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"Honey, promise me you'll cut back on the games. I hear you in there every night clicking away on your computer."
"Alright Mom."
"Promise? You really need to ease up a little. People can get addicted."
"Yup, I promise."
Ever had that conversation? I'm having it more and more these days at the behest of my parents. Its getting really, really frustrating. Mostly because I don't know what to say.
Like most of you I've been gaming since I was little. By high school I was in one of those WoW raiding guilds that went five nights a week. In college I discovered Starcraft and played all the time. These days I mostly play LoL, a lot.
I remember having the first of such conversations with my parents at age sixteen. Mom and Dad were pissed that I had completely forgotten to attend a practice SAT exam at the high school. This was a big deal, since I was months into tutoring and the practice exam was an extremely important metric for my progress. They blamed my constant computer gaming. Granted, it never got to the point where they turned off my internet, but ever since the question of my gaming time became a routine nag from mom.
Now I'm twenty three years old, two years out of college, and living with my dad. I'm getting my MA in History. But I want to teach at a university -- that requires a PhD. Last year and the year before I was rejected from all the PhD programs I applied to. However, I'm pretty happy in this new MA program, and I've just landed a part-time job that is relevant to my career interests. Maybe, I thought, there are other things out there I could see myself doing besides teaching at a university. So this year I decided not to re-apply to PhD programs.
My Dad was really, really pissed.
"Son, I can't tell you how disappointed I am with that decision. Aside from night classes twice a week you've just been wasting your life away on that computer. Do you have a problem there son?"
I pause for a gross amount of time, thinking of what to say, "No I don't think I have a problem."
"How many hours a day would you say that you're gaming? Just ballpark..."
I pause again. God I hate this question. Answering honestly might lead him to believe that I have a problem. I really don't think that I have a problem. Sure, I'm passionate about gaming. It's also my primary method of interaction with friends, none of whom live nearby. But part of me knows that I spend a little too much time gaming, so I should try to be truthful with him. I'm going to give the conservative estimate, which includes all the time I spend playing and watching streams."
"I don't know, maybe four hours a day. Its too much I know."
I want to verbally lash out at him, but that's not my style. I love my parents. I've never fought with either of them. And in times of tension such as this, I prefer to agree with them so that I can end the horribly awkward conversation as fast as possible.
But I know the true amount of time I spend gaming, and its a little more worrisome than four hours a day. Sometimes I wonder if I do have a problem. If so, I wouldn't know where to start.
Thanks for reading.
 
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It's all about maintaining a balance between working hard and relaxation. You need to evaluate whether or not your gaming is hindering your progress in other aspects of your life.
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Sounds like you do have a problem.
If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful.
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I did poorly at university due to being addicted to Brood War. I didn't have my parents to tell me I shouldn't spend that much time on the computer.
What you did not make clear in your blog is why you decided not to re-apply for a PhD. Ok you got yourself a part-time job, but you could do both? It kind of sounds like you're afraid that you won't be able to play games if you keep your part-time job and work on your PhD.
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On January 10 2014 11:35 Birdie wrote:Sounds like you do have a problem. If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful.
'Quit your hobbies, it'll show you don't need them!'
That doesn't exactly sound productive, I would never quit any of my hobbies for a year to prove a point. Games, sports, reading, anything.
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I'm working on my PhD (in a field very related to history), have a part-time job (related to conservation), and sometimes play games (and write and read and play guitar and socialize and you get the picture) ... you can do all three and more! Just need to balance your time and be on top of your shit!
Your dad probably just doesn't like to see you on the computer all day long. Even if you're being productive, it really gives off an air of being unproductive. Would advise being seen doing other things.
What other hobbies do you have aside from gaming? Maybe re-balance your time towards those hobbies instead of gaming if you think you have a problem.
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I think you might be amazed by how productive (yet not bored) you could be if you seriously cut back on gaming.
I was.
A lot of things we do on the computer isn't particularly entertaining or fulfilling it just consumes lots of time.
then with less time spent gaming, you only need to do the good stuff, not the lame stuff.
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On January 10 2014 11:55 Dfgj wrote:Show nested quote +On January 10 2014 11:35 Birdie wrote:Sounds like you do have a problem. If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful. 'Quit your hobbies, it'll show you don't need them!' That doesn't exactly sound productive, I would never quit any of my hobbies for a year to prove a point. Games, sports, reading, anything.
Spending much more than four hours a day on computer gaming is no longer a hobby, it's a job.
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You should calmly ask your father how much time he spends watching TV. Seriously, this disparity in logic baffles me to no end. My siblings can watch TV for 10 hours a day and not a word is said, but if I play games for that long, it's like "Have you ONLY been on that computer all day?"
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
If your desire to play games is getting in the way of you leading a healthy life, then yes it is a problem. And by healthy, I mean both physically, socially, and career-wise.
Are you getting enough exercise?
Are you spending enough time with friends/colleagues/etc outside the game?
Why did you get rejected from PhD programs? Was it because of poor grades during university, which could be tied to too much gaming?
How far are you into your MA, and does your part time job have prospects of becoming a fulfilling full time job? You don't really explain why you didn't reapply other than "hey maybe there are other things out there" which honestly feels like a rationalization for giving up. Maybe you do have a reason but you need to communicate it for us to understand.
