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Girl problem - need help. - Page 5

Blogs > KING CHARLIE :D
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Awesomedrifter
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Canada62 Posts
January 17 2015 18:05 GMT
#81
Why are you so sure letting her sleep with someone else is what she really wants and is going to make her happy. Wouldn't she be happier knowing she married a guy secure in his masculinity and will step up his game to fuck her more passionately and will do his best to satisfy her instead of just letting some other dude do the work? Sounds like you just don't want to put in the effort.

From your description of him you should allow her to sleep with him only if you yourself get a turn with him. If you bring it up with him he will probably think you two are freaks and will stay away from her and if not you get to experience the cgi ab hero yourself!
http://awesomedrifter.com/
Ej_
Profile Blog Joined January 2013
47656 Posts
January 17 2015 21:37 GMT
#82
This blog is good but the replies are gold
"Technically the dictionary has zero authority on the meaning or words" - Rodya
ahswtini
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Northern Ireland22213 Posts
January 17 2015 21:53 GMT
#83
Have you seen the movie Young People Fucking??
"As I've said, balance isn't about strategies or counters, it's about probability and statistics." - paralleluniverse
oBlade
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States6669 Posts
January 17 2015 22:08 GMT
#84
On January 16 2015 12:44 KING CHARLIE :D wrote:I am NEVER going to be the hot, battle-hardened warrior next door with six-packs and seven-inches. Simply based on my genetics… that is a desire of hers that I, myself, could NEVER fulfill.

On January 17 2015 10:45 KING CHARLIE :D wrote:
My point is: mine is a unique situation in that this is a desire of hers that I can NEVER fulfill, simply by virtue of my genetics.

I feel like this point got passed over somehow but how do either of you already know your neighbor's cock size?

And if that's the crux of what's going on here they make extendable dildo condoms or something you can wear.

This communication should really happen with your partner anyway. What do we here know about what both of you want? There's nothing wrong with having a relationship that's open for one or both people, especially people who settled into a long term relationship without much sexual experience. Which by the way it's also naive to think one night with this random neighbor (who you for some reason have hyped up as an automatically dynamite lover) will be life changing, either in the sense that she would leave you or in the sense that it would scratch every itch of curiosity she has and fulfill her so that she is in total sexual nirvana with her own body and has nothing left to learn.
"I read it. You know how to read, you ignorant fuck?" - Andy Dufresne
slytown
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Korea (South)1411 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-01-17 23:04:16
January 17 2015 23:03 GMT
#85
Can you give us more context as to help us understand why she would make this proposition? Was it out of the blue? Was she seriously asking your permission or just exhausting her thoughts on how attractive he is? It's important to know if she was being serious.

You really need to ask her if she wants to, and more importantly if he wants to, and whether she'd be OK with you having sex with someone else.

The thing about marriage is everyone has their own interpretation of its function. It can be a commitment or modus operandi, legal bond, tradition, attempt at assimilation (vis a vis the increase in gay marriages), etc. If you don't mind it then let her have it (so to speak.) BUT, don't tell her its OK non-chalantly. Though reasons for marriage may be different, I think it should however be an honest relationship with good communication. Sit her down and hash-it out like adults. Let each other know where your emotions are.

