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I know some people will probably laugh and roll their eyes as soon as they see the title. Not too long ago that would have been my reaction. However as I start to examine my life seriously I start to wonder if what was once a means of harmless escapism has turned into something more serious and detrimental.
I'm not going to go into much detail about myself except to say that I've become seriously unhappy with my life. Every time I felt pain about who I was and how little I've accomplished, I'd instantly feel the urge to get on the computer and just waste away the hours on games, forums, porn, or even staring mindlessly at the screen clicking.
Obviously I'm lucky to have the luxury of this much time to waste, but that's something I'm going to have to change for my own good. I must take on commitments and responsibilities, because I cannot bear the thought of spending the future the way I have the past few years.
Anyway something that really opened my eyes was this article:
+ Show Spoiler + I guess the only reason I am sharing this is so people can understand how destructive pornography addiction truly is and how it can happen to anyone. Please keep the computer out of your kids room….
I’ve been addicted since the 5th grade when my friend and I found his Dad’s magazines. I kept some magazines in my room the next few years and looked at them often. I thought it was normal. I thought I was normal. I played baseball, rode my bike, had friends I loved to spend time with.
When my family got the internet a couple of years later I began spending large amounts of time looking at porn. I thought this was normal, and even if it wasn’t I had an excuse to keep doing it that is so good I haven’t stopped using it to this day, at least never for long.
When I was around 13 a girl told me I was ugly. I accepted what she said with absolute certainty for some reason, and realized then and there I would never have a girlfriend, and that no one would ever want to have sex with me. While the normal kids grew up around me and started dating and having friends of the opposite gender, I didn’t.
I grew more and more consumed by looking at pornography on the internet for hours on end, telling myself at least I could see other people have sex since I never would. I grew more and more angry at the world.
In the 10 or so years since, the rest of my life was slowly stripped away. I really don’t have a hobby anymore. I try to do things I used to do and I can’t enjoy them. I really don’t have any friends. It seems like the only thing any of them want to do is go out and meet women which just makes me feel worse watching them succeed at that when I can’t. I don’t experience pleasure anymore. On a typical day I go to work, come home, and look at porn for several hours until I am tired. I probably have averaged at least 3 hours of pornography viewing every day for the last 5 years. The longest I’ve ever stopped was 30 days. Then I thought I could do it just once (since real and everything came crashing down. Back to three hours a day, and when I’m in that zone the depravity of what I’ll view on the internet never ceases to amaze me - sometimes I can’t get it off the screen fast enough when I’m finished masturbating. I hate myself. I don’t have a soul.
My single minded purpose in life has became to have a girlfriend, like any normal guy. I honestly care about nothing else, and I haven’t in a long time. If I knew that I really never get to, I’d kill myself right now without thinking twice about it. The level of obsession with sex, finding a girlfriend, “how can I fix myself and my life” is unbelievable. I can’t articulate it. You wouldn’t believe me. I wake up thinking about this and I go to bed thinking about it and I think about it all day and I don’t ever stop. It doesn’t EVER stop.
I go to work, I go to school, and I spend time with my family. The people around me don’t know that I’m a shell of a person. They don’t have a clue that I don’t feel my life is worth living. They don’t know that every smile is fake, and that I’m ALWAYS thinking about something else. They don’t know that every single time they mention their significant other, or make a comment about sex, or anything that could possibly be construed as related to sex or dating, I feel a knife through my heart.
Pornography. It’s exactly how I’ve managed to stay in exactly the same place since I was 13. It completely replaced legitimate sexuality for me. There’s no way to undo it now. The only thing that numbs the pain digs me that much deeper into the hole. I could have been anything I wanted when I grew up. Instead I bounce around wherever I can fit it and walk around all day with a chorus of voices in my head that tells me I have ruined my life. I’m a 26 year old virgin and the chorus of voices tells me no woman would want to be anything more than a friend with me simply based on that, let alone my darker secret. I have ruined my life, and I did it one day at a time as I sat down in front of my computer yet again.
If I’d had a choice at 18 to live these last 8 years or just end my life right then I wouldn’t have hesitated to die. The only thing that keeps me going is it always seems like it couldn’t possibly last another 8 years, but the truth is I know it could.
It’s so strange to have this memory of being a normal kid with a nice future ahead of him. That normal kid now wakes up everyday in his own personal version of hell.
It's a bit long, but that guys story is almost exactly mine so it really struck a nerve. So these days I try really hard to stay off the computer. I try and check only my email and a few forums and forbid myself to dawdle around because I can easily spend a quick 3 or 4 hours on the computer doing pretty much nothing. I'm sure for most people the computer is not a serious problem, just a tool and a means of entertainment as it should be. I know some of you are out there though like me, wondering where your life has gone and using the computer compulsively because it dulls your pain for a few hours.
 
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.......yeah, good luck with that
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Just get a productive hobby that you don't feel guilty doing...
