EPTWoman issues. Help~ - Page 3
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ZZangDreamjOy
Canada959 Posts
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Chef
10810 Posts
Yay for stereotypical machoman responses of mockery with absolutely no reasoning! Well lol, why should anyone put so much importance in a person who they can only ever play second fiddle for, and who will only ever be there for them when it's absolutely convenient. That's an uneven friendship, or rather, one person is a bitch, and the only keeps them around because it's convenient. You can't let yourself get into friendships like that, keep on an even level or don't have the friendship at all, because it's useless to you. Really, with the things we know from reading ZZang's posts, pretty much anything could be happen. The girl could be scared of liking ZZang and she's setting things up so she can just get rid of him and not have to betray her boyfriend... She could just be getting rid of him because it's awkward to have someone like you more than you like them... She could just be a piece of shit or an idiot... I mean, ZZang is putting her up on a pedastle right now, where she really doesn't deserve to be. Real friendships, both parties are willing and want to resolve their differences quickly, and don't hold stupid grudges and try to make each other suffer. Whether that's because the friendship isn't so serious you have to worry about any real problems, or because you're both serious about your friendship, it needs to be true. Otherwise yeah, you're gonna suffer, and she's not going to truly feel sorry for you. Your boys will be there for you anytime you really need them, girls have their girls there for them anytime they need them, but for some reason when you mix genders, they just aren't. Yeah okay. A lot of obvious and stupid stuff said there, but that's the long version of my comment  | ||
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MTF
United States1739 Posts
On July 03 2008 03:31 PsycHOTemplar wrote: Well lol, why should anyone put so much importance in a person who they can only ever play second fiddle for, and who will only ever be there for them when it's absolutely convenient. That's an uneven friendship, or rather, one person is a bitch, and the only keeps them around because it's convenient. You can't let yourself get into friendships like that, keep on an even level or don't have the friendship at all, because it's useless to you. Really, with the things we know from reading ZZang's posts, pretty much anything could be happen. The girl could be scared of liking ZZang and she's setting things up so she can just get rid of him and not have to betray her boyfriend... She could just be getting rid of him because it's awkward to have someone like you more than you like them... She could just be a piece of shit or an idiot... I mean, ZZang is putting her up on a pedastle right now, where she really doesn't deserve to be. Real friendships, both parties are willing and want to resolve their differences quickly, and don't hold stupid grudges and try to make each other suffer. Whether that's because the friendship isn't so serious you have to worry about any real problems, or because you're both serious about your friendship, it needs to be true. Otherwise yeah, you're gonna suffer, and she's not going to truly feel sorry for you. Your boys will be there for you anytime you really need them, girls have their girls there for them anytime they need them, but for some reason when you mix genders, they just aren't. Yeah okay. A lot of obvious and stupid stuff said there, but that's the long version of my comment That's better. :p I have to both agree and disagree with you. I agree with you as far as the main line you seem to be arguing from, being from the "I wanna be most important to her" or similarly "I'm interested in more than regular friendship" viewpoint. I do agree that it's unhealthy to devote a lot into a friendship when the interest isn't returned. I disagree when you say that genders don't mix. They do, and I know of myself and two other guys that have very good, regular female friends. Now, I would fully agree with you on every single other point if there wasn't a conflict recently between ZZang and her boyfriend. I agree that she isn't the best friend ever. However, The simple fact of the matter is, no matter how long you are friends with someone a lot of people get more emotionally dedicated to their boyfriends/girlfriends/whatever immediately than they ever do with anyone else. This is especially true with immature girls or people who've been seeing eachother for awhile. So, when you put yourself on one end of a scale and the boyfriend on the other, it's usually gonna tip in his favor, no matter what the situation is. It's not rational at all, no, but through my experiences with relationships and emotions, it's just how it is. This means that, at least for the short-term, you can't always expect the most rational behavior out of a person when you conflict with the relationship they share with their partner. Hence why she's pissed at ZZang, even though he wasn't the originator of the conflict. ZZang, I'd say you have two options here. First, you find her and ask to talk to her about it in detail, in person, explain that you know the boyfriend was just trying to protect her, that you've talked it over with him and you're both cool with eachother, and apologize to her directly for hitting her boyfriend. I think it's most likely that she's just mad at you for hitting him when there's such a big size advantage and she just viewed his initial attack as defending her. Second option, you just give her a few days to cool down and try the above or just try to go back to normal. Depending on the level of your friendship, I'd pick this one if you guys are more casual friends, though I'd still apologize to her directly at the least. Ignoring her completely could work, too, if she just needs time to let steam off. But based on how you're reacting, I doubt it's the kind of route you want to take. | ||
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Chef
10810 Posts
