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If you go through with it tell her to make a TL account and submit a battle report, if she doesn't know about battle reports have her follow this template:
Map
Bedroom/Couch/Fur rug in front of a crackling fire/Steamy shower, if it lasted all day and all maps were covered make each map have its own section (highly likely due to stud factor).
Early Game
What were her plans going into the map, scouting (what were they wearing, along with description of body), who initiated first contact and was it full on aggro or gentle probing followed by progression into mid game. Also how wet was she prior to first contact, I'd normally go for "how wet were your panties" but since getting out of early game is a forgone conclusion (stud factor again) forgoing the underwear would be a viable tactic for powering through the early game.
Mid Game
Map positioning, contact positioning and if there was tactical use of map structures describe those when they're used, follow those descriptions with positions and type of contact similar to early game, is he a gentle, affectionate lover or is he going deep with rough aggro tactics? Also, how much work did she put in? Tell her she should put in some work to avoid a boring mid game if she normally doesn't put in much effort.
Also dick size should be noted in the mid game, use inches/cm for length (whatever she's most comfortable with) and for girth use how many fingers it would be equivalent to. You only need to note it once but it's not uncommon for stud dick size to be referenced repeatedly.
Late Game
The mountain has been climbed (on multiple levels) and everything is reaching its peak, all that is needed for this section is the final positions in the map and the finishing blow that's used before he slams the GG button. Any other descriptors, such as "earth shattering", "mind numbing", "overloaded" are usually put here.
Post Game
Clean up, did she leave a snail trail, did she make it to the shower, or did he slam the GG button somewhere else? Words exchanged when exiting, was he super bm or a gentleman? When's it going to happen again? Birth control tactics for the next battle report?
Final Stats:
- # of orgasms for both teams
- Duration (of entire game and orgasms if you want)
- List of positions used
- Dick size (use metrics discussed above)
- # of pussy farts
- size of finishing loads (descriptors are supposed to be used, you don't have to have a graduated cylinder on hand)
GL HF
Also pictures help make battle reports more readable instead of walls of text like this, you don't need to take a camera with you just split up text blocks with dick pics if you want (TL probly won't mind) and it'll still get a massive view count.
+ Show Spoiler +You've been married for 8 years, aren't in an open relationship and are definitely not swingers; romcoms and sitcoms have figured out the likely outcome of "it's only sex". If you're emotionally up for it then it's fine but if you're not then she should be okay with not banging the neighbor if she cares about you as much as you care about her.
PS being fit doesn't have shit on the dedication it takes to be married for 8years, so if you want to have the fit image you can do it in my opinion.
PPS I demand a blog update on conclusion of events!! (who doesn't like drama)
edit: edited a period
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On January 17 2015 09:51 Parametric wrote:+ Show Spoiler +If you go through with it tell her to make a TL account and submit a battle report, if she doesn't know about battle reports have her follow this template: MapBedroom/Couch/Fur rug in front of a crackling fire/Steamy shower, if it lasted all day and all maps were covered make each map have its own section (highly likely due to stud factor). Early GameWhat were her plans going into the map, scouting (what were they wearing, along with description of body), who initiated first contact and was it full on aggro or gentle probing followed by progression into mid game. Also how wet was she prior to first contact, I'd normally go for "how wet were your panties" but since getting out of early game is a forgone conclusion (stud factor again) forgoing the underwear would be a viable tactic for powering through the early game. Mid Game Map positioning, contact positioning and if there was tactical use of map structures describe those when they're used, follow those descriptions with positions and type of contact similar to early game, is he a gentle, affectionate lover or is he going deep with rough aggro tactics? Also, how much work did she put in? Tell her she should put in some work to avoid a boring mid game if she normally doesn't put in much effort. Also dick size should be noted in the mid game, use inches/cm for length (whatever she's most comfortable with) and for girth use how many fingers it would be equivalent to. You only need to note it once but it's not uncommon for stud dick size to be referenced repeatedly. Late GameThe mountain has been climbed (on multiple levels) and everything is reaching its peak, all that is needed for this section is the final positions in the map and the finishing blow that's used before he slams the GG button. Any other descriptors, such as "earth shattering", "mind numbing", "overloaded" are usually put here. Post GameClean up, did she leave a snail trail, did she make it to the shower, or did he slam the GG button somewhere else? Words exchanged when exiting, was he super bm or a gentleman? When's it going to happen again? Birth control tactics for the next battle report? Final Stats: - # of orgasms for both teams - Duration (of entire game and orgasms if you want) - List of positions used - Dick size (use metrics discussed above) - # of pussy farts - size of finishing loads (descriptors are supposed to be used, you don't have to have a graduated cylinder on hand) GL HF Also pictures help make battle reports more readable instead of walls of text like this, you don't need to take a camera with you just split up text blocks with dick pics if you want (TL probly won't mind) and it'll still get a massive view count. + Show Spoiler +You've been married for 8 years, aren't in an open relationship and are definitely not swingers; romcoms and sitcoms have figured out the likely outcome of "it's only sex". If you're emotionally up for it then it's fine but if you're not then she should be okay with not banging the neighbor if she cares about you as much as you care about her.
