For the past month, I've been: eating better and less, going to the gym, trying online dating.
I've realised that online dating isn't for me... for now.
I absolutely wanted a date, I found a girl that was ready to go on a date with, but I'm not attracted to her and I got cold feet from this whole thing.
I'm still a bit lonely, but I guess I'm getting what I want: to stay alone.
I'm not lonely enough to try everything to break out of it.
I'm fine on my own, I'm doing okay, I don't know if I'll keep going to the gym, I wanted results fast, I'm barely losing weight, I'm not eating enough, I may hurt my self, and I'll never get a good body anyway...
I've been eating two 250 calories salad a day with a 120 calories vegetables "snack", and a sugary drink.
I'm going to stop the fruity drink, but being at less than 900 calories a day, exercising, and still having pretty much the same fat as before... I think something is clearly not working there.
Probably I'm not exercising hard enough, and I may be burning my muscles instead of my fat.
A friend told me to give it 2 months... I'm not sure I will, it's exhausting.
Online dating as an ugly guy is brutal, you don't even match with ugly girls, but then after the scammers I had a girl wanting to go on a date with me, and that's when I realised I wasn't ready for this.
I have to accept myself first, I have to live on my own and be "me" before I add anyone to the equation, and if I can only get girls I'm not attracted to, then maybe I'm better off alone.
So yeah, I don't know if I'll go back to the gym after the end of the month, there is so much to watch series and streams. And I'll stop online dating right here, it's useless in my case, impossible standards... It's okay, lots of guys are single, does not mean I can't enjoy life.
And since I've been single my whole life, here is the silver lining: I don't know what I'm missing on, so in a way, I'm not missing anything.
I'll focus on my own growth, and have a body I can live with, or stop the gym and accept that I'll always be flabby at best, and fat at worst... no big deal, accepting defeat is easier than maintaining a perfect body my whole life, a body that I'll probably never achieve given how easy I put fat on.
I'm quite happy tonight, realising that I can live on my own without needing anyone, and that life is quite fine as it is.
Fuck the gym, fuck the diet, fuck online dating, I don't need any of these shit (or maybe I do to feel good, but you get the idea).
Now, I just need something to make more money than my current first entry job, and maybe a hobby (ideally my hobby would be to learn a skill that I can could then use to turn into money, or my hobby would be my business itself, workaholic, just need to find whatever I can do without much knowledge of anything... probably nothing, ho well, maybe I can try and learn something or get a cheap hobby... just need something to occupy my mind, something productive in one way or another).
Maybe I should pick up programming again, but I wasn't good at that.
I don't know, bodies are so individual. Like, low carb or no fat or veggies or whatever...it is like an interesting experiment though. You are your own guinea pig in that sense. I read that toxins are stored in fat cells and that is one reason why your body is holding on to them, since losing them starts releasing those toxins back into your body and will stress your kidneys and liver, so I would start drinking green tea, anything that helps the body to get rid of them. As for a diet, best diet I ever found, crying yourself hungry to sleep. Interesting skill to master, since in the beginning your stomach digests itself while shrinking, that is painful. But you learn wether you are really feeling weak or your body is just adjusting. As for exercising, now if you can make that a hobby, you are golden. If the gym is not for you, F the gym. Jumping on a trampoline is probably one of the most physically taxing things you can do and it is so distracting and fun. Also, I truly believe that exercise is just as good for the brain as it is for the body, so maybe motivate yourself by adopting that believe. Stretching exercises can increase stem cell production in your body...there are studies out there to support any "fact", so find what sounds beneficial and start believing in science yo (the irony of that sentence is not lost on me)! Oh yeah, apparently some biologists claim that the way the body distinguishes between hunger and thirst is simply by how dry your mouth is...so if those hunger pains take over drink something.
edit: oh yeah, and stay away from fruity or sugary drinks, something = water and it saves money...apparently even fast food is kinda ok to eat every other month if you don't take one of those drinks with it. Also if you don't, prepare your everyday food yourself and don't eat salad if you don't like it and if the only thing in a salad you like is the meat, cheese and dressing that consists of honey,oil, mustard and vinegar then you don't like salad and if you prepare it yourself you get a feeling for how disgusting the quantities of some ingredients in "healthy" foods are. Think, read, use your mind, I actually find self improvement fun.
edit2: If you are scared of overdoing exercising, then yes, listening to your body is a vital thing to learn, to master and improve at. To wrap your head around extremes and the awareness that between all out and nothing at all lies a whole universe. I love Yoga, this Yoga, You can do it at home, You don't need a matt, you do need to listen however, when she says listen to your body or there is an alternative and stay where you feel good, then she means that. Check out this 30 days from four years ago, good starting point for beginners, also cheaper than the gym.
On June 21 2019 06:17 winlessplayer wrote: For the past month, I've been: eating better and less, going to the gym, trying online dating.
I've realised that online dating isn't for me... for now.
I absolutely wanted a date, I found a girl that was ready to go on a date with, but I'm not attracted to her and I got cold feet from this whole thing.
I'm still a bit lonely, but I guess I'm getting what I want: to stay alone.
I'm not lonely enough to try everything to break out of it.
I'm fine on my own, I'm doing okay, I don't know if I'll keep going to the gym, I wanted results fast, I'm barely losing weight, I'm not eating enough, I may hurt my self, and I'll never get a good body anyway...
I've been eating two 250 calories salad a day with a 120 calories vegetables "snack", and a sugary drink.
I'm going to stop the fruity drink, but being at less than 900 calories a day, exercising, and still having pretty much the same fat as before... I think something is clearly not working there.
Probably I'm not exercising hard enough, and I may be burning my muscles instead of my fat.
A friend told me to give it 2 months... I'm not sure I will, it's exhausting.
Okay, we're going to talk about this for a minute because it's the easiest.
