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On January 06 2009 15:45 Chef wrote:
I don't think (a lack of) fear of failure and confidence are the same. Confidence is thinking you won't fail.
If this was the case then the sentence "I am confident that I will win" should be written as "I am confident".
Essentially I understand where you are coming from and understand how it would be easy for someone to take the stance that you do, but I respectfully disagree.
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Starcraft is my anti-drug.
Barring that, go outside more, change ur hair/shirt/whatever. Why the fuck should you care what other people think about your looks? Instead of trying to impress them, be confident, kickass, and don't take shit from nobody. The girls come after that.
Trust me: in freshman year of high school i was that introverted kid who never said anything and couldn't hold a conversation with a girl for more than 5 minutes. Then I was like fuck it I do what I want and now I can hold a conversation with a girl for more than 5 minutes.
in all seriousness, don't take no shit from nobody. So what if a girl says you're ugly? Fuck her, she'll end up selling her tits and ass to some ibanker just to supplement her pet cause and live a pointless life as a trophy bitch. Or, you could look at her as just another ho 
this applies to girls trying to get with guys, as well ^^. confidence is where its at. but don't be too cocky, then people just think you're a fucking douche
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On January 06 2009 15:44 Kuja900 wrote:
i actually saw fight club for the first time recently, watching that over and over will solve a suprisingly large amount of problems
Throw in a good, healthy dash of Boondock Saints every 8 to 10 cycles, and you're on a good path.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
unless your face looks like it got shot with a shotgun then sprayed with acid, there is no "bad looks" that being and acting happy, being confident and talkative cannot fix.
Isn't there some study where they find correlation between depression and physical inactivity? As many have suggested, getting a healthy, active hobby would do a lot of good for you I think. Grab a buddy and start playing squash, or look for some pickup soccer/ball games in your area, if you're in college play some intramural sports, etc.
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On January 06 2009 16:43 thedeadhaji wrote:
unless your face looks like it got shot with a shotgun then sprayed with acid, there is no "bad looks" that being and acting happy, being confident and talkative cannot fix.
Isn't there some study where they find correlation between depression and physical inactivity? As many have suggested, getting a healthy, active hobby would do a lot of good for you I think. Grab a buddy and start playing squash, or look for some pickup soccer/ball games in your area, if you're in college play some intramural sports, etc.
I think it's worth mentioning that girls are way less shallow than men. Seriously I see hot chicks with ugly dudes all the time, it's all about how you present yourself. If you're fun, chicks will dig you.
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Girls aren't any less shallow than men. It's just more typical to see them settle for material possessions. When you see more girls with high paying jobs, you'll see ugly women getting good looking guys too. It's already happening on occasion.
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On January 06 2009 17:10 Chef wrote:
Girls aren't any less shallow than men. It's just more typical to see them settle for material possessions. When you see more girls with high paying jobs, you'll see ugly women getting good looking guys too. It's already happening on occasion.
I don't know, in my experience girls tend to be much more willing to look at a dudes personality first. They tend to connect emotionally a lot more easily then men, so it makes sense.
Besides, I don't know a lot of dudes with high paying jobs at my high-school and around SDSU.
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I think that's a load of crap lol. A good personality tends to save physical flaws for both genders. Both girls and boys when they're young have unrealistic ideals physically about the partners they think they should have, and both have some people who never grow out of it. But if you look around, you'll see girls that aren't that stunning with decent looking guys too... I've seen it in my circle of friends a million times... Although maybe my friends are just attracted to ugly girls.
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Netherlands19138 Posts
Haji made the Kennigit forum motto of "threads always get better on page 3" come through once again.
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Fuck!
i mean fuck! A very sad first post that made me think about myself too.
I work on a computer 6-7 hrs per day and I use it at home for like 2 more hours. the 2 hours I read articles and play bw or poker but still...
Anyway, I am at least glad I can stop this with the computer if I want to. I've been in long periods of time where I had no pc and only the first 3-4 days I felt irritated, then I found that working out makes wonders for you, makes you feel confident and happy.
Addiction of any sort is dangerous, not only porn or gaming...
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On January 06 2009 16:43 thedeadhaji wrote:
unless your face looks like it got shot with a shotgun then sprayed with acid, there is no "bad looks" that being and acting happy, being confident and talkative cannot fix.
ahh...This brings to mind one guy at my back school that had such bad acne that it was a pretty accurate description if you said he got shot with a shotgun then sprayed with acid. He was one of my best friends junior/senior year, we poked so much fun at him though. But yeah, despite his face he was an pretty cool guy and did fine with the girls because of it. Also massive amounts of acne can sometimes look normal on asian faces...