Maybe you're not wasting your time on internet forums and porn now, but what are you doing now with all the time you've freed up? It's not enough to just stop using the computer for entertainment... You have to actually utilize all the time you didn't know what to do with in the first place.
The truly tear jerking woes of the bourgeoisie 
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You will not be a ble to stop masturbating!
You will go insane or die.
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On January 06 2009 14:38 Chef wrote:
Just get a productive hobby that you don't feel guilty doing...
Thats just being pathetic.
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Bro you just need confidence. If you're confident in yourself you can do whatever you wanna do. That's a pretty big reason a lot of addictions come about. You should do therapy maybe? I'm sure the problem lies deeper than the computer or the "evils of pornography".
Most people can just go to porn like it's w/e, jerk it, and log off. If you're seriously upset about how little you've accomplished, then you just need some confidence, or a change of priorities.
Dude, I used to feel the same way. I just felt shit about myself, that I did nothing. Then I realized I'm young and it's perfectly normal not to have done anything, and why should I even care if I've accomplished anything. The only thing I need to accomplish is living the life I want to live. I don't give a damn if I'm remembered.
Try to do stuff that gets you involved with people. Interacting more builds self-confidence pretty quick.
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United States889 Posts
Damn.
That guy needs a kitten. A soft, fuzzy, round one.
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Go to university?
Edit: I do, but I also watch porn when I feel like it. It's a great study break I think.
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Yeah, not to mention, the internet really dehumanizes human interaction. Hence you get epic trolling XD Porn also distances you from reality, but it's good for a quick night when you don't get any action.
Do stuff you love. Not because you're addicted, but because you really want to do it. Trust me, you'll have pride in your accomplishments and everything, even porn, will be more enjoyable.
I also doubt the article is reality. YOU make your reality, not that author. Man, if you want women, go to bars and check them out. Lust after them. Chase them, talk to them, ask Rekrul for tips (jk lol not really) and really, realize what's porn and what isn't porn.
Here's a personal story. I've been watching porn since 4th grade. Yeah, fucked up if you ask me. But I never really thought of it as really sex, just on-screen entertainment. And I have an awesome girlfriend, who really does't mind that I watch porn (obviously she hasn't read this blog) and sex isn't hard at all The trick is to distance yourself and realize that it's not real. And don't watch everyday, that's just forcibly brainwashing yourself.
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I would take the advise of finding productive hobbies seriously. You need to keep yourself active, mentally or physically.
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On January 06 2009 14:42 Xstatic wrote:Yeah, not to mention, the internet really dehumanizes human interaction. Hence you get epic trolling XD Porn also distances you from reality, but it's good for a quick night when you don't get any action. Do stuff you love. Not because you're addicted, but because you really want to do it. Trust me, you'll have pride in your accomplishments and everything, even porn, will be more enjoyable. I also doubt the article is reality. YOU make your reality, not that author. Man, if you want women, go to bars and check them out. Lust after them. Chase them, talk to them, ask Rekrul for tips (jk lol not really) and really, realize what's porn and what isn't porn. Here's a personal story. I've been watching porn since 4th grade. Yeah, fucked up if you ask me. But I never really thought of it as really sex, just on-screen entertainment. And I have an awesome girlfriend, who really does't mind that I watch porn (obviously she hasn't read this blog) and sex isn't hard at all The trick is to distance yourself and realize that it's not real. And don't watch everyday, that's just forcibly brainwashing yourself.
Yeah seriously.
The best life advice is to just stop thinking about shit and make it happen. If you want something don't intellectualize it, or if you have a negative mindset (Like I do), you'll just stress out about the 1,000,000,000 ways it can fuck up.
If you want to do stuff other than porn, then you gotta be pretty active about it.
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Porn gets old way too quickly
All the girls are way too slutty and fake their retardedly loud screaming.
3 Hours a Day is impressive.. holy crap..
Anyways
It's never too late to 'fix' yourself if you think you are going down the wrong path. Same for that 26 year old virgin dude who thinks he is screwed for the rest of his life. Well, maybe with the mindset he has he is fucked.
For some people, simply quitting cold turkey is the best way to go. There are also programs you can download that prevent you from going onto porno sites. The horniest of teenagers cannot access porn on the computer because of some of these programs. Without porn, you'll resort to other stuff that might be beneficial to you that will take off the hunger for porn (or you'll move on to other 'bad' stuff.. video games, TV, drugs)
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The best solution to feeling like you can't meet women is to stop trying so hard. Seriously.
You need to stop fixating on the fact that you can't get a girlfriend. You run to the internet because you feel awkward and your confidence sucks in social situations. You probably have body issues that make you feel like no one would ever want to be with you.
The first solution is to change your lifestyle. Instead of going home after work, go to the gym. When you get out of the gym go to a bookstore. You feel like you don't have any life experiences to discuss because you spent so much time doing other things. You don't have any stories to relate, etc. Well, you need to get out and experience something. Pick ANYTHING you have never done before. Go into it with a good attitude, and promise yourself you won't quit. Decide that you want to run a 10K by the summer. Go to bed exhausted from running instead of tired from searching the internet.