Your describing training and getting no results, while also feeling very fatigued. This is NOT how training should feel. Sure, you should be tired occassionally after a particularly hard workout, but it shouldn't leave you exhausted or consistently fatigued. This is also why you're not seeing results. The training is just the stimulus for the results. The actual improvements happen when you recover. In other words, between workouts and especially at night sleeping. If you're fatigued consistently, that means you aren't recovering.
So, why are you not recovering? You said it up there...you're eating 900 calories a day. 900. Dude, that's less than a 40kg(90lbs) 65 year old woman with a slow metabolism would need to eat. You just don't have enough energy. Moreover, with those calories you're not getting the nutrients you need in terms of vitamins, minerals, etc. It just isn't possible on 900kcal. Also, you're not getting enough protein, of which you want at least 1.5-2 g/kg of body weight each day.
Put all of this together, and it's really simple. You're starving the shit out of yourself. This slows down weightloss, results in muscle loss, and most importantly feels incredibly depriving and makes you miserably fatigued all the fucking time. Heck, I doubt you even have the energy for workouts.
Anyway, I don't want to sound like I'm giving you shit, but yea you need to eat more. MUCH more. At least 2000 calories a day, maybe even 2500. Get your 120-180g of protein each day. Get in a shitload of veggies. Cut back on the grains and refined food. Maybe limit dairy as well if it's an irritant. Cut the refined oils (use extra virgin olive oil, coconut oil, grass fed butter). Highly simple, and that's all you need to do.
I'm fine on my own, I'm doing okay, I don't know if I'll keep going to the gym, I wanted results fast, I'm barely losing weight, I'm not eating enough, I may hurt my self, and I'll never get a good body anyway...
Bullshit. Getting a good body is highly achievable for any person. If you want to look like a magazine fitness cover model...okay yea that's a stretch, but it doesn't take any crazy dieting, ridiculous training or anything else to add 15lbs of muscle and lean up to the point where you can start to at least see some abs. People like this still look VERY good.
You're also not okay not exercising. If you're not getting vigorous exercise 3-4 times per week, that's horrible for both body and mind. You feel fine, because you're used to it, but you're far below how you should and could feel. Not to mention it's a wonderful way to age yourself and increase risk for diseases.
None of this is a big commitment, you can get excellent health results on 2-3 hours per week, possibly even a bit less.
Online dating as an ugly guy is brutal, you don't even match with ugly girls, but then after the scammers I had a girl wanting to go on a date with me, and that's when I realised I wasn't ready for this.
I have to accept myself first, I have to live on my own and be "me" before I add anyone to the equation, and if I can only get girls I'm not attracted to, then maybe I'm better off alone.
So yeah, I don't know if I'll go back to the gym after the end of the month, there is so much to watch series and streams. And I'll stop online dating right here, it's useless in my case, impossible standards... It's okay, lots of guys are single, does not mean I can't enjoy life.
You're *probably* not "ugly". Genuinely ugly men or women are rare. If you're carrying a ton of extra weight (say at least 50, but probably more like 75-100lbs) yea you might be temporarily ugly. But there is a fix for that as you know. Get in shape, and it will massively lean out your face, which is a HUGE boost to looks. Combine that improved, leaner face with a marginally better than average body and you're easily into the top 10-20% of the dating market.
I'll focus on my own growth, and have a body I can live with, or stop the gym and accept that I'll always be flabby at best, and fat at worst... no big deal, accepting defeat is easier than maintaining a perfect body my whole life, a body that I'll probably never achieve given how easy I put fat on.
This is a terrible mindset. No one maintains a "perfect body" their entire life, unless they are an elite athlete, it's their job, they grew up with an immaculate diet, or it's an obsession. People with 6 pack lean bodies for 10 or 20 consecutive years are incredibly rare, well below 1%.
However, maintain an attractive, fit body is easy to do. You need maybe 6-12 months of good work in the gym, drop the fat, and then you're good. Sure, you might go through a stressful time and gain 10, 20, maybe even 30 lbs. Guess what? You'll still look decent and athletic if you gained that weight from a nice lean base.
Also, I put on fat like crazy. I look at an MnM and gain 5lbs. I struggle pretty hard with binge eating junk food, and have a general sugar addiction/craving that I battle every day. I've never had a "perfect" body. I've been close to six pack lean a few times, but never there. That said, I'v always look better than at least 3/4 of people body wise. I spent a year in the gym and put on about 10-15lbs of muscle. I don't look big in clothes, but it's enough to have an athletic silhouette. Right now I'm almost 30lbs over my leanest weight, and I still look fairly good. You can see a hint of gut, but I generally have an athletic shape and get some compliments on how I look.
It's VERY hard to have a perfect, six pack lean body except for the rare genetic or psychological anomaly. It's VERY EASY to have a decent looking, non flabby, athletic body. It' also, as I said above, way way healthier for you.
Is it really worth it to not put in a mere 2 hours a week of training and eat a few more vegetables and a little less junk food to feel significantly better and transform yourself from unattractive to fairly or highly attractive? If you ask me it's a small commitment for a very large payoff.
On June 21 2019 06:17 winlessplayer wrote: For the past month, I've been: eating better and less, going to the gym, trying online dating.
I've realised that online dating isn't for me... for now.
I absolutely wanted a date, I found a girl that was ready to go on a date with, but I'm not attracted to her and I got cold feet from this whole thing.
I'm still a bit lonely, but I guess I'm getting what I want: to stay alone.
I'm not lonely enough to try everything to break out of it.
I'm fine on my own, I'm doing okay, I don't know if I'll keep going to the gym, I wanted results fast, I'm barely losing weight, I'm not eating enough, I may hurt my self, and I'll never get a good body anyway...
I've been eating two 250 calories salad a day with a 120 calories vegetables "snack", and a sugary drink.
