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Scorpion
United States1974 Posts
On January 23 2008 07:41 fight_or_flight wrote: Take her out to dinner. And make sure you look at her in the eyes when you talk (jk, sorry couldn't help it;)) Ah, you remembered! :D I don't have that problem anymore...  | ||
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Scorpion
United States1974 Posts
Also, she's going to end up telling everyone so it's going to become a "scene" like last time(my friend always finds out about who I like, I don't know how XD). Thing is, last time, the girl liked ME, I didn't like her. This time, it's the reverse. :/ bleh | ||
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intotherainx
United States504 Posts
and being a senior helps out a lot when you're at that age... there's something intriguing about going out with an older guy | ||
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BottleAbuser
Korea (South)1888 Posts
If you feel a need to tell her, do so. Preferably in a way such that it won't be embarrassing for you, regardless of her response, as well as for her. Privacy will probably help there. If you don't feel a need to tell her, well, there's no problem with the current state of affairs, right? | ||
Jibba
United States22883 Posts
On January 23 2008 16:09 BottleAbuser wrote: If you feel a need to tell her, do so. Preferably in a way such that it won't be embarrassing for you, regardless of her response, as well as for her. Privacy will probably help there. Girls tend to like it when guys embarrass themselves for the girl. >.> It's pretty unfair. Not like making an ass out of yourself, but something silly. | ||
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
Additionally, I recommend heavy teasing of the women (this certainly falls under the category of "flirting.") You have to do it in a way that it is obvious that you are joking. You can pretend like you guys are husband and wife when you are hanging out, and act like a sexist pig of a hick husband. Then the next minute you can pretend like she is the man in the relationship and you are a very emotionally needy, insecure woman. In short, play around with gender roles and stereotypes and make it a game, and tease her. In short, humor takes the edge off those heavy early moments, and allows you both to have fun while expressing interest in each other. The key is to do things in a way that is in harmony with your personality and interests and style. | ||
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ChkChk.Boom
United States140 Posts
Wow, that sounded like I was bragging, but I was just trying to reiterate what na.inky was saying about acting goofy/silly. Cuz if you can make her laugh alot, you have real good chance. EDIT: forgot to put some words in spots | ||
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Scorpion
United States1974 Posts
On January 24 2008 08:05 ChkChk.Boom wrote: It would help alot if you guys had an inside joke. For example, I liked this girl , I think in the same way you guys were. We talked alot (on aim, not MSN), and laughed around alot and stuff. Well one day we saw a psycho-killer movie, and in one part, the killer was chasing a woman, when all of a sudden she pepper sprays him in the eye. He then starts groaning out in pain, and then yells "iLL FUCKIN KILL YOU!!!!" then pushes her to the wall. Me and her chuckled at the same time and looked at each other like oh? O_O --> ^_^. So the next day, after school, I hung around where she was workin at school where she was cleanin windows. So we were talkin, and somehow it ended up on the subject of tickling. So I used the cheesy line, "are you ticklish?" she said she wasn't so I proceeded to start tickling her. So of course I found out she really was ticklish, when out of nowhere she sprays me with the window cleaner; RIGHT IN THE EYE! So I started going "AHHH my eye!" she then asked if I was ok, when I then yelled "ILL FUCKIN KILL YOU!" then grabbed her wrists and pushed her against the wall. We had a stunned look on both our faces, then we started bursting out in laughter uncontrollably. I was surprised cuz this was the closest we ever been. I coulda kissed her, but since I was a noob, i didn't (still noob haha. Went from a D- to a D >_< ) Wow, that sounded like I was bragging, but I was just trying to reiterate what na.inky was saying about acting goofy/silly. Cuz if you can make her laugh alot, you have real good chance. EDIT: forgot to put some words in spots This was cute, up until the part where you said she sprayed you with window cleaner in the eye... >_> rofl~ | ||
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Night[Mare
Mexico4793 Posts
