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So, I've been under a lot of stress lately and my doctor wanted me to see a neurologist...
My appointment was 2 days ago and I was told why I've been so stressed all the time
..and quite frankly the diagnosis was not at all what I expected.(I thought I was just a little
overworked)
But no, apparently I have something called "multiple thoughts disorder", which means my
concious mind tends to have at least 2 thoughts at the same time(3-4 thoughts are possible,
even though 3 was the max. I've experienced so far).
The weird thing is, I'm 35 years old and until now I thought this was "normal" and that's how
everybody else is wired, too. How was I supposed to know that's not the case, I can't look
inside other people's heads ...and "hey does you're brain work like mine?" was not on the
"hot topic list" in my social circles.
"This disorder develops early in children with a compulsion to control..."- was the first thing
he said and it hit home.. and I think he heard me whisper "No shit", because he cracked a
smile and I blushed and was a little embarrassed.
So I basically have to control everything I do and in order to achieve that, I think ahead.
But at the same time I reevaluate what I've just said or have done. So that's at least 2 thoughts
everytime I do ..anything really. It's 1 so called "active" thought accompanied by two
"shadow" thoughts. [He used an example of 3 spotlights shining on an object and you get 1
darker shadow (active thought) and 2 "weak" transparent shadows (shadow thoughts)].
"....So does this mean I'm special? Is this some kind of super power?" - No!
It means I'm fucked up. 
It's the root problem, why I'm stressed all the time, because I can't do sh*t without
completely overthinking it and as I get older, it will get worse(because of declining brain
performance). And to top it all off, there is no way for me to get rid of it, because that's just
how my brain works....and "one cannot learn to simply think differently."
His words, not mine.
So what are my options? Well, luckily drugs are always an option, but I would have to take
them every day in order for them to be effective and the side effects are: drowsiness,
insomnia (yes i know they contradict each other...), nausea, erratic behavior....
The other option is, I shit you not... YOGA..."dear god I hate yoga!"...
Of course my girlfriend's happy, not because it's something we can do together,
no because she hates it as much as I do (she's scottish*) and she loves teasing me
whenever I have to do sh*t, I don't wanna do.
I know all of this sounds like first world problems, but for me it changes how I see myself and
others. I knew I was socially awkward sometimes, but this...
...Sucks...well, maybe it won't. I'll probably try both the meds and yoga. Life is a funny
thing...or whatever Forrest Gump said...anyways, that's all I got for now....Cheers! 
(*To quote her: "...we drink and hate yoga!")
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do yoga or learn to meditate to clear your unwanted thoughts
edit: i see the hate yoga part at the end now...
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Hate yoga? How's that even possible?
Put on some music, do some basic stretches, relax, there's nothing to be hated.
I guess all you can think about when hearing yoga is paying a hefty sum to have a clueless instructor teach you silly moves while making silly sounds, all echoed by a cackling group of ignorant women? Where are those shadow thoughts now? Lol.
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How did you find out? Like only questions or some brain activity measures or how?
Your symptoms sound awfully familiar.... :/
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I can't even find a wikipedia article on multiple thoughts disorder, just some stuff on thought disorder, which seems to be a very broad category. Do you know how common this is?
I have pondered the idea that a think a little different from other people (mostly in terms of speed and concious step size) a couple of times. I have never really talked about it (I don't think there really is a difference for me, it just sometimes seems that way). Have you never felt like it seems that some people think differently?
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How did you find out? Like only questions or some brain activity measures or how?
Well after my first appointment (basic quetstions) he wanted to do an MRI, but I had to wait two weeks. Then this Monday, they did the MRI scan in the morning. At first I had to push a button anytime a light turned on and after that whenever a certain image popped up. I went home and in the afternoon I had another appointment where I got the results.
I can't even find a wikipedia article on multiple thoughts disorder, just some stuff on thought disorder, which seems to be a very broad category. Do you know how common this is?
Honestly I don't, first time I heard about it was 2 days ago.
But such disorders are tricky, we just assume the way we think is normal and basically never question it until we feel that something's off. I'm pretty sure there's plenty of people out there with similar issues, but they just live with it.
Have you never felt like it seems that some people think differently?
Sometimes, but I simply thought it's just me being awkward. A side-effect of the disorder is, that I can follow multiple conversations at once. The downside however is when there are too many conversations, I feel very uncomfortable, because I get flooded with too much input, which I cannot process. Which finally explains my social anxiety, whenever I'm with more than 15-20 people in a room.
edit: Just noticed the typo in the title, damn these meds kick in fast! 
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On May 12 2016 06:17 thePunGun wrote:
But such disorders are tricky, we just assume the way we think is normal and basically never question it until we feel that something's off.P I wouldn't care about "normal" anyways. In the end it only matters if it's a condition that makes your life subjectively significantly worse than what you could achieve with some kind of treatment. The same thing goes for you, there's not much of a point in taking medication unless it subjectively improves your own quality of life (it sounds like it might). There's nothing that makes "normal" inherently better than anything else.