I'm going to stop the fruity drink, but being at less than 900 calories a day, exercising, and still having pretty much the same fat as before... I think something is clearly not working there.
Probably I'm not exercising hard enough, and I may be burning my muscles instead of my fat.
A friend told me to give it 2 months... I'm not sure I will, it's exhausting.
Okay, we're going to talk about this for a minute because it's the easiest.
Your describing training and getting no results, while also feeling very fatigued. This is NOT how training should feel. Sure, you should be tired occassionally after a particularly hard workout, but it shouldn't leave you exhausted or consistently fatigued. This is also why you're not seeing results. The training is just the stimulus for the results. The actual improvements happen when you recover. In other words, between workouts and especially at night sleeping. If you're fatigued consistently, that means you aren't recovering.
So, why are you not recovering? You said it up there...you're eating 900 calories a day. 900. Dude, that's less than a 40kg(90lbs) 65 year old woman with a slow metabolism would need to eat. You just don't have enough energy. Moreover, with those calories you're not getting the nutrients you need in terms of vitamins, minerals, etc. It just isn't possible on 900kcal. Also, you're not getting enough protein, of which you want at least 1.5-2 g/kg of body weight each day.
Put all of this together, and it's really simple. You're starving the shit out of yourself. This slows down weightloss, results in muscle loss, and most importantly feels incredibly depriving and makes you miserably fatigued all the fucking time. Heck, I doubt you even have the energy for workouts.
Anyway, I don't want to sound like I'm giving you shit, but yea you need to eat more. MUCH more. At least 2000 calories a day, maybe even 2500. Get your 120-180g of protein each day. Get in a shitload of veggies. Cut back on the grains and refined food. Maybe limit dairy as well if it's an irritant. Cut the refined oils (use extra virgin olive oil, coconut oil, grass fed butter). Highly simple, and that's all you need to do.
I'm fine on my own, I'm doing okay, I don't know if I'll keep going to the gym, I wanted results fast, I'm barely losing weight, I'm not eating enough, I may hurt my self, and I'll never get a good body anyway...
Bullshit. Getting a good body is highly achievable for any person. If you want to look like a magazine fitness cover model...okay yea that's a stretch, but it doesn't take any crazy dieting, ridiculous training or anything else to add 15lbs of muscle and lean up to the point where you can start to at least see some abs. People like this still look VERY good.
You're also not okay not exercising. If you're not getting vigorous exercise 3-4 times per week, that's horrible for both body and mind. You feel fine, because you're used to it, but you're far below how you should and could feel. Not to mention it's a wonderful way to age yourself and increase risk for diseases.
None of this is a big commitment, you can get excellent health results on 2-3 hours per week, possibly even a bit less.
Online dating as an ugly guy is brutal, you don't even match with ugly girls, but then after the scammers I had a girl wanting to go on a date with me, and that's when I realised I wasn't ready for this.
I have to accept myself first, I have to live on my own and be "me" before I add anyone to the equation, and if I can only get girls I'm not attracted to, then maybe I'm better off alone.
So yeah, I don't know if I'll go back to the gym after the end of the month, there is so much to watch series and streams. And I'll stop online dating right here, it's useless in my case, impossible standards... It's okay, lots of guys are single, does not mean I can't enjoy life.
You're *probably* not "ugly". Genuinely ugly men or women are rare. If you're carrying a ton of extra weight (say at least 50, but probably more like 75-100lbs) yea you might be temporarily ugly. But there is a fix for that as you know. Get in shape, and it will massively lean out your face, which is a HUGE boost to looks. Combine that improved, leaner face with a marginally better than average body and you're easily into the top 10-20% of the dating market.
I'll focus on my own growth, and have a body I can live with, or stop the gym and accept that I'll always be flabby at best, and fat at worst... no big deal, accepting defeat is easier than maintaining a perfect body my whole life, a body that I'll probably never achieve given how easy I put fat on.
This is a terrible mindset. No one maintains a "perfect body" their entire life, unless they are an elite athlete, it's their job, they grew up with an immaculate diet, or it's an obsession. People with 6 pack lean bodies for 10 or 20 consecutive years are incredibly rare, well below 1%.
However, maintain an attractive, fit body is easy to do. You need maybe 6-12 months of good work in the gym, drop the fat, and then you're good. Sure, you might go through a stressful time and gain 10, 20, maybe even 30 lbs. Guess what? You'll still look decent and athletic if you gained that weight from a nice lean base.
Also, I put on fat like crazy. I look at an MnM and gain 5lbs. I struggle pretty hard with binge eating junk food, and have a general sugar addiction/craving that I battle every day. I've never had a "perfect" body. I've been close to six pack lean a few times, but never there. That said, I'v always look better than at least 3/4 of people body wise. I spent a year in the gym and put on about 10-15lbs of muscle. I don't look big in clothes, but it's enough to have an athletic silhouette. Right now I'm almost 30lbs over my leanest weight, and I still look fairly good. You can see a hint of gut, but I generally have an athletic shape and get some compliments on how I look.
It's VERY hard to have a perfect, six pack lean body except for the rare genetic or psychological anomaly. It's VERY EASY to have a decent looking, non flabby, athletic body. It' also, as I said above, way way healthier for you.
Is it really worth it to not put in a mere 2 hours a week of training and eat a few more vegetables and a little less junk food to feel significantly better and transform yourself from unattractive to fairly or highly attractive? If you ask me it's a small commitment for a very large payoff.
I don't want to just write +1, but this is all really good advice.
Starving yourself and being miserable isn't the answer.
It sounds like you want to/have been eating healthier food. That's awesome that isn't processed and you are avoiding junk foods (occasional cheating is OK) I'm not a great cook but I definitely have more fun and appreciate my food more when I have cooked it. Plus it's a good life skill that women find appealing.
Get a few good workouts in each week but listen to your body and rest when you need. 3-4 times a week sounds right for you.
