EPT
Getting knocked on your ass sucks - and today, thats exactly what happened to me. Today was my mid-semester test for Maths 253 (aka last elementary calc paper for university) and with summer scholarships being awarded soon every grade counts. That being said, i am almost certain to get a summer scholarship by virtue of arranging a project with a professor earlier on in the week! Anyway, so this test, worth 30% mind you, is in two halves and is 1hour 30min long. Easy.
Section one is on 3D calculus basically, double integrals definition of differentiability, limits with two variables etc. You get the picture. Anyway, with 50 marks in this section i was fairly happy when i cruised through it in approximately 15 minutes giving me 1hr 15 to complete the linear algebra section. And oh my god, the questions were bitchy as hell. Anyway, after slugging through the rest of the paper i came to a question which required me to find the matrix [T]c (matrix T with respect to the basis C) given that T was some matrix and C was some basis. Awesome, so i work through the problem all right and end up with [T]c = [T] and go, fuck. In the last 5 minutes of the test i figured that the answer must be wrong and attempted a different method to find the solution.
Immediately after the exam my friend goes to me "lol at that [T]c question - so cruel - it was just the same matrix." And then wow, it hit me - i had crossed out the correct fucking answer and written down garbage. With shitloads riding on the test I had fucked up. And it felt terrible - and i wanted to drive my face through a sheet of iron. One girl from my class was sitting outside crying about how bad the test was and how hard she had studied for it. Others looked rather depressed at the outcome. Nevertheless, of the 5~ top students (one of which is myself) i had undoubtedly done the worst.
Failure is a tough pill to swallow, and im sure many of you have had similar experiences to my anecdote. Many of you will come back and say "its only one test" or something like that, or that in the long term things will get better. As true as this may be, it sucks when you get knocked on your ass and getting back up and carrying on is something that is always difficult no matter how experienced you are. I guess that's what separates the champions (my friend) and the losers (myself). The ability to regroup, and bring yourself back up in a flash. Champions, like Jaedong, are able to do this at such an outstanding level that it makes my mountain of an issue into nothing more than a mere hiccup.
Jaedong indeed is a particularly good example seeing as of all the top tier pros he's had the biggest ups and downs. Like when Flash metaphorically slapped him about with a wet salmon. Or when ForGG flogged Jaedong repeatedly with a sledgehammer. Or when Backho, bless his little soul, ran over Jaedong's foot with his tricycle. Jaedong just keeps fighting and fighting like a warrior - a true champion. The same can be said about Nada who continually fights like a savage beast and always manages to come back and dominate. Or even Boxer - the eternal champion.
I am not a champion, and champions are never my cup of tea. This is something I've come to accept about myself - I am someone who loves a player because of their imperfections, not their perfections. Because in each one of those players i see a little bit of myself in them. I fell in love with Boxer because of his imperfections. When Pusan faltered against Boxer and Boxer staged an epic comeback, the burning desire in his eyes to win the title was something i see in myself - something i saw projected onto the screen in front of me as i watch him pump the air with his fist. Then, as he failed at the final hurdle against Anytime, i saw him break into pieces, much like myself, as his dream of the golden mouse was brutally snatched away.
The fact that these progamers showcase little glimpses of my very own personality/persona on stage is a rather weird feeling. It's like theres some innate connection between us, although we've never met, and that even if it is just for a moment our thoughts are synced perfectly and the empathetic talent which i have is put to full use as i experience their emotions as they do. When MBC won proleague the overwhelming emotion from on stage created one of the most memorable night of SC for me as i too got to share in their delight in being crowned champions - especially since Pusan won. It was a glorious moment and it showed me, in a rather indirect way, that even people like myself - so called "losers" - can actually be champions with the right support. And of course when I say this, I'm talking about Pusan.
Pusan is a very special case for me, something which most people don't always get. Obviously back when he was destroying everyone in So1 he had a nice large fan following but as he continued to drop out of leagues the fan base dwindled and very quickly i found myself the last man in the stands cheering on the home team. Pusan, unlike any other progamer, plays a game of starcraft in such a unique way. Despite his stupidly good macro, he continually decides to play the unconventional risky build (e.g. 2 base arbiter) to win the game, even though there is no necessity for it. I mean, he played about 15 different PvT builds in as many consecutive games following So1 - the deviation from the norm is just so blindingly apprent. This is something which is very true about myself, as i often take on the controversial view point or the ridiculously difficult position to argue - or even just arguing a completely unthought about point; even though i could very well get the better grade/score by just doing it straight up. As a result of our unconventional tendencies, neither of us really made it to the top - always faltering at the last hurdle.
But despite our shortcomings, there is always that sign of brilliance within us - that some people see and go "this man's going to be a star". Pusan has had some of the most brilliant moves in progaming, from his double recall, fake reaver drop, impossible choke clearing, art storming, impossible carrier micro etc. All of these just make you want to see him succeed ridiculously. I too am like this, some days i can destroy exams and show wisdom far beyond my years (e.g. when i cam top in NZ in music studies) or i can flat out fail (like my yr 12 maths exams). Consistency is something which both me and pusan need to work on - because right now both of us are just sitting below breakout level.
I could continue to rant on about how Kwanro and I are also very similar. Or further discuss the similarities between myself and Pusan - but I don't think anymore is warranted. My favorite gamers of all time are those which i can see myself in - and invariably these are not the champs like Jaedong or Bisu but rather others like Pusan and Kwanro. Progaming is a weird thing, and when you're a weird empathetic individual like myself the players you worship are never gods. Just the stepping stones for them to walk on, so others can get to their places of greatness.