Sex is a weird thing; an impulse. Some couples try to hide them and some indulge, which usually ends in heartache. Make sure this is just an impulse that ALL THREE PARTIES ARE OK WITH. Don't forget the marine's emotions as well. I'd be weirded out if my neighbor, who I knew was married, tried to have sex with me.
The best Flash meme ever: http://imgur.com/zquoK
hp.Shell
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States2527 Posts
January 17 2015 23:28 GMT
#86
I think everybody knows the real answer here: she can make the sex with the Marine next door if she wishes, but only if she agrees to pay you marriage damages of 9 9 T 9.
Please PM me with any songs you like that you think I haven't heard before!
fluffy_pylon
Profile Blog Joined November 2014
United States79 Posts
January 18 2015 00:58 GMT
#87
Here's how I see it. Cheating isn't limited to the physical. She is clearly attracted to this other man, and you should give her some credit for coming clean to you about her attraction (and desire to have sex with him). But this is your dilemma. If she and this other man have sex, your relationship will be changed forever. It will never be the same as it used to. Perhaps it's not cheating if you know about it, but clearly she feels more strongly about him than she does about you. Sure it might just be a one time thing, where they have sex once and she gets over him and comes back to you and things don't feel different at all. But that is unlikely. More likely she has already made up her mind at this point to have sex with him regardless of anything you say, but she wants you to know anyway. She is already emotionally cheating on you even though maybe not on a physical level yet.
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
January 18 2015 02:52 GMT
#88
fluffy pylon has a point. Besides that maybe we are a bit insecure about letting our SO's have sex with someone else but you seem to have serious lack of self appreciation with the whole 'can never satisfy her' thing..
fluffy_pylon
Profile Blog Joined November 2014
United States79 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-01-18 06:32:35
January 18 2015 06:30 GMT
#89
This scenario, the OP's replies/attitude, and the way his wife is lusting over another man (and how that man seemingly reciprocates)...all this reminds me of the movie "The Theory of Everything". I wouldn't be surprised if the OP was in some way inspired by that.
myminerals
Profile Joined August 2013
560 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-01-18 12:57:46
January 18 2015 12:44 GMT
#90
CosmicSpiral was right and OP's agressive reaction only confirms it.
After reading this thread I think Stratos_speAr summed it up nicely.
I think the guy has serious issues and my impression grew only stronger with his every post here.
lisward
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Singapore959 Posts
January 18 2015 18:01 GMT
#91
Your happiness is more important than her happiness. Love's a commitment, unless you subscribed to some sort of polygamist belief system, it's something exclusive. Assuming this isn't some sort of joke, I suggest getting advice from someone who is well versed in the science of relationships, like a psychologist, since this relationship is a big deal to you. A psych deals with such cases daily and will be know what's the proper course of action for your case.

Also, were you the guy that used to do those crazy ass stories about his family with those stick figures? If so you are my favorite blogger here :D
Opinions are like phasers -- everybody ought to have one
maggle
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Australia70 Posts
January 19 2015 06:24 GMT
#92
Just read through the blog and the replies and OP, you are seriously being way too defensive in your responses. You asked for advice and you got plenty of it. These people aren't out to get you, they're genuinely just giving you their 2 cents on your situation. Almost all your responses begin with something along the lines of "because of your biased views". That's a really shitty attitude to have. I'm guessing any viewpoint that doesn't align with yours is biased.

Honestly, I think you're getting into your own head. You're trying way too hard to convince yourself that you should be okay with her sleeping with another man but the truth is you can't translate your rationale into feelings and that's why you're confused and seeking advice. If you truly felt the same way you thought, you wouldn't be asking for advice. You need to consider your feelings first and foremost and understand why you feel that way as opposed to why you shouldn't feel that way. You also need to consider the consequences of your choices. Are you truly going to be able to continue your relationship like nothing happened?
cheese me once, shame on you; cheese me twice, shame on me.
ROOTFayth
Profile Joined January 2004
Canada3351 Posts
January 19 2015 07:29 GMT
#93
I'm unsure how you can be ok with your wife being selfish while you are trying your hardest to be selfless, I think with or without your permission she'd better think about this really hard, I doubt the short period of pleasure will be worth all the pain that will ensue

I agree with pretty much everything Stratos said btw
419
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Russian Federation3632 Posts
January 19 2015 08:07 GMT
#94
this is what teamliquid is all about
?
LoneYoShi
Profile Blog Joined June 2014
France1348 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-01-19 10:08:25
January 19 2015 10:04 GMT
#95
I'm amazed at how you can negate your own needs. I think this is why most people here don't agree with you.

We are saying that by doing this, you might risk losing her. Your answer is that if she is happier with another man, then good for her (and thus by extension good for you since you only want her to be happy).