I don't want to make any assumptions on your life or mental state but from my experience, it sounds like you think having a perfect body and getting a girlfriend will make you happy and it's worth misery now. This isn't the way to do it. Live a healthy lifestyle now, balanced diet, regular exercise and you will be happy with yourself now, if you find someone to share your time with that's just an added bonus.
Don't give up , get some good food in you, rest up and then hit the gym with renewed energy.
You are literally starving yourself. You need to eat a healthy amount of food/calories. A caloric deficit is a couple hundred calories AT MOST. Do not do crash diets, they never work and theres recent evidence they make your body more resistant to weight loss in the future. You need to focus on making small long-term adjustments, which make sustainable lifestyle for you, that have you gradually losing weight until youre at a healthy weight.
On June 21 2019 06:17 winlessplayer wrote: For the past month, I've been: eating better and less, going to the gym, trying online dating.
I've realised that online dating isn't for me... for now.
I absolutely wanted a date, I found a girl that was ready to go on a date with, but I'm not attracted to her and I got cold feet from this whole thing.
I'm still a bit lonely, but I guess I'm getting what I want: to stay alone.
I'm not lonely enough to try everything to break out of it.
I'm fine on my own, I'm doing okay, I don't know if I'll keep going to the gym, I wanted results fast, I'm barely losing weight, I'm not eating enough, I may hurt my self, and I'll never get a good body anyway...
I've been eating two 250 calories salad a day with a 120 calories vegetables "snack", and a sugary drink.
I'm going to stop the fruity drink, but being at less than 900 calories a day, exercising, and still having pretty much the same fat as before... I think something is clearly not working there.
Probably I'm not exercising hard enough, and I may be burning my muscles instead of my fat.
A friend told me to give it 2 months... I'm not sure I will, it's exhausting.
Okay, we're going to talk about this for a minute because it's the easiest.
Your describing training and getting no results, while also feeling very fatigued. This is NOT how training should feel. Sure, you should be tired occassionally after a particularly hard workout, but it shouldn't leave you exhausted or consistently fatigued. This is also why you're not seeing results. The training is just the stimulus for the results. The actual improvements happen when you recover. In other words, between workouts and especially at night sleeping. If you're fatigued consistently, that means you aren't recovering.
So, why are you not recovering? You said it up there...you're eating 900 calories a day. 900. Dude, that's less than a 40kg(90lbs) 65 year old woman with a slow metabolism would need to eat. You just don't have enough energy. Moreover, with those calories you're not getting the nutrients you need in terms of vitamins, minerals, etc. It just isn't possible on 900kcal. Also, you're not getting enough protein, of which you want at least 1.5-2 g/kg of body weight each day.
Put all of this together, and it's really simple. You're starving the shit out of yourself. This slows down weightloss, results in muscle loss, and most importantly feels incredibly depriving and makes you miserably fatigued all the fucking time. Heck, I doubt you even have the energy for workouts.
Anyway, I don't want to sound like I'm giving you shit, but yea you need to eat more. MUCH more. At least 2000 calories a day, maybe even 2500. Get your 120-180g of protein each day. Get in a shitload of veggies. Cut back on the grains and refined food. Maybe limit dairy as well if it's an irritant. Cut the refined oils (use extra virgin olive oil, coconut oil, grass fed butter). Highly simple, and that's all you need to do.
I'm fine on my own, I'm doing okay, I don't know if I'll keep going to the gym, I wanted results fast, I'm barely losing weight, I'm not eating enough, I may hurt my self, and I'll never get a good body anyway...
Bullshit. Getting a good body is highly achievable for any person. If you want to look like a magazine fitness cover model...okay yea that's a stretch, but it doesn't take any crazy dieting, ridiculous training or anything else to add 15lbs of muscle and lean up to the point where you can start to at least see some abs. People like this still look VERY good.
You're also not okay not exercising. If you're not getting vigorous exercise 3-4 times per week, that's horrible for both body and mind. You feel fine, because you're used to it, but you're far below how you should and could feel. Not to mention it's a wonderful way to age yourself and increase risk for diseases.
None of this is a big commitment, you can get excellent health results on 2-3 hours per week, possibly even a bit less.
Online dating as an ugly guy is brutal, you don't even match with ugly girls, but then after the scammers I had a girl wanting to go on a date with me, and that's when I realised I wasn't ready for this.
I have to accept myself first, I have to live on my own and be "me" before I add anyone to the equation, and if I can only get girls I'm not attracted to, then maybe I'm better off alone.
So yeah, I don't know if I'll go back to the gym after the end of the month, there is so much to watch series and streams. And I'll stop online dating right here, it's useless in my case, impossible standards... It's okay, lots of guys are single, does not mean I can't enjoy life.
You're *probably* not "ugly". Genuinely ugly men or women are rare. If you're carrying a ton of extra weight (say at least 50, but probably more like 75-100lbs) yea you might be temporarily ugly. But there is a fix for that as you know. Get in shape, and it will massively lean out your face, which is a HUGE boost to looks. Combine that improved, leaner face with a marginally better than average body and you're easily into the top 10-20% of the dating market.
I'll focus on my own growth, and have a body I can live with, or stop the gym and accept that I'll always be flabby at best, and fat at worst... no big deal, accepting defeat is easier than maintaining a perfect body my whole life, a body that I'll probably never achieve given how easy I put fat on.
This is a terrible mindset. No one maintains a "perfect body" their entire life, unless they are an elite athlete, it's their job, they grew up with an immaculate diet, or it's an obsession. People with 6 pack lean bodies for 10 or 20 consecutive years are incredibly rare, well below 1%.
However, maintain an attractive, fit body is easy to do. You need maybe 6-12 months of good work in the gym, drop the fat, and then you're good. Sure, you might go through a stressful time and gain 10, 20, maybe even 30 lbs. Guess what? You'll still look decent and athletic if you gained that weight from a nice lean base.