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psychiatrists often know what they're doing hating on psychiatric meds is all the rage on the internet but dont listen
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On May 12 2016 07:08 strongandbig wrote:
psychiatrists often know what they're doing hating on psychiatric meds is all the rage on the internet but dont listen
I wish I'd heard the other side of the story before trusting psychiatrists. The drugs they prescribe can seriously fuck some people up. I thought I was the only one until years later I started reading other people's stories. Yes, some are helped by meds, but some are also damaged severely. Responsible doctors should exhaust less drastic methods than pharmaceuticals first (if the patient is not dangerous), but too many just prescribe meds, and if things get worse they prescribe more.
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I certainly don't mean to discourage drugs when they make sense, but you should critically review all the options.
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On May 12 2016 13:25 Glowsphere wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2016 07:08 strongandbig wrote:
psychiatrists often know what they're doing hating on psychiatric meds is all the rage on the internet but dont listen I wish I'd heard the other side of the story before trusting psychiatrists. The drugs they prescribe can seriously fuck some people up. I thought I was the only one until years later I started reading other people's stories. Yes, some are helped by meds, but some are also damaged severely. Responsible doctors should exhaust less drastic methods than pharmaceuticals first (if the patient is not dangerous), but too many just prescribe meds, and if things get worse they prescribe more.
You do realise if you search for things on the web you'll find vocal minorities who have suffered from side-affects for things that are pretty benign, like vaccines? That said I'm more willing to trust doctors/shrinks that aren't sponsored by pharmaceuticals.
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Ow wow... Does that exist?
I got diagnosed with ADHD (I'm 27 yrs) a few months back because I have had similar symptoms as what you have all my life.
I use meds for it now* and the side-effects are annoying but get less after a while. It is a bit more quiet in my head, however I also get a bit more anxious, due to not knowing/thinking of all the possible outcomes. The main problem with meds, is that I really feel that a part of me is missing. I may be able to concentrate a bit better, but I feel that overall I just "think much less than usual".
* I have been against the very idea of meds/drugs all my life, thus it wasn't an easily accepted idea...
So I basically have to control everything I do and in order to achieve that, I think ahead.
But at the same time I reevaluate what I've just said or have done. So that's at least 2 thoughts
everytime I do ..anything really.
I'm not exactly sure if it's the same, but basically I have the need to "know" every route to a certain endgame. Meaning, I try to think about all of the different routes, good or bad, so I'm able to predict the "worst case scenario" and "best case scenario" and will never be open to surprises. I sometimes seem obsessed about topics, since the need is so high, I can't stop it.
For example : I have read about the Middle-East crisis for months and months, viewing every perspective, every different media outlet, be it russian, turkish ,english, arab or whichever. I just need to know things before they start. It's a bit compulsive really.. Once I feel that I know all that I need to know, I'm able to predict certain outcomes and then I'm able to calm myself down again (more often than not I'm right, which is pretty helpful in my professional life).
I'm always thinking simultaneously about multiple aspects of a topic, or thinking multiple things at one time, even while talking to someone I can get distracted by myself. I'm not sure if this is similar to you, but from my understanding of your post it is atleast a bit similar.
Next to this, I was never really satisfied with the diagnostics, or atleast, it feels as if something is still missing, since almost all people I know with ADHD are very different in their train of thought than me and the "wires" are somewhat similar, but not quite the same.
Anyways, whatever you do , good luck with it. I feel that knowing is half the battle. Things as Yoga and Mindfulness sound really pathetic, but they are actually really helpful for stuff like this. If you can control your own mind, you won't need the meds. If you can't control your mind, you will probably need assistance of meds.
If you use the meds, to learn about yourself, you may be able to do it learn to control it without needing the meds (through Yoga or whatever fits you).
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Nice, your brain can spin up new threads.
Just be careful about race conditions and make sure you grab the pid so you can kill the thread when it's finished and not end up with lots of zombie thoughts.
...
Also I bet this is more common than you think. Hardly anyone goes to see a neurologist, so hardly anyone is ever going to be diagnosed with something like that. I hate to self-diagnose, but I definitely think about more than one thing at the same time, and I know this because it happens whenever I'm reading. I'm usually both reading the story / article and thinking about something else at the same time and making connections.
Anyway, I hope you can figure out a way to keep it from destroying your health. Maybe this is what people mean when they say "think too much." Literally thinking too much lol.
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I was diagnosed with ADHD in my teens (back in the 90s it was quite popular )
The difference between my condition and ADHD is, that there's no attention deficit. My "attention filter" is lower and therefore my brain has to deal with more information, which leads to the multiple thoughts. (similar to autism or asperger, but apparently they're not the same, at leats that's what I was told)
That's why I can process multiple thoughts (and several conversations for example). But the older I get, the less I'm gonna be able to do that, so I'll either have to take the meds or die from a stress related heart attack. T.T
Also I bet this is more common than you think. Hardly anyone goes to see a neurologist, so hardly anyone is ever going to be diagnosed with something like that. I hate to self-diagnose, but I definitely think about more than one thing at the same time, and I know this because it happens whenever I'm reading. I'm usually both reading the story / article and thinking about something else at the same time and making connections.