If you need help making friends, ask questions. Most people aren't objectionable by nature. Introduce yourself to new people and mention that you're new in this area and you don't know much about the nightlife. Don't have any expectations. Just try to experience.
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Also be sure to eliminate the cause NOT just the symptom.
You have an internet/porn problem. Ok. Why? That's the real demon in your life. Think about that, that's what's really causing problems in your life.
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United States3824 Posts
I don't think that anyone should be giving advice to someone over the internet that just compared themselves to someone like the person in that quote. That man (in your quoted text) is not well.
If you find yourself empathizing with him, feel that your life is not important it is imperative that you get some help. Call your doctor.
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On January 06 2009 15:00 cgrinker wrote:
I don't think that anyone should be giving advice to someone over the internet that just compared themselves to someone like the person in that quote. That man (in your quoted text) is not well.
If you find yourself empathizing with him, feel that your life is not important it is imperative that you get some help. Call your doctor.
That's retarded, you shouldn't give advice to people who aren't doing well?
You don't have to feel shitty to give someone who does advice.
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My recommendation is to examine why it is you make the choices you make. Look into what you are chasing, and why you are chasing it. This leads to dispassion, and when you no longer desire porn/masturbation/whatever - then you will stop chasing it.
So what I am saying is, go after what you want. But really examine what you are doing, be mindful of the decisions you are making. It won't take long before you stop doing it.
Another option would be to re-arrange your schedule so that you no longer have alone time. But that will be a hard fight, as you are very conditioned.
Really though, you need to take back control of your decisionmaking. Don't do things just because it's what you normally do in that spot. Make up your mind on your own.
the hobby idea is good too
I'd love to talk to you about this if you want to. who knows maybe I could help.
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helvetica you make some nice posts :D
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On January 06 2009 15:05 travis wrote:
helvetica you make some nice posts :D
:D thanks, that means a lot to me actually. I don't think I've gotten a compliment from any respected user on this forum besides Plexa and Kennigit.
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Something that helps me out of bad habits is to take small baby steps in the right direction. Make a goal, in your case, to limit yourself to only 2 hours of surfing a day instead of 3 for the next week. Write it down somewhere, constantly remind yourself of it, and do it. After that week, if you feel like you can cut it down to 1 hour a day, then start doing that. If you need more time, give yourself another week of 2 hours a day. Take as much time as you need, but constantly move forward in the right direction.
You'll be surprised how much easier it is each week to stay away from it. The brain slowly adapts to your current routine, and eventually it'll fight back the addiction. It's much better than trying to go cold turkey for, say, a month or so, only to find yourself going back to it later on at the same rate as before.
This works for all sorts of bad habits. Good luck to you!
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Honestly, dude, I think you're over-empathizing.
Yes, that guy has a problem, and some people do. But I think you're just hitting a rut, and trying to find an explanation. I've been there before. I'll blame it on something way too extreme for it to be true, but accept that.
Honestly, I think that for a single male, porn isn't abnormal, if it is in "moderation" (can't think of a better word). If you're going to the bars, hit on chicks, dance, etc. Honestly, there's someone out there. Get into a hobby. But don't give up on everything you have right now, because you will be more upset than right now.
I don't think you really think life is worthless, take a good look at it before you start telling yourself things like that.
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Zurich15317 Posts
Newsflash: You are one of many, many, many disillusionized, disaffected young males in 2009.
Porn is not your problem.
Watch Fight Club over and over again until you know every beat of it by heart.
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Watching Fight Club isn't the solution. Watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding instead.
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On January 06 2009 15:19 MoltkeWarding wrote:
Watching Fight Club isn't the solution. Watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding instead.
Windex is the solution?
PS: Helvatica's advise was god awful. Take it only if you want to be the guy everyone hates because he's not good at anything, but acts like he is.
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On January 06 2009 15:22 Chef wrote:Show nested quote +On January 06 2009 15:19 MoltkeWarding wrote:
Watching Fight Club isn't the solution. Watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding instead. Windex is the solution? PS: Helvatica's advise was god awful. Take it only if you want to be the guy everyone hates because he's not good at anything, but acts like he is.
mind explaining what the hell you're talking about?
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Confidence should be a result of obtaining skills (and knowing you can use them), not in deciding you're good enough right now. It's not normal for any human being who has an excess of time to just do nothing with it, even if you are just a kid.
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On January 06 2009 15:22 Chef wrote:Show nested quote +On January 06 2009 15:19 MoltkeWarding wrote:
Watching Fight Club isn't the solution. Watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding instead. Windex is the solution? PS: Helvatica's advise was god awful. Take it only if you want to be the guy everyone hates because he's not good at anything, but acts like he is.
There's a huge difference between being confident and being a self-righteous douchebag. How is it bad advice to do what you want to do in life and actively pursue your own interests? If you sit around worrying about everything and whether or not you'll succeed or fail, you end up more depressed than if you just tried and fail.
