EPTforced to choose sides btw friend and future wife - Page 2
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Pangpootata
1838 Posts
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mantequilla
Turkey781 Posts
On September 24 2019 15:18 Azzur wrote: Stand up to your future wife now or reap the consequences in the future. I'm a married man and I tell my wife the story of the paradox - the more you try and appease your wife, the more she will despise you. That is honestly frightening. Can you elaborate a little? | ||
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
On September 25 2019 01:23 mantequilla wrote: That is honestly frightening. Can you elaborate a little? I don't know why Azzur was saying that specifically, but as a married man, I can think of two good reasons to believe that being passive and trying to "appease" your gf/fiancee/wife will lead to nothing good. The main one, in my opinion, is that if you let her do whatever she wants and you suffer the consequences, over time it'll get old and it'll irritate you. A second thing is that many people dislike when their partner is spineless and bends over backward too easily. It's very unattractive because people who are overly passive usually don't amount to anything in life. That being said, some other people, the abusive ones, enjoy dominating their partner. | ||
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Azzur
Australia6260 Posts
On September 25 2019 08:49 Djzapz wrote: A second thing is that many people dislike when their partner is spineless and bends over backward too easily It's very unattractive because people who are overly passive usually don't amount to anything in life. That being said, some other people, the abusive ones, enjoy dominating their partner. This was what I'm referring to - if you stand up for yourself, she may initially be unhappy but she'll respect you for it. If you are always appeasing, then although initially, she may "seem" happy, but deep down, she will despise you because women find men who bend over easily unattractive. | ||
Liquid`Drone
Norway28724 Posts
If fights of this nature happen too often, you might just not be sufficiently compatible. But if they never happen, one of you might not be sufficiently independent. Like, do not view marriage, or a relationship, as a power struggle where you need to assert yourself. (I mean, people are different, maybe some hyper-competitive couple could thrive in this type of stressful environment, but I'd hate it and I think most people would.) But at the same time, you need to maintain your individuality - and so must your partner be allowed to. | ||
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Chef
10810 Posts
On September 26 2019 11:26 Azzur wrote: This was what I'm referring to - if you stand up for yourself, she may initially be unhappy but she'll respect you for it. If you are always appeasing, then although initially, she may "seem" happy, but deep down, she will despise you because women find men who bend over easily unattractive. Put another way, no one likes a yesman (woman, spectrum), because they seem untrustworthy or undependable. I wanted to respond to this when I first read the question, but I figured I have to give you a chance to speak for yourself in case you were a huge misogynist lol. Glad you seem not to be, although I don't think it has anything to do with gender. You just can't think things out with someone who just agrees with whatever you say and isn't interested in expressing their own judgement, and you can't rely on them to have a sound moral compass if they have to choose between appeasing two different parties of conflicting opinions, like our OP here. It is so frustrating to talk to someone who says yes to you, then also says yes to someone else, when your opinions are incompatible with that someone else. So-called people pleasers can be really spineless and disgusting. But as Drone says so well, you have to balance that with not being someone who starts a fight over every little thing. | ||
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pebble444
Italy2500 Posts
all I can say is this: you have know your friend for 15 years. you have know your girlfriend for 9 months. Go to the wedding. You might regret it for the rest of your life if you don' t. time to pick a side dude, weather you like it or not, you cannot get out of this one. Geçmiş olsun | ||
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Sharon2
2 Posts
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