success with women. Insecurity and neediness are two sides of the same coin. A man is needy when he craves attention or recognition. He shows that he's insecure when he ACTS on these needs. Insecurity shows up when a man does not feel comfortable with who he is or comfortable in the situation that he's in. He acts tentative, weak, and unsure. He tries to put on a show of confidence that is obviously fake. He says things that are out of place in an attempt to get approval. Women detect insecurity and neediness INSTANTLY. Here are some examples of insecurity and neediness to avoid: *Talking or saying negative things about women or past girlfriends. If you talk to much about past girlfriends or other women, or say negative things about them, a woman will judge you to be insecure. *Having emotional responses to things. If it's obvious to a woman that you will get upset about things easily, then she will judge you to be insecure. *Looking to others to make decisions. Women like it when you decide what's going to happen, then do it. If you are always asking "Well, what do you think I should do?" and "Where do you want to go tonight?" and "What do you want?" you'll come off as needy. Just make decisions and go with it. If she has a different idea, she'll let you know. *Saying or doing things to just to be noticed or to get compliments. I've known a lot of men who try to act cool or show off to get attention. This telegraphs to a woman that you're insecure and needy. Don't do it. If you're cool, she'll figure it out without you telling her. *Arguing. This is my favorite. Some people feel like they need to argue with EVERYTHING. If you're one of these people, just realize that this is a clear demonstration that you're insecure and needy. You may always be right, but being overly argumentative is bad for your sex life. Deal with it. If you really want to argue with something, do it in a funny way, not in a serious way. I guess that might help. Copy-pasted from a chapter on "double your dating book" by David Deangelo :o | ||
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ChkChk.Boom
United States140 Posts
On January 24 2008 08:27 Scorpion wrote: This was cute, up until the part where you said she sprayed you with window cleaner in the eye... >_> rofl~ Haha we got closer after that though, hugs, arm around her, doing the thing where she covers ur eyes from behind and goes, guess who? etc. sooo wooot. RANDOM TANGENT: have you guys ever told girls "No one can make their elbows touch each other from the back." | ||
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Scorpion
United States1974 Posts
On January 24 2008 09:12 ChkChk.Boom wrote: Haha we got closer after that though, hugs, arm around her, doing the thing where she covers ur eyes from behind and goes, guess who? etc. sooo wooot. RANDOM TANGENT: have you guys ever told girls "No one can make their elbows touch each other from the back." I've never thought of that.... LOL LOLOL Going to try it ;D | ||
semioldguy
United States7488 Posts
Also, are you afraid of rejection? (That was a rhetorical question since it's pretty clear that you've got some fear of it). Rejection isn't a big deal. It's a part of life and it happens. Learn to just shrug it off. If you need to build an immunity to it, just start asking out random girls you see, like the next girl Alfredo introduces you to, that cute cashier at Burger King, the girl always playing Initial D at the arcade, or your waitress on your next visit to Hooters. You'll get turned down from some of them, and maybe even get lucky with others. Since they are girls you don't know you shouldn't even care about what they think. You have nothing to lose. You will never be worse off after rejection from a girl. It gives you a fresh chance to look for a new/better one. | ||
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A3iL3r0n
United States2196 Posts
On January 24 2008 11:02 semioldguy wrote: Just ask her. If she doesn't want you, then it is her missing out on you, not the other way around... seriously. Also, are you afraid of rejection? (That was a rhetorical question since it's pretty clear that you've got some fear of it). Rejection isn't a big deal. It's a part of life and it happens. Learn to just shrug it off. If you need to build an immunity to it, just start asking out random girls you see, like the next girl Alfredo introduces you to, that cute cashier at Burger King, the girl always playing Initial D at the arcade, or your waitress on your next visit to Hooters. You'll get turned down from some of them, and maybe even get lucky with others. Since they are girls you don't know you shouldn't even care about what they think. You have nothing to lose. You will never be worse off after rejection from a girl. It gives you a fresh chance to look for a new/better one. Yep pretty much. Emotional dominance is very important to have, which is what being comfortable with rejection helps you attain. Nothing is a big deal to you, you're just there to have a good time, and show her a good time too. You're not trying to act cool, you're just trying to have fun. The person who gets their feelings hurt or are nervous always spoil it. If you're with a group of people, you want to contribute something funny or of worthwhile interest to the group. You don't want to naysay, unless you have a much better suggestion, which is why it is helpful if you're already talking and being funny so you have control of what the group does. If you are funny or interesting, your suggestions of what to do will already be looked at as valuable as you've established that perception of yourself. Now you are the leader of the group and that is sexy to most females. Again, you're not trying to be cool. People