|
United States9925 Posts
Curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat. Too bad there was no satisfaction to bring it back this time.
I fucked up. I seriously fucked up and right now, I hate the sight of my own face in the mirror or any reflection. It always seems that the people around me who care for me most and love me the most... I end up disappointing the most. I've never felt more ashamed of myself and who I am in my life today.
My girlfriend has a tumblr she's had for the past 5 years. Now, for obvious reasons, she doesn't want me to see it because it's her own personal and private space that she feels she can openly talk about her thoughts and post what she wants. Me, being the fucking moron and curious piece of shit, had to hear this. Instead of hearing, "Please don't ever go find my blog," I heard, "Please try to find my blog and destroy any sense of privacy I have." This was last Wednesday. I didn't try to find it, and I tried to ignore that burning itch to look for it.
Yesterday, while at work, that itch gets the better of me. I start thinking of what her name might me and it hits me... her snapchat name. I'm excited now, I might have cracked it. But inside, all I had was fear. I didn't want to see it. I wanted it to be a dud. I didn't want to do this to her. But I went home, typed it in, and would you know it, she used this tag in one of her posts. I followed this trail down and stumbled upon... the most beautiful tumblr page I have ever seen. It was.... so... her. I fell in love with it the second I could confirm it was hers. Every tiny detail, every post, every tag, I could see her cute little fingers typing those in, formatting everything to perfection.
Then... I found my own tag. "Wang Zi" or "prince." I was her prince. I cried. I cried like a little girl when I clicked on that tag and was flooded with thoughts and emotions. And yet... I felt like shit. I felt like I had destroyed her privacy, her trust. I hated myself, but I was in love with her blog. I've never been so torn in my life.
I told her an hour ago. I hated how calm she was, how... ok she was with it. But I knew she was disappointed in me and upset on the inside. She wasn't mad, she wasn't angry. She was just... I don't know... sad? I felt like I lost so much of her trust from this. I had gone into her personal work, something she's put time and energy into for about 5 years of her life.
I want to change. I hate being this curious about everything, prying my way into things I shouldn't be prying into. I'm too open of a person, and expecting people would be equally open back to me. But she's a very... closed person. She doesn't like talking about feelings that much. I know you might think we're not a good match or whatever, but I've never loved someone more in my life than I have right now. I'm scared things will never be the same after this.
I'm going to hate the face I see tomorrow morning in the mirror.
-FFTW
 
|
I don't get why people share things they don't want to share. If it is online it is fair game.
|
Yep, you fucked up.
I pretty much told my girlfriend to stay off of TL. But then she watched GoT, and she wanted to read what people said in the GoT thread, so I was like okay fine. And then, curiosity got the better of her, and she started reading all of my shit.
I was mad and upset, lost some trust in her, etc. It's my place to vent about whatever I want, and potentially share unpopular opinions that I have, so I don't like people I know snooping here. In the long term, I don't think it was too damaging. Other things she has done are a lot harder to let go than her reading my messages in a couple thread she was interested in.
Just have that self-control, and don't have the need to be omniscient... Just a matter of respecting the other person =/
On July 22 2015 16:31 Odowan Paleolithic wrote:
I don't get why people share things they don't want to share. If it is online it is fair game.
I disagree. You will tell your friends things you don't post on facebook, I will tell strangers on TL here things I wont tell people IRL, I will share more casual things on Tumblr (if I used tumblr), that I wouldn't share on facebook. It's not like they are deep-dark secrets, it's just wanting to keep different parts of your life separate.
It's like if I went to my girlfriends friends, and started asking all about the things they do together, and embarrassing things she has done... If she wants to tell me, she can, it's not my prerogative to snoop for that information. I mean legally you can, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who can't give me my space (when I clearly have no wicked intentions).
|
On July 22 2015 16:32 FiWiFaKi wrote:
I pretty much told my girlfriend to stay off of TL.
So she can't visit TL because of you? That is not up to you to decide right?
If the beauty has to find out the beast and can't take it then the beauty is too shallow.
I haven't posted things on Facebook much at all. If I find it important enough to bother I just straight up call or meet. If there is dark secret then why post it without the onion?
|
On July 22 2015 16:38 Odowan Paleolithic wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2015 16:32 FiWiFaKi wrote:
I pretty much told my girlfriend to stay off of TL. So she can't visit TL because of you? That is not up to you to decide right? If the beauty has to find out the beast and can't take it then the beauty is too shallow.
It's my place, where I have an identity among my peers, that I simply want to keep separate from my university and relationship life. If she respects this, then she wont come here.... She honestly has very little interest in anything here besides things I may say, it's not as if I'm preventing her from using facebook, or some other hobby she enjoys.
Maybe we simply have a different perspective on how we think relationships should work. One of the first things I told my girlfriend after our first week or two of "being in love" is that we don't make each other the world, but build a world together that we love while being at each others' side (was worded better then). I dunno, I don't think it's unreasonable if my girlfriend asks me not to join the dodgeball league she is in, or the book club she might be in, etc.
