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I never imagined the number of responses to me quitting StarCraft. I'm only writing this explanation/blog to the people that followed and supported me; the late night viewers that stopped by for my sporadic streaming sessions, the handful of regulars in my stream chat that I came to know and mod, the fans that cheered me on during my important matches, my students that I coached as well as my former team and managers. It was abrupt and unfortunate that I finally came to this decision to stop playing competitive StarCraft. I don't want to make it a big deal of anything or for people to use my story as a vehicle to push their WCS region locking agenda on Ala Trayvon Martin (oh shit, too soon?  ). I just want to share my story and to give some insight for those who are interested in listening. Please don't mind if I do ramble onto some tangents. I'm pretty sure it's bound to happen. It's been roughly 7 months or so since I wrote my last blog which you can find here. I promised a part two for that a long time ago but never went through with my word so I'll try to keep it with this one. I'll start from the beginning because hopefully it will explain why I was here in the first place and why I decided to pursue playing StarCraft.
It was a dream I had that stemmed all the way back to 2003. I fell in love with Brood War when some students in my English class started to play some team games and UMS maps. I remembered my brother had already bought the game a few years back when it first came out and we attempted to play the campaign but eventually failed. I dug around our old computer desk and found the dusty, tattered disc. I quickly installed it and chose my first id: Cr8ZyENGtchr. This was due to me thinking it would be a hilarious joke with my classmates since we did happen to have a senile and eccentric English teacher by the name of Mrs. Baxter. But anyways. I digress! We began to play some 3v3's, Dragonball Z RPG's, and Cat N' Mouse UMS maps together. I couldn't get enough of playing and I eventually started to play way more than I probably should have. They all eventually moved on together to play Counterstrike but I kept on playing. I eventually started to play 1v1 BGH games doing my infamous 1-base mutalisk rush into 2-hatch hydralisk. I was doing quite well in the public melee arena until I played this one individual that absolutely crushed my dreams. To this day, I still remember the exact build. It was a 1 gateway dragoon range rush into 3 more gates. The constant aggression and the control of moving back his weakened dragoons pummeled me into submission before I tapped GG. I was astonished about how powerful and refined this build was as I have never experienced anything quite like it before. In retrospect, it was somewhat comparable to a 1 base blink stalker all-in nowadays but you have to remember this was 2003! I pestered my opponent and he told me that he was a low-money map player that just wanted to play some BGH for shits and giggles. With my interest piqued, I eventually found out about the community chat channels “Motel” and “Clan X17” and from there I was hooked like a fiend on wacky dust. I began to devote all my waking hours to playing it even though there was no scene at all. Beginning in high school, I remember waking up at 5am for the sole purpose of squeezing in some practice time against the Koreans on U.S. West and iCCup before I went off to school and then playing right as I got home, skipping homework, until I passed out that night. Initially I never had any dreams of becoming a “progamer” or winning tournaments. To be honest, I found enjoyment just in the basic fundamentals of the game. I was most interested with nailing every supply depot, hitting my production cycles right on time, learning how to control my vultures properly and so forth. It was a weird, nerd fetish you could say. StarCraft to me was always about self-mastery. It was about improving day-by-day and finding satisfaction in just that. I always compare it to learning how to play a musical instrument; perfecting your technique (mechanics, for instance) and learning to play new songs and melodies (builds/strategies). The high skill ceiling and the ability to keep on improving is what drew me to the game. Though I did try my hand at other games such as Counterstrike and Half-Life, they never quite gave me the same satisfaction StarCraft did. Come to think of it, I don't even think I like videos games at all. It was just this one little RTS.