PS being fit doesn't have shit on the dedication it takes to be married for 8years, so if you want to have the fit image you can do it in my opinion.
PPS I demand a blog update on conclusion of events!! (who doesn't like drama) edit: edited a period
Best advice ever given.
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First of all, I would like to thank Lichter for calling on TL's Dark Templar Knight to cut through the evil of this OP with his warp-blade of justice. Cosmicspiral is not the hero TL wants, but he is the one we need.
Here's my recommendation: TELL HER YOU WILL LET HER FUCK HIM ONLY IF YOU GET TO FUCK HIM AS WELL. THEN WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN, REALLY LAY INTO HIM AND SEND THE FEAR OF GOD INTO HIS ANUS.
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On January 17 2015 10:10 ninazerg wrote:
First of all, I would like to thank Lichter for calling on TL's Dark Templar Knight to cut through the evil of this OP with his warp-blade of justice. Cosmicspiral is not the hero TL wants, but he is the one we need.
Here's my recommendation: TELL HER YOU WILL LET HER FUCK HIM ONLY IF YOU GET TO FUCK HIM AS WELL. THEN WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN, REALLY LAY INTO HIM AND SEND THE FEAR OF GOD INTO HIS ANUS.
Ladies and gents, we've found Insanity Wolf.
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Instead of going on some philosophical tangents about marriage/emotion/shit that your base emotions will completely throw out the window when shit actually goes down, TRULY ask yourself really simple, base questions:
1) You have looked at other attractive women, maybe even lustfully. Assuming you and an attractive woman hit it off, would you ask your wife for permission to have one-night of meaningless sex?
ex. I wouldn't. Because I'm considerate of the implications of the act of asking that question aloud has to my best friend on the entire planet. If I'm happy, why the fuck would I threaten that happiness even slightly for a fleeting moment?
I wouldn't either. Even if I had ZERO restrictions in place from my wife, I still wouldn't be with anyone else. I think we both think this way because we are wise enough to understand the value of short vs. long term gratification. But that is addressing YOUR ACTIONS and what YOU think would be prudent...not what we're actually talking about... which is your set of expectations for HER behavior.
2) You say yes. Your wife and the guy have amazing sex. Now your wife and you have sex and something is different. Good or bad, are you prepared for the consequences? I can't think of a single human being on the planet that wouldn't have some inner turmoil knowing his wife has willingly fucked (I believe this term is appropriate) another dude just for some good feels.
I understand your biases, but I think they are byproducts of society telling you that your masculinity and worth is somehow connected to whether you can keep your wife sexually exclusive.
If someone raped your wife or girlfriend, I don't think you would have inner turmoil about your masculinity. My point is: mine is a unique situation in that this is a desire of hers that I can NEVER fulfill, simply by virtue of my genetics. Why should that make ME feel bad about myself? Do you feel bad that I'm not attracted to you because you're a man? You were born that way and have no control over it...why would you feel bad about that. This is how I feel about her wanting something outside of my genetic limitations.
