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Aotearoa39261 Posts
This is probably going to be fairly incoherent but bare with me...
Getting knocked on your ass sucks - and today, thats exactly what happened to me. Today was my mid-semester test for Maths 253 (aka last elementary calc paper for university) and with summer scholarships being awarded soon every grade counts. That being said, i am almost certain to get a summer scholarship by virtue of arranging a project with a professor earlier on in the week! Anyway, so this test, worth 30% mind you, is in two halves and is 1hour 30min long. Easy.
Section one is on 3D calculus basically, double integrals definition of differentiability, limits with two variables etc. You get the picture. Anyway, with 50 marks in this section i was fairly happy when i cruised through it in approximately 15 minutes giving me 1hr 15 to complete the linear algebra section. And oh my god, the questions were bitchy as hell. Anyway, after slugging through the rest of the paper i came to a question which required me to find the matrix [T]c (matrix T with respect to the basis C) given that T was some matrix and C was some basis. Awesome, so i work through the problem all right and end up with [T]c = [T] and go, fuck. In the last 5 minutes of the test i figured that the answer must be wrong and attempted a different method to find the solution.
Immediately after the exam my friend goes to me "lol at that [T]c question - so cruel - it was just the same matrix." And then wow, it hit me - i had crossed out the correct fucking answer and written down garbage. With shitloads riding on the test I had fucked up. And it felt terrible - and i wanted to drive my face through a sheet of iron. One girl from my class was sitting outside crying about how bad the test was and how hard she had studied for it. Others looked rather depressed at the outcome. Nevertheless, of the 5~ top students (one of which is myself) i had undoubtedly done the worst.
Failure is a tough pill to swallow, and im sure many of you have had similar experiences to my anecdote. Many of you will come back and say "its only one test" or something like that, or that in the long term things will get better. As true as this may be, it sucks when you get knocked on your ass and getting back up and carrying on is something that is always difficult no matter how experienced you are. I guess that's what separates the champions (my friend) and the losers (myself). The ability to regroup, and bring yourself back up in a flash. Champions, like Jaedong, are able to do this at such an outstanding level that it makes my mountain of an issue into nothing more than a mere hiccup.
Jaedong indeed is a particularly good example seeing as of all the top tier pros he's had the biggest ups and downs. Like when Flash metaphorically slapped him about with a wet salmon. Or when ForGG flogged Jaedong repeatedly with a sledgehammer. Or when Backho, bless his little soul, ran over Jaedong's foot with his tricycle. Jaedong just keeps fighting and fighting like a warrior - a true champion. The same can be said about Nada who continually fights like a savage beast and always manages to come back and dominate. Or even Boxer - the eternal champion.
I am not a champion, and champions are never my cup of tea. This is something I've come to accept about myself - I am someone who loves a player because of their imperfections, not their perfections. Because in each one of those players i see a little bit of myself in them. I fell in love with Boxer because of his imperfections. When Pusan faltered against Boxer and Boxer staged an epic comeback, the burning desire in his eyes to win the title was something i see in myself - something i saw projected onto the screen in front of me as i watch him pump the air with his fist. Then, as he failed at the final hurdle against Anytime, i saw him break into pieces, much like myself, as his dream of the golden mouse was brutally snatched away.
The fact that these progamers showcase little glimpses of my very own personality/persona on stage is a rather weird feeling. It's like theres some innate connection between us, although we've never met, and that even if it is just for a moment our thoughts are synced perfectly and the empathetic talent which i have is put to full use as i experience their emotions as they do. When MBC won proleague the overwhelming emotion from on stage created one of the most memorable night of SC for me as i too got to share in their delight in being crowned champions - especially since Pusan won. It was a glorious moment and it showed me, in a rather indirect way, that even people like myself - so called "losers" - can actually be champions with the right support. And of course when I say this, I'm talking about Pusan.
