EPTWhen I read Peanut's blog this morning I was immediately reminded of myself 2-3 years ago. I felt so helpless and I was completely unable to truly open up to anyone. I felt stuck, didn't know what to do, where to go and how to find any enjoyment in life. So I spent most of my time shutting out my emotions. I thought well this life isn't for me and that's just who I am. I quit my studies and did nothing for almost a year. Of course there were better days but soon I would be back trapped in my old habits and patterns. I don't know when it started to become like this probably a lot earlier but it was never worse. Mostly there were no ups and downs just the constant nothingness of my suppressed self.
Today I am a different person. I am much more outgoing and open to trying new things. I am very perceptive of my own emotions and able to actively deal with them. Last year I started studying again. I am working out regularly for about 2 years now. I started a lot of new activities like bouldering and playing guitar. Made new friends, intensified old friendships.
However sometimes I can still feel the old me lurking around just waiting for a weak moment to take over. It's a scary thought. There are a lot of weak moments. I got turned down by a girl early this year. She's also a very good friend of mine and I am still not over it. So at times I felt even worse this year which is ironic since it's a sign of me getting better at dealing with my emotions in a productive way.