Otherwise it does sound like a problem.
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On January 10 2014 12:14 HolyExlxF wrote:
You should calmly ask your father how much time he spends watching TV. Seriously, this disparity in logic baffles me to no end. My siblings can watch TV for 10 hours a day and not a word is said, but if I play games for that long, it's like "Have you ONLY been on that computer all day?"
That just means everyone has a problem, lol.
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Seriously do what makes you happy, you parents are trying to be good parents but are going about it in the wrong way.
Don't listen to these people who have arbitrary standards for what is a healthy life.
Are you banging a 10/10 each night?
Do you squat 500 lbs at 10 reps?
Do you have a law degree from Harvard?
If you answered no to any of these questions, then you are a failure and video games ruined your life. Might as well been a heroin addict.
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On January 10 2014 12:18 lichter wrote:
If your desire to play games is getting in the way of you leading a healthy life, then yes it is a problem. And by healthy, I mean both physically, socially, and career-wise.
Are you getting enough exercise?
Are you spending enough time with friends/colleagues/etc outside the game?
Why did you get rejected from PhD programs? Was it because of poor grades during university, which could be tied to too much gaming?
How far are you into your MA, and does your part time job have prospects of becoming a fulfilling full time job? You don't really explain why you didn't reapply other than "hey maybe there are other things out there" which honestly feels like a rationalization for giving up. Maybe you do have a reason but you need to communicate it for us to understand.
Otherwise it does sound like a problem.
Thanks for your input.
1) No, I rarely exercise.
2) To elaborate -- one problem is that I don't have any local friends in the city I am currently living in. I would be lying if I said that my introversion and video gaming were not causes of this. Most of my best friends are still living in my hometown, most of whom play the same games that I do. I still visit to see them in person once-a-month. I have also made a number of friendships through online gaming. Thus, the majority of my time spent with friends is done on skype, with gaming being the activity.
3) I did not get poor grades as an undergraduate. I graduated with honors in my major and a 3.56 GPA. Likewise, I have just completed my first semester in the MA program with a current GPA of 4.0! Very proud of that. Why did I get rejected from PhD programs? I'm not entirely sure. They don't outright tell you. Maybe I have a weak letter of recommendation. Maybe I didn't apply to enough programs.
4) Being honest -- yeah, I was fucking tired of applying to PhD programs. I hate the whole experience. It makes my skin crawl -- especially the pressure from my parents who always want to oversee what I'm writing in my applications. I guess I just decided to quit.
However... after that conversation with my Dad (which happened quite recently), he kind of demanded that I reapply, even though the deadlines are fast approaching. I caved in and decided to just get it over with. I'm applying to a lot more schools this time... maybe it will go better.
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being successful is being happy. Just because they are your parents doesn't mean they are the all knowing gods of everything. Sure they might have some idea of what's right, but that's just what they believe. You should listen them to a certain extent.
I had the same problem you had in my childhood. They were CONVINCED i was ruining my life. Now i have an apartment with 2 of my buddies from school, I'm going to all my classes, and most importanty, I don't regret anything. The thing that allows you to know if you are in control or not is if you still allow yourself to make room to just get certain stuff done. Like it doesn't have to be like (for school) Stanford level shit, but just get what you have to get done done and keep doing what you enjoy.
Think of it this way, if you were to throw out all your video game stuff out the window right now, would you actually do what they think will make you happy?
A lot of parents don't understand that things change, just because it wasn't normal for them, doesn't mean it's not normal now.
sry if this shit is really poorly written, I'm playing Osu! in between the times writing this.
Just letting you know you are not alone in situations like this
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On January 10 2014 11:35 Birdie wrote:Sounds like you do have a problem. If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful.
That's the kind of argument I hate more than any. "Well, if you can do it, show me!" For me, video gaming is an important part of my life, and it's not because I'm addicted. I feel like I am in control of my life, and that's what it comes down to. There have been points in my life in which gaming has negatively impacted me, and I have fixed those and understood where those problems came from. It's not simply about the amount of time you spend gaming.
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Move out and do whatever the fuck you want forever.
and yes, you are probably gaming too much, most gamers do.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
On January 10 2014 12:34 Nairul wrote:Show nested quote +On January 10 2014 12:18 lichter wrote:
If your desire to play games is getting in the way of you leading a healthy life, then yes it is a problem. And by healthy, I mean both physically, socially, and career-wise.
Are you getting enough exercise?
Are you spending enough time with friends/colleagues/etc outside the game?
Why did you get rejected from PhD programs? Was it because of poor grades during university, which could be tied to too much gaming?
How far are you into your MA, and does your part time job have prospects of becoming a fulfilling full time job? You don't really explain why you didn't reapply other than "hey maybe there are other things out there" which honestly feels like a rationalization for giving up. Maybe you do have a reason but you need to communicate it for us to understand.