Also, I put on fat like crazy. I look at an MnM and gain 5lbs. I struggle pretty hard with binge eating junk food, and have a general sugar addiction/craving that I battle every day. I've never had a "perfect" body. I've been close to six pack lean a few times, but never there. That said, I'v always look better than at least 3/4 of people body wise. I spent a year in the gym and put on about 10-15lbs of muscle. I don't look big in clothes, but it's enough to have an athletic silhouette. Right now I'm almost 30lbs over my leanest weight, and I still look fairly good. You can see a hint of gut, but I generally have an athletic shape and get some compliments on how I look.
It's VERY hard to have a perfect, six pack lean body except for the rare genetic or psychological anomaly. It's VERY EASY to have a decent looking, non flabby, athletic body. It' also, as I said above, way way healthier for you.
Is it really worth it to not put in a mere 2 hours a week of training and eat a few more vegetables and a little less junk food to feel significantly better and transform yourself from unattractive to fairly or highly attractive? If you ask me it's a small commitment for a very large payoff.
I'll just quickly drop by and give this +1. Good advice.
OK most previous comments already cover the dieting part so I'll focus on another part that I felt was important. A few years ago, I feel like I was in a similar position to you: desperately trying to get a gf. I was forcing myself to go to clubs (which I didn't really like), tried several online dating sites/apps and met girls I had nothing in common with and that I wasn't attracted to, etc.
After 2 years of that, I finally took the big step you're talking about: "fuck all this shit, being alone is OK, so let me focus on myself first". And all I want to say is that there's actually nothing wrong with that, on the contrary. I felt so much better once I gave up on all those expectations (being in a couple for example) that I felt were forced onto me by my environment (friends, family, but also TV shows, internet, etc). And once I left all those behind me, I could finally work on what I wanted: getting my priorities straight. Is improving your body what you wanted or something you felt like you had to do because of social pressure ? If you end up deciding that it's something that you really want, you'll find a way to improve your physical condition that works for you even if it's not going to the gym. + Show Spoiler +
It took me a few months of being alone, but I ended up picking up new hobbies (paragliding and hiking), changing careers, and I ended up finding myself a sweet girl who I've been with for 4 years now.
It won't always be easy being alone, there are times when you really feel that the world isn't made for loners (I remember that it felt really weird going to the movies alone for example). But in the end, taking time for yourself to figure out what you want is, IMHO, the best step you can take. Keep going ! My only advice would be to try stuff out. Really get out of your comfort zone and try lots of different stuff. Chances are, you'll dislike most of it, but you mind stumble upon something that you just click with. You tried the gym, good ! If it doesn't work for you, that's too bad, but at least you tried ! So keep trying, keep exploring. And never forget: it's OK being alone to sort out your thoughts. Never let anyone tell yourself differently.
If you want a good hobby that would also help with mild exercise I would recommend drumming. Not only a drummers the rarest band members so you'll always find a band to be in, but the more you practice, the better you get and the more exercise you are doing (like I said its mild exercise but if I play hard for 20 minute my breathing is heavy and my heart rate is fast). Also the ladies love it if you're in a band.
Had a friend who did starvation diet plus Gym. Passed out on a treadmill, twisted an ankle, put weight back on after lying in bed injured for a few weeks.
On June 22 2019 14:28 L_Master wrote: These people that make a blog for comments/thoughts/suggestions then disappear are the worst.
When you're just starting, the task ahead appears brutally hard and hopeless. It's so much easier to give up and rationalize your position #foreveralone. Some people never turn themselves around and they die from a heart attack at 55.
I hope this guy does come back. The thread gave some good advice, but he needs to choose to change. No matter how much he feels like his body is irredeemable, he can take comfort in the fact that his body cannot violate the laws of thermodynamics anymore than anybody else can. If he takes in less energy than he uses, he will lose fat cells. Guaranteed, or you break physics and win a Nobel Prize. Win-win, either way.
IF you want to loose weight, you have to do cardio. Thats the way to burn your fat effectively in the long run. I highly recommend cycling to you. But do it in the nature, not in the gym! And always eat enough and healthy (the right mix between Fats, carbohydrates, proteines and vitamins, also drink A LOT of water, because you will be sweating a lot when doing cardio) This way you build up stamina und you can train harder and for longer periods of time. After 1-2 months you can start to eat a little bit less, so when your training, your body will start burning your fat deposits very fast. Always stop eating when you feel full. Avoid artificial sugars. Eat raw vegetables, Fruits, if you still have appetite. But the most important thing to give your Body enough time to build up stamina, before you start loosing weight.
On June 22 2019 18:49 winlessplayer wrote: I'll start eating more.
Everyone , mentioned your weight.. and how to improve... no one is talking about whats actually wrong here.. your body isnt a deal breaker for most girl,it is for the wrong ones , so you don't want them in your life anyway.. you wanna talk to girls? go to the club start dancing by yourself ... you'd be surprised who will come up to you.
Second , i can smell the desperation from here bro.. if i can smell it.. the "real girls" will know it .. girls want a guy who are established, who don't need them to "clean up" after them,
Third , Be a god damn man. go talk to girls, they dont know what they want, what kind of guys they want, take risks , youll be old one day.. dont be regretful!
Dont even worry about working out.. just eat healthy
I'm quite happy tonight, realising that I can live on my own without needing anyone, and that life is quite fine as it is.
I don't need to go talking to anyone.
Healthy eating isn't cutting it, I need to exercise, thank you.
I'm fixing myself two new deadlines, first, in one year and a half I'll assess my situation, second, in three years and a half, I need to have my shit together.
By age 28, maybe I'll try dating again, in the meantime I'll have relapse of online dating and cold approaching girl here and there, but that will be bound to be a disaster.
By 30, if I don't have my shit together I don't know what I'll do, if I have my shit together I'll try to finally find a girlfriend.