If it doesn't affect the reasons why I'm in this relationship in the first place, then why shouldn't I let her? Which leads me to your next point:
This is where I feel like you aren't really considering the reality of your base emotions. You will be fucked up in some way or another after this. If you aren't, you are probably the 1%.
I totally agree that 99% of people are in a relationship for the benefits of sexual and emotional exclusivity. That doesn't make them correct. The fact that they need it ultimately is based on insecurity, albeit an extremely common one. They are terrified their wife will like this other guy more than them and leave them. I, personally, am not willing to sentence the woman I love to a lifetime of going without something she thinks will make her happy just so that I don't have to look at myself in the mirror honestly.
3) If you somehow 'reason' yourself into thinking our relationship with your wife/your life in general will improve after this, consider the possible implications this may have on the guy. What if he actually has a history of mental illness and develops an infatuation with your wife? This is a human being and you're objectifying the shit of him as a piece of meat.
The rest of your post is a lot more intelligent than this argument. Something tells me you debated whether you should throw it in or not.
If you like gambling with your marriage then be my guest, and good luck.
What you call gambling I call being honest. I shouldn't be making decisions within the framework of this relationship only considering how to keep it going as long as possible. There are more important things than that. Like her happiness and my happiness.
My happiness isn't tied to the delusion that I am the most attractive guy in the world and that I can fulfill every desire my wife could ever have. Ultimately, what you call a "gamble" is my wife telling me how she really feels. When I make a commitment for the rest of my life, I don't want to be working with imperfect information.
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Why do I get the feeling that this guy isn't actually asking for advice and instead just wants to show how "enlightened" he is, as if his "epiphany" is somehow new and will shower us with wisdom that will break us out of our cultural cages.
I could be doing this for a lot of reasons. I could be doing this because I want to assert my superiority over everyone and show you how enlightened I am. If I was more altruistic, I could be doing it to get people to think about their own biases. I guess you'll have to decide for yourself which one of these it is.
Something tells me you'll pick the one that dehumanizes me the most and paints me in a negative light; that way you don't need to actually consider what I'm saying as a source.
You have to realize that you are throwing arguments at people giving you advice but you are failing to realize that everyone will have their own definitions of what a relationship is and that is OK. Whatever works for you works for you, people are just cautioning you about the obvious potential problems that this can cause.
Just because people have differing opinions doesn't make both of them equally valid. One could be easily based in mindless tradition. But I don't want to offend you if you're religious.
And just because something works doesn't make it morally justifiable.
Just keep in mind some of the cautions that people have raised, because you wouldn't be the first person to introduce a new sexual dynamic into a relationship then regret it later.
The more I read these replies the more I realize how common of an assumption this is.
What will I do if I let my wife fuck the neighbor and then she realizes that she is happier with him than with me? Oh yeah, she will be happier! Well, I can't let THAT happen! I have to string this along as long as possible...force her to repress all of those desires that she has!
"Reality Check" (cause you like that phrase) If my wife is the kind of person that TRULY thinks that having sex with a different guy every night of the week will bring her happiness, then whether I restrict her to or not, she still has those desires.
Why wouldn't I want her to have been honest with me all along? I think this dishonesty is what keeps people with the wrong people for years of their life.
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Dude I'm a married man, who's been faithful always... I'm 29, have a 3 year old son and I freakkin love my life.
To be honest I started reading this thread, and somewhere in the middle, couldn't take it and checked the cross box. I left the post specifically because I started imagining what the same may do to me. And I came back later, because I respected the fact that you put this out on the TL forum, and I myself in your shoes would NEED advice at a strange point like this.
Please don't sell yourself short, or think or yourself lesser than anyone else in the world. I know you only speak about the physical attributes about the guy, but then there are somethings equally if not more important than the other. It may be an option to go out there, join a gym and one day not too far away you can be the kind of guy your wife craves also. Very possible... please watch this... (a weight training program I'm currently following)
You're a compassionate person, but I think it is misdirected. I'm not asking these questions because I don't think I am WORTHY of the sexually exclusive relationship that you have. I think I was born into a world where I looked around me and got an initial idea of how a relationship should be.