And my girlfriend knows me well enough that I have my things I nerd out about, whether it was making money from SC in the past, cycling 1250km to Seattle for TI5, staying up till 6am (or 10am) to watch OSL or Tour de France. I'm not hiding these hobbies from her, I just want to do these hobbies separately.
edit: As for your facebook comment, I'm not talking about me specifically, just the observations about others I've seen. I'm quite reserved in using facebook for sharing information.
|
On July 22 2015 16:46 FiWiFaKi wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2015 16:38 Odowan Paleolithic wrote:On July 22 2015 16:32 FiWiFaKi wrote:
I pretty much told my girlfriend to stay off of TL. So she can't visit TL because of you? That is not up to you to decide right? If the beauty has to find out the beast and can't take it then the beauty is too shallow. It's my place, where I have an identity among my peers, that I simply want to keep separate from my university and relationship life. If she respects this, then she wont come here.... She honestly has very little interest in anything here besides things I may say, it's not as if I'm preventing her from using facebook, or some other hobby she enjoys. Maybe we simply have a different perspective on how we think relationships should work. One of the first things I told my girlfriend after our first week or two of "being in love" is that we don't make each other the world, but build a world together that we love while being at each others' side (was worded better then). I dunno, I don't think it's unreasonable if my girlfriend asks me not to join the dodgeball league she is in, or the book club she might be in, etc. And my girlfriend knows me well enough that I have my things I nerd out about, whether it was making money from SC in the past, cycling 1250km to Seattle for TI5, staying up till 6am (or 10am) to watch OSL or Tour de France. I'm not hiding these hobbies from her, I just want to do these hobbies separately. edit: As for your facebook comment, I'm not talking about me specifically, just the observations about others I've seen. I'm quite reserved in using facebook for sharing information.
You see all those thing you mentioned you are not exactly hiding right?
The things OP talked about was explicitly trying to hide (whether it was worth hiding is up to debate).
This reminds me of the how I met your mother episode where the envelope contains the will.
|
Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51431 Posts
Now you know whats on there you dont need to go on it again and thus you haven't done anything wrong. Just say sorry and move on, like someone says if your posting shit on the internet lots and lots of people can see it....whether you want them too or not.
|
On July 22 2015 17:23 Pandemona wrote:
Now you know whats on there you dont need to go on it again and thus you haven't done anything wrong. Just say sorry and move on, like someone says if your posting shit on the internet lots and lots of people can see it....whether you want them too or not.
Will he get away with it?
|
Human curiosity is something, which you shouldn't be blamed for.
The thing with posting stuff on the internet is, that anyone can find it. If people know some of your traits/nicknames, it is easily accessible.
If she really wants to keep things a secret, she would write in a diary. She's using tumblr to express her emotions and maybe chat with similar girls/problems. I'd understand that she'd prefer you not to find it, but it's not something she can demand. It would be a whole different story if you'd snoop between her things/mobile/diary and found out that way.
You merely found her online due to her nicknames and that should be viewed as "interested in" instead of "invading privacy". If this is invading privacy, we're going to have huge problems in the future..
|
On July 22 2015 18:12 WonnaPlay wrote:
Human curiosity is something, which you shouldn't be blamed for.
The thing with posting stuff on the internet is, that anyone can find it. If people know some of your traits/nicknames, it is easily accessible.
If she really wants to keep things a secret, she would write in a diary. She's using tumblr to express her emotions and maybe chat with similar girls/problems. I'd understand that she'd prefer you not to find it, but it's not something she can demand. It would be a whole different story if you'd snoop between her things/mobile/diary and found out that way.
You merely found her online due to her nicknames and that should be viewed as "interested in" instead of "invading privacy". If this is invading privacy, we're going to have huge problems in the future..
She can certainly demand it. She can't legally enforce it, but she can demand it. Just like my girlfriend can't force me from cheating if I really want to...
The only difference between this and a private diary is that the diary is meant to be shown to nobody, while the tumblr posts are meant to be shown to a select group of people that she chose you to not be a part of (which is fair, nothing to be jealous of). It's very similar to snooping through someones diary imo.
Like if she specifically asks "don't do this", why would you? Yes, curiosity is a good trait for the human race to have, but being curious can be bad, just like in this situation.
|
On July 22 2015 16:31 Odowan Paleolithic wrote:
I don't get why people share things they don't want to share. If it is online it is fair game.
I tend to agree with that feeling.
I mean if she wants to have a diary to keep her personnal thoughts that's all fine and dandy. But if she gets that diary published and it's available in every bookstore, then she can't ask you to not read it and act like it's still private.
If you want things to stay private, don't share them openly. Facebook and most social networking sites now allow you to set up "private groups" where only the people in the group can see what's posted.
|
If she had a physical journal then I would understand, this "everyone and anyone online but you" line of reasoning is weak
|
On July 22 2015 19:09 Cambium wrote:
If she had a physical journal then I would understand, this "everyone and anyone online but you" line of reasoning is weak
You wouldn't care at all if your girlfriend just searched your username in the sidebar, and started reading every single post you've posted on TL?
You know, all the politics debate, saying stupid shit like "I'm homo for lomo" or something when Hwaseung Oz was doing really well in SPL, and just like little details they you'd prefer people not knowing, even though you are not hiding them. It's a nice feeling believing you can share your unfiltered opinions about things without it having impacts on your life.