Otherwise it does sound like a problem. Thanks for your input. 1) No, I rarely exercise. 2) To elaborate -- one problem is that I don't have any local friends in the city I am currently living in. I would be lying if I said that my introversion and video gaming were not causes of this. Most of my best friends are still living in my hometown, most of whom play the same games that I do. I still visit to see them in person once-a-month. I have also made a number of friendships through online gaming. Thus, the majority of my time spent with friends is done on skype, with gaming being the activity. 3) I did not get poor grades as an undergraduate. I graduated with honors in my major and a 3.56 GPA. Likewise, I have just completed my first semester in the MA program with a current GPA of 4.0! Very proud of that. Why did I get rejected from PhD programs? I'm not entirely sure. They don't outright tell you. Maybe I have a weak letter of recommendation. Maybe I didn't apply to enough programs. 4) Being honest -- yeah, I was fucking tired of applying to PhD programs. I hate the whole experience. It makes my skin crawl -- especially the pressure from my parents who always want to oversee what I'm writing in my applications. I guess I just decided to quit. However... after that conversation with my Dad (which happened quite recently), he kind of demanded that I reapply, even though the deadlines are fast approaching. I caved in and decided to just get it over with. I'm applying to a lot more schools this time... maybe it will go better.
You should take care of your health by exercising a little. Aside from it being good for you it will help your dad get the impression that you aren't on the computer all day.
That's an understandable situation. As long as you still socialize and gaming isn't all there is nor gets in the way it's all good.
It sounds like you really don't want to take that PhD. I don't think your dad really wants to force you into it, perhaps he is just worried that, if not a PhD and your previous plans of becoming a university professor, then what? He probably isn't sure if you know what you want to do, and seeing you play games all day reinforces his image of your directionlessness, whether it is true or not. If you can figure out what you really want to do and tell him about this new direction that you feel strong about and have the desire to pursue, I am certain he will support you. Your parents sound good concerned, not naggingly overbearing kind of concerned.
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If your obsession with video games is actually the reason why you didn't get into your ideal professional program, then you clearly do have a problem. I used to play video games non-stop, but then had to slow it down a bit when I started taking my master's- and then my doctoral- classes (for education to be a professor, like you). It was really just a mature decision to prioritize the important things in my life, and not lose sight of my long-term goals. I still play video games, just not 6 hours a day anymore.
Figure out what's really important in your life and plan accordingly. Make sure you won't regret your decisions ten or twenty years from now. Good luck 
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You're 23 and your dad still calls you son? For me, the illusion of parenthood fell apart in my latter teen years - They lost the image of being divine omnipotent beings that always knew what was best for me, and were "reduced" to what they actually are - fellow adults that I love dearly and respect for their intelligence... but the idea that they were better and more wise than me by the fact that I'm their spawn had evaporated by the time I was 20.
I can relate a lot to your story, though. Naturally, I'm an introvert, and as a kid we moved a LOT... and not "the next town over" moves, but moves from literally the ghetto of Grand Rapids, Michigan to a small town of 3000 people in Southern Ontario, to Edmonton to the "Lower Mainland" which is code for "Basically Vancouver" and half the places between. I make friends deeply and with extreme loyalty, so one particular move after my first year of high school stole my best friend and my girlfriend from me, and a part of my heart died and never recovered. What that means, for me, is that through the rest of high school and so far the rest of my life, a lot of my deep social connections are on the internet. Is it healthy? There are healthier things, sure, but it was my unrealized unintentional way of saying to myself "There, world. My friends are an internet connection away. You CAN'T take them from me" and that's a realization I can stomach, and be comfortable with, and not ashamed of myself for.
It took a few years, and my mom was more like your dad in her lack of understanding, but eventually my parents came around and accept me for who I am, even though I play a whole lot of games. It helped, on my end, to show that I wasn't just idly playing games with nothing to show for it - For as much as he didn't understand, my Dad understood that SC2 Masters league was an achievement that was a quantifiable "I'm good at this game", and the games I helped make, even though they weren't that good and didn't make me a millionaire were a sign that I was passionate about what I do. Right now, my whole family and most of my work knows that I helped route and plan AGDQ's Skyrim any% run. Sure, what I do is dorky and really, really hard for them to understand, but it is part of who I am, I'm passionate about it, and not ashamed of it. Again, it took a few years of me showing that before my family started to accept it, but since they have I'm happier than I've ever been because I can do what I love doing and because they've seen it's usually harmless and quite often beneficial, they let me do it.
Two important points that help : Even though I'm an avid gamer (Well over 1000 hours in both LoL and Dota 2  ) I'm self-sustained and will survive on my own FIRST, and game afterwards. I'm not being seemingly lazy on someone else's bill, so what I do on my own free time is entirely my own concern.
Second is that I've got a career nobody can argue with. I've been a carpenter for almost a decade (I'm 25), and have co-owned a company and am financially stable and in no way struggling to survive. Gaming HAS been detrimental to my career, for sure, but my primary life goal is not to buy a house or invest x amount into the bank or retire at 40, so if enjoyment is "detrimental to my career", I can probably live with that.
So my advice would be to get to a point where you're comfortable with your gaming. I'm in a place where, if you look at it objectively, still has a lot of holes, but what works for me is that I'm comfortable with who I am. Am I perfect? Hell no... but I'm happy, and that's a position I can build from
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I posted and this is a complete edit.
