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If I Had A Girlfriend

Blogs > NeuroticPsychosis
Post a Reply
NeuroticPsychosis
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States322 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-10-04 04:26:36
October 04 2013 04:10 GMT
#1
Some people who don't know me very well might think I'm like this guy

[image loading]

When in reality nothing could be further from the truth.

If I had a girlfriend...

I would drive my dad's old Chevy convertible and she would touch the stick every once in a while to shift from park to drive and vice versa

I would make her hide inside my birthday cake and tell her not to get out of there until all my friends were ready

I would take her on the most romantic camping trip, where one of us would probably contract diarrhea and the other one would get shingles (just kidding she would get them both)

I would never put down the toilet seat because she's the woman and its her responsibility to put the toilet seat up after she's done

I would tell her to wear a head scarf on Halloween because dressing up as a radical is fun

I would have her shave my beard once every month because I can't be bothered to touch my own facial hair

I would unhook her bra with one hand and play Starcraft with the other

I would make her hold her own door and make her pay the bill because feminists want equality

I would tell her she looks ugly without makeup and that dress does make her look fat because that's what she wants to hear deep down even though she might get upset or even mad at first


THATs right im this guy
[image loading]

MuahaAhahAHAHAHA
disclaimer: no i am not in high school

*
intricate, elaborate, articulate, crystallize, conceptualize, synthesize
jrkirby
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States1510 Posts
October 04 2013 04:24 GMT
#2
There appears to be a reason why there's still that "if".
Wrongspeedy
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States1655 Posts
October 04 2013 04:52 GMT
#3
I was gonna say

"If I had a girlfriend" This blog wouldn't exist.

But nope Jrkirby hit the nail on the head.
It is better to be a human dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied.- John Stuart Mill
FiWiFaKi
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
Canada9858 Posts
October 04 2013 04:57 GMT
#4
On October 04 2013 13:24 jrkirby wrote:
There appears to be a reason why there's still that "if".


You guys make it seem like having a girlfriend makes you successful, lol.
In life, the journey is more satisfying than the destination. || .::Entrepreneurship::. Living a few years of your life like most people won't, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can't || Mechanical Engineering & Economics Major
jrkirby
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States1510 Posts
October 04 2013 05:01 GMT
#5
On October 04 2013 13:57 FiWiFaKi wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 04 2013 13:24 jrkirby wrote:
There appears to be a reason why there's still that "if".


You guys make it seem like having a girlfriend makes you successful, lol.


Not really. But OP seems to have some shit about his personality he needs to fix before he should be trying to get a girlfriend.
sob3k
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States7572 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-10-04 05:11:34
October 04 2013 05:08 GMT
#6
This is a fucking hilarious blog. OP gonna be a lonely fucker, enjoy your fantasy of being a badass.

also

I would unhook her bra with one hand and play Starcraft with the other


So actually looks like you are that guy.
In Hungry Hungry Hippos there are no such constraints—one can constantly attempt to collect marbles with one’s hippo, limited only by one’s hippo-levering capabilities.
CecilSunkure
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States2829 Posts
October 04 2013 05:19 GMT
#7
On October 04 2013 13:10 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
disclaimer: no i am not in high school

Well dang you knocked my only read I had on you
beesinyoface
Profile Joined May 2012
2450 Posts
October 04 2013 05:45 GMT
#8
*tips fedora*
aaaaa
Jerubaal
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States7684 Posts
October 04 2013 05:45 GMT
#9
Plot Twist: He's in middle school.
I'm not stupid, a marauder just shot my brain.
CecilSunkure
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States2829 Posts
October 04 2013 05:57 GMT
#10
On October 04 2013 14:45 beesinyoface wrote:
*tips fedora*

HAHA brilliant 500th post
Talin
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Montenegro10532 Posts
October 04 2013 08:37 GMT
#11
On October 04 2013 14:45 Jerubaal wrote:
Plot Twist: He's in middle school.


Plot Twist: not all blog posts are meant to be serious, or true.
ThunderGod
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
New Zealand897 Posts
October 04 2013 08:50 GMT
#12
Is that Robin Thicke? I don't get it...
"Certain forms of popular music nowadays, namely rap and hip hop styles, are just irritating gangsters bragging about their illegal exploits and short-sighted lifestyles." - Shiverfish ~2009
ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
October 04 2013 09:15 GMT
#13
On October 04 2013 13:10 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:

I would drive my dad's old Chevy convertible and she would touch the stick every once in a while


That's what she said.
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
FFW_Rude
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
France10201 Posts
October 04 2013 12:41 GMT
#14
Plot twist. Op's a woman !
#1 KT Rolster fanboy. KT BEST KT ! Hail to KT playoffs Zergs ! Unofficial french translator for SlayerS_`Boxer` biography "Crazy as me".
Myrtroll
Profile Joined December 2010
139 Posts
October 04 2013 17:48 GMT
#15
I think you should look for a boyfriend instead tbh.
AlexJen
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States37 Posts
October 04 2013 20:36 GMT
#16
On October 04 2013 21:41 FFW_Rude wrote:
Plot twist. Op's a woman !

whoa calm down there
"All men are created equal some work hard in preseason"
mizU
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States12125 Posts
October 07 2013 20:26 GMT
#17
you should check out the pua community
if happy ever afters did exist <3 @watamizu_
EJK
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States1302 Posts
October 07 2013 20:45 GMT
#18
are you trying to be a badass or a douche? i'm a bit confused by the feelings behind this blog
Sc2 Terran Coach, top 16GM NA - interested in coaching? Message me on teamliquid!
[KGS]Slacker
Profile Joined November 2009
Denmark82 Posts
October 08 2013 19:39 GMT
#19
On October 04 2013 14:19 CecilSunkure wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 04 2013 13:10 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
disclaimer: no i am not in high school

Well dang you knocked my only read I had on you


He probably just dropped out
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