Pusan is a very special case for me, something which most people don't always get. Obviously back when he was destroying everyone in So1 he had a nice large fan following but as he continued to drop out of leagues the fan base dwindled and very quickly i found myself the last man in the stands cheering on the home team. Pusan, unlike any other progamer, plays a game of starcraft in such a unique way. Despite his stupidly good macro, he continually decides to play the unconventional risky build (e.g. 2 base arbiter) to win the game, even though there is no necessity for it. I mean, he played about 15 different PvT builds in as many consecutive games following So1 - the deviation from the norm is just so blindingly apprent. This is something which is very true about myself, as i often take on the controversial view point or the ridiculously difficult position to argue - or even just arguing a completely unthought about point; even though i could very well get the better grade/score by just doing it straight up. As a result of our unconventional tendencies, neither of us really made it to the top - always faltering at the last hurdle.
But despite our shortcomings, there is always that sign of brilliance within us - that some people see and go "this man's going to be a star". Pusan has had some of the most brilliant moves in progaming, from his double recall, fake reaver drop, impossible choke clearing, art storming, impossible carrier micro etc. All of these just make you want to see him succeed ridiculously. I too am like this, some days i can destroy exams and show wisdom far beyond my years (e.g. when i cam top in NZ in music studies) or i can flat out fail (like my yr 12 maths exams). Consistency is something which both me and pusan need to work on - because right now both of us are just sitting below breakout level.
I could continue to rant on about how Kwanro and I are also very similar. Or further discuss the similarities between myself and Pusan - but I don't think anymore is warranted. My favorite gamers of all time are those which i can see myself in - and invariably these are not the champs like Jaedong or Bisu but rather others like Pusan and Kwanro. Progaming is a weird thing, and when you're a weird empathetic individual like myself the players you worship are never gods. Just the stepping stones for them to walk on, so others can get to their places of greatness.
 
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i was reading this and i was all like, maths? then you started talking about players. :D
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Very nice write up, read all of it :D.
5/5.
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Man, now I feel bad for liking Jaedong more than Kwanro. 
Hey Plexa, do you plan on staying in NZ forever? Cause I'm pretty sure you'd do well in US universities, if not better.
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
It's something i've thought about a lot and it's a really difficult question to answer. At the moment i'm trying to work out which path in life I'm going to take - applied maths, or real maths. That answer will determine a lot of what happens. To give you a "straight" answer i'd have to say no, at some point i will be moving around the globe. But im really not sure at this point in time.
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It doesn't sound you like you "failed" at all. You messed up one question on one part of a paper that was worth only 30%. I know you said people would say "oh, it's only one exam". But that is exactly what you should be thinking. You said you're in the top 5 and that lots of other people found the test pretty hard.
The likelihood is that if YOU fucked up on one question, most other people probably fucked up the entire thing. I'm guessing your exam is marked on a relative scoring system so this fact should reduce the impact of you messing up that one question. Even if it's not, from what you've said, the objective reality is that you are absolutely fine.
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
high standards are a bitch
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Melbourne5338 Posts
I hate matricies with respect to another basis. It wasn't clearly taught in the text or lectures and only in a few examples but somehow showed up on both the midsemester and final exam 
come hang out in australia plexa~
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Personal experience:
Maths lead to failure.
:>
+ Show Spoiler + and bw leads to failure at maths
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Don't leave plexa! What will NZ BW have if you're gone?
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Pusan vs fbh on longinus was the most insane game i ever saw in my life
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go real maths
applied maths are the fail -
Unless you somehow wanna be very rich >.>
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Your text was nice and stuff, but there's one thing you forget or don't apprehend enough about pro gamers irl, is that a very large chunk of them are carved in with (foolish?) humility.
It's nothing casual really... like, the dude gets beaten, even badly, while hes on top of his game : Most of the time he wont go like "omfg, I wanna die" or "How the fuck could i lose to that nub", but more "wow me very humble cho bo / he cho gosu starcraft virtual deity" and then, like a mindless bot, eventho sad, will just go back team HQ and grind practice even more.