Chances are you spend way too much time playing video games and are "addicted." The amount of time you spend and lack of obligations otherwise lead me to this conclusion. Part time work, living at home, not continuing your education, blaming the lack of socialization on not having friends in the area, but gaming often means your priorities are in the wrong places. Honestly it is up to you what you do, but while you can still take advantage of living with your parents you should and really reverse your priorities because if/when you move out if you have to do everything above all at the same time it won't only be harder, but then you will have no time for hobbies and in fact even now you should have very little time for hobbies while securing your higher education. Honestly many people fall into this pattern though and even I did for quite some time. You really have to have and obtain goals and want to reach those goals to make time for hobbies and even then there will not be nearly as much time for them as there used to be. To get started you might actually have to eliminate gaming all together but perhaps not if you can learn that obligations for the day are not more important than gaming. Then take steps to obtain a better grip on aspects in your life that are lacking like school, more work, friends(girl/boyfriends), taking care of general day-to-day. After all that is done you decide goals for the day and when they're completed you can do your hobbies. Entire post seems negative, but it is how I felt about myself for a while and tend to fall back into from time to time. Just keep in mind that if you're not actually doing something productive during your day you don't have enough obligations, and if you are doing something productive and those things are done, then you have time for hobbies.
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On January 10 2014 11:35 Birdie wrote:Sounds like you do have a problem. If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful.
This is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. Just because I won't abstain from a sip of beer for an entire year doesn't make me an alcoholic.
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I'm definitely a gaming addict. I know that and I still can't stop. Those who say that gaming can't be an addiction are wrong, it's the same as weed or booze. Some people say that those two aren't addictive, but in reality they are - mentally. They give you a high and you will want to experience it again. It's my escape mechanism, and it's damn effective.
Don't judge your dad and mom, because they're just trying to look out for you. When you eventually will have to move out, your MA or PhD in history won't guarantee you a job. Btw, if you're planning to get PhD, and be a teacher, you better start traveling now, because the best teachers are those, who have interesting stories to tell between teaching and mumbling.
I recently tried to quit gaming by uninstalling all games in an instant, but after few hours Dota 2 was back on my desktop. I'm disappointed in myself  That's when I realized that I'm an addict.
My advice to you is that candy is good.
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On January 10 2014 16:08 -Kaiser- wrote:Show nested quote +On January 10 2014 11:35 Birdie wrote:Sounds like you do have a problem. If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful. This is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. Just because I won't abstain from a sip of beer for an entire year doesn't make me an alcoholic.
He just said he spent well over 4 hours a day, every day, playing games. A better analogy would be "just because I won't stop drinking a case of beer every day doesn't make me an alcoholic". As I said, there's a *strong chance* that he's a compulsive gamer if he's gaming over 4 hours a day and is incapable of stopping, or thinks the idea itself is in some way repugnant.
The games will still be there after you get control of yourself. If you truly have that passion for gaming and don't want it out of your life forever, then learn to control it. But cutting it down bit by bit is much harder than quitting cold turkey for a decent amount of time, and then slowly bring it back in.
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I can definitely relate OP. I am currently very sick and spending time doing physical activity/socialising drains me very quickly. Therefore I have turned to gaming.
While I tell myself that I will give it up when I get better. I doubt it will be that simple. It will definitely be a struggle, and I will have to learn new ways of thinking and interacting. But it will be definitely be worth it. One thing I have noticed is that when I quit gaming for a small period of time and come back to it, playing games feels much more rewarding and I find myself enjoying them a lot more, rather then just wasting time on them.
GL
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It's all about moderation. It's fine to play games a ton, but you have to draw a line. Personally, I draw mine very simply: I can play as much and as long as I want, but I may never prioritize it over work, studies or social interaction. If my friends ask if I want to go to a party with them and I say no because I want to play a game, I know I'm fucked.
It obviously helps to work fulltime and just... being an adult.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51490 Posts
Oh yeah this conversation so awesome. Im the same age as you 23, i have had a job since i was 16 though as my choice was either "Get a job, or go to college and get a part time job" I went to college for a year got a good half year score too in my sports course and was on course to be able to get into the best sports university in the country (Bath, where all the international sports team train :D) but i choose to leave that and try computer course because i thought there was no chance of me becoming a sports coach due to the course i was on was just a general sports sceince course. How i wish i stayed (kinda). Anyway random story of my life to date haha.
My point is that me, like you started my "hardcore" gaming lifestyle with WoW Raiding (and still do just less hardcore) is that i still have more than enough time to game now, i work from 8am and get home at 5pm. I then do a workout for 30minutes and then game for the rest of the evening, do that for monday-friday then i also game the whole weekend as well as watch sport on TV.
Socializing online and in person to me is the EXACT same thing, that's the main thing i get questioned about by my parents even though i still speak to my friend in person most of the time in the week, i also meet up with my mates from gaming like once a year. Just try and stand up for yourself a bit is what i would say. Defend your gaming but you have to show that your achieving in your other fields, it sounds like you are academically but it also seems like your disheartened on what you want to do at the end of your studies. You want to be a History lecturer at University or not is the big question i would ask you. If you do, go and grab yourself a PhD course! Your grades will surely get you into one! Then if you don't think you want that get your part time job and start looking for other careers. Also maybe a full time job whilst doing this after your studies finish so you can balance getting money and experience in a job to then progress further.
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On January 10 2014 16:08 -Kaiser- wrote:Show nested quote +On January 10 2014 11:35 Birdie wrote:Sounds like you do have a problem. If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful. This is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. Just because I won't abstain from a sip of beer for an entire year doesn't make me an alcoholic.