More on topic/@ OP: If there is one thing that'll get you off the computer it is the girls. Seriously, just get out there and socialize, if you fuck up with them don't even sweat it. There are so many people in the world and even at whatever school you are at(unless you live in a log cabin) that even if you mess up with 100 girls you will still have more to try for.
Plus every memory I have of trying to get girls is a good one, whether or not I succeeded. Seriously now, one of the best stories I have to tell is how I asked out a girl while on a cruise during a band trip then got the 'I'm lesbian" rejection. Later I found out it was actually legit, which made the entire thing even better.
Just don't even sweat it man. To quote Boxer: the only enemy if yourself. So true in your case, the only reason you can't break this addiction is because you fear the solution.
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Man this blog is pretty honest compared to a lot of them. Porn is insane. I know most guys on here will tell you it's not a big deal, etc., but why was there decafchicken no-fapping contests on here where everybody miserably failed? Why is it "okay" for 99% of guys on here? Because they a) can't stop b) don't want to c) don't realize that it can own their life.
I do my best to stay away from it completely. That decision doesn't make me any less macho, any less straight, any more in "denial". If anything, it makes me stronger when I resist and a more pure person in context of a relationship. If you think that getting a real girlfriend is going to somehow get in the way of porn, think again: you are addicted man. Plus, if sexual reality is as genuine to you as internet porn, that's a pretty tainted view. Sex is ridiculously powerful, whether it be on the internet or physical. Girls in crappy relationships cannot get out because they are so emotionally tied in with the guys they are with. The pendulum swings both ways, so you can't expect to launch yourself from one extreme and into another. You're really going to have to find a way to kill it first before you plan on moving into a normal reality.
If I were you, I would get the best friend or 2 you have, and tell them straight up what you are telling us. The story without the anonymity is going to hurt more to tell and feel a lot more awkward, but accountability is grossly underrated in our generation. Just because you told us and have a few suggestions for do-it-yourself help on here probably won't impact you significantly. When you bring in real and close friends to the situation and ask them to keep tabs on you (you've gotta be willing), you're gonna be forced into a much more real situation. If you don't have anybody that you can think of off the top of your head that can fill that position, you might have to pursue relationships with friends as well.
Good post man, I appreciate honesty in places where a lot of people are too small to admit their own shortcomings. I'm nowhere near strong enough to limit myself, probably just like you. You're really going to have to force yourself out of the situation, even if it hurts and is incredibly uncomfortable.
Good luck
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>.<;
Not to be mean, but that story seems kind of.. pathetic? There is some deeper roots screwing with that kid other than "I found my dad's magazines". It sounds more like "Daddy touched my happy place in the 5th grade". But, yeah, either way it's kind of messed up if that is actually true. I would definitely stray away from the computer if you have the same problems as that guy.
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Netherlands6142 Posts
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Seriously, time limit and pron blocking software are your best friend. I tried self-control, I know it works for some people, but it didn't work for me.
Then I got time limit and pron blocking software and got someone else to put a password on it. I'm limited to three hours computer time a day and blocked between 2am and 9am so I can get sleep. It's helped me a lot.
If you look at extreme porn all the time it will mess up your enjoyment of sex with your eventual GF because you won't be satisfied unless you're doing some of the sick stuff you've seen in the videos and most real life girls don't want to do that sort of stuff. Also if you jerk off too much you'll get too used to the feel of your own hand instead of a real pussy and it will be harder to get off with a girl.
Also to get your confidence up I strongly recommend learning a martial art. I did Tae Kwon Do for two and a half years and got a black belt and it increased my confidence levels hugely. I'm not a good looking guy but when I was doing TKD regularly I really felt confident and carried myself differently and it was like girls could sense it. Twice I ended up getting with random girls I met in bars who came up to me which is something that never happened usually.
I haven't been able to train for two years and I've felt my confidence levels slide again. I really need to get back into training myself.
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You may want to see a therapist about this.
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Just need something to take up your time besides touching yourself and surfing the web. Oh yeah I'm sure it's like if your masturbating more then once every 2ish days your porb an addict because that amount is borderline unhealthy and ofc 45 times a day is def unhealthy.
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On January 06 2009 18:17 Quesadilla wrote:
Man this blog is pretty honest compared to a lot of them. Porn is insane. I know most guys on here will tell you it's not a big deal, etc., but why was there decafchicken no-fapping contests on here where everybody miserably failed? Why is it "okay" for 99% of guys on here? Because they a) can't stop b) don't want to c) don't realize that it can own their life.