I didn't "come back" because I was thinking of something else, I wasn't really asking for advice, and reading some of them here, people didn't read it all or are just delusional.
Regarding many aspects of my life, literally and figuratively I'm a "short guy" and short guys, they have to work twice as hard, just talking to random isn't going to do shit, just eating healthy is clearly not working, just "being" me, well "me" isn't good enough for now, and I don't dance so this nightclub thing is a no go.
I'm going to be on my own for some times, I have been single my whole life so this is not a big change, and if I work hard on myself I'll come out in better shape, physically and mentally. It still won't be enough, but at least it'll be better thanright now, right now I'm not only "not enough", I'm off a negative value.
One month isn't enough. Just stick at you will see results. Right now you're getting healthy by eating right exercising. The weight will come off as well you just got to stick with it. Be persistent and consistent.
Also, I can't speak for you but I notice a difference after only a few days of eating less and really healthy, just in the way I feel even though there is no visible physical difference. It's so much better than eating bad and feeling like shit, even if you feel bored. Food only cures the boredom for the 5 or 10 minutes you are eating.
I'm quite happy tonight, realising that I can live on my own without needing anyone, and that life is quite fine as it is.
I don't need to go talking to anyone.
Healthy eating isn't cutting it, I need to exercise, thank you.
I'm fixing myself two new deadlines, first, in one year and a half I'll assess my situation, second, in three years and a half, I need to have my shit together.
By age 28, maybe I'll try dating again, in the meantime I'll have relapse of online dating and cold approaching girl here and there, but that will be bound to be a disaster.
By 30, if I don't have my shit together I don't know what I'll do, if I have my shit together I'll try to finally find a girlfriend.
I didn't "come back" because I was thinking of something else, I wasn't really asking for advice, and reading some of them here, people didn't read it all or are just delusional.
Regarding many aspects of my life, literally and figuratively I'm a "short guy" and short guys, they have to work twice as hard, just talking to random isn't going to do shit, just eating healthy is clearly not working, just "being" me, well "me" isn't good enough for now, and I don't dance so this nightclub thing is a no go.
I'm going to be on my own for some times, I have been single my whole life so this is not a big change, and if I work hard on myself I'll come out in better shape, physically and mentally. It still won't be enough, but at least it'll be better thanright now, right now I'm not only "not enough", I'm off a negative value.
How short? I'm 5'7" and it's never slowed me down at all. I have a couple guys 5'4" on my cycling team and they do fine as well. Guys make height out to be a big deal, but it really isn't. It's one factor of many, but how you look face/body and your social skills are significantly more important.
Moreover, online height doesnt exist. If you're tall it's good to advertise it. If you're like me, you just dont list height.
Dating is all about looks + social skills. Online it's like 90% about looks. If you want to do online, you NEED good pictures. Either learn how to take them, or get them professionally. Online without good pictures is, as you found, a waste of time.
In person, you're right. If you have an average face, shorter end, and sitting with decent extra weight you're behind the curve. Youd need a great, outgoing, fun personality to attract girls youd actually be interested in. This can be developed, but like everything requires practice.
Most importantly, you are NOT eating healthy. 900 kcal a day is exceptionally unhealthy. That is why it didn't do anything and you saw no results.
You are correct you should exercise though. With you goals, and to make low investment, I would shoot for 2 strength sessions of 45' to 60' each week. Compound lifts as the focus: deadlift, bench, squat, overhead press. For aerobic, after each gym session jog/bike EASY (HR less than 130-140) for 20-30'. Once a week do a hard session of 4x8' intervals at a solid intensity. These should be hard, but not all out.
Do the above, along with a healthy diet of 2000-2500 kcal/day and you'll be amazed at the results in 2-3 months.
Unfortunately, a single month isn't enough time my man. You can't expect real results that fast.
I understand your impatience, trust me I do because it's the main reason I don't even start doing some of the things I should be doing.
Just keep it up, and don't sweat that you don't feel ready to go out with this girl. The fact you're so anxious about all of this probably means you shouldn't be forcing yourself into dating situations anyway. Keep doing the work, get results that you can actually feel and I think you'll be in a better place to actually start putting yourself out there.
Fuck online dating though I agree. I know it works for a lot of people, but I personally can't stand it. Waste of time for anyone that has the courage to talk to girls in real life in my opinion.
On June 25 2019 04:29 winlessplayer wrote: 166 cm for 69 kg (5ft5 for 10 stones 11 pounds).
Ah okay. You're not in a terrible place then. 5'5" is short enough for a decent number of women to be taller than you, but it's not that bad. As a shorter guy myself, I think it almost hurts more with guys...you just dont have as much natural presence as a guy who is 6'3". Doesnt mean you cant develop that presence.
With women, there are a few who will just disqualify you for being shorter than them. That's not that many though, I've slept with and/or dated women taller than me plenty of times.
Weight isn't that bad either. You could easily be looking not chubby in a few months, and you could look downright fit in 6-9 months of solid progress. Perhaps 4-6 months to shed 15kg, then spend 3 months eating good and lifting in the gym and you'll look athletic and ripped (not big by any means, but not skinny and with good muscle definiton).
That is the saddest I've read today and I was thinking exactly in the same way. I could eat like shit for 3 weeks and be very fat, but I need 6 to 9 months to look fit...
On June 26 2019 04:26 winlessplayer wrote: That is the saddest I've read today and I was thinking exactly in the same way. I could eat like shit for 3 weeks and be very fat, but I need 6 to 9 months to look fit...
The kind of eating youd have to do from looking fit to looking fat in 3 weeks would be stupid. I'd say, without just be ridiculous, the fastest you could realistically get to looking "fat" from being athletically in shape would be 1-2 months to look chubby, and 3-6 to look bonafide fat.