Except according to the OP, he doesn't just take a sip of gaming. He drinks a bathtub of it every week. That may or may not be a problem depending on his other obligations and time management skills, but he clearly games all the time.
I don't know about necessarily stopping cold turkey though, as it may be easier to limit one's self from, say, 6 hours a day, to 5 for a full week, and then try 4 hours per day the next week, etc.
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Blazinghand
United States25552 Posts
If you really want to prove to your parents you're not addicted, just play one hour a day or something for a couple of weeks. Use the free time to do something else fun like watch TV or read blogs or something. In any case they probably will stop caring once they realize that there are many ways to be lazy / relax and video games are just one of the most convenient
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Don't make promises you are not going to keep. Be honest about it. Some people who think it's harmful or whatnot to sit on computer all day seem to think it's no problem if you spend that time in front of TV. Difference is you can actually do productive things in front of computer. Also I think most people are constantly socializing with others through games, skype etc. Think for yourself and keep your head up bro!
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GrandInquisitor
New York City13113 Posts
Reading this article changed my life. Life is about being able to do things that are: a) valuable to society; b) hard for most people to do.
This is it. That is everything. It determines how much you are paid, your romantic success, your overall sense of self-fulfillment.
Video gaming is neither. It might be a temporary way to recharge and feel better, thus allowing you to accomplish those valuable/hard goals in life, but it is not the point of life itself.
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I read somewhere addiction is defined by:
A) wanting to do something in greater amounts the more you do it and
B) getting withdrawal symptoms when you aren't doing that something.
If that applies to your gaming habits then it very well could be a problem. I've been addicted to stuff before and I found the best way to quit was to convince myself that it was physically and mentally damaging. One thing you shouldn't do is quit gaming because your parents are nagging you; it should be something you choose to do for yourself. Or else it's really easy to just fall back into the habit the moment you have an argument or falling-out with them. It'll probably be the first thing you turn to out of spite.
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GrandInquisitor said what I wanted to say, better than I could have said it.
Here I'll try:
They say that it takes 10,000 hours to become a master at anything. There are master carpenters, master doctors, master writers, master artists, master poker players, masters of business relationships, masters of foreign languages, master mathematicians, master physicists... you get the idea.
Inspiration is mostly the cause of people becoming masters at anything. Unfortunately, only a very very few play enough of a competitive eSport that they can call it their profession and make a living at it - for a few years. In the case of master musicians, well, you can travel the world, make a lot of money, be around ecstatic vibrations of sound, have fans, do interviews with people who want to be you, tell stories of your travels, inspire others, and make a contribution to the evolution of music. You could do the same with eSports, but eSports is not gaming. eSports is professional gaming, the willingness to play ONE game for the sake of having a few years of a lower-than-rockstar status lifestyle.
I'm sure you see the point of putting your time into something else. You might be a Shady Sands, Albert Einstein, James Hetfield... you might be a FlaSh, but you would have to choose SC/SC2 as your profession to be a FlaSh.
On another topic, there's something about flesh-relationships, where you actually are sitting / standing near your friends having a conversation or doing whatever, that is much stronger than internet relationships, even if you're on a video call. There's still a barrier between you. You can high five your friends when you meet in person, you can eat together, make actual eye contact... the impression it leaves on your mind is more powerful, at least to me, subjectively. You can talk about your surroundings, you can get up and go to the other place, you can get up and show your friend something cool in the city that you found.
Just because you're happy gaming, spending your valuable time across multiple games that could be spent on a single endeavour in the pursuit of mastery, doesn't mean that you wouldn't be happier doing something else.
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On January 11 2014 01:41 GrandInquisitor wrote:Reading this article changed my life. Life is about being able to do things that are: a) valuable to society; b) hard for most people to do. This is it. That is everything. It determines how much you are paid, your romantic success, your overall sense of self-fulfillment. Video gaming is neither. It might be a temporary way to recharge and feel better, thus allowing you to accomplish those valuable/hard goals in life, but it is not the point of life itself.
Your value to society and the difficulty of the task are not everything. That's what a capitalistic society would like you to believe. And yes, if you follow those precepts, you will usually do well in a capitalistic society.
But no, it will not determine how much you are paid, your romantic success, or your overall sense of self-fulfillment unless money is the only way you know how to feel fulfilled.
How much you are "paid" is affected by a number of things, some of which are not valuable to society or hard to do. Like being a trust fund baby that oversees a number of properties in Manhattan for his dear, old rich as fuck grandma.
Having a good job does not guarantee you romantic success. I could show you a long parade of doctors and lawyers and successful businessmen who have had fucking horrendous personal lives.
And fulfillment is an everyday thing. There are plenty of people with valuable, hard-to-do jobs who stop feeling fulfilled after a while and decide to go be kayak guides in the Colorado rapids. Not all that useful to society, not very good pay, but a great amount of fulfillment for some.
Sorry, but you should not base your life on philosophies espoused in cracked.com articles by 20-30 year old men who have barely lived half their lives yet but somehow think they already have it all figured out.