I looked at my parents and saw how they coexisted. They had expectations and rules for each other surrounding what they could do with potential threats to the relationship. They got mad at each other when they breached them.
I went to my friends' houses and saw how their parents did things and it reinforced what I thought I knew. I had a
confirmation bias.
When I was 14 and started dating I did my best impression of this framework and, (surprise, surprise) all the girls I dated did too.
I think for the first time in my life I'm looking at how I operate in a relationship not in terms of tradition or momentum based on what I've seen around me, but based on how to treat people properly and not like they're a piece of my property.
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What's next? "I really want to have a baby from the marine?" He could give her something you couldn't ever, and surely you don't want to lock her up in her own marriage now, do you? Or maybe she wants go visit her parents with him, instead of you. She would be much happier to show her parents what a nice guy she's with all the time.
Boy, isn't she lucky to have such an openminded and understanding husband..
FINALLY! Someone that took an argument of mine and pointed out how an extreme case would be ridiculous!  You must have been on the debate team, my friend. I'm not being sarcastic...most of the replies have been people telling me that I'm an idiot for being able to accept that I'm not perfect and my wife might want to be with someone else.
You could even think of more extreme examples. For example, what if it would make my wife happy if I was her personal slave. She gets to go out fucking and dating anyone she wants, but I have to make her meals, clean the house, and financially support this life of hers.
Once we get to this point of the conversation, it comes down to this: Her happiness is very important to me, but obviously not my PARAMOUNT concern. My happiness is my paramount concern. No matter how selfless someone is, there is a breaking point. There is a self-interested reason why I got into this relationship in the first place. Whether I break up with her comes down to whether something she did is destructive to the reasons why I'm in the relationship.
What I am arguing is that her having sex with this guy is NOT destructive to the reasons why I'm in this relationship, but I can think of a lot of things that WOULD be destructive. Me being her personal slave is one of them.
The fact is, for 99% of people, her having sex with another guy would be destructive, but that doesn't make it right. Ultimately, these people want sexual exclusivity because they are insecure. They are terrified that their significant other will find someone that they think they will be happier with and leave them. So they try their hardest to prevent this from ever happening, in the mean time missing the point that the alternative is that the person is happier.
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Northern Ireland22203 Posts
On January 17 2015 10:10 ninazerg wrote:
First of all, I would like to thank Lichter for calling on TL's Dark Templar Knight to cut through the evil of this OP with his warp-blade of justice. Cosmicspiral is not the hero TL wants, but he is the one we need.
Here's my recommendation: TELL HER YOU WILL LET HER FUCK HIM ONLY IF YOU GET TO FUCK HIM AS WELL. THEN WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN, REALLY LAY INTO HIM AND SEND THE FEAR OF GOD INTO HIS ANUS.
holy shit legit
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A question I would ask myself in this situation is what I would want if I was in her situation. Ask yourself if you met a seemingly ideal woman and told your wife you wanted to fuck her once, what response would you want. If she said it was OK, and you went through with it what do you think the result would be?
If this were me, I wouldn't be sure. I've thought about similar situations before, but I honestly don't know the answer. I usually put it down to a gambling situation. What do I have to gain? What do I have to lose? What are the odds of each outcome... basically what're the expected values of the two decisions.
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Question for OP (sorry if already answered): do you imagine yourself possibly feeling unhappy if you let her do this?