Better fucking advice than Windex.
edit- You don't just gain confidence by obtaining skills. It's just about being comfortable and okay with yourself. That's the first step.
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On January 06 2009 15:27 Chef wrote:
Confidence should be a result of obtaining skills (and knowing you can use them), not in deciding you're good enough right now. It's not normal for any human being who has an excess of time to just do nothing with it, even if you are just a kid.
umm, no
confidence is about believing you are capable should you apply yourself
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Sorry, this through me off:
Then I realized I'm young and it's perfectly normal not to have done anything, and why should I even care if I've accomplished anything. The only thing I need to accomplish is living the life I want to live. I don't give a damn if I'm remembered.
I thought you were saying it was okay to sit around and do nothing 
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On January 06 2009 15:29 travis wrote:Show nested quote +On January 06 2009 15:27 Chef wrote:
Confidence should be a result of obtaining skills (and knowing you can use them), not in deciding you're good enough right now. It's not normal for any human being who has an excess of time to just do nothing with it, even if you are just a kid. umm, no confidence is about believing you are capable should you apply yourself
Confidence is a word. People who have gained skills and know they can apply them deserve the confidence. People who just say "oh, well if I tried, I'd be great" shouldn't.
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I think that is what he is saying.
I do not think he is saying that's what someone should do, but it's perfectly fine if it is what they end up doing.
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On January 06 2009 15:29 Chef wrote:Sorry, this through me off: Show nested quote +Then I realized I'm young and it's perfectly normal not to have done anything, and why should I even care if I've accomplished anything. The only thing I need to accomplish is living the life I want to live. I don't give a damn if I'm remembered. I thought you were saying it was okay to sit around and do nothing
Yeah, I'm glad to see it was just a misunderstanding.
What I'm saying is that you don't need to make meaningless accomplishments just because other people think that's important. Not to do nothing.
Travis- in the rare case, if that really makes someone happy then go for it. You shouldn't live your life trying to please anyone for yourself. Luckily evolutionary psychology has it ingrained into us that interaction, helping people, and being productive is pleasing.
Just don't try to live your life based on someone elses definition of success. Define what success is for you, then start trying to make "accomplishments".
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You might not be that successful at all , but like the other dude said live your life for you , what makes you happy. One thing that sucks is that most of the people around you are living the "norm" having significant others and so on. Everything on tv and radio programs you to believe breaking that norm is wrong. Fuck it , even if you don't succeed with any females, at least you tried, enjoy other things in life.
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On January 06 2009 15:31 Chef wrote:Show nested quote +On January 06 2009 15:29 travis wrote:On January 06 2009 15:27 Chef wrote:
Confidence should be a result of obtaining skills (and knowing you can use them), not in deciding you're good enough right now. It's not normal for any human being who has an excess of time to just do nothing with it, even if you are just a kid. umm, no confidence is about believing you are capable should you apply yourself Confidence is a word.
lolz
People who have gained skills and know they can apply them deserve the confidence. People who just say "oh, well if I tried, I'd be great" shouldn't.
the ability to apply yourself without fear of failure is in itself a skill
confidence is not the same as arrogance
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OP I know what you mean, I'm in a similar boat although not as dramatic as that article paints it.
I don't think internet porn 'addiction' is really the problem, the real problem is that ppl like you and me don't socialize like other ppl and have trouble forming strong friendships outside of the kids we grew up with (at least for me) and get bored easily and end up without something to do. Porn just happens to be the most satisfying way to relieve bordom and pass time.
I can especially sympathize w that article about this part
+ Show Spoiler +My single minded purpose in life has became to have a girlfriend, like any normal guy. I honestly care about nothing else, and I haven’t in a long time.
altough I have alot more optimism and a much better life than the article writer.
I can't offer much in terms of a solution other than saying that I think we(I/you?) need to trust ppl more.
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i actually saw fight club for the first time recently, watching that over and over will solve a suprisingly large amount of problems
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I don't think (a lack of) fear of failure and confidence are the same. Confidence is thinking you won't fail. Fear is being genuinely uncomfortable at the possibility of failing, and it's consequences. Someone learning to skate knows they're going to fall a bunch of times, they're not afraid that they're going to fail a lot before they get good. At the same time, they're not confident they're going to get it right on their first try either They're only confident when they've at last gained the skill (or they may be confident they'll pick it up quickly, because they've succeeded in learning other similarly difficult skills before).
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I think you need to stop watching porn. I used to have this problem. The thing about porn is that its really all just a show. Its not what sex actually is. If you so desire for someone in your life for you to meet and enjoy your love with, its really important that you take away porn from your life because it distorts your image of what sex is.
I can never reconcile how girls in porn shows behave as if they get really hyped up based on physical aspects but in reality, women seek a deeper emotion with their partners.
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I SUGGEST ONE THING: LAVALIFE or a similar dating service. You are not alone.
