hi guys, i started reading ann beattie and i feel so good about life, i think my life is objectively bad and i feel bad a lot but i also feel really good sometimes idk

some advance praise re this story:

"i thought it was just really bad writing"

this is a link to the story: http://www.scribd.com/doc/208610734/Science-Fiction-Story5?secret_password=1ac17r2yp678nyxoe3ie

i welcome any feedback/shittalk , im really trying to "hone my craft" or whatever and i feel like with each story im moving from [writing professor really liking it / everyone else in my workshop shit-talking my story] to [writing professor really liking it / most people in my workshop also liking it] which i feel like is a good direction. not like actually writing to cater to everybody, but being aware of what people dont like about it etc. and determining whether or not i feel like its an essential part of my "artistic vision"/"aesthetic" etc. and improving it in that sense.

a lot of this story is heavily influenced by tao lin. indirectly (and to some extent directly) also lorrie moore and ann beattie. i wouldn't put my writing in the same category as any of these writers, just acknowledging how much influence they have on the style of this story.

thank you for reading this blog,
aiurz

hp.Shell

United States2527 Posts

February 23 2014 00:20 GMT

Just curious. What are your reasons for writing?

AiurZ

United States429 Posts

February 23 2014 01:01 GMT

my primary reason for writing is that im taking a writing workshop, and if i dont write then i will fail the course.

Japhybaby

Canada301 Posts

February 23 2014 20:11 GMT

It is well structured and paced but none of the ideas ever gave me much satisfaction. Also the narrator is kind of sketchy like "had in the future" and who is it?

i liked the twitter following stuff but it never got funnier to me. Theres just lots of nice objects and scenery and some of the action is cool in a human interest way. there were areas where the juiciness was not developed and there were areas that just weren't even juicy to begin with (for me)

I thought it would have been cool if she was just a normal girl with depression and boy prospects ? Also I don't trust it completely. part of that is that it is not published so im skeptical but part of it is just that I can kinda tell it's not that well planned. Or i believe I could. Just my opinion.

And there wasn't stuff to punish the reader like "oh u forgot this about bethany. well!!! pay attention!!!" but i did like the blanket thing even if it's a cliche it taught me how she is not really "realistic." meh..

I'd read it just for the sake of learn fiction for my own hobbie.

AiurZ

United States429 Posts

February 23 2014 22:38 GMT

im confused on what you mean by your questions about the narrator. could you be more specific? the way im reading it is that you are wondering who the narrator is (as in, if the story was written in first person, then the narrator would be bethany). is that it?

also could you be specific about "areas where the juiciness was not developed" and also which areas specifically that you thought "weren't juicy to begin with"? that would be really helpful

(for example, my professor thought bethany's panic attack at work, her relationship/history with her mother [along with the mother as a character], bethany "revealing similar characteristics to james franco", specifically feeling like it was a moment of near connection for bethany but then suddenly deciding to go back to bed, when bethany thought "there was still so much she needed to affirm", some moments in physical space such as: the conversation with the mom, the date with neil, neil, descriptions of a hamster drinking a smoothie, a hamster ignoring bethany, the tone of bethanys voice (specifically in discovering james franco), the pornography, the location of the mirror in her apartment, and then also the ending, i think specifically the discovery of the body.)

stuff like that is really helpful going forward in the revision/rewriting process.

im not sure what you mean by "if she was just a normal girl with depression and boy prospects". i think its the inclusion of james franco in the story. is that right?

i think im also a little confused about what you mean by there being nothing to "punish the reader" for not paying attention. i think you're saying that you think that bethany (and/or the other characters) dont really feel complex enough to you, like bethany taken from any moment is equally understandable because her character is even throughout and isn't developed well/at all. is that it?

thanks for reading/leaving these comments, also thanks for any future clarifications/additional specifics on what youre saying.

Japhybaby

Canada301 Posts

February 23 2014 23:36 GMT

On February 24 2014 07:38 AiurZ wrote:
im confused on what you mean by your questions about the narrator. could you be more specific? the way im reading it is that you are wondering who the narrator is (as in, if the story was written in first person, then the narrator would be bethany). is that it?

also could you be specific about "areas where the juiciness was not developed" and also which areas specifically that you thought "weren't juicy to begin with"? that would be really helpful

(for example, my professor thought bethany's panic attack at work, her relationship/history with her mother [along with the mother as a character], bethany "revealing similar characteristics to james franco", specifically feeling like it was a moment of near connection for bethany but then suddenly deciding to go back to bed, when bethany thought "there was still so much she needed to affirm", some moments in physical space such as: the conversation with the mom, the date with neil, neil, descriptions of a hamster drinking a smoothie, a hamster ignoring bethany, the tone of bethanys voice (specifically in discovering james franco), the pornography, the location of the mirror in her apartment, and then also the ending, i think specifically the discovery of the body.)

stuff like that is really helpful going forward in the revision/rewriting process.

im not sure what you mean by "if she was just a normal girl with depression and boy prospects". i think its the inclusion of james franco in the story. is that right?

i think im also a little confused about what you mean by there being nothing to "punish the reader" for not paying attention. i think you're saying that you think that bethany (and/or the other characters) dont really feel complex enough to you, like bethany taken from any moment is equally understandable because her character is even throughout and isn't developed well/at all. is that it?

thanks for reading/leaving these comments, also thanks for any future clarifications/additional specifics on what youre saying.

Sorry I'm really not sure. It's hard for me to read much. I wish I hadn't spoken. My only advice is Chekhov's

Chekhov's gun is a dramatic principle requiring that every element in a narrative be necessary and irreplaceable, and that everything else be removed.[1][2][3] Stated by Anton Chekhov, "Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there."[3][4]

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