If the answer is no, then the only risks to be considered are stuff like: does the marine have STDs, are there annoying neighbours/family/friends who might look at you weird from now on, does the marine have crazy ex-girlfriends who might start stalking your wife from now on etc etc... (I'm sure you've already got a lot of these angles covered etc)
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On January 17 2015 10:58 KING CHARLIE :D wrote:Show nested quote +Why do I get the feeling that this guy isn't actually asking for advice and instead just wants to show how "enlightened" he is, as if his "epiphany" is somehow new and will shower us with wisdom that will break us out of our cultural cages. I could be doing this for a lot of reasons. I could be doing this because I want to assert my superiority over everyone and show you how enlightened I am. If I was more altruistic, I could be doing it to get people to think about their own biases. I guess you'll have to decide for yourself which one of these it is. Something tells me you'll pick the one that dehumanizes me the most and paints me in a negative light; that way you don't need to actually consider what I'm saying as a source. Show nested quote +You have to realize that you are throwing arguments at people giving you advice but you are failing to realize that everyone will have their own definitions of what a relationship is and that is OK. Whatever works for you works for you, people are just cautioning you about the obvious potential problems that this can cause. Just because people have differing opinions doesn't make both of them equally valid. One could be easily based in mindless tradition. But I don't want to offend you if you're religious. And just because something works doesn't make it morally justifiable. Show nested quote +Just keep in mind some of the cautions that people have raised, because you wouldn't be the first person to introduce a new sexual dynamic into a relationship then regret it later. The more I read these replies the more I realize how common of an assumption this is. What will I do if I let my wife fuck the neighbor and then she realizes that she is happier with him than with me? Oh yeah, she will be happier! Well, I can't let THAT happen! I have to string this along as long as possible...force her to repress all of those desires that she has! "Reality Check" (cause you like that phrase) If my wife is the kind of person that TRULY thinks that having sex with a different guy every night of the week will bring her happiness, then whether I restrict her to or not, she still has those desires. Why wouldn't I want her to have been honest with me all along? I think this dishonesty is what keeps people with the wrong people for years of their life.
Heh, you didn't actually read my post really? You are taking it as an attack on your ideology/choice w/e but what I was simply arguing from the point that you are acting exactly like those who are arguing for a more "traditional" relationship. I wasn't dehumanizing you are all, I was calling you out on flipping the script showing how you are talking down to people and doing what you are accusing people who follow the "traditional" marriage patterns. Also you are not a real "source", you are 1 person in 1 relationship out of millions so please tell me how you are an authority on relationships.
"Just because people have differing opinions doesn't make both of them equally valid. One could be easily based in mindless tradition. But I don't want to offend you if you're religious.
And just because something works doesn't make it morally justifiable."
Here you go again dismissing people who think differently from you. Notice how my post pointed to there being many types of relationship and there isn't a "right" way to do it that is objectively better then the others. I am an anthropologist (albeit biological) and I have studied many different types of ways people people do this. You haven't shown any evidence besides your own internal logic so I don't see how you are dissmissing other peoples opinions as if yours is somehow more valid. You also seem to be very anti culture/tradition as in your posts you have disparaged conceptions of relationships that are considered "normative" in western culture, but yet you didn't actually post any evidence as to why they are bad. You just said some crap about black mailing your wife if you don't let her do what she wants.
The last part of your posts confuses me, you talk about dishonesty, when if she does in fact have the desires you say then she has been the entire length of your relationship and as people have pointed out is not a good thing. Peoples posts are based on the fundamental assumption that you both started your relationship based on monogamy and she is coming at you out of no where with this proposal (and could have been feeling this way for a while before). That is the problem that people are having, because it implies dishonesty on her part with you and with herself. You also seem to think every impulse a person has should be followed if they think it will make them "happy", which is problematic in itself because most impulses are fleeting, short term gains that hurt you in the long term. And while you say your happiness is the most paramount, most of your words imply otherwise and that you would do anything to make her happy, even if it hurts you. Like you talk as if her leaving you for the marine is a good thing as long as shes happy. What about you? Being rejected by the woman you are so in love with? Its why I mentioned the word martyr in my 1st post.
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On January 17 2015 11:12 KING CHARLIE :D wrote:Show nested quote +What's next? "I really want to have a baby from the marine?" He could give her something you couldn't ever, and surely you don't want to lock her up in her own marriage now, do you? Or maybe she wants go visit her parents with him, instead of you. She would be much happier to show her parents what a nice guy she's with all the time.