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GrandInquisitor
New York City13113 Posts
On January 11 2014 04:07 SongByungWewt wrote:Show nested quote +On January 11 2014 01:41 GrandInquisitor wrote:Reading this article changed my life. Life is about being able to do things that are: a) valuable to society; b) hard for most people to do. This is it. That is everything. It determines how much you are paid, your romantic success, your overall sense of self-fulfillment. Video gaming is neither. It might be a temporary way to recharge and feel better, thus allowing you to accomplish those valuable/hard goals in life, but it is not the point of life itself. Your value to society and the difficulty of the task are not everything. That's what a capitalistic society would like you to believe. And yes, if you follow those precepts, you will usually do well in a capitalistic society. But no, it will not determine how much you are paid, your romantic success, or your overall sense of self-fulfillment unless money is the only way you know how to feel fulfilled. How much you are "paid" is affected by a number of things, some of which are not valuable to society or hard to do. Like being a trust fund baby that oversees a number of properties in Manhattan for his dear, old rich as fuck grandma. Having a good job does not guarantee you romantic success. I could show you a long parade of doctors and lawyers and successful businessmen who have had fucking horrendous personal lives. And fulfillment is an everyday thing. There are plenty of people with valuable, hard-to-do jobs who stop feeling fulfilled after a while and decide to go be kayak guides in the Colorado rapids. Not all that useful to society, not very good pay, but a great amount of fulfillment for some. Sorry, but you should not base your life on philosophies espoused in cracked.com articles by 20-30 year old men who have barely lived half their lives yet but somehow think they already have it all figured out.
I assure you that you have misinterpreted everything I said. Please reconsider.
The point of life, and what will make you happy, is to contribute to society in a meaningful way. This is not limited by the size of your W-2, though it says a lot about you that you think I was implying that.
Of course, the two are often correlated, which is one reason why people push themselves in their career in search of fulfillment. Many self-fulfilled people do make a lot of money. It is often those trust-fund babies that you speak of that are the least fulfilled in life.
But the two are not the same. A stay-at-home mom that raises her children contributes to society. A Peace Corps volunteer contributes to society. Fuck, even someone that works out all the time is contributing something. He has something to offer the world. He is improving himself so that he can advertise himself to people: look at what I can do. This is something very difficult, very unique, and very prized.
Playing video games is: a) easy to do; b) not unique; c) not prized. It is leveling up a skill that you never use. It is sinking points into stats that aren't checked by any enemies. It is easy as fuck to do, which is why no one cares.
Think of the most fulfilling people you know. Are they a) people who have found ways to endlessly pleasure themselves; or b) people who have found a way to make a difference in other people's lives?
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I like the analogy of leveling up a skill that you never use. Sums up my argument quite well.
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after reading this i feel like you need to cut down the gaming son
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On January 11 2014 04:34 GrandInquisitor wrote:Show nested quote +On January 11 2014 04:07 SongByungWewt wrote:On January 11 2014 01:41 GrandInquisitor wrote:Reading this article changed my life. Life is about being able to do things that are: a) valuable to society; b) hard for most people to do. This is it. That is everything. It determines how much you are paid, your romantic success, your overall sense of self-fulfillment. Video gaming is neither. It might be a temporary way to recharge and feel better, thus allowing you to accomplish those valuable/hard goals in life, but it is not the point of life itself. Your value to society and the difficulty of the task are not everything. That's what a capitalistic society would like you to believe. And yes, if you follow those precepts, you will usually do well in a capitalistic society. But no, it will not determine how much you are paid, your romantic success, or your overall sense of self-fulfillment unless money is the only way you know how to feel fulfilled. How much you are "paid" is affected by a number of things, some of which are not valuable to society or hard to do. Like being a trust fund baby that oversees a number of properties in Manhattan for his dear, old rich as fuck grandma. Having a good job does not guarantee you romantic success. I could show you a long parade of doctors and lawyers and successful businessmen who have had fucking horrendous personal lives. And fulfillment is an everyday thing. There are plenty of people with valuable, hard-to-do jobs who stop feeling fulfilled after a while and decide to go be kayak guides in the Colorado rapids. Not all that useful to society, not very good pay, but a great amount of fulfillment for some. Sorry, but you should not base your life on philosophies espoused in cracked.com articles by 20-30 year old men who have barely lived half their lives yet but somehow think they already have it all figured out. I assure you that you have misinterpreted everything I said. Please reconsider. The point of life, and what will make you happy, is to contribute to society in a meaningful way. This is not limited by the size of your W-2, though it says a lot about you that you think I was implying that. Of course, the two are often correlated, which is one reason why people push themselves in their career in search of fulfillment. Many self-fulfilled people do make a lot of money. It is often those trust-fund babies that you speak of that are the least fulfilled in life. But the two are not the same. A stay-at-home mom that raises her children contributes to society. A Peace Corps volunteer contributes to society. Fuck, even someone that works out all the time is contributing something. He has something to offer the world. He is improving himself so that he can advertise himself to people: look at what I can do. This is something very difficult, very unique, and very prized. Playing video games is: a) easy to do; b) not unique; c) not prized. It is leveling up a skill that you never use. It is sinking points into stats that aren't checked by any enemies. It is easy as fuck to do, which is why no one cares. Think of the most fulfilling people you know. Are they a) people who have found ways to endlessly pleasure themselves; or b) people who have found a way to make a difference in other people's lives?
I was responding more to the link you posted which does make very specific mention about how much you get paid and how it affects your romantic life. And now that i look back you too made specific mention of getting paid.
