EPTThat being said.
Sometimes, people are fuckin' insane, and tonight, at 8:56PM, 4 minutes before my day ended, I got a call from someone inquiring about Commercial Property insurance.
He talked.
He just talked so much.
Allow me to start from the beginning,
He begins to talk about his dating life. He mentioned how he loved southern women, that he loved the accents and found them sooooo sexy, he mentioned how he loved the "sir," and "ma'am" mannerisms of the south and that as a 58 year old man he wanted to get back into the dating scene.
SEGUE.
Hes talking about facebook now, he recounts the tale of someone randomly friending him, he walked me through how she had such beautiful pictures and that she was from Argentina, and in his words she was "an Argentina woman," and how he had sent her a bunch of money over Facebook, he mentioned, and again, in his words, "how much she wanted to, y'know, BE with me" and that he just needed to pay for her airfare to come to him. Apparently he ceased this plan when he noted that the plane ticket was slated for Chicago, and thats roughly when he said he caught onto the fact that she wasn't actually a beautiful sexy Argentina woman, but some sort of man from Ghana.
SEGUE.
His son's ex-wife. Very beautiful apparently, and also an "Argentina Woman" they fought all they time, she was very disrespectful to him and the guy who was tormenting me by forcing me to not-laugh at all of this. She had some kids with him. She said she was so hot she could have anyone, to which Phone Man declared, "and she really was." He moves on the his son's next ex-wife, who apparently liked smart phones. So apparently she had help him setup his cell phone whatever and she listed herself as some sort of person-with-power on his plan. So eventually she dumps her old 400 dollars of phone bill onto the dude's policy so she can buy a new Samsung phone. He ejects her from his house for this technological transgression. She calls the cops, they tell her she cant go back into his house to get all her shit. She calls the cops a second time, this time they tell him she has to be let in to go get her shit.
SEGUE.
Hes starting up a pawnshop, I'm all like, oh shit finally, we're back to the reason you've fucking CALLED IN GOD DAMMIT. He mentions how great it will be to be his own boss, that hes a real people person, how much he loves talking (really?) and how his life has been hard, hes lived in the ghetto, and hes a very prideful man, how people around him are always vicious and jealous at his successes.
SEGUE.
Donald Trump? He goes on about how hes amazed he hasn't been assassinated yet, how JFK and Lincoln got assassinated and they were actually beneficial to the country, yet Donald Trump somehow goes on. He goes on about how hes a rich ass lil punk bitch, and how his dad gave him all his money, how he treats women like shit (I mean if this wasn't a call about COMMERCIAL FUCKING INSURANCE I'd be mostly in agreement about all of this shit) and how hes just a shitbag.
SEGUE.
Obama. Yep. So he goes on about how Obama got such a bad wrap, and that it was because he was a black president, but he wasn't like, REALLY a black president because he considered him white because of his "white ways," and that really he was pretty much a white president.
SEGUE.
Dude mentions how I sound really white, he says hes of German ancestry.
SEGUE.
The Holocaust. He mentions hes probably "a Nazi German" with regards to his ancestry, and he just rambles about the jews and the Holocaust and how hes also part Cherokee and how hes proud of that and that it makes him really feel like he belongs to this country.
SEGUEND.
He loves his dog.
I get him to think about Commercial Liability insurance.
Transfer him the FUCK off my line.
Leave.
Get Taco Bell.
Come home and post all of this bullshit.