Also, realize by 6-9 months to look "fit", that fit is in the upper 5% of all bodies. So that's like running a mile in maybe 5:20. I dont know why its depressing to think you can look fantastic in well under a year. That's a pretty nice timeline. And in just 2 months or so you could be looking better than the average person.
Unless you're thinking of this 6-9 months process as somehow very unpleasant or very hard. If you are....you won't succeed. Maybe you can willpower it that long, but eventually old habits come back and in 2 years youd be out of shape again.
You need to figure out how to eat healthy and how to get some exercise in ways that are pleasant for you. Getting in shape shouldn't be a chore or unpleasant, especially the exercise part.
Losing weight always means a little restriction so its never 100% pleasant, but it shouldn't be every day "fuck I hate eating like this it's so miserable and so hard and I always deprive myself".
Sustainable, lifestyle change is the name of the game. Long term success if impossible without it. When you find your personal formula, none of this change is noticed nor does it feel difficult. It just kinda....happens.
If you start changing your diet to incorporate more fruits, vegetables, legumes and nuts, you'll notice you actually start craving these foods and junk food will be less appetizing to you. Thats the thing when people raise the 'Id rather enjoy my life and eat tasty junk food than be healthy' argument: once you adjust to a healthy diet, that will be the food you enjoy!
I've cancelled my gym membership, I'm not yet sure I'll be there in 5 weeks, and frankly I don't have any will power to go to the gym for 4 months to look just slightly better.
Maybe if I get to stay here for longer I'll reconsider it, and that's not even sure.
I'm not a sporty type, going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week is a huge dedication from me, if it doesn't yield results after a month, I'd rather not get any results at all, ever.
And that wouldn't solve anything dating wise, it was a delusion to believe just getting a better body would solve my romantic life.
I've gain a bit of an admiration for lean/fit/muscular people though, I understand what I could give and knowing that this is far from being the start of enough just make me realise how dedicated these persons are.
And doing all the exercises so badly, I'm probably more putting myself at a risk of injuries rather than making any progress, I've had some weird pains here and there and I'm sure those are not just "soreness", it may have been small injuries.
Now to decide whether I'll stay online dating or not... I can't bring myself to stop, but it's hurtful to be in such a desert, I have no other way of meeting women since I've stopped drinking, and even when I was drinking the pubs I went to had no single ladies anywhere to be seen...
On June 27 2019 06:14 winlessplayer wrote: I've cancelled my gym membership, I'm not yet sure I'll be there in 5 weeks, and frankly I don't have any will power to go to the gym for 4 months to look just slightly better.
If you feel like you need willpower...you're doing it wrong. You're also probably thinking of the gym as "hard" or "uncomfortable" or "painful". Those words don't motivate quite alot of people. If they don't motivate you, don't do those kind of trainings. You do NOT have to train hard at the gym at all to get solid results that put you in the top 5-10% of guys. You just have to be consistent, going once or twice a week of a light weight training session, and maybe 3 nice and chill cardio sessions each week. They don't have to be long or hard.
Most likely, you;re working out for 45' to 60' (or more) and feeling like those sessions are challenging. That's just way harder than you need to be going for results.
I'm not a sporty type, going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week is a huge dedication from me, if it doesn't yield results after a month, I'd rather not get any results at all, ever.
Don't go to the gym then. Go out for a hike in some hilly terrain, maybe even a walk. Try riding a bike. Go swimming. Just be active. If you're trying to tell me you don't enjoy ANYTHING active, then I'm calling you out on your bullshit. The body literally needs activity to function correctly, and we are designed to enjoy some physical activity (again, this does not mean you must go hard. This activity can be very light).
And that wouldn't solve anything dating wise, it was a delusion to believe just getting a better body would solve my romantic life.
Complex statement. It would make a HUGE difference in your online dating life. It's utter delusion to believe it wouldn't. If you're on tinder right now getting very rare matches, primarily with landwhales or very unattractive girls, a good body along with one or two professional pictures would take you from there, up to consistent matches with girls that are at least of average attractiveness, with occasional cute girl matches.This assumes you're face is a little below average. If you're an average looking guy, or slightly attractive, then you'd be getting likely 2-10 cute matches a day.
For online dating a good body, shown in a tasteful way, makes a HUGE, trans-formative difference.
In person, it will make a mild difference. It will absolutely help you, and it will be noticeable (in part because it dramatically increases how your face looks). It won't make it "easy" like it almost will online, but you'll be ahead of at least 50% of guys, and most average guys don't struggle to find girlfriends.
What it won't fix is if you have issues with confidence, awkwardness, etc. Those you have to fix on your own. Obviously, it also won't help at all with relationship management, which is a whole different ballgame.
I've gain a bit of an admiration for lean/fit/muscular people though, I understand what I could give and knowing that this is far from being the start of enough just make me realise how dedicated these persons are.
Most of them are dedicated, but probably not nearly as dedicated as you think. It doesn't take THAT much dedication to reduce your junk food and spend a few hours a week doing light activity.
If you mean the guys that have the commercial "perfect" six packs, then yes a shitload of dedication, along with uhh...vitamins....goes into that.
And doing all the exercises so badly, I'm probably more putting myself at a risk of injuries rather than making any progress, I've had some weird pains here and there and I'm sure those are not just "soreness", it may have been small injuries.
No, you're not. There are only a few exercises you can really hurt yourself with. Squat, bench, and deadlift. Neither of those are incredibly difficult to learn good technique. There are lots of videos out there by people like Alan Thrall or supertraining (Mark Bell) that can easily teach you the basics of good technique. If you start light, and focus only on technique you are extremely unlikely to injure yourself.
I guess the bottom line here is you have been given a TON of advice here in this thread....and have basically ignored it. I, and others, have literally talked you through every concern, and shown you how to make it a nonissue. You then continue to act like it's somehow "hard" or "takes willpower" despite being shown explicitly otherwise.