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Life is too short to worry about what others think of you or expect from you. If you live to not disappoint others, you will propably end up disappointed yourself. Just go for what you really want be it anything!
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nvm, someone beat me to it
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GrandInquisitor
New York City13113 Posts
The people who get paid huge amounts, such as CEOs, lawyers and mass media 'journalists'
lulz
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On January 11 2014 01:41 GrandInquisitor wrote:Reading this article changed my life. Life is about being able to do things that are: a) valuable to society; b) hard for most people to do. This is it. That is everything. It determines how much you are paid, your romantic success, your overall sense of self-fulfillment. Video gaming is neither. It might be a temporary way to recharge and feel better, thus allowing you to accomplish those valuable/hard goals in life, but it is not the point of life itself.
Sorry, but it seems as if you're imposing to other people "what is life all about". It is obviously true that people will value you more if you're valuable to society and do things that are hard for most people to do, but you don't need to care about those things. Imho every person should just try not to be a burden to the society and that's it; do whatever else you want.
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On January 11 2014 01:41 GrandInquisitor wrote:Reading this article changed my life. Life is about being able to do things that are: a) valuable to society; b) hard for most people to do. This is it. That is everything. It determines how much you are paid, your romantic success, your overall sense of self-fulfillment. Video gaming is neither. It might be a temporary way to recharge and feel better, thus allowing you to accomplish those valuable/hard goals in life, but it is not the point of life itself.
Your worth to society and worth to yourself are not the same thing.
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To clarify though, I think the OP should drastically reduce his gaming. Gaming is a recreational activity that you do once all the essential things in life are taken care of. It is not something you do instead of work on your career/personal life/personal health.
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On January 10 2014 12:13 Birdie wrote:Show nested quote +On January 10 2014 11:55 Dfgj wrote:On January 10 2014 11:35 Birdie wrote:Sounds like you do have a problem. If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful. 'Quit your hobbies, it'll show you don't need them!' That doesn't exactly sound productive, I would never quit any of my hobbies for a year to prove a point. Games, sports, reading, anything. Spending much more than four hours a day on computer gaming is no longer a hobby, it's a job.
I know people who spend more than four hours a day watching TV, is TV a job?
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On January 11 2014 09:30 Esoterikk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 10 2014 12:13 Birdie wrote:On January 10 2014 11:55 Dfgj wrote:On January 10 2014 11:35 Birdie wrote:Sounds like you do have a problem. If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful. 'Quit your hobbies, it'll show you don't need them!' That doesn't exactly sound productive, I would never quit any of my hobbies for a year to prove a point. Games, sports, reading, anything. Spending much more than four hours a day on computer gaming is no longer a hobby, it's a job. I know people who spend more than four hours a day watching TV, is TV a job?
Yeah in the same sense that gaming can become a "job". Job isn't really the right word, but usually if you spend that much time entertaining yourself with the same entertainment, every day, then there's a strong chance that it's compulsive.
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On January 11 2014 09:42 Birdie wrote:Show nested quote +On January 11 2014 09:30 Esoterikk wrote:On January 10 2014 12:13 Birdie wrote:On January 10 2014 11:55 Dfgj wrote:On January 10 2014 11:35 Birdie wrote:Sounds like you do have a problem. If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful. 'Quit your hobbies, it'll show you don't need them!' That doesn't exactly sound productive, I would never quit any of my hobbies for a year to prove a point. Games, sports, reading, anything. Spending much more than four hours a day on computer gaming is no longer a hobby, it's a job. I know people who spend more than four hours a day watching TV, is TV a job? Yeah in the same sense that gaming can become a "job". Job isn't really the right word, but usually if you spend that much time entertaining yourself with the same entertainment, every day, then there's a strong chance that it's compulsive.
Or that you lack other interests, or you prefer that to other options. Or that 'time on the computer' is rarely a single activity because you'll be doing a host of different things.
You're arguing that leisure over X amount of time is not only bad, but no longer leisure.
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On January 11 2014 09:56 Dfgj wrote:Show nested quote +On January 11 2014 09:42 Birdie wrote:On January 11 2014 09:30 Esoterikk wrote:On January 10 2014 12:13 Birdie wrote:On January 10 2014 11:55 Dfgj wrote:On January 10 2014 11:35 Birdie wrote:Sounds like you do have a problem. If you don't have any problem with compulsive gaming, then stop for a year. Stop cold turkey playing games for an entire year. If you can't, or won't, then there's a strong chance that you're a compulsive gamer. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9DBFBD4160A9EAA2 you may find these three videos useful. 'Quit your hobbies, it'll show you don't need them!' That doesn't exactly sound productive, I would never quit any of my hobbies for a year to prove a point. Games, sports, reading, anything. Spending much more than four hours a day on computer gaming is no longer a hobby, it's a job. I know people who spend more than four hours a day watching TV, is TV a job? Yeah in the same sense that gaming can become a "job". Job isn't really the right word, but usually if you spend that much time entertaining yourself with the same entertainment, every day, then there's a strong chance that it's compulsive. Or that you lack other interests, or you prefer that to other options. Or that 'time on the computer' is rarely a single activity because you'll be doing a host of different things. You're arguing that leisure over X amount of time is not only bad, but no longer leisure.