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United States3824 Posts
Reading this almost makes me feel like it isn't going to take 21 minutes to download the files I need for school.
So did I misread the OP? Because I got jumped on there.
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On January 06 2009 15:45 Chef wrote:
I don't think (a lack of) fear of failure and confidence are the same. Confidence is thinking you won't fail.
If this was the case then the sentence "I am confident that I will win" should be written as "I am confident".
Essentially I understand where you are coming from and understand how it would be easy for someone to take the stance that you do, but I respectfully disagree.
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Starcraft is my anti-drug.
Barring that, go outside more, change ur hair/shirt/whatever. Why the fuck should you care what other people think about your looks? Instead of trying to impress them, be confident, kickass, and don't take shit from nobody. The girls come after that.
Trust me: in freshman year of high school i was that introverted kid who never said anything and couldn't hold a conversation with a girl for more than 5 minutes. Then I was like fuck it I do what I want and now I can hold a conversation with a girl for more than 5 minutes.
in all seriousness, don't take no shit from nobody. So what if a girl says you're ugly? Fuck her, she'll end up selling her tits and ass to some ibanker just to supplement her pet cause and live a pointless life as a trophy bitch. Or, you could look at her as just another ho
this applies to girls trying to get with guys, as well ^^. confidence is where its at. but don't be too cocky, then people just think you're a fucking douche
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On January 06 2009 15:44 Kuja900 wrote:
i actually saw fight club for the first time recently, watching that over and over will solve a suprisingly large amount of problems
Throw in a good, healthy dash of Boondock Saints every 8 to 10 cycles, and you're on a good path.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
unless your face looks like it got shot with a shotgun then sprayed with acid, there is no "bad looks" that being and acting happy, being confident and talkative cannot fix.
Isn't there some study where they find correlation between depression and physical inactivity? As many have suggested, getting a healthy, active hobby would do a lot of good for you I think. Grab a buddy and start playing squash, or look for some pickup soccer/ball games in your area, if you're in college play some intramural sports, etc.
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On January 06 2009 16:43 thedeadhaji wrote:
unless your face looks like it got shot with a shotgun then sprayed with acid, there is no "bad looks" that being and acting happy, being confident and talkative cannot fix.
Isn't there some study where they find correlation between depression and physical inactivity? As many have suggested, getting a healthy, active hobby would do a lot of good for you I think. Grab a buddy and start playing squash, or look for some pickup soccer/ball games in your area, if you're in college play some intramural sports, etc.
I think it's worth mentioning that girls are way less shallow than men. Seriously I see hot chicks with ugly dudes all the time, it's all about how you present yourself. If you're fun, chicks will dig you.
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Girls aren't any less shallow than men. It's just more typical to see them settle for material possessions. When you see more girls with high paying jobs, you'll see ugly women getting good looking guys too. It's already happening on occasion.
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On January 06 2009 17:10 Chef wrote:
Girls aren't any less shallow than men. It's just more typical to see them settle for material possessions. When you see more girls with high paying jobs, you'll see ugly women getting good looking guys too. It's already happening on occasion.
I don't know, in my experience girls tend to be much more willing to look at a dudes personality first. They tend to connect emotionally a lot more easily then men, so it makes sense.
Besides, I don't know a lot of dudes with high paying jobs at my high-school and around SDSU.
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I think that's a load of crap lol. A good personality tends to save physical flaws for both genders. Both girls and boys when they're young have unrealistic ideals physically about the partners they think they should have, and both have some people who never grow out of it. But if you look around, you'll see girls that aren't that stunning with decent looking guys too... I've seen it in my circle of friends a million times... Although maybe my friends are just attracted to ugly girls.
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Netherlands19129 Posts
Haji made the Kennigit forum motto of "threads always get better on page 3" come through once again.
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Fuck!
i mean fuck! A very sad first post that made me think about myself too.
I work on a computer 6-7 hrs per day and I use it at home for like 2 more hours. the 2 hours I read articles and play bw or poker but still...
Anyway, I am at least glad I can stop this with the computer if I want to. I've been in long periods of time where I had no pc and only the first 3-4 days I felt irritated, then I found that working out makes wonders for you, makes you feel confident and happy.
Addiction of any sort is dangerous, not only porn or gaming...
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On January 06 2009 16:43 thedeadhaji wrote:
unless your face looks like it got shot with a shotgun then sprayed with acid, there is no "bad looks" that being and acting happy, being confident and talkative cannot fix.
ahh...This brings to mind one guy at my back school that had such bad acne that it was a pretty accurate description if you said he got shot with a shotgun then sprayed with acid. He was one of my best friends junior/senior year, we poked so much fun at him though. But yeah, despite his face he was an pretty cool guy and did fine with the girls because of it. Also massive amounts of acne can sometimes look normal on asian faces...
More on topic/@ OP: If there is one thing that'll get you off the computer it is the girls. Seriously, just get out there and socialize, if you fuck up with them don't even sweat it. There are so many people in the world and even at whatever school you are at(unless you live in a log cabin) that even if you mess up with 100 girls you will still have more to try for.