What you're basically saying is:
On June 25 2019 06:17 winlessplayer wrote: I'm very unhappy with where I am now. I'm out of shape, am having zero luck finding anyone and feel miserable because of that, and generally don't like my life. Despite that, the misery of eating a little better and going for a 30' walk three times per week is MUCH greater than the misery of continuing to be fat, alone, unhealthy, and having my body start to fall apart in my 30s and 40s.
That's bullshit, and you know it. You know you can change if you want, and you know you would be much happier if those aspects of your life were going better. It's utterly baffling that you choose to be an unhappy, unhealthy, unsuccessful person and ignore all the excellent advice you've gotten.
On June 27 2019 14:47 winlessplayer wrote: I've posted a week ago, let me process everything.
Also, it is not baffling, I need to hate myself and be unhappy to function, it is my fuel.
Well that is not a healthy state of mind. But it is possible to change that over time. It starts with things like exercise; it's seriously a wonder drug. It will boost your confidence, self-image, physical and mental health.
If possible I would also suggest some therapy, which can also do wonders in helping you adjust your self-image.
On June 23 2019 04:38 Subflow wrote: IF you want to loose weight, you have to do cardio. Thats the way to burn your fat effectively in the long run. I highly recommend cycling to you. But do it in the nature, not in the gym! And always eat enough and healthy (the right mix between Fats, carbohydrates, proteines and vitamins, also drink A LOT of water, because you will be sweating a lot when doing cardio) This way you build up stamina und you can train harder and for longer periods of time. After 1-2 months you can start to eat a little bit less, so when your training, your body will start burning your fat deposits very fast. Always stop eating when you feel full. Avoid artificial sugars. Eat raw vegetables, Fruits, if you still have appetite. But the most important thing to give your Body enough time to build up stamina, before you start loosing weight.
Awww, man! This guy gave actual real advice.
Seriously though, yes this is the way to do it. Ketosis works really fast but you can’t excercise at the same time without a lot of risk. Usually, the people capable of doing it don’t actually have to anymore, and do it more for 1. Religious reasons or 2. To improve brain function for a little bit when facing a problem.
I am ill equipped to advise here due to having the opposite problem most of my life: underweightedness.
On June 24 2019 08:06 L_Master wrote: How short? I'm 5'7" and it's never slowed me down at all. I have a couple guys 5'4" on my cycling team and they do fine as well. Guys make height out to be a big deal, but it really isn't. It's one factor of many, but how you look face/body and your social skills are significantly more important.
i have an uncle on my mother's side of the family who is 5'4". he was a massive stud "back in the day".
He drove a modified Camaro Z-28. funny as hell. related to everyone of every age. I used to screw myself into the ground trying to hit his curveball. great golfer... great curler. ( Curling is a thing in Canada). When I was 12 he showed me how to create my own part time weekend job that paid about $40 for 4 hours work back in 1999.
i'm 6'1"... obviously he is still 5'4". In my eyes he is a 10 foot tall giant. He is just an all around great human being.
yea i agree. i know a guy who is 5'7 and in good shape and has slept with over 100 women while being in his late 20s (wouldn't recommend btw). he has great confidence although that lifestyle comes with consequences. my point is, dont let height get you down about your success with women. id say focus your attention on bettering yourself with working out and dieting and you'll increase your own confidence naturally which will correlate with dating success.
On July 02 2019 02:53 castleeMg wrote: yea i agree. i know a guy who is 5'7 and in good shape and has slept with over 100 women while being in his late 20s (wouldn't recommend btw). he has great confidence although that lifestyle comes with consequences. my point is, dont let height get you down about your success with women. id say focus your attention on bettering yourself with working out and dieting and you'll increase your own confidence naturally which will correlate with dating success.
.... I hear you. I know what you say.. as I come from there. I am sure others reading your message do too. I have good news for you - it is possible, perfectly possible to have what you want. It is not due to luck... chance, not faith or some other rubbish - it is YOU. And sorry, but being ripped really isn't the answer. You gotta study it friend You gotta take it seriously... as if your life depended on it. You shall find hidden secrets and mysteries that shall remain as such for the vast majority of men. If...... you seek to really know women. If you seek to have a girlfriend, before long she will have YOU, and your life will be - as you rightly guessed - even worse than now :D Fool........ you want to fuck, you don't want security. Don't worry, I mean fool in a good way.. we're all fools brainwashed from culture, just each to various different extends. If you seek to be attractive as a lover to women the path is one...... and interesting. If you seek to be a potential boyfriend......... you shall get lost, trust me.. you will. As for the practicals... I know girls like fit guys, but they like even more guys that turn them on. LEARN IT.. it's not a rocket science... it's pretty much 100% about confidence. The confidence that if one girl is not up for it, the next one will be.. and if not her the next.. and the next.. and the next. Come on.. be honest you want to fuck...... just admit it, and step on solid ground. Then........ you shall make progress. Forget about all your conditions, these exist only in your head... women don't have those. Women (just like men) are animals.... learn how human animals mate.... how the female menstrual cycle works... read evolutionary biology.... dare to talk about sex with ANY woman you know (oh.. they love it!!!!!!).
Friend....... you really have it backwards (and that's fucking good news!!! ) - you think you gotta be ready, and then you'll get pussy. NO. You go and jump in the world of women... you tell them you like them, tell them they are attractive, tell them you realize that there are 3 BILLION of them..... so you got options... you got plenty of options. YOU be the man, and compliment them. A compliment is not the act of begging for sex... a compliment is a statement - that you are a man and she is a woman. Do it sincerely.. and I reckon 9 out of 10 women will blush and smile back at you, cos women know. They can tell bullshit.. and they can tell courage. You step up and be a man... and you'll be recognized as such. You DON'T need anything more, you have it... you fool. Of course you have it. Just go and do it.
EPT
