I haven't done anything Star Wars-related since my last blog. I barely even thought about Star Wars.
Two reasons: I had already made my peace with the fact that TLJ sucked, and I didn't want to put out another blog every time something Star Warsy happened. I just decided to wait until the movie came out, and then to then think about writing my thoughts on that. I logged onto Teamliquid to see what was happening, cuz it's almost out (tomorrow) and lo and behold, you had a video and a blog with a shout-out.
I think that at this point, we're kind of used to Star Wars being fucked with. Let me give you a couple of examples:
- Ugly CGI Jabba in A New Hope
- Ugly CGI alien band in Return of The Jedi
- Hayden Christensen appearing at the end of Return of The Jedi
- Darth Vader's conversation with the Emperor being changed like 5 times in The Empire Strikes Back + Show Spoiler +
- CGI rocks in front of R2-D2 in A New Hope
- Obi-Wan making different noises in each different version of A New Hope when he scares the sand people
- Stormtroopers riding some lizard in A New Hope
- Removing Wolf-Man in A New Hope
- Han's Confrontation with Greedo changing to Greedo firing first, then another version where they shoot simultaneously
- Making Luke scream as he falls in The Empire Strikes Back
- Giving the sarlaac a beak for no reason
- Making ewoks blink for no reason
- "It's alright, I can see a lot better"
- Darth Vader yelling "No!" before throwing the Emperor into the bottomless pit
- Added scenes of the whole galaxy celebrating the destruction of the second Death Star in RotJ
- Jar-Jar Binks
- Midichlorians
- "The Prophecy", which makes Anakin space-Jesus instead of a regular Jedi
- George Lucas sipping coffee and saying to Jake Lloyd "Eh that's good enough."
- Darth Maul having the high ground and losing
- Naboo being surrounded by Trade Federation ships but then there only being one in the final battle
- Count Dooku coming out of nowhere to be set up as this bad-ass and then dying immediately in Episode 3
- Darth Maul coming out of nowhere to be set up as this bad-ass and then dying in Episode 1
- Yoda saying "Begun, the Clone Wars have", implying that there will be multiple wars, and knowing that the Clone War(s) would rage on for years
- R2 being able to fly
- Random coincidences everywhere, like Anakin building C3P0 (why does a slave need a protocol droid?) and Boba Fett's dad being used to make the clone troopers
- A whole sub-plot about Nute Gunray coming back to try and assassinate Padme, but he turns out to be a pathetic buffoon who is cut down like a background character in Episode 3
- Grand Moff Tarkin having nothing to do with the Emperor's rise to power, but being powerful enough in Episode 4 to issue orders to Darth Vader
- Pretty much all of Anakin's dialogue
- Palpatine flipping all over the place during lightsaber fights
- Yoda flipping all over the place during lightsaber fights (This one makes sense since he's so small, but still... what the fuck)
- "Force lightning" being an ability that only sith use. In RotJ, Palpatine doesn't even use a lightsaber, which, along with the lightning, led me to believe that he was only using electrocution to kill Luke being it was painful, not because it was one of his only abilities. Shit, he could've just used the force to rip Luke's head off.
- Making the prequels show that Jedi only use blue/green lightsabers and only Sith using red lightsabers, just because it was that way in the original trilogy with Luke and Vader
- The Clone Wars not just being called "The Galactic Civil War" because Obi-Wan said a thing about "clone wars" in the first movie.
- Obi-Wan being an idiot and jumping into the middle of a bunch of battle droids and saying "Hello there" because he said "Hello there" in A New Hope, and not immediately getting wasted by blaster fire from all directions
- Anakin turning into Darth Vader in like 10 minutes
- The Emperor being just a decrepit old man in RotJ, but literally having a monster-face in RotS
- The Galactic Senate giving ultimate power to a guy who looks like The Devil
- Yoda having an epic fight with Palpatine, but then just giving up and going "Oh well fuck it"
- The phrase "younglings"
- The Emperor coming up with the name "Darth Vader" on the spot
- Darth Vader in his robot-suit yelling "Nooooooo"
- In A New Hope, it was implied that Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Uncle Owen were all friends at one point, but then the prequels throwing that in the trash
- In A New Hope, nobody knowing what the fuck The Force is, despite a huge Jedi temple on Coruscant 18 years prior
Basically, George Lucas constantly fucking with the original trilogy. I bring this up, because fucking with the Star Wars canon has become a tradition over the years, especially fucking with the original trilogy.
I can't wait to see the Emperor blow up whole planets with the force or whatever he does, and then see Rey smash him like a bug to avenge the death of Poe/Finn/Kylo/Lando/Leia/all of the above.
What doesn't surprise me is the critics harping on how bad this movie is. This review that I am linking here is the reason why critics are upset with this movie. Take a look at the language used by the reviewer. Look who is being blamed in the review. Not Kathleen Kennedy. Not Bob Iger. The fans are getting the blame. The "angry white male" fans.
The reason the critics like Scott Mendelson hate this movie is because it is not The Last Jedi. So I wouldn't hold your breath for that apology, because they're dying not on the Star Wars Sequel hill, but TLJ hill. Apparently, this movie disrespects TLJ, which is their sacred cow, their god. Scott Mendelson is defending The Last Jedi from the corrupting influence of JJ Abrams.
Yes, the people defending The Last Jedi have gone that off-the-rails defending it to the point where a canonical Star Wars movie -- with a LGBTQ kiss and a female lead who kills the most baddest villain in the galaxy -- is now a threat to their dear friend Rian Johnson's lovechild. You have to ask yourself, then: why are they defending The Last Jedi so fervently, so ardently, so viciously? Because the purple hair lady was amazing and totally saved everyone, that's why, so fuck all you angry white male fanbois who pressured JJ into making this fucking movie that panders to... fans...
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