Yeah, I highly doubt I'm the only one. Maybe there will be a support group one day, that would definitely help me not feeling like "the oddball living across the street".
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Oh man, a support group of that would be so bad. Everyone would be having simultaneous conversations with everyone else.....What a mess.....
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Actually I'm curious: Do you have more than one internal-monologue going at once, or do you have one internal monologue plus other harder to define kinds of thoughts happening concurrently? Is one internal monologue greatly more pronounced than the others, if you have more than one?
I've heard some people describe their internal thoughts as not always being expressed in words but still coming to very real and helpful conclusions as a result of them that can in the end be translated into language.
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Actually I'm curious: Do you have more than one internal-monologue going at once, or do you have one internal monologue plus other harder to define kinds of thoughts happening concurrently? Is one internal monologue greatly more pronounced than the others, if you have more than one?
That does happen sometimes, most of the time it starts with one "internal monologue"and whenever that one doesn't come to a distinct conlusion it spins out of control and a second or even third one(that rarely ever happens) "bubble up".
That metaphor is actually spot on, it's like the first thought is an under water fart and the surfacing bubbles are the emerging 2nd a or 3rd monologue joining the party.
This happens, whenever I have to make a hard decision and it drives me nuts sometimes. I remeber getting a nosebleed at one point, I think it was just my body signaling "stop that NOW!"
I've heard some people describe their internal thoughts as not always being expressed in words but still coming to very real and helpful conclusions as a result of them that can in the end be translated into language
Yes, sometimes it's just pictures, like when I have to do quick calculations.
For example: I have to convert from hex to binary or dec. First I imagine a train with several passenger cars.
Then I break the numbers down, then they become passengers and take their seats(the seats are adjusted according to the system required). So if it's a decimal 5 (101 in bin).
1 sits down in "seat number 1", 0 in seat "number 2" and another 1 in "seat number 3" (seat numbers= exponent of 2 edit(-1, because it starts at 0 so seat number 0-2), the passenger car numbers will come into play if you have several numbers to convert)
I know that might sound ridiculous, but it's fast and can also be adjusted to memorize stuff efficiently.
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in my opinion taking medication off a diagnostic like this is counter-productive. My advice would be to consult with other doctors and psycotherapists, psychiatrists, or psychologist on the matter. and afterward, decide a path that works for you, and try to stay clear of what works for your girlfriend, your doctor and your family or friends. What works best for you might not work at all for any other person.
Instead of supressing the brain, why not try to work toghether with it, understanding what it needs and exercizing what it requires to serve you properly like you would like. This can be archieved by Yoga, and other forms of body-mind meditation and practices. A regular pattern or habit is what you need, shall you decide to implement this in your life. If you have been using this pattern, for many years, it may take many months to change it. But once it does, you will have archieved a balance that is unique and conforting.
In other words fight for what you want to archieve.
We need to change this mentality that the Doctor has the best answer for us. What a competent doctor will do is present you with a set of options and give his professional advice on the pros and cons of what path you choose to follow to become a more "normal" individual.
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Pretty sure thinking about multiple things at once is a direct reason for my success in life. I can understand that you might have the ability but cannot harness it and therefore it gets called a disorder.
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On May 16 2016 05:53 Dizmaul wrote:
Pretty sure thinking about multiple things at once is a direct reason for my success in life. I can understand that you might have the ability but cannot harness it and therefore it gets called a disorder.
I know what you mean, I can definitely utilize it, that's not the problem. The problem is, that I'm a perfectionist and failure has never been an option for me, which is why I've always been thinking several things at once since my childhood. (to prevent failure)
I cannot recall a point in my life, where I just thought about one thing and that's the disorder...not being able to hold only one single thought. So now in my mid 30s it's much more stressful than it used to be and I won't reach my 60s if I don't stop this. Any kind of excessive/extreme behavior is a health risk and therefore called disorder.
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I see what you're saying. I never thought about not being able to handle it. Or how being a perfectionist in combination with this can really take its toll.
Like you were talking about above I can listen to multiple conversations at once but with no negative side effect. When I was little I would freak people out in the car because I could hold a convo and listen to the talk show on the radio. Mid convo I would bring up something the guy on the radio said and people would look at me like "WTF how did you hear that also". I guess unlike you from a very young age I knew this made me a bit different from most people.
This "ability" is also fueled to even greater heights because I have an extremely good memory. These two things together allow me to cross reference experiences and information. I believe it's faster then most since I can do more simultaneous and with a large pool from which to access information instantly.
I will say I really thank you for this post. I've really never read about anyone else who experiences this. I know we are not alone! I'm also really glad I'm not as a perfectionist as you I never thought about how that would affect me.
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I also have a pretty good memory. Once I've seen a movie or a play, I can recite the dialogue... which I occasionally do to creep my friends out, when I rewatch it with them.
Books aren't that easy, because I have to recall the visual scenes, I made up in my head (these images are crucial, because
somehow they're linked to the text burried in my memories). I'm also thankful for the feedback, I got from you guys! It's good to know, that "there are other people out there like me, who can do what I can do".
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EPT
