I have a close friend who we know each other for 15 years. He is getting married in a couple weeks. About 9 months ago, he introduced me to one of his fiance's friends, and we started going out.
I was a bit worried starting the relationship since all 4 of us would have close ties and if an argument took place I might be forced to choose sides. I personally prefer to be out of interpersonal drama as much as possible, I'm generally cool about things and avoid conflict. Life is stressful enough.
After our second date something happened between my gf and her friend and they stopped talking to each other. They didn't invite her to their engagement party too. I wrote about the incident here but it's a bit long.
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After our first date, a detail about me bothers my gf which she doesn't want to tell me directly because she's worried that I might get offended. She and her friend (the fiancé) meets over dinner and they discuss how can they let me know without offending me. My gf requests her not to tell her bf since we are close friends and he might let me know, which, might make her look like she is telling me something through them. They make a plan, we would double date and they would tell me about the issue implicitly at the dinner.
In the same evening, the fiancé talks to my friend about the issue, breaking her word, but warns him not to tell me.
We go on a second date, at the end of it something happens between us that makes her greatly upset. We don't talk for some time and I'm worried that we might break up. But we talk about it and solve the issue later. Meanwhile my friend and his fiance knows what happened between us and that we are sour. When I talk about that with my friend, he says he thinks we wouldn't break up and this can be solved, and adds "hey, please don't get offended and promise you didn't hear this from me, but there is this other issue that bothers her, which you can solve and that would help your relationship. I'm only telling this to you as a friend to help"
Same day my gf tells me that she knows they told me about the issue, and she and her friend had an argument. She was very angry at them because they told me without going with the original plan and disregarding her. And her friend was angry at her because she thought they only tried to help. I told her that I was cool about it, that she could talk to me directly, and my friend only told me to help, but them breaking their word and disregarding her was also wrong. But apperantly argument between them didn't get solved.
My gf told me she repeatedly tried to make peace afterwards, apologized about a word she used about my friend during the argument (its not that offending tbh), but her friend didn't respond. After a while they stopped talking altogether. She told me about that time period and showed me the text messages and she seems right. It seems her friend broke the 5-6 years long friendship over just a word used against my friend during the heat of the argument.
Couple days ago I talked with my friend about the incident, and he tells me my gf called him a name and didn't do anything to apologize afterwards. I told him that I saw the messages that she tried to make peace repeatedly, apperantly for the fiance they weren't enough as she takes it way too serious when someone says something about him.
Now my gf insists that my friend doesn't value me as much as I think he does, since he didn't bother to go with the original plan, repeatedly said they were busy when asked to arrange a double date, and didn't even tell her that she could directly talk to me about the issue and I wouldn't mind. She says he just told me to get it over with and be done.
Anyways, I don't think its my job to decide who is right or wrong. I myself didn't do anything wrong and I don't deserve to be bad with either side.
When my friend first asked me if I was going to their wedding as 1 or 2 people, I thought my gf wouldn't want come and said it will only be me.
After a while, my gf told me she couldn't attend to my other close friend's wedding and some other events, so she wants to make up by going to this wedding even she is mad with them, not because she used to be friends with the bride or anything, but as my partner since groom is my 15 years long friend.
I don't want to deal with politics, so I went and told my friend if it was possible to come as 2 people. He said they had made the reservations already and having some attendee count issues but trying to determine the exact numbers, but from the way he talked I didn't think it was too serius enough to cut just 1 person, so I didn't tell her that. It was my mistake, I should have told her this earlier. I honestly didn't think he would try to cut her and she could attend as my partner, since its just a wedding, you go stay there a bit congratulate and leave.
A few days ago I was asking about the wedding place to my friend, as to dress appropriately. He told me again that they were having number issues and we may not be able to come as 2 people. This time I thought it's more serious and told my gf about it.
She instantly asked like, if they won't let us go as a couple, that I wouldn't go too? I told her that I had nothing to do about the argument between she and her friend, I didn't do anything wrong to either 3 of them and why I'm the one here who can't attend his 15 year old friend's wedding.
We got into a huge argument. I insisted that I didn't want to choose sides between my future wife and my long time friend. She told me I am already choosing my sides by even thinking of going to the wedding, as I shouldn't go to an event which she is not welcome.
When I talked with my friend for a few minutes about the situation, he told me he was ok if I didn't attend to his wedding if it will cause me that much trouble in my relationship. But still, I don't know what to think or do. It's a situation I didn't really wanna be in at all.