If it gets in the way of you doing what you should be doing or want to do, then yes. If you can't STOP doing it, then yes. Not in every circumstance will it be bad/not leisure, but given what OP said, it seems reasonable to think that his excessive gaming is having a negative influence on his life. I don't know for sure as I don't know all of what goes on in his life.
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Never had my parents accuse me of playing to much. But then again I kept my grades up throughout my K-12 years, and in College. I hang out with people. Honestly when you discover women you will game a lot less lol.
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CA10828 Posts
you do have a problem and need to get off the computer.
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On January 11 2014 15:28 HeeroFX wrote:
Never had my parents accuse me of playing to much. But then again I kept my grades up throughout my K-12 years, and in College. I hang out with people. Honestly when you discover women you will game a lot less lol.
But what if games are so good at rewarding you that your incentive to discover women (who probably won't want to be around me anyways QQ) just never gets that strong? The thing is, try to imagine what your life would be like with less/no gaming. If you find that you picture yourself having that huge hole in your day that you might have to fill by getting a hobby where you meat with real people from the vicinity you can go have a drink with on saturdays, maybe that hole is what you need.
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My only advice to you is this. Do whatever you want to do. It's your life and you can do whatever you want. If games are what you want to do then go do that. Don't care about people who say that you must do this or must do that. If you want an education then go get that phd or whatever u want. Or excercise if you want to do that. The point is that if you like the way your life is going then keep living and keep doing what you do. I play alot of games myself and i have no problems what so ever. I get good grades in school excersise in the spring and summer and i generally just do what i want to do. And i think you should do the same.
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On January 12 2014 04:51 Jan1997 wrote:
My only advice to you is this. Do whatever you want to do. It's your life and you can do whatever you want. If games are what you want to do then go do that. Don't care about people who say that you must do this or must do that. If you want an education then go get that phd or whatever u want. Or excercise if you want to do that. The point is that if you like the way your life is going then keep living and keep doing what you do. I play alot of games myself and i have no problems what so ever. I get good grades in school excersise in the spring and summer and i generally just do what i want to do. And i think you should do the same.
Lol always fun to see kids who haven't escaped the education bubble yet talking about doing what you want because your grades are good. You have so, so much to learn about life.
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On January 12 2014 05:16 SongByungWewt wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2014 04:51 Jan1997 wrote:
My only advice to you is this. Do whatever you want to do. It's your life and you can do whatever you want. If games are what you want to do then go do that. Don't care about people who say that you must do this or must do that. If you want an education then go get that phd or whatever u want. Or excercise if you want to do that. The point is that if you like the way your life is going then keep living and keep doing what you do. I play alot of games myself and i have no problems what so ever. I get good grades in school excersise in the spring and summer and i generally just do what i want to do. And i think you should do the same. Lol always fun to see kids who haven't escaped the education bubble yet talking about doing what you want because your grades are good. You have so, so much to learn about life.
So basicly what you're saying is that he can't do what he want just because he's an adult? Thats BS though honestly. And btw i don't understand what you meant with "Education bubble" if you thought all i've been doing in in life is school then i might aswell say that i've tried to work aswell and i find work easier than school funnily enough.
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I was able to quit gaming for long periods of time with no problems, but only because I had other things occupy my time. During breaks, I sometimes revert back to my old self and it reminds me of the OP. I find myself playing these games not because I enjoy them fully, but because I am so bored sometimes, and games get you in that state of flow where time is non existent.
I'm still on that quest to occupy the void that is left after quitting gaming, which is all I knew how to do for many years. I would suggest for OP to be on that same quest
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On January 12 2014 05:32 Jan1997 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2014 05:16 SongByungWewt wrote:On January 12 2014 04:51 Jan1997 wrote:
My only advice to you is this. Do whatever you want to do. It's your life and you can do whatever you want. If games are what you want to do then go do that. Don't care about people who say that you must do this or must do that. If you want an education then go get that phd or whatever u want. Or excercise if you want to do that. The point is that if you like the way your life is going then keep living and keep doing what you do. I play alot of games myself and i have no problems what so ever. I get good grades in school excersise in the spring and summer and i generally just do what i want to do. And i think you should do the same. Lol always fun to see kids who haven't escaped the education bubble yet talking about doing what you want because your grades are good. You have so, so much to learn about life. So basicly what you're saying is that he can't do what he want just because he's an adult? Thats BS though honestly. And btw i don't understand what you meant with "Education bubble" if you thought all i've been doing in in life is school then i might aswell say that i've tried to work aswell and i find work easier than school funnily enough.
If school is harder and more fulfilling to you than work you weren't doing the right kind of work.
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i think it's important for everyone to have (at least) one important hobby that is unrelated to gaming or computer or TV.
it helps keep perspective.
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When I was your age I spent a similair amount of time being unproductive every day (watching tv, playing games, getting drunk etc.), I just didn't live with my parents anymore. Nowadays I don't do that shit anymore and spend my time far more productively.
The point is that you seem to be aware that gaming isn't the only thing for you in life. You just need to grow up a bit more. For people like you and me the 'lazy bum teen years' just last a bit longer. Eventually you'll come across something that you really enjoy doing and you'll change into that inspired succesful young adult you want to be.
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your hobby is impacting your life negatively. yes it is a problem
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EPT