Boy, isn't she lucky to have such an openminded and understanding husband.. FINALLY! Someone that took an argument of mine and pointed out how an extreme case would be ridiculous! You must have been on the debate team, my friend. I'm not being sarcastic...most of the replies have been people telling me that I'm an idiot for being able to accept that I'm not perfect and my wife might want to be with someone else. You could even think of more extreme examples. For example, what if it would make my wife happy if I was her personal slave. She gets to go out fucking and dating anyone she wants, but I have to make her meals, clean the house, and financially support this life of hers. Once we get to this point of the conversation, it comes down to this: Her happiness is very important to me, but obviously not my PARAMOUNT concern. My happiness is my paramount concern. No matter how selfless someone is, there is a breaking point. There is a self-interested reason why I got into this relationship in the first place. Whether I break up with her comes down to whether something she did is destructive to the reasons why I'm in the relationship. What I am arguing is that her having sex with this guy is NOT destructive to the reasons why I'm in this relationship, but I can think of a lot of things that WOULD be destructive. Me being her personal slave is one of them. The fact is, for 99% of people, her having sex with another guy would be destructive, but that doesn't make it right. Ultimately, these people want sexual exclusivity because they are insecure. They are terrified that their significant other will find someone that they think they will be happier with and leave them. So they try their hardest to prevent this from ever happening, in the mean time missing the point that the alternative is that the person is happier.
Happiness doesn't come from sex, it cums from within.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
On January 17 2015 14:17 ninazerg wrote:Show nested quote +On January 17 2015 11:12 KING CHARLIE :D wrote:What's next? "I really want to have a baby from the marine?" He could give her something you couldn't ever, and surely you don't want to lock her up in her own marriage now, do you? Or maybe she wants go visit her parents with him, instead of you. She would be much happier to show her parents what a nice guy she's with all the time.
Boy, isn't she lucky to have such an openminded and understanding husband.. FINALLY! Someone that took an argument of mine and pointed out how an extreme case would be ridiculous! You must have been on the debate team, my friend. I'm not being sarcastic...most of the replies have been people telling me that I'm an idiot for being able to accept that I'm not perfect and my wife might want to be with someone else. You could even think of more extreme examples. For example, what if it would make my wife happy if I was her personal slave. She gets to go out fucking and dating anyone she wants, but I have to make her meals, clean the house, and financially support this life of hers. Once we get to this point of the conversation, it comes down to this: Her happiness is very important to me, but obviously not my PARAMOUNT concern. My happiness is my paramount concern. No matter how selfless someone is, there is a breaking point. There is a self-interested reason why I got into this relationship in the first place. Whether I break up with her comes down to whether something she did is destructive to the reasons why I'm in the relationship. What I am arguing is that her having sex with this guy is NOT destructive to the reasons why I'm in this relationship, but I can think of a lot of things that WOULD be destructive. Me being her personal slave is one of them. The fact is, for 99% of people, her having sex with another guy would be destructive, but that doesn't make it right. Ultimately, these people want sexual exclusivity because they are insecure. They are terrified that their significant other will find someone that they think they will be happier with and leave them. So they try their hardest to prevent this from ever happening, in the mean time missing the point that the alternative is that the person is happier. Happiness doesn't come from sex, it cums from within.
too obvious i expect better from u
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On January 16 2015 12:44 KING CHARLIE :D wrote:
Hey guys, I usually get along just fine in relationships and never have a hard time arriving at what I think the correct decision is, but this time things are different. I need your help. Quick background on me as a frame of reference for any future advice you plan on giving: I am a 25 year old, straight male who is comfortable with himself. No serious health defects or history of abuse…(so self esteem is not the issue here)
Alright, onto my problem. My wife and I have been together for 8 years and I can honestly say that I love her deeply. Her happiness in all aspects of her life is one of the most important things to me in the entire world, and I am willing to do almost anything in the name of making her happy.
Anyway, I live in a condo complex. Our condo is in a close proximity to surrounding condos where other young, tax-paying productive citizens dwell. In one of these condos is a guy that seems a little older than me that is nothing short of spectacular in every visible way.
He is in the Marines. He served two tours of duty in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. He was such a highly decorated warrior that now the Marines have him training the FUTURE generations of savage warriors. This guy is a hero.
Couple this with the fact that his face looks like it was carved out of granite. He has cheekbones and a jawbone that make girls need waterproof panties. His abs look like they're fucking CGI'd onto his body. He walks around outside his condo shirtless…in the dead of winter. But what's even more impressive than all of this is that he is an awesome dude.