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
well if jaednog failed vs flash once and u failed vs T[c] or whatever once you'll be able to get back up the next time SO U R A CHAMP PLEXA!!!!!!!! :D
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
On August 28 2008 21:14 Boonbag wrote:
Your text was nice and stuff, but there's one thing you forget or don't apprehend enough about pro gamers irl, is that a very large chunk of them are carved in with (foolish?) humility.
It's nothing casual really... like, the dude gets beaten, even badly, while hes on top of his game : Most of the time he wont go like "omfg, I wanna die" or "How the fuck could i lose to that nub", but more "wow me very humble cho bo / he cho gosu starcraft virtual deity" and then, like a mindless bot, eventho sad, will just go back team HQ and grind practice even more.
Hum, i disagree. Although Koreans have the built in humility on the surface I can virtually guarantee that they still get knocked on their ass at least once in their career. I mean, say Savior after he lost to Bisu, you could see that he took that pretty hard. And likewise with other gamers. Humility on the surface is one thing, but if you delve deeper there is always going to be the anger at oneself especially if you put it all on the line and failed due to a simple mistake (e.g Stork)
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I like how stork and failure go together so well
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Wow... that really makes you think. I'll definitely be watching the underdogs more closely next season. Especially the ones who just keep coming back.
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Plex.
Be An Author.
Travel The World With A LapTop And A Idea.
Do not waste your gift with words and expression on mathamatics. God Damnit. Write!
(IF you love math go for it, but your just such a damn good writer)
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
I write to keep sane
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That is the sign of a real writer .... I believe.
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On August 28 2008 22:32 Plexa wrote:Show nested quote +On August 28 2008 21:14 Boonbag wrote:
Your text was nice and stuff, but there's one thing you forget or don't apprehend enough about pro gamers irl, is that a very large chunk of them are carved in with (foolish?) humility.
It's nothing casual really... like, the dude gets beaten, even badly, while hes on top of his game : Most of the time he wont go like "omfg, I wanna die" or "How the fuck could i lose to that nub", but more "wow me very humble cho bo / he cho gosu starcraft virtual deity" and then, like a mindless bot, eventho sad, will just go back team HQ and grind practice even more.
Hum, i disagree. Although Koreans have the built in humility on the surface I can virtually guarantee that they still get knocked on their ass at least once in their career. I mean, say Savior after he lost to Bisu, you could see that he took that pretty hard. And likewise with other gamers. Humility on the surface is one thing, but if you delve deeper there is always going to be the anger at oneself especially if you put it all on the line and failed due to a simple mistake (e.g Stork)
I think you underestimate what 8 hours of daily starcraft for 10 years in a half starved state does to your brain.
I saw amazing players on the same level than other amazing players there, getting owned and saying right after with a smile "I lost because he is so good and im so bad".
However, I didn't state none of them was cocky or not on the mindless humble psy. And what you said in this entry clearly applies more to champions than regular runner ups or poolists.
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
yea it's quite different if you keep getting knocked down when you're still on the rise, anyone who gets frustrated at those kind of situations simply won't last long enough to make an impression. Thats one thing the koreans have over us their innate respect for elders makes losing easier! But obviously when you do reach the upper echelon and there are real prizes up for grabs and knowing that your career could be over tomorrow, or in a months time, i would imagine fucking up can really get to you.
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Gotta hate those tough tests.
I'm in math too and find that when I think I did badly, almost everyone else did worse and it all works out. Keep your chin up and think relatively to everyone else who wrote it ^^
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On August 28 2008 18:49 Plexa wrote:
Or when Backho, bless his little soul, ran over Jaedong's foot with his tricycle.
Made me lol.
Really interesting writeup.
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Hey Plexa how hard is it studying/majoring math? I didn't catch at what level you're at; uni? I'm thinking of pursuing either math or theoretical physics, but tbh pure math scares me. I like the subject immensely and am good at it, though I'm kinda afraid I won't "get it" once I reach a higher level, since it seems to be so extremely demanding @ uni.
