A few weeks in I learned she was already living with her boyfriend (8 years senior, her old boss), and they have been together for 5+ years. She claimed her mother didn't like him, because he was unemployed, and had no plans for them (such as marriage), and also she didn't really love him anymore, didn't have sex with him, didn't want to look at him, he just played Lineage all day and never bothered asking why she slept out so many nights, she paid his loans for school and stuff.
She's an alcoholic and suffers from bipolar disorder. Also not exactly sordid, but difficult, past. She's not stupid, and is quite honest in a way. It's just that what's "honest" changes frequently. In some ways it's like falling in love with someone who doesn't really exist. There's a base human, but then there's this mix of mentally ill and substance abuse. But I thought it was a beautiful thing.
The other day I learned they officially married this year. (So within 3 months of tying the knot she said, this sucks, went and met someone else and said she loved him and asked to get married.) She says I was the first person she met, and got attached to. Edit: I mean started cheating with me, I was the first of that. In hindsight I can partly believe that. You have to understand, it's like living inside a detective novel trying to figure out what's true when opposite things are said depending on what day of the week it is.
After that, she met at least 3 other guys. The latest was a friend of a previous one. The previous one was married (or "also married" I should fucking say now), as well as had a child with another woman. Now, my, the subject woman, she got upset one day when his wife started texting her after finding about the affair from the guy's phone. (It's like the Springer show. What happened to make my life this way?)
The other day she told me she thought she might be pregnant by one of those guys. I told her she could come here, whatever. (No cuck. But what's she supposed to do, leave a pregnancy test in the trash at the home where she lives with a guy she doesn't fuck? You know? At least figure out what's going on, don't just have this missed period stress.)
The next day she told me her husband found out she had been cheating by going through her phone.(I know her phone and apps are well locked because I had previously wanted to find her "boyfriend's" number because I thought he would have a right to know the person he lives with is shamelessly and repeatedly betraying him. I had sent an anonymous email to what I believed was his address, which was really hard to do because I didn't know how he would react against her, but in the end I don't think that ever got to him. But I guess he figured out her PINs better than I could or when she was sleeping or something.) Also, she had gotten a new phone, which is in his name, so he just had her texts printed. Is that technically possible? If I register a phone and give it to someone I can just go to the phone company and get a copy of all their texts?
Or do you have to put some kind of spying software into the device? This is kind of important technically because then he would be lying. If you need software to do it... it's probably not legal to wiretap even your spouse.
Anyway so he found out so she therefore told him about me. Spilled the beans. Let the cat out of the bag. And he was mad. But she didn't tell him about anyone else she met. Lucky me. She used to tell me he gets mad, or has a little bit of a temper and throws stuff, and has a kind of twitch. She, despite being bipolar, is shockingly nonviolent. Probably because of her size also. Which reminds me, her previous relationship, she told me, he always took her phone and knew her passwords for stuff. So she would be easy to "control" in this way just from a physical standpoint. Although with her husband now, she insists she doesn't know what happened, she always made sure to protect her stuff. But it seems like he's going to be on top of everything now.
I'm not super worried with him having my picture, number, what he thinks might be my address but he can't get in. I have his photo as well and as she told me he's quite skinny. Not that I'm any kind of fighter.
She is broke now from medical bills (Unrelated to pregnancy, just other body issues) and from working but not exactly steadily. Money has been going down for a while maybe. Meeting me actually precipitated her instantly quitting a job she hated.
She said she was going to visit her mother who said she could stay for a week. I asked, then what? (No answer.) He said she would have to go to court, and that he would cancel her phone by today.
Then today I learned that she is with him. From him. Who told me from her phone to back off. That he has my picture blahblah and knows what's going on and let's not have any trouble.
The reason this is disconcerting to me is she just said she would stay with her mom the day before. So my first thoughts are:
1) That spying/tracking thing could even be true and he could have followed her and taken her back (Not exactly kidnapping, but you understand) Although that could mostly be my paranoia as the guy seems like kind of a dunce also
2) Obviously she's now broke and unemployed and has nowhere to go and can't stay with mom forever. And figured out she has no options. This seems functionally equivalent to the previous situation, because she's equally vulnerable to being hurt.
Is that her fault? I'll tell you, when I wrote the email, I really grappled with this. What if something happens. Could I really call myself blameless? Or no, that's just the risk? But she's the one who chose to do these things. I thought, if it ruins their relationship, so be it. If she chooses to destroy her life, that's on her, I thought. But she doesn't deserve to become a victim. Now I'm worried, if they're together, and he knows, this is more of a powder keg. Seems much more dangerous.
I thought the gentlemanly thing would be to meet him when she told me she told him about us. But didn't start drinking early enough to do it tonight. Not necessarily to tell him about the other slew of guys she plowed through, even (Which he should have known about if my email ever got there). Oh. Right. I sent a non-anonymous email one time just asking who is this, to get a reply and see if it was right, after nothing happened from the other email, but yeah no answer. So that was all nonsense. Yeah. Just so I could explain it was months ago and see what's up.
I thought about, go to the police and have them do a wellness check kind of thing. Because of course if she thinks she has no options, and he wants to keep her around to abuse, she could be there, or if they're going to reconcile their relationship, she could be there. Point is, alone, she could admit whether it's okay. Or are you going to tell me it's not my business? Do I want to do something because I care about her safety or for my peace of mind?
Thought about other stuff but they're mostly bad ideas or infeasible. Thought about doing nothing but it's hard not knowing whether this person is being or going to be hurt.
As Burt Young said, life is funnier than shit.
Or as Josh Brolin said, I'm fixing to do something dumber than hell, but I'm going anyways.
I have been keeping this pretty close to my chest. I feel like I know what most people around me would say if I were to ask them. But I don't know exactly "why." Or I can't corroborate "why" with my own experience so I need to look externally... I appeal to you... lay it on me... or if you want more ask away...
Sorry if disorganized. Thank you for your time and effort.
+ Show Spoiler +
Have a drink and a listen and feel better.