But that line of thought completely bypasses your own needs. Yes, you want her to be happy. And wanting her to be happy with someone else is all nice and dandy in theory, but in practice a breakup will make you suffer and leave you devastated (especially if you love her as much as you say you do). Even if you know it that she will be happier with another man, losing her will still destroy you. This is why most of us, in your situation, would not go through with it. You say it's insecurities, I don't agree. At one point, it's about self preservation.

So either we don't assess the risk of losing her the same way and you're blindly confident that your wife, who wants to have sex with another man, will never leave you. Or you don't mind losing her too much. And that means either you don't mind getting your heart ripped out (being a martyr for a loved one's happiness might seem noble to some), or you don't love her as you say you do. In both cases, it doesn't really make sense to me (and to the rest of the TL people).
iloveav
Profile Joined November 2008
Poland1484 Posts
January 19 2015 14:54 GMT
#96
Well...
THis is a bit of a strange situation for anyone (including the ones giving you advice).
First thing Id like to point out: The only reason I am giving you advice (sort of) is because you asked for it. I don't think anyone can accurately understand your situation, so I doubt anyone can give you a good advice (not to mention that this is highly subjective).

That being said, lets look at some of the facts:
First,
You say you are 25 and got married 8 years ago. Quick math: you got married when you were 17.
Was she also 17 at the time?
I ask because at 17, most people don't know what they want at all. And it does show.
Second, have you ever considered that you might be happier without her? I am not saying to leave her, I am wondering if you are able to choose a different path, or if you are unable to see a life without her.
Third, Do you put much weight into feelings, trust, love, etc?

The way I see it, If she wants to do something that will be "maybe" great for her, that will last a short period of time and In return almost certainly damage your marriage and you for a very long time... She does sound very selfish and I would not want to be with someone like that.

Generally speaking, by telling you she is shifting the guilt onto you:
A) You tell her No, and that means you are the one not letting her do what she wants.
B) You tell her Yes, so if anything negative comes from it, you are the one to blame because you chose it.

The only good answer to a question like that is: You are a grown up, you make that decision, and live with the consequences.
Best case scenario is still not something positive in this case while almost any other case scenario flat out sucks, so why bother?
aka LRM)Cats_Paw.
iloveav
Profile Joined November 2008
Poland1484 Posts
January 19 2015 15:19 GMT
#97
Oh and as a side note, I did have a Girl that wanted "a break" from the relationship in the past and I did agree to it. In the end she left me anyway and after 3 years of feeling like crap I realized how lucky I was that she left me.
I dont even want to begin to imagine a life with someone who cares so little about me.
aka LRM)Cats_Paw.
FreeZEternal
Profile Joined January 2003
Korea (South)3396 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-01-19 18:48:11
January 19 2015 18:45 GMT
#98
This is BS. If you allow this shit to happen, start by organizing your finances and making sure you settle any shared accounts or assets with her first. You got any kids? By the way, what makes you think she hasn't done it yet?
Bswhunter
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Australia954 Posts
January 21 2015 23:09 GMT
#99
Gotta say, OP is very brave for posting about this. Respect

I'm a fucking directionless 20 y old who is battling a chronic illness, but I would really suggest the book 'Sex at Dawn' by Chris Ryan. Its a fantastic breakdown of the entire dynamic of human sexuality.

I really hope you get through this OP.
Stop browsing and do whatever it is you're supposed to do. TL will still be here when you get back
lohdon
Profile Blog Joined September 2014
170 Posts
January 27 2015 12:26 GMT
#100
I don't think it's fair to say that you would lock her into an emotional cage if you tell her she can't do it. I think you are right that sexual exclusiveness is not the core of a healthy relationship and that not acknowledging the fact that your partner can be sexually attracted by another person is very insecure. But isn't insecurity something that is an inherent part of love? By loving someone you make yourself vulnerable and of course you don't want to lose this person. Now that doesn't mean that you have to be clingy as fuck and draw lines everywhere. Putting your feelings second can also be very insecure maybe you are doing this only because you are afraid to say no. I won't tell you what to do and I think this question can definitely be answered either way but that depends entirely on you.
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