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Hi guys, I've posted this on LiquidDota blog section a few months ago, but why not posting it here as well? I feel like people out there should read this. This is the version I've published at this moment, only one small edit at the beginning and that's it.
I am HammerKick, a french gaming lover. I'm 17 years old. You may have seen me on those forums or in game in SC2/Dota 2, hanging around in LR threads and in the Strategy section, or even in the Starcraft LR.
But I would like to talk about a serious topic.
For people who know me and who enjoy talking about what we love with me, you guys probably didn't expect that, but I am autistic with the Asperger Syndrome. And I would like to tell you a lot of things about me and my difficult life when I was young.
The first topic I would like to talk about is this : being autistic and going to school in France is HARD AS FUCK. I'm not kidding, it may surprise most of you because it is a known handicap in other countries and is handled pretty well, but in France, autism is treated like shit, especially by psychanalysts. Because yes, there is psychoanalysis in France, and it is actually huge. The problem is that they actually make our problems even worse, by telling shit facts about autism (autism comes from the incest of your mother : seriously, wtf?) and by actually treating them the bad way.
I'd like to talk about a thing we call in French « Hôpitaux de jour », in english that means Day Hospitals.
Some of them are decent. Some of them are actually controlled by psychoanalysists (dunno if you call them like that in France).
They stay there, they learn them things by the wrong way, and there are even abusing them.
For example, a thing called « Packing ». You ask the child to retire his clothes and you put him in a bed with sheets that have been recovered by cold water. For them, it is a way to help the autistic children retrieve a conscience of his body and to obtain a look, a sound or a word.
The main reason these fucktards are actually huge in France is because autism is an almost unknown thing. Parents that are panicked because their child is different don't know what to do, so they try to find people, and guess who are recommenced ? Yes, psychoanalysists, because psychologists are rarer, and they have no idea what to do. And they believe them, because of ignorance. In fact, ignorance is a big factor in psychoanalysis, because the psychoanalysist doesn't even know what the fuck he's talking about. Funny, right ?
I'm talking about this because I've been concerned by this: in kindergarten, I had a completly dumb teacher the first year, that got me fired out of the school for two months, until the town hall of my city has found someone to stay with me in school to help me do things I couldn't do by myself and to make sure everything goes well. Won't tell you much about him, but I kept him until I was 12 years old. I was 3 at this point. 11 straight years. It was a "school life assistant".
I had another one for three years after that, in college (in France, college is after sixth grade, for four years, then it's high school). Had one for the first year of high school who was bad, then I could stay alone last year, and everything went well.
It has never been easy for me, but I've been lucky to have a mother who focused herself on making sure I could go to school. Thanks mom, I wouldn't be here without you (I mean, she had to make sure I could be born first, but I'm talking about school, you know :D).
I'd like to say good job to USA and other big coutries for being able to handle autism properly. France has a lot to learn.
Now that it is done, I'd like to talk about gaming.
Playing video games has been a big part of my evolution as an autistic child. First of all, I've learnt how to contain myself in some situations. As the time passes, when I start raging, I always find a way to calm myself. And that learnt me how to also do it in real life !
Secondly, friends. Playing video games allowed me to make shittons of friends. My Steam friendlist is almost full, got a lot of Bnet friends while I played SC2 and also hearthstone, hots, etc. When I started playing Dota, I've found friends. Already had a bit amount of people I've met before with who I played with. Then it started to grow. I became better at the game, people started to see that I was a pretty good person to play with, and this is a pleasure to play Dota with friends.
But what's the thing I realized in the days ? Well, before playing Dota, I was way too scared and shy to speak in a TeamSpeak with people. In real life, I would stay alone during school breaks, not playing with other children, thinking about video games or other things I liked (food for example hehe).
Today, I'm totally confident in myself and I join a ts without even wondering about the fact that people may not want to talk with me and that I may be insulted. Because yeah, flaming is a thing in Dota, and as day passes, I've learnt how to deal with it.
Playing video games also allowed me to learn english, and because of that, I can talk to you.
Today, I'm going into the last part of high school, in a technologic category called STI2D (in French, Sciences et Techniques de l'Industrie et du Développement Durable, Sciences and Technics of Industry and Durable Developpement). I've met people who likes gaming as well, and now I even have friends in real life.