Plus every memory I have of trying to get girls is a good one, whether or not I succeeded. Seriously now, one of the best stories I have to tell is how I asked out a girl while on a cruise during a band trip then got the 'I'm lesbian" rejection. Later I found out it was actually legit, which made the entire thing even better.
Just don't even sweat it man. To quote Boxer: the only enemy if yourself. So true in your case, the only reason you can't break this addiction is because you fear the solution.
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Man this blog is pretty honest compared to a lot of them. Porn is insane. I know most guys on here will tell you it's not a big deal, etc., but why was there decafchicken no-fapping contests on here where everybody miserably failed? Why is it "okay" for 99% of guys on here? Because they a) can't stop b) don't want to c) don't realize that it can own their life.
I do my best to stay away from it completely. That decision doesn't make me any less macho, any less straight, any more in "denial". If anything, it makes me stronger when I resist and a more pure person in context of a relationship. If you think that getting a real girlfriend is going to somehow get in the way of porn, think again: you are addicted man. Plus, if sexual reality is as genuine to you as internet porn, that's a pretty tainted view. Sex is ridiculously powerful, whether it be on the internet or physical. Girls in crappy relationships cannot get out because they are so emotionally tied in with the guys they are with. The pendulum swings both ways, so you can't expect to launch yourself from one extreme and into another. You're really going to have to find a way to kill it first before you plan on moving into a normal reality.
If I were you, I would get the best friend or 2 you have, and tell them straight up what you are telling us. The story without the anonymity is going to hurt more to tell and feel a lot more awkward, but accountability is grossly underrated in our generation. Just because you told us and have a few suggestions for do-it-yourself help on here probably won't impact you significantly. When you bring in real and close friends to the situation and ask them to keep tabs on you (you've gotta be willing), you're gonna be forced into a much more real situation. If you don't have anybody that you can think of off the top of your head that can fill that position, you might have to pursue relationships with friends as well.
Good post man, I appreciate honesty in places where a lot of people are too small to admit their own shortcomings. I'm nowhere near strong enough to limit myself, probably just like you. You're really going to have to force yourself out of the situation, even if it hurts and is incredibly uncomfortable.
Good luck
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>.<;
Not to be mean, but that story seems kind of.. pathetic? There is some deeper roots screwing with that kid other than "I found my dad's magazines". It sounds more like "Daddy touched my happy place in the 5th grade". But, yeah, either way it's kind of messed up if that is actually true. I would definitely stray away from the computer if you have the same problems as that guy.
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Netherlands6142 Posts
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Seriously, time limit and pron blocking software are your best friend. I tried self-control, I know it works for some people, but it didn't work for me.
Then I got time limit and pron blocking software and got someone else to put a password on it. I'm limited to three hours computer time a day and blocked between 2am and 9am so I can get sleep. It's helped me a lot.
If you look at extreme porn all the time it will mess up your enjoyment of sex with your eventual GF because you won't be satisfied unless you're doing some of the sick stuff you've seen in the videos and most real life girls don't want to do that sort of stuff. Also if you jerk off too much you'll get too used to the feel of your own hand instead of a real pussy and it will be harder to get off with a girl.
Also to get your confidence up I strongly recommend learning a martial art. I did Tae Kwon Do for two and a half years and got a black belt and it increased my confidence levels hugely. I'm not a good looking guy but when I was doing TKD regularly I really felt confident and carried myself differently and it was like girls could sense it. Twice I ended up getting with random girls I met in bars who came up to me which is something that never happened usually.
I haven't been able to train for two years and I've felt my confidence levels slide again. I really need to get back into training myself.
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You may want to see a therapist about this.
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Just need something to take up your time besides touching yourself and surfing the web. Oh yeah I'm sure it's like if your masturbating more then once every 2ish days your porb an addict because that amount is borderline unhealthy and ofc 45 times a day is def unhealthy.
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On January 06 2009 18:17 Quesadilla wrote:
Man this blog is pretty honest compared to a lot of them. Porn is insane. I know most guys on here will tell you it's not a big deal, etc., but why was there decafchicken no-fapping contests on here where everybody miserably failed? Why is it "okay" for 99% of guys on here? Because they a) can't stop b) don't want to c) don't realize that it can own their life.
I do my best to stay away from it completely. That decision doesn't make me any less macho, any less straight, any more in "denial". If anything, it makes me stronger when I resist and a more pure person in context of a relationship. If you think that getting a real girlfriend is going to somehow get in the way of porn, think again: you are addicted man. Plus, if sexual reality is as genuine to you as internet porn, that's a pretty tainted view. Sex is ridiculously powerful, whether it be on the internet or physical. Girls in crappy relationships cannot get out because they are so emotionally tied in with the guys they are with. The pendulum swings both ways, so you can't expect to launch yourself from one extreme and into another. You're really going to have to find a way to kill it first before you plan on moving into a normal reality.