Just like how in theory there should be nothing wrong with posting your email or address on the internet, but instead, we like to have so anonymity on the internet, so we don't have to face consequences for what we do here. Just like you'd prefer if your boss didn't through your TL posts.
I'm actually socked how many people here support the OP in having done nothing wrong. Different values and beliefs I suppose.
|
Seriously.
Everything you put out on the internet, just like this post of mine, is out there with your consent.
There simply aint no room to be "disappointed". You dont want anyone to read or hear of what you think? Dont write it into the easiest available platform of all time then.
Get real please. 
|
lmao I saw your reddit post dude. you've done a great job of spinning your fuckup around for internet points!
jk jk good luck friendo
|
On July 22 2015 19:27 NoSoldier wrote:Seriously. Everything you put out on the internet, just like this post of mine, is out there with your consent. There simply aint no room to be "disappointed". You dont want anyone to read or hear of what you think? Dont write it into the easiest available platform of all time then. Get real please.
That logic is so bad.
Firstly, most of you here probably don't use Tumblr, so you might not understand the appeal of it. You want to share things with a specific group of people with the same interests as you. Kind of hard to find anyone in a distant world without making it accessible before meeting them.
If you are in a relationship, you can request whatever you want, and the other person can decide whether to agree with it or not. I can request my girlfriend to not cheat, I can request her to not steal things from my house... Your boss at work can request you to not go through folders on the shelves with confidential information in them.
Just because something is easily possible, doesn't mean you can't ask people to not do it. Obviously, there must be incentive for them not to do it (as in there was be a relationship between the two parties that is worth more than the act).
The logic here is so fucking stupid, it's the same logic that says girls who dress like sluts were asking to get raped and shit.
edit: Anyway, I'm done with this thread, as it isn't doing anyone any good, and I don't think anyone who has posted has been in or understands the situation adequately except the OP.
|
The fact that tumblr is special for you does not influence the fact that what you write on that platform is accessible from almost all over the world - on top of that from EVERYONE who bothers to look for it.
I get the point that when you request something from someone you would like for that something to be obeyed.
Lets get this straight:
Girlfriend has tumblr since forever (yeahyeah, 5 years). I have no way of knowing how long they are together, so lets assume 2 scenarios:
The relationship is young:
You fucked up. Big time. I dont find anything else to say here.
The relationship extends for a longer period of time:
You were not interested in her tumblr for a long time. Like a long time.
What made you want to look at it in the first place?
What gets the mouse in the trap? The fucking cheese does.
"Dont ever look on my tumblr." Thats what is supposed to get you into the "trap". "Is it exciting? Tasty? Is it horrible? Is it really nice?" It makes you curious.
She planted the thought in your head. You were not even bothering with it.
I think from her perspective this is one of three things:
a) A scheme to get you to walk into the trap, because she knows you would. A powerplay or call for attention.
b) A test to see whether you are trustworthy. Apprently you wouldve failed that one here.
c) A simple dumb move from her part, because not mentioning it wouldve done the trick in the first place. And even before that as i wrote earlier not putting this "sensitive" (to her and her alone) out there in the first place.
My recommendation to you in any case is to not think about the problem too much. To not engulf yourself in this (mostly) selfpity and to think of what you can do better than you have in the past to improve the relationship. Dont talk about it. Do it.
|
My girlfriend uses Tumblr, so I can kind of relate.
How can she just not mention it? If you're with her quite often, you see that she is looking at it, might make a post... Like there is no point to trying to hide it like that, that would raise suspicions more than anything.
Instead, if she goes up to you, and says, "Hey, you know, Tumblr is like a place I can go vent about my day, share some porn gifs I like, like some girly stuff, I'd like to keep it to myself, and would appreciate if you didn't go looking for it"... I don't see what would go make you want to go on a hunt for it. Just like, when you see her, and she's on Tumblr, ask to see what you posted, and jokingly bug her about it or something, you know?
Anyway, that doesn't matter now. Just apologize, say that you shouldn't have done it... That you should have respected her privacy, and you wont do it again. And that you'll focus on rebuilding the trust that she has lost. That's something along the lines of what my GF said to me, and it was good enough for me.
|
Yeah you fucked up, but it's very telling that you recognize what you did (and appropriately feel like shit), and I think you and her will end up stronger as a result. There are far worse ways to betray a significant other's trust (e.g., cheating on them), and I think you and her will be just fine after you guys get over this I understand your mindset, although some other commenters apparently don't understand the difference between "The right/ freedom to look it up on the internet" and "Abiding by a special request that someone you care about asked of you". Obviously, you didn't do anything illegal, but this is a still a personal and moral issue because you also broke a commitment to someone you care about not to butt in on an outlet for personal thoughts, which can cause friction in your relationship.
It'll be okay though Just don't pull this shit again, in any other forms of snooping where you don't belong 
|
she probably wouldn't have minded if you didn't tell her you done it
now you just look like a chump
doing silly sneaky things is pretty much human nature
but telling people about them is straight up stupid
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