Now, my studies are going well.
But most of that wouldn't have been possible without gaming. If I wasn't in gaming, I would still be a shy piece of shit who wouldn't talk to anybody. If I wasn't going into Dota 2 or Starcraft 2, I wouldn't have met so many nice people that learnt me how to make true friends.
Thanks gaming for what you've done in my life.
I'd like to have your opinions about what I said, and to discuss.
See you in forums !
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Yeah it's amazing what gaming can do for someone with one of these autism spectrum disorders. It can improve concentration, provide transferable skills, or any number of things.
There's a lot of interesting research that's been lost and hidden. It could be that governments are threatened by people with aspergers syndrome, I don't know. For instance if you tried a psychedelic substance it could help you improve even more. It's just sad that these things are kept from people because of the status quo
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United States1434 Posts
What a touching story. I read the story end to end. That's too bad autism is treated badly in France. I wonder how it started. Best of luck, hammerkick 
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On December 13 2015 06:49 Ty2 wrote:What a touching story. I read the story end to end. That's too bad autism is treated badly in France. I wonder how it started. Best of luck, hammerkick
well, thanks
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I didn't realise france had such a poor understanding on mental differences.
I'd like to say good job to USA and other big coutries for being able to handle autism properly.
They don't, just because it's better than how france deals with it doesn't mean they do it properly.
I got kicked out of 4 schools, ended up going to a "specialist" school, where they decided the best method to control me was to starve me. (6 stone at 16) going through the systems in place to "support" and "help you" left me worse off, and the sole reason I spiraled down that path was because the teaching quality at my secondary school was piss poor-nonexistent so like most children at that age the normal course of action was to muck about but because I had a diagnosis I was left as an easy target for the teachers to make an example of. (Because the word of a high functioning autistic child doesn't stack up to a "teacher") that and I was/am a sarcastic shit
Just a point to make, Aspergers is no longer considered a diagnosis, it's now under the umbrella of ASD on the high functioning end of the spectrum.
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United States996 Posts
where we're at globally with ASD isnt great, but its getting better. sorry it was so bad in france.
sc2 rocks though. keep gaming~
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Japan11285 Posts
Happy to hear/read what gaming has done for you. I hope you can inspire more people as well!
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I feel you mate, as someone who has speech Apraxia (which made me sound different), writing disorder, Anxiety disorder, and PTSD for childhood events. AND a brother and two cousins with Autism (one with aspergers) I know how that life is.
Being singled out for it and bullied for left a lifetime impact on me. The only group that took me during my early schooling was other special need kids, which was a blessing in disguise. I even stood up for my bully (who was E.C.) against his bully and we became good friends.
It happened to my brother too. Thankfully he has a good psychologist to help him. I also had one growing up as a kid. That experience kinda lead me into what i want to do in life and be a psychiatrist. I feel like i know a lot of these kids stories, and know how to help them. Games backed them help me relaxed and be me as well. Also worked for my brother as well.
It's funny that this post came up on this date. Yesterday (well techinnly Friday) I was helping at a school auction and i meet a down polar kid named travor. The fun he had during the auction made me so happy, and when he won a prize (it was a quator auction) i was so happy to give it to him. Today i thought of making a community groups where kids like him and others kids could come together. So that's fun to look towards to and doing.
Didn't know about the state of the french autism research though. I knew some countries are were bad for it but wow.
P.S. come on TL apraxia or aspergers isn't a word by your standards?
I demand R1CH fix this with quicken haste......
P.S.S. i might make my P.S. my sig
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On December 13 2015 06:48 imgbaby wrote:
Yeah it's amazing what gaming can do for someone with one of these autism spectrum disorders. It can improve concentration, provide transferable skills, or any number of things.
There's a lot of interesting research that's been lost and hidden. It could be that governments are threatened by people with aspergers syndrome, I don't know. For instance if you tried a psychedelic substance it could help you improve even more. It's just sad that these things are kept from people because of the status quo
Big word is Could. Any Medicine that affects the brain is never 100% successful. All due to Brain chemistry and a horde of other things.
Also giving LSD or a equally powerfully drug is never really going to take off due to ethics. Besides, mental support through friends and family is ten times more powerful. And is better in the long one when compared to the chance of addiction IMO.