If I were you, I would get the best friend or 2 you have, and tell them straight up what you are telling us. The story without the anonymity is going to hurt more to tell and feel a lot more awkward, but accountability is grossly underrated in our generation. Just because you told us and have a few suggestions for do-it-yourself help on here probably won't impact you significantly. When you bring in real and close friends to the situation and ask them to keep tabs on you (you've gotta be willing), you're gonna be forced into a much more real situation. If you don't have anybody that you can think of off the top of your head that can fill that position, you might have to pursue relationships with friends as well.
Good post man, I appreciate honesty in places where a lot of people are too small to admit their own shortcomings. I'm nowhere near strong enough to limit myself, probably just like you. You're really going to have to force yourself out of the situation, even if it hurts and is incredibly uncomfortable.
Good luck
Excellent post.
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I'll just post these links, I know they might do you good, so if you feel drawn to take a look and spend some time learning what it's about, go ahead.
www.zpointforpeace.com
www.divineopenings.com
I wish you all the best man, I am on a similar path!
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On January 06 2009 18:58 selboN wrote:
>.<;
Not to be mean, but that story seems kind of.. pathetic? There is some deeper roots screwing with that kid other than "I found my dad's magazines". It sounds more like "Daddy touched my happy place in the 5th grade". But, yeah, either way it's kind of messed up if that is actually true. I would definitely stray away from the computer if you have the same problems as that guy.
The sad thing is, a huge part of it is reality for many people. "I found dad's magazine" has a more profound effect than you might think. Using the people I know as a rough sample, the same people who started passing around porn in 5th-6th grade (VHS for the lose) are also the same people who have:
a.) never gotten a girlfriend or into a serious relationship, hence have...
b.) never gotten laid (not that it's a bad thing, mind you, but they also seem to think that they NEED to get laid, and that getting laid outside of getting a hooker to spread for you is easy. It's a fucked up way of thinking, seriously)
c.) have a kid they don't want and can't even feed (on the other side of the pole, the minute number of people who did get laid fucked it up, pun not intended. Some guy I know actually went "I had no idea that it'd be so hard to pull out" telling us the story during a drinking session. No shit, Sherlock, unless you get laid on a regular basis or are in the porn industry.)
They're also the most depressed (although they don't admit it, which is in itself very destructive), spend the most time online, have no drive to succeed at all, and are convinced that they can't go to bed without having jacked of to porn. You don't have to be a genius to point out that porn fucked them up good in more ways than one.
I guess getting introduced to porn at an age where you can't think for yourself is like having a monkey wrench thrown into your personal development. Of course, the people who I just told you about couldn't have been put in the right direction either, since their parents were either prudes and/or would've beaten them up for even touching porn. As a result they hid their habits from their parents, developed wrong/worse habits (like thinking that lasting for 20-30 minutes bareback during the first few times is no problem or being able to pull out just a few seconds before getting there is eaaaasy) and ended up the way they are today. Worse yet, they use porn as a crutch and learn to make excuses for their fuckups. "I CAN'T GET LAID FUCK IT LOL I GOT WATCH PORN HAND MAKES ME FEEL GOOD TO LOLOLOLOLOL"
I'm not particularly exempt from the last line (no, not the LOLOLOLOL to be specific). I've been in a number of serious relationships, gotten intimate (although it's been months since the breakup, and work's a bitch =/) and am responsible enough to be ready before I decide to have kids. The thing is, I've become addicted too, in a way. I've grown this hedonistic tendency to browse porn and jack off because it feels good, all the while thinking that I'm doing it to reduce stress. It's after reading this that I realized that I've been feeling guilty for quite a while and that guilt is turning into ennui. I might have been *this* (holds thumb and index finger together) close to becoming depressed, it just turns out that I've resolved to do something about it a few days ago. In my case, I've started working out (see Energies' TL Fitness Initiative thread, it's been a HUGE help IMO) just so I'm not idle. It's been great so far, no urges as of yet since I'm preoccupied with what I should do next or what I should and shouldn't eat. I guess having a hobby really does help, hopefully I can convince these people I know of the same.
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Sydney2287 Posts
I think Quesadilla made a pretty good post I'd follow his advice if I was in your shoes. Also if you're looking for something to do that would be constructive, maybe join the fitness initiative that Energies has created over in General. Physical activity ups your endorphins making you feel happier, and you'll feel better about yourself if you're fitter, both physically and mentally.
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Actually I can relate to this thread a whole lot more than I'd want to, and even more than I'd ever admit personally. But I'm on the rising, getting out of the black hole.
The trick is to learn to like yourself (how was already covered by previous posts) - it'll shine through you, take away fear and add selfconfidence. That's a much greater position to turn your life around in terms of getting out, get a gf, experience your own stories and live a normal life.
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wat
who watches 3 hours of porn a day
stream a movie, beat off, move on
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A quote that just came to my mind - felt like sharing it, since it relates to the topic (imho):
The notebookI am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one aspect I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul. And for me that has always been enough.