who try to act cool seem boring or fake or mean. You on the other hand are comfortable with yourself and with everyone because you are having fun and are trying to make the whole experience fun for everyone. You are a shepherd leading from behind. You are guiding the group. If someone says something funny, laugh. Reward people for entertaining you. Sounds a bit manipulative, but if you think about it. The reason why someone makes a joke or tells a crazy story is receive attention, so give it to them if you think what they said merits it. Make sure you are friends with all of the guys in the group and only give partial attention to the girls. They are very sensitive to this. Importantly, you want start by giving only passing attention to the girl you like. You want to make her compete for your attention. You aren't mean to her, but other things have your attention right now. In other words, if she says something genuinely charming, funny whatever, you acknowledge her for it. But then you are interested in the next entertaining thing someone says. You are beholden to no one. Now, she's trying to entertain you and when she's doing that, she's not judging what you're doing. She's actively involved in trying to please you and possibly trying outdo the girl who's currently got your attention in a conversation. Again, all this stuff might sound manipulative, but if you look at how interactions go, these are the principles that govern them. People are trying to be liked and receive positive attention and not come off like an idiot. Be the guy who gives them praise and they'll love you for it. Give too much and you'll seem like you're trying to hard. Give too little and you're the guy who is quiet and reserve. There's a certain art to this obviously, but once you realize for yourself how your group dynamic works then it becomes much more easy to pick your spots and gauge how people are really feeling. Now, if you're already in the friend zone, it's tough to get out of the categorization. You are no longer, or never were, sexually or romantically considered by this girl. When she sees you now, she unconsciously thinks to herself, "I'm going to go hang out with my good friend," instead of sizing you up as a possible mate. To help re-define her idea of you, you need to change the dynamic of the relationship by altering your behavior in small ways that girls are sensitive to. Stop hanging out with her as much as before. Not a huge drop off, but now you have other things to do besides her, and sometimes you are too busy to hang out. Small and nice rejections of her offers to do something. You honestly are busy. This means plan some shit with your other friends and actually go do it. Do some cool shit you've always wanted to do. Then, when you want to do something with her, you initiate it. Come up with something fun you will both like to do before you call her. Make sure it's all set-up before you tell her about it. You don't want to suggest something that doesn't go through. This makes you look weak. Not terrible necessarily, but you want to cultivate the image of the can-do guy, who does what he says he's going to do. This is also a part of emotional dominance and cues a response in girls. At any rate, come up with something fun, make sure you can pull it off. And then when you take her out, everything is already taken care of, you know where you're going and when. You feel comfortable because you know you're set, and that will make her comfortable. Subconsciously or consciously she will associate that feeling with you. Girls want to feel secure, it's a mating thing. Deep down, girls automatically know if they get pregnant they are stuck with it, while you, the guy, can take off. So, stability and security are cues that girls pick up on. That's why rich guys always have tons of hot women around them as long as he isn't too creepy. You don't want to be bossy or pushy, then you're just being an asshole which doesn't say stability or security. It says thin sweaty undershirts and black eyes. So, come up with an idea. Make sure it's actually something fun you would think she wants to do. Don't lie to yourself. Make sure you come up with something you know she would say yes to, even if at this point you're firmly in the friend zone. If you don't know what she would want to do, you don't know her very well, at which point you should start asking her some questions about herself when the opportunity arises and remember what she says. Girls will take notice if you're being attentive to what they say. It's flattering. Don't overdo it though. Be interested and engaging, but don't try to hard to do this. Let it come. So, now you've suggested something fun that she's actually interested in, and you suggested it. Now she's not feeling so lukewarm towards you. Okay, you're on the date or event or whatever. You're comfortable and having fun. Now she's starting to realize you're not just someone she likes to just hang out with when she's bored. Just go where the situation takes you. Maybe the date will turn into something really unexpected and memorable. Now she's just had a really powerful emotional experience with you. That great feeling she has is now associated with you. You're