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Everyone with an issue from start is having a strong problem in the first years of life (especially Kindergarten and primary school). I am hard of hearing, I can hear 90% of all sounds but I can never hear the difference (car vs bus motor) and I also can't hear music (can hear the voice of her/him but can't hear what he/she is saying) and the same with movies (subtitle necessary). It seems that my ears are deaf at fine-tuning.
My mom visited many "ears-experts" during my kindergarten-life, they all were agreed that I can't go to school etc. My Mum ignored that and sent me to normal school. Now I visit an Uni. I still find Uni (mechanical engineering) is easier than school, because I have no german and english lessons anymore <3. I could learn 24h daily for english or german exam and still got an shool grade of 4 or 5 (D or E).
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On December 13 2015 18:07 Dingodile wrote:
Everyone with an issue from start is having a strong problem in the first years of life (especially Kindergarten and primary school). I am hard of hearing, I can hear 90% of all sounds but I can never hear the difference (car vs bus motor) and I also can't hear music (can hear the voice of her/him but can't hear what he/she is saying) and the same with movies (subtitle necessary). It seems that my ears are deaf at fine-tuning.
My mom visited many "ears-experts" during my kindergarten-life, they all were agreed that I can't go to school etc. My Mum ignored that and sent me to normal school. Now I visit an Uni. I still find Uni (mechanical engineering) is easier than school, because I have no german and english lessons anymore <3. I could learn 24h daily for english or german exam and still got an shool grade of 4 or 5 (D or E).
Could be Auditory processing disorder. I have that one too. I also think I forgot to list it in my post  .
But with hearing it can be so many things since its a umbrella probulm. If it also impacts your speech it might be apraixa. But found the sounds of things it's APD.
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On December 13 2015 18:17 Shapelog wrote:Show nested quote +On December 13 2015 18:07 Dingodile wrote:
Everyone with an issue from start is having a strong problem in the first years of life (especially Kindergarten and primary school). I am hard of hearing, I can hear 90% of all sounds but I can never hear the difference (car vs bus motor) and I also can't hear music (can hear the voice of her/him but can't hear what he/she is saying) and the same with movies (subtitle necessary). It seems that my ears are deaf at fine-tuning.
My mom visited many "ears-experts" during my kindergarten-life, they all were agreed that I can't go to school etc. My Mum ignored that and sent me to normal school. Now I visit an Uni. I still find Uni (mechanical engineering) is easier than school, because I have no german and english lessons anymore <3. I could learn 24h daily for english or german exam and still got an shool grade of 4 or 5 (D or E). Could be Auditory processing disorder. I have that one too. I also think I forgot to list it in my post . But with hearing it can be so many things since its a umbrella probulm. If it also impacts your speech it might be apraixa. But found the sounds of things it's APD.
You nailed it. I had this until a random language teacher told me about this. I was ~17 at this point. Then I took a 6 months lesson to speak some letters properly. My speech is alot better than my ears. I was shocked about "silent" letters like s, sch, f, v. I can speak those letters correctly (with air noise) now but I can't hear it. I really thought they are really silent.
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On December 13 2015 18:41 Dingodile wrote:Show nested quote +On December 13 2015 18:17 Shapelog wrote:On December 13 2015 18:07 Dingodile wrote:
Everyone with an issue from start is having a strong problem in the first years of life (especially Kindergarten and primary school). I am hard of hearing, I can hear 90% of all sounds but I can never hear the difference (car vs bus motor) and I also can't hear music (can hear the voice of her/him but can't hear what he/she is saying) and the same with movies (subtitle necessary). It seems that my ears are deaf at fine-tuning.
My mom visited many "ears-experts" during my kindergarten-life, they all were agreed that I can't go to school etc. My Mum ignored that and sent me to normal school. Now I visit an Uni. I still find Uni (mechanical engineering) is easier than school, because I have no german and english lessons anymore <3. I could learn 24h daily for english or german exam and still got an shool grade of 4 or 5 (D or E). Could be Auditory processing disorder. I have that one too. I also think I forgot to list it in my post . But with hearing it can be so many things since its a umbrella probulm. If it also impacts your speech it might be apraixa. But found the sounds of things it's APD. You nailed it. I had this until a random language teacher told me about this. I was ~17 at this point. Then I took a 6 months lesson to speak some letters properly. My speech is alot better than my ears. I was shocked about "silent" letters like s, sch, f, v. I can speak those letters correctly (with air noise) now but I can't hear it. I really thought they are really silent.