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On January 06 2009 14:45 MoltkeWarding wrote:
I would take the advise of finding productive hobbies seriously. You need to keep yourself active, mentally or physically.
Yes, they will tell you in any rehab program that the best way to break a habit is to form a new (hopefully positive) habit.
How do you think drug addicts start with 'gateway drugs' like weed and work their way into heroine junkies? They fill old hobbies with new ones, of course its easy to kick alcohol when you've got cocaine to fill the void.
also, I have heard that it takes on average 21 days to break a habit cold turkey.
I watch porn plenty and so does my gf, sometimes we watch it together. Its great. Sometimes I can even get her to try the shit the chicks are doing in the videos.
I could probably say I am addicted to it, but I don't think its a bad/detrimental addiction in my case. Some days/weeks I have other shit to do and totally forget about it. Other days I can't stop watching throughout the day. I think its just the nature of the human sex drive. It comes and goes for me.
PS- I think its absurd when people quit porn. I just can't understand the logic. There is really nothing to gain from it. Unless of course you are a chronic m-bater and it is ruining your life. My friend recently got his first girlfriend and he deleted all his porn then proceeded to tell me it is pollution and blah blah. So after some ridiculing I googled it. I found mostly religious people on youtube talking about quitting it etc. Personally I think it's just weak minded people who let themselves be consumed by it and it's the same weak minded people who have to quit it. That's probably not a good theory though because you could say that about anything really. I mean anything can be an addiction right? Hell I live/ate/breathed SC 5-6 years ago and it totally owned my life.
But with something like porn, It is just so manditory. I think of it like food or water. It is just a lesser necessity in life.
Top4 living requirements in order:
Air
Water
Food
Reproduction
So since we aren't savages going around fucking any random women, it is a required release imo. Otherwise you're gonna have a bunch of angry males all over the place. Just look at most serial killers, they are usually antisocial guys who never got laid. The releases are needed otherwise your animal instincts of proving yourself in one way or the other (being argumentative, fighting, etc) are going to take over.
edit- Also, Too much of a good thing is usually a bad thing. All things should be done/used in moderation. Hell, even too much water can kill you.
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Thanks for all the helpful responses and advice guys. There are some things I initially wanted to respond to, but in most cases I think that thank you will suffice, and in the others, I'm too tired to do any internet warrioring. I posted the blog partly to get out my thoughts, and also so maybe that people might reexamine their own lives and habits. I don't think porn is morally wrong (although the exploitative hardcore stuff is pretty dehumanizing) nor do I think the internet is inherently bad and addictive. Ultimately each person has to examine for themselves what is a problem for them or not.
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On January 07 2009 01:11 KOFgokuon wrote:
wat
who watches 3 hours of porn a day
stream a movie, beat off, move on
This is really good advice
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On January 13 2009 16:58 CharlieMurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On January 06 2009 14:45 MoltkeWarding wrote:
I would take the advise of finding productive hobbies seriously. You need to keep yourself active, mentally or physically. Yes, they will tell you in any rehab program that the best way to break a habit is to form a new (hopefully positive) habit. How do you think drug addicts start with 'gateway drugs' like weed and work their way into heroine junkies? They fill old hobbies with new ones, of course its easy to kick alcohol when you've got cocaine to fill the void. also, I have heard that it takes on average 21 days to break a habit cold turkey. I watch porn plenty and so does my gf, sometimes we watch it together. Its great. Sometimes I can even get her to try the shit the chicks are doing in the videos. I could probably say I am addicted to it, but I don't think its a bad/detrimental addiction in my case. Some days/weeks I have other shit to do and totally forget about it. Other days I can't stop watching throughout the day. I think its just the nature of the human sex drive. It comes and goes for me. PS- I think its absurd when people quit porn. I just can't understand the logic. There is really nothing to gain from it. Unless of course you are a chronic m-bater and it is ruining your life. My friend recently got his first girlfriend and he deleted all his porn then proceeded to tell me it is pollution and blah blah. So after some ridiculing I googled it. I found mostly religious people on youtube talking about quitting it etc. Personally I think it's just weak minded people who let themselves be consumed by it and it's the same weak minded people who have to quit it. That's probably not a good theory though because you could say that about anything really. I mean anything can be an addiction right? Hell I live/ate/breathed SC 5-6 years ago and it totally owned my life. But with something like porn, It is just so manditory. I think of it like food or water. It is just a lesser necessity in life. Top4 living requirements in order: Air Water Food Reproduction So since we aren't savages going around fucking any random women, it is a required release imo. Otherwise you're gonna have a bunch of angry males all over the place. Just look at most serial killers, they are usually antisocial guys who never got laid. The releases are needed otherwise your animal instincts of proving yourself in one way or the other (being argumentative, fighting, etc) are going to take over. edit- Also, Too much of a good thing is usually a bad thing. All things should be done/used in moderation. Hell, even too much water can kill you.
Well said.
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EPT