closer to moving out of the friend zone. None of this stuff is foolproof, but it is a way of presenting yourself in a flattering light. You need genuine confidence to make this stuff work the way it should. That comes from not being afraid to fail. You do want to win, but you're not worried about losing. You're forward looking, and not worrying about messing up. If you do mess up, it's not the end of the world. It might feel like it at the moment but you will get over it. Hell, it might end up being a hilarious anecdote you end up telling to make girls laugh later on in life. Just be yourself and be confident. Not everyone is going to like you, so what the fuck. Get over it already. Be smart and have a plan and try to give your best, but at the end of the day it's just fucking dating. | ||
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
The other, more substantive criticism, is that the post above seems too much to be about "relax - maintain control - relax - maintain control!!!!" In otherwords, it is a huge contradiction. While in principle, the ideas above MAY be right, an awkward nerd is not going to be able to force relaxation (a genuine contradiction), nor is he going to be able to pull off this "alpha male" stuff (which is a model of thought I really don't care for anyway.) Not to say, of course, that the OP is an awkward nerd, although the possibility is there (he is posting on TL...) I was always awkward and nerdy, and the awkward nerds are the ones that need the help... So I say roll with the nervousness and anxiety. Do this by simply being humorous about it. Make a joke out of yourself and try to make the whole thing into a fun game. I've found that this approach makes nervousness evaporate pretty well, since you aren't trying to control it... you are using it. | ||
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A3iL3r0n
United States2196 Posts
On January 24 2008 14:50 nA.Inky wrote: Don't mean to be mean, but the above post has paragraphs that are just monsterously huge. You gotta chunk that stuff up, brotha! The other, more substantive criticism, is that the post above seems too much to be about "relax - maintain control - relax - maintain control!!!!" In otherwords, it is a huge contradiction. While in principle, the ideas above MAY be right, an awkward nerd is not going to be able to force relaxation (a genuine contradiction), nor is he going to be able to pull off this "alpha male" stuff (which is a model of thought I really don't care for anyway.) Not to say, of course, that the OP is an awkward nerd, although the possibility is there (he is posting on TL...) I was always awkward and nerdy, and the awkward nerds are the ones that need the help... So I say roll with the nervousness and anxiety. Do this by simply being humorous about it. Make a joke out of yourself and try to make the whole thing into a fun game. I've found that this approach makes nervousness evaporate pretty well, since you aren't trying to control it... you are using it. Maintaining control is about relaxing. If you are comfortable people will follow you. This isn't an absolute of course, but being relaxed and pleasant to be around subtly puts you at a higher status. You know how people always love it when Rek posts? He doesn't give a shit, and that comes across. He tells us interesting stories in an enjoyable way. He makes it seems like it would be cool to hang out with him. To put it bluntly, people desire his time, and therefore he has a higher social status. | ||
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Cambium
United States16368 Posts
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
I largely agree with the things you say in your above posts, but this is the point I disagree with. Relaxing is about giving up control. Relaxing is letting go, while control implies holding on, consciously manipulating yourself and your surroundings. To try to force yourself to relax is an incredible contradiction, which leads to escalating anxiety. I mean, to make an analogy, it is like killing for peace, or having sex for chastity. To control is exactly the opposite of relaxing. Yes, ideally we would all be relaxed in the situations being discussed here. Where I was being critical of what you say is that you cannot force the relaxed state. If you aren't relaxed, trying to force a relaxed state will bring the opposite. Because anyone asking for advice here on these matters is probably more on the anxious side, I have recommended rolling with the anxiousness and nervousness, but transforming those qualities via humor. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32026 Posts
On January 24 2008 15:20 Cambium wrote: Worst case scenario: "Let's be friends." Not THAT bad. yeah, if you don't mind hitting a brick wall at 60mph. Few things are more awkward than making a move on a girl and having her say that, ick. | ||
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MooNDog.
United States81 Posts
maybe u guys should hang out first like just u two go watch a movie get some dinner see how things worked out and if she had fun | ||
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Yuljan
2196 Posts
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