Yup you have what I have, Speech Apraxia and APD. To me I speak perfect american English, but I am know as the British guy from my friends for my lack of R's. I had problems with s,sch, th, and x as well.
Best I can tell you is when you practice speaking, do it with someone who doesn't hear you speak often. They can pick it out better since it stands out.
24 years old, with 21 years of speech therapy and still say caur instead of Car or sarthcraft instead of Starcraft XD
Also i picked the hobby that has the hardest R to make..... Coral growing and selling -_-
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I only needed 6 months compared to your 21 years. I didnt use "air noise" because I never heard it before and nobody told me how to spell it properly, and this doesn't mean I am unable to speak it. German words have stupidly enough "air noise" letters -.-
I have read "apraxia" on google. I think I dont have it, I am rather an expert by looking the "facial expression" of other people and lip-reading is damn easy for me. I can't find hearing impairment or ears at apraxia eplanation.
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On December 13 2015 06:48 imgbaby wrote:
Yeah it's amazing what gaming can do for someone with one of these autism spectrum disorders. It can improve concentration, provide transferable skills, or any number of things.
There's a lot of interesting research that's been lost and hidden. It could be that governments are threatened by people with aspergers syndrome, I don't know. For instance if you tried a psychedelic substance it could help you improve even more. It's just sad that these things are kept from people because of the status quo
There's not enough information for that to be anywhere near considered evidence, if you consider the studies done on that evidence then you must also consider that weed affects your memory and gives people higher chances of schizophrenia.
Also when talking about Autism you have to say what end of the spectrum you are talking about, because there's huge differences.
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You take meds for this? I mean, you have add or adhd and take meds for it or u dont have those?
If you or anyone else take meds for it, what happens if u dont take it?
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On December 13 2015 22:12 Foxxan wrote:
You take meds for this? I mean, you have add or adhd and take meds for it or u dont have those?
If you or anyone else take meds for it, what happens if u dont take it?
i'll assume that's for me as well :D
I take ritalin since 7-8 years, but now I'm trying to stop it.
I also take meds against anxiety every night before going to bed.
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On December 13 2015 20:03 Dingodile wrote:
I only needed 6 months compared to your 21 years. I didnt use "air noise" because I never heard it before and nobody told me how to spell it properly, and this doesn't mean I am unable to speak it. German words have stupidly enough "air noise" letters -.-
I have read "apraxia" on google. I think I dont have it, I am rather an expert by looking the "facial expression" of other people and lip-reading is damn easy for me. I can't find hearing impairment or ears at apraxia eplanation.
Ah ok. I'n that case you prob don't have it.
Speech Apraxia is where the left side of your brain received damage or just didn't develop right or etc. It causes the nerves in your month to not be able to reliably send the signal from your brain to the month's muscles. People with Speech Apraxia sometimes also hear sounds differently. Also they (we technailly) can say a word one day and forget how to say it for the rest of our life. From as big as the to as small as carbonation, we can forget them.
Normal Apraxia is where a person's muscles will sometimes lose it's connection via nerves.
Yeah the 21 years resulted from therapist who for the first 15 years taught me wrong for R's.
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On December 13 2015 22:12 Foxxan wrote:
You take meds for this? I mean, you have add or adhd and take meds for it or u dont have those?
If you or anyone else take meds for it, what happens if u dont take it?
They tried to put me loads of crap. From anti depressants to muscles relaxers. Most doctors think they can help......
Every time I get a New medicine, I Imminently throw it anyway. Not worth killing myself or changing my brain so others doctors can experiment. My brother also throws any new medication away too.
In general, for ADD or ADHD medication (or any brain medication for that matter) only works on about 10% of people at best. Since everyone's brain chemistry is different, everybody has different experiences. Some people are better without meds while others need it.
We still don't even know what causes it. It with among other mental disorders, have no clear cause yet. Most doctors speculate it's genetics and one gene causes it, but they can't find that one gene yet.
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EPT