I've talked to him several times and he has never been anything short of cordial, smart and respectful.
I have a dog. Sometimes that dog needs to take a shit, and when he does, my wife takes him out and stands around waiting to collect the shit with the bag.
Sometimes, this Marine happens to be taking his dog out for a walk at the same time and starts talking to my wife. He makes her laugh, they talk about their jobs…they're friends.
Here's the problem: my wife approached me a few days ago and told me that she would love to have sex with him once. She would never want a relationship with him, but she would love to go across the parking lot, have one night of fun with him and never do it again.
My question to you people is:
Why shouldn't I let her?
I was thinking about it…I want her to be happy. My function in this relationship is not to fulfill every single fleeting desire my wife could possibly have…after all how could I? I am NEVER going to be the hot, battle-hardened warrior next door with six-packs and seven-inches. Simply based on my genetics… that is a desire of hers that I, myself, could NEVER fulfill.
Why should I restrict her from doing something that she thinks will make her happy? Why should I blackmail her with the relationship saying that if she goes and has sex with someone else, I will punish her by breaking up with her?
Even if someone was a complete stranger, I wouldn't want them to spend their life in some relegated, less-happy-than-they-could-be state of living. Why do I reserve this INCREDIBLE treatment for the person that I supposedly care about more than anyone else in the world? Why do we even want sexual and emotional exclusivity so bad? The longer I think about it, the more I realize that I have been locking my wife in a cage for our entire relationship, simply because I don't want to look at myself in the mirror honestly and acknowledge my own inadequacies.
I'm in this relationship for a LOT of reasons. My wife is a great problem solver, she is a wonderful nurturer and caregiver for our future children, she is a brilliant thinker and conversationalist, she is funny…My point is: NONE of these things change if she has sex with the guy next door! The only reason I would restrict her from doing it is because I am insecure. I am terrified that she is going to leave me and think that he makes her happier than I do. So to avoid this, I lock her in this emotional cage and force her to pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist so that I don't have to feel like I am anything less than perfect.
But, I'm not perfect. And let's say my worst nightmare comes to fruition. Let's say that she has sex with this guy and realizes that the warrior penis is what has been missing ALL HER LIFE and that she is happier with him. Well, if I truly care about her happiness as much as I say I do…wouldn't that be a great thing?
Thank you for your help in advance.
That she even expressed this desire (or perhaps more accurately that she even has this desire) already changes your relationship completely. At the moment you're just deciding on which way it changes your relationship. Caging her like you described is definitely not the right kind of solution, that I agree with you on. The only alternative is not just allowing her to do this though. Your perception on this needs to change because you're cornering yourself there.
The crux of what you seem to be arguing here is that this desire of hers is something you'd never be able to fulfill. To an extent that is true, you're not that guy and you don't possess the same qualities but you're assuming her desire can only be fulfilled in one way. Find out a bit more about where it comes from and what it's about.I garuntee you it's not exclusively about how attractive he is, that just wouldn't make sense because then the reverse would become true, that you'd want to have sex with just any physically attractive woman with an appealing personality and I'm betting you have the experience to disprove that.
This is a complicated problem though, it's difficult to know the full ramifications of what will come from this. It's also difficult to know how ok you really will be with all of this, mostly because of how the relationship may change (which is also very difficult to predict).
There is a chance your wife isn't entirely aware of why she wants this which will make it even harder to tell what's really going on but don't just settle for the explanation you gave earlier, that of it just being because he's physically attractive and has a good personality.
Regardless of what happens I do hope it works out in the end, and hopefully it doesn't need to work out by the relationship ending. You seem to care a great deal about her.
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Russian Federation1016 Posts
If marine knows the word "honour", he will decline your wife's desire. Usually the world is not black and white, but from his point of view on this problem it should be very clear for him what not to do (aka stick his dick into a married woman).
However, all this situation is not about him, it's about YOUR marrige and YOUR family. IMHO, no matter what you do, it's a lose-lose situation. So brace yourself, a few years from now on will be very difficult for you. Good luck!
