Three - stroke the skin back
Four - take a pee
Five - stroke the skin forward
Six - put it away and zip up the zipper

So the boys go to do their thing and return a few minutes later. The teacher asks, "Where is Little Johnny?"

One of the boys replies "He is still in the bathroom."

The teacher goes down the hall to the boy's restroom and hears Little Johnny "Three, Five, Three, Five, Three, Five............"

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his at dad breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny,those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven."

Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnny's dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!"

His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?"

"Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

A father is in church with his young children, including his five-year-old son, Little Johnny. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service.

During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. Little Johnny was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head.

With a quizzical look on his face, Little Johnny turned to his father and asked: "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?"

Little Johnny wants to do it with his teacher but she always refuses. One day, finally he suggests "Ok how about if I gave you $1 million, would you do it?"

The teacher, in an attempt to end it all replies a bit amused "With a $1 million? Sure I'll do it with you."

Little Johnny: "How about for 50 bucks?"

Teacher: "Hold it there young man what do you think I am?"

Little Johnny: "I know what you are. I'm just bargaining on the price."

Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden he needed to go to the bathroom.

He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're-an-eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"

Little Johnny's father wakes him up one morning and says "Johnny, go feed the animals as I am late and must take a shower."

Little Johnny who is now angry gets out of bed and walks past his mother who is making breakfast in the kitchen. Johnny gathers the food for the chicken, pig, and cow. First, Johnny kicks the chicken and drops it's feed in its feeder. Second, Johnny walks up to the pig, kicks it, and drops its slop in it's trough. Third, Johnny walks up, kicks the cow, and gives the cow it's food.

Meanwhile, his mother can see all of what Johnny is doing from the kitchen. Johnny walks back to the house and enters the kitchen. Johnny's mother says, "Johnny, I saw what you did and for kicking the chicken, you will have no eggs for breakfast, for kicking the pig, you will have no bacon. For kicking the cow, you will have no milk."

Meanwhile, Johnny's father walks down the stairs and trips over the cat and nearly falls. Johnny's father walks up and kicks the cat. Johnny looks at his mother and says "Should I tell him what he's not going to have or are you?"

A couple with their young son, Little Johnny, decided to spend a day at a nude beach. After an hour in the sun, the father went for a walk while Little Johnny played in the water.

After a while Little Johnny came up to his mother and said, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mother said, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So Little Johnny went back to play. Minutes later Little Johnny returned and said, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's.

The mother said the same thing, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So the boy went back to play. Several minutes later Little Johnny ran back to his mother and said,"Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more he talked, the dumber he got!"