Help pls, through a well thought out RL->Starcraft metaphor if possible .
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Man I know just that feeling. You get out from a test and one of your friends goes:
Man number 7 was tough, I hope everyone figured out it really was the simple answer and didn't try to calculate further (or something of the sorts).
And you go:....*You have died. Your deeds of valor will be remembered*
Worse still is when apparently everyone got the trick question, it was totally obvious and so on. Thats getting knocked on your ass.
LaLush where are you studying? I'm thinking about going into physics, possibly Theoretical, at Uppsala university (where i'm currently studying). The Theoretical physics department at UU is extremely famous and prestigious (in comparison with other departments on UU). Seems like a awesome place to study.
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
On August 29 2008 03:01 LaLuSh wrote:Hey Plexa how hard is it studying/majoring math? I didn't catch at what level you're at; uni? I'm thinking of pursuing either math or theoretical physics, but tbh pure math scares me. I like the subject immensely and am good at it, though I'm kinda afraid I won't "get it" once I reach a higher level, since it seems to be so extremely demanding @ uni. Help pls, through a well thought out RL->Starcraft metaphor if possible . I'm technically first year university - but practically im 2nd year maths. Math is something which you either get immediately and is ridiculously easy, or is something you kinda get and you can push into the 90's with a bit of work or something you flat out just don't get. tbh so far math has been really easy for me, although my principles of mathematics paper is starting to scare me =/. I don't know what level your at but (at least in NZ) theres quite a bit of freedom before you actually need to commit and thus you'll be able to experience both before you have to stick to your decision.
PM me if you have any more questions 
btw, the metaphor was in no way planned out per say. It was a spur of the moment write down how i feel thing haha
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Man, this always happens to me. Multiple choice, if I ever think it may be another answer and:
A. Don't change it, it was the other answer.
B. Change it, it was the original answer.
I have also changed my long answer MATH exam questions and realized (after handing it in) that my original answer was wrong. Life kind of sucks like that. But of course to the rest of the world, in the end it doesn't matter, but it may always matter to you. And that's just how it is. You expected more but it didn't happen. Oh wells. Just worker harder for that next time!
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Plex, you gotta learn to centre your qi
Whenever I'm about to take an exam, I listen to Eye of the Tiger on the way to the test, and then look at fine art or out the window to whatever nature I can see to feel good and confident.
It's good to have high standards for yourself, especially in math where your grade really is your grade. But if you find yourself thinking this way in other aspects of life, which are more subjective, I hope you can feel more relaxed about it, because sometimes it doesn't matter how good you are, your grade will be based mostly on the grader. I find that I'm an incredibly consistent person. My teachers will always give me the same grade, to the point that it's eerie and they comment on it as well. 74% on every essay one teacher gives me, while I get an A on every essay of approximately the same quality that I hand into a professor. It doesn't bother me, because I know there's nothing I can do about it after I've worked as hard as I wanted to. The same goes with people... On internet forums people tend to think I'm either a dick if they don't like me, or very passionate if they do. There's not really much I can do about that when I don't think I've done anything wrong. Even in person with friendships, I'm always passionate about my friends, and if things go sour I don't blame it on myself. Half of everything is luck. The other half is fate.
PS: The progamer I think I'm most like... BoxeR, if I may flatter myself I think he's a creative and passionate person who gives it all to the one dream he has, and I can relate to that. I'm taking risks now so that I can pursue the only career I can imagine myself being happy doing, and I think that BoxeR did the same thing when he got obsessive about StarCraft before it became a stable career possibility, and it luckily paid off. Very do or die attitude.
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hey plexa you're awesome but your post was more retrospection than introspection
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
On August 30 2008 10:42 travis wrote:hey plexa you're awesome but your post was more retrospection than introspection Well, the *goal* of the post was to justify to myself why i am a fan of pusan despite the fact he's sucked for about 2 years now. That required introspection on my part, while the rest is, as you pointed out, retrospection
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EPT