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I don't get it. OP posts the blog asking for 'advice' as to whether he should let this happen or not, then proceeds to dismiss every response that isn't directly supporting that idea as 'insecure' and 'based on useless traditions' or whatever nonsense. Also, that comparison about disneyland and eating pumpkin pie is bullshit. If my wife wanted to go to disneyland after we both lost our jobs and couldn't pay the rent, you bet I wouldn't let her; and if she was overweight and suffering from diabetes, no way she is eating any pie. Not because I'm 'insecure' or 'putting her in a cage', but because sometimes people don't know better and just do stupid shit, and keeping your partner from doing dumb shit is part of the whole marriage business (while sleeping around with every dude that has a six-pack usually isn't).
By the way, wanting exclusivity is not even something that only happens in relationships either. Like, I have a small group of close friends and it'd be fucking weird if one of them brought a random stranger with them when we go to hang out at a bar or something. Not because we're 'insecure' about our friend finding someone better somewhere down the line, but just because it messes with the established dynamic of the group and basically ruins the comfort and fun we have.
Also, the whole thing about letting your partner go if they aren't happy with you is stupid and defeatist as hell. Marriage takes work, from both parties. It's not just about doing 'whatever makes you happy' all the time. Incidentally things that make us happy short-term usually end up being pretty crap in the long run; things like getting high, playing video games all day every day, becoming a slut, and so on.
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Yo this shit is all sorts of fucked up, OP. It's like if I said, "I'm just going to masturbate to this porn scene once. Never again. I won't even think of masturbating to this scene ever again." And if I said that, I'd probably have already jerked off to the scene.
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On January 17 2015 03:52 KING CHARLIE :D wrote:Show nested quote +To me and my fiance, sex is an intimate act where we open up to each other and fully trust each other. To do that with someone else is the worst betrayal possible. So, if my wife even said that, let alone actually did that, I may very well boot her ass out the door right there. It's not about insecurity, but what our relationship is about and the trust between each other. Why do you need to trust her about this very selective group of activities? It's funny how no one ever thinks about why they restrict their significant other from CERTAIN things, but not from other things. As I said in another reply: You don't restrict her from going to Disneyland. You don't restrict her from pumpkin pie, or from going out to the movies with her friends. You restrict her from this VERY SELECTIVE collection of activities. Why is that? Hint: It's because you are insecure. We all are. You are terrified she is going to find someone that she likes more than you and leave you for them. So to prevent this from happening you lock her in a cage and make her pretend as though the outside world doesn't exist.
This is a really naive viewpoint, and it seems pretty clear that Cosmic was right; you are severely codependent to the point where you don't seem to express any kind of happiness of your own without your wife, which is incredibly unhealthy.
We don't live in a fantasy world where every act is equal. Different acts are limited all of the time because of the nature of the act. The nature of the act of sex makes it one that, to me, requires the utmost trust and faith in another person. Breaking that trust is a betrayal. I don't lock my fiancé in a cage. I ask that if she wants to commit her life to me and me to her, then she needs to be mature enough to understand what a monogamous relationship is and be OK with it, and she asks the same of me. The idea that limiting your life partner from doing something is "selfish" or is "blackmailing" is incredibly naive. I would limit my partner from hitting my children because it's wrong and harms them, even if she wants to. The same exact thing applies to cheating or any other action in the world. A relationship is a compromise, which means compromising on the things you do, and it seems you haven't yet learned this.
I suspect that you haven't told us the whole story and the reality is that she already cheated on you. Furthermore, I suspect that, because you are codependent, you are trying to make excuses to forgive her and stay in a relationship with her, and to do this you've come here to subtlety challenge monogamous individuals in an attempt to justify your weakness and inability to separate yourself from her.
I don't really see why you even came here. You gave us a thin pretext of an inner dilemma when in reality you come across as extremely arrogant and condescending, like marrying at 17 somehow taught you all of the secrets of love when in fact, from what you've shared here, it sounds like your relationship is extremely unhealthy.
Also, your constant reference to "insecurity" and "blind tradition" is nothing but a pseudo-intellectual crutch that demonstrates immaturity and the inability to face the fact that your answer isn't THE answer.
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EPT