I do my best to stay away from it completely. That decision doesn't make me any less macho, any less straight, any more in "denial". If anything, it makes me stronger when I resist and a more pure person in context of a relationship. If you think that getting a real girlfriend is going to somehow get in the way of porn, think again: you are addicted man. Plus, if sexual reality is as genuine to you as internet porn, that's a pretty tainted view. Sex is ridiculously powerful, whether it be on the internet or physical. Girls in crappy relationships cannot get out because they are so emotionally tied in with the guys they are with. The pendulum swings both ways, so you can't expect to launch yourself from one extreme and into another. You're really going to have to find a way to kill it first before you plan on moving into a normal reality.
If I were you, I would get the best friend or 2 you have, and tell them straight up what you are telling us. The story without the anonymity is going to hurt more to tell and feel a lot more awkward, but accountability is grossly underrated in our generation. Just because you told us and have a few suggestions for do-it-yourself help on here probably won't impact you significantly. When you bring in real and close friends to the situation and ask them to keep tabs on you (you've gotta be willing), you're gonna be forced into a much more real situation. If you don't have anybody that you can think of off the top of your head that can fill that position, you might have to pursue relationships with friends as well.
Good post man, I appreciate honesty in places where a lot of people are too small to admit their own shortcomings. I'm nowhere near strong enough to limit myself, probably just like you. You're really going to have to force yourself out of the situation, even if it hurts and is incredibly uncomfortable.
Good luck
Excellent post.
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I'll just post these links, I know they might do you good, so if you feel drawn to take a look and spend some time learning what it's about, go ahead.
www.zpointforpeace.com
www.divineopenings.com
I wish you all the best man, I am on a similar path!
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On January 06 2009 18:58 selboN wrote:
>.<;
Not to be mean, but that story seems kind of.. pathetic? There is some deeper roots screwing with that kid other than "I found my dad's magazines". It sounds more like "Daddy touched my happy place in the 5th grade". But, yeah, either way it's kind of messed up if that is actually true. I would definitely stray away from the computer if you have the same problems as that guy.
The sad thing is, a huge part of it is reality for many people. "I found dad's magazine" has a more profound effect than you might think. Using the people I know as a rough sample, the same people who started passing around porn in 5th-6th grade (VHS for the lose) are also the same people who have:
a.) never gotten a girlfriend or into a serious relationship, hence have...
b.) never gotten laid (not that it's a bad thing, mind you, but they also seem to think that they NEED to get laid, and that getting laid outside of getting a hooker to spread for you is easy. It's a fucked up way of thinking, seriously)
c.) have a kid they don't want and can't even feed (on the other side of the pole, the minute number of people who did get laid fucked it up, pun not intended. Some guy I know actually went "I had no idea that it'd be so hard to pull out" telling us the story during a drinking session. No shit, Sherlock, unless you get laid on a regular basis or are in the porn industry.)
They're also the most depressed (although they don't admit it, which is in itself very destructive), spend the most time online, have no drive to succeed at all, and are convinced that they can't go to bed without having jacked of to porn. You don't have to be a genius to point out that porn fucked them up good in more ways than one.
I guess getting introduced to porn at an age where you can't think for yourself is like having a monkey wrench thrown into your personal development. Of course, the people who I just told you about couldn't have been put in the right direction either, since their parents were either prudes and/or would've beaten them up for even touching porn. As a result they hid their habits from their parents, developed wrong/worse habits (like thinking that lasting for 20-30 minutes bareback during the first few times is no problem or being able to pull out just a few seconds before getting there is eaaaasy) and ended up the way they are today. Worse yet, they use porn as a crutch and learn to make excuses for their fuckups. "I CAN'T GET LAID FUCK IT LOL I GOT WATCH PORN HAND MAKES ME FEEL GOOD TO LOLOLOLOLOL"
I'm not particularly exempt from the last line (no, not the LOLOLOLOL to be specific). I've been in a number of serious relationships, gotten intimate (although it's been months since the breakup, and work's a bitch =/) and am responsible enough to be ready before I decide to have kids. The thing is, I've become addicted too, in a way. I've grown this hedonistic tendency to browse porn and jack off because it feels good, all the while thinking that I'm doing it to reduce stress. It's after reading this that I realized that I've been feeling guilty for quite a while and that guilt is turning into ennui. I might have been *this* (holds thumb and index finger together) close to becoming depressed, it just turns out that I've resolved to do something about it a few days ago. In my case, I've started working out (see Energies' TL Fitness Initiative thread, it's been a HUGE help IMO) just so I'm not idle. It's been great so far, no urges as of yet since I'm preoccupied with what I should do next or what I should and shouldn't eat. I guess having a hobby really does help, hopefully I can convince these people I know of the same.
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EPT