I disagree when you say that genders don't mix. They do, and I know of myself and two other guys that have very good, regular female friends. Not saying guys and gals can't be platonic friends, I'm saying don't count on someone of the opposite sex with a boyfriend to be there when you really need them. It's easier for Jake to say "Jill, Tom's having a really rough day, I'm gonna go see how he is," than for Jill to say "Jake, Tom's having a really rough day, I'm gonna go see how he is." In one there's the fear of jealousy, and adultery, even in a relatively trusting relationship, and in the other it's obvious he's just going to make sure his friend doesn't kill himself lol. | ||
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ZZangDreamjOy
Canada959 Posts
She's completely cut me out. I'm blocked on MSN. I'm blocked on WoW, a game she plays. My number seems to be blocked. The only thing she hasn't changed, and what gave me hope is her MySpace. I'm still on it, there are still pictures of us. And she tells her friends she's just really mad at me. | ||
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Hippopotamus
1914 Posts
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Chef
10810 Posts
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Mortality
United States4790 Posts
1. Don't grovel or go crawling to her. She's blocked you for a reason. If she never unblocks you, then for w/e reason, she's decided to end the relationship and you'll have to move on as heart wrenching as that may be. If she does unblock you, it means that she was extremely mad at you for some reason and you need to figure out why and go talk to her with a level head. If you can't figure it out, then that's fine, but make sure she knows that. Can you remember what you SAID during the verbal war? I think that may have clues in it that might reveal the truth. 2. If she's your friend, then you have to make sure you treat her like a friend. Friends eventually lose the #1 position in the other person's heart. Lovers always prevail over friends; that's the natural order of things. Even if she talks down about her lover to you, that doesn't mean she's going to break up with him. You also, as a guy, can't talk bad about her lovers or you will be perceived as jealous. You can only talk bad about a girl's lovers if you are openly gay. My advice: let her calm down. Cut yourself out of the loop for a couple days. Don't even read MySpace and maybe even ignore your email. If she calls you on the phone, then fine, you can answer, but try to be as level-headed as possible. After a minimum of two days, you can resume diplomacy. If at that point she continues blocking her, make sure she knows that if you don't talk, nothing will ever get fixed, and then go back to ignoring her as best you can. If by the end of a week she hasn't responded, then it's time to get new friends. | ||
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c0stc0dud1
United States144 Posts
If she's mad at you for hurting her while wrestling I think you ought to tell her sorry. If she's mad at you for punching her boyfriend, she's irrational she ought to be saying sorry because it was out of self-defense, she doesn't seem to like her boyfriend (??), and you and her boyfriend are cool about it. girls these days... | ||
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Kingsp4de20
United States716 Posts
ignor her | ||
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ShaLLoW[baY]
Canada12499 Posts
Ok well, yesterday was Canada day. I went with the girl I've liked for years, Me and her have been friends for years, nothing bad's happened, etc. I get home, she blocks me on MSN. I try to call her, no answer. I'm friggin scared to lose my best friend here, and spiral down into the hell that is mass gaming. Anyone have any ideas? This happened to me last year (with some modifications :p ) I chose to mass game. | ||
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Mastermind
Canada7096 Posts
If all you want is friendship, then just wait for her to calm down then talk to her when she is thinking more rationally. Oh, and apologise for hurting her. | ||
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{CC}StealthBlue
United States41117 Posts
On July 03 2008 05:28 ZZangDreamjOy wrote: Update She's completely cut me out. I'm blocked on MSN. I'm blocked on WoW, a game she plays. My number seems to be blocked. The only thing she hasn't changed, and what gave me hope is her MySpace. I'm still on it, there are still pictures of us. And she tells her friends she's just really mad at me. I don't even know this girl and she is pissing me off. Her scrawny ass Boyfriend sucker punches you and she is pissed at you for decking him? Fucking ignore that witch. | ||
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UmmTheHobo
United States650 Posts
umm... Ditch that bitch :D | ||
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Steelflight-Rx
United States1389 Posts
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t_co
United States702 Posts
On July 03 2008 11:36 Steelflight-Rx wrote: She plays WoW? Consider her blocking you a blessing.. qft | ||
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poilord
Germany3252 Posts
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HeavOnEarth
United States7087 Posts
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quirinus
Croatia2489 Posts
If not, try speaking to her in like a week. Talk to her and find out why is she angry. She probably expected more from you since you're her best friend for so long, and she can easily forgive her boyfriend becouse of emotions etc. Yeah I know it's bullshit, but it's like that. Don't apologize for hitting her boyfriend, explain it that he hit you first ffs - you're a man, you fight back. Apologize if you hurt her. Apologize if you said something during the verbal fight. If she's beeing a bitch even after that, she has her mind set. If that happens, its not only this incident that matters, its also something else, this incident being just the final turning point. But if that's true, she's a total retard and not really your best friend, otherwise she'd tell you about it before. EDIT: oh, try buying her a nice present and fixing things at the birthday or something. | ||
Jibba
United States22883 Posts
On July 03 2008 11:36 Steelflight-Rx wrote: She plays WoW? Consider her blocking you a blessing.. She also wakes up at 4PM every day... | ||
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