Initially, I did not compete at all but due to peer pressure and some coaxing, I began to participate in the yearly WCG qualifiers which was comparable to the modern day WCS NA in StarCraft II. Boy was I terrible! I was a complete nervous wreck and got completely stomped at my first local qualifier by Nyoken. I had no experience at LAN's and even forgot to disable mouse acceleration when I played. But the thrill of competing was contagious. It was no longer just about self-mastery anymore. I wanted to compete and perform at an international and Korean level now. My anticipation for next year's qualifier grew exponentially after this. All of my practice and mastering of the said craft throughout year all came down to this one annual competition and it was what we all looked forward to. The year after I improved my results and made it to regionals but then bombed out again to Nyoken in the first round; my arch nemesis with the killer TvT. The next year in 2006 I was now senior in high school and I had a luckier bracket you could say by not running into him again. I was able to advance further in the regionals that summer and won versus IdrA and won in the finals against the future WCG USA winner of that year, LastGosu. It was not the biggest achievement at all in retrospect when compared to the greater picture but to me it meant the world. After winning, I qualified for USA finals but that was a few months off into late October and though I had just came off from a personal high winning, I became burnt out and frustrated with StarCraft. This low happened to timed out right as I was beginning college. When classes started, I made a decision to stop playing all together; straight cold turkey. I saw this as a new opportunity to get the most out of these years. I was now able to make up for all the experiences that I missed out in high school such as having a social life, participating in extracurricular activities and exploring other hobbies and talents. I won't lie. It was fucking fun. But eventually time crept up on me, and the WCG USA finals was here. Completely out of shape, I installed Brood War back onto my hard-drive the night before my flight and jam-packed as many games as possible until 3am. I hailed a cab and left the dormitory that night to the airport for the finals. It normally didn't take me that long to get into shape back then but I performed as I should have and bombed out in the first round robin group that included SloG4 and Day[9]. Years later I stumbled upon Day[9] who mentioned me in his famous Daily #100. My ID smurf at the time was EchoOfDream (though I know he forgot and mentions me as EchoOfTerran). But anyways, I don't know why I expected different results from what happened but regardless I was emotionally distraught. After traveling back I decided to hang up my mouse and keyboard and never got to realize my true potential. At the moment, I didn't think too much of it and went on with my ways in university. But I'm torn on the decision when I reflect back. On one hand, I experienced so many different things that I probably couldn't have if I kept on with gaming but on the other I gave up a childhood dream of mine before the apex. It was a tough decision and I'm not sure if I should have done it differently if I could. Maybe I should have. Maybe I shouldn't.
A year or so into my studies, I heard from a friend that messaged me on facebook or AIM, I don't quite remember which, saying that IdrA was going to Korea to pursue professional gaming with a KESPA team. It came to me as a shock honestly. I'd lie and say that I wasn't a little bit envious. It was what my dream was after all; to compete at the highest level, to win tournaments, to travel and have fans cheer you on. But I gave up on it. I gave up on it because I never thought it was possible anymore to have that opportunity to go to Korea. I had it in my mind that it was something of the past with foreigners competing and winning OSL's in spacesuits and sunglasses. + Show Spoiler +I thought that it was never going to materialize into anything even if I tried my hardest. I coped with this by egging on myself to believe that I could have done that if I tried. I could have done that if I really put the time in. Who hasn't said these things to themselves at least once in their lifetimes? I hear it all the time from people on an almost weekly basis nowadays. 'I want to travel but I don't have the money.' 'I could have aced high school if I tried. It was easy but I didn't try.' 'I could have been so and so etc. etc.' Statements like these are quite silly to make when looking back. You were never going to achieve those goals because you never prioritized them enough in your life to make it a reality. It doesn't matter what you could have or should have done. It's about what you do. It's just meaningless excuses that people use to lull them into accepting their shortcomings and making themselves feel better. I found this comic awhile back. It's quite depressing but I think it's pertinent to what I felt when I made my following decision after I graduated.
I moved on with my years. It was a definite change to how I was back home in high school. At home, I had solidarity and only practiced StarCraft. It was who I was. In college, it was like I was trying to fill in the large gap that I left behind when I stopped playing except for the fact that no one hobby/activity filled it up so I had to compensate by doing many things. From participating in competitive ping pong, to joining the Boxing club, to DJ'ing, to tennis; I did it all! Probably too much. I basically became the jack of all trades. Good at everything but exceptional at nothing. Though I found lots of enjoyment from these hobbies, nothing was lasting and most faded with time.
+ Show Spoiler +
I studied Biology with a concentration in Pre-Medicine. It was the path to take if you wanted to become a doctor. I actually don't know exactly why I chose this degree to study. I think it was because I didn't find interest in most subjects but I was quite good at memorizing facts and numbers. This seemed the obvious choice for me then. I wasn't a 4.0 student though. I was a B student. College was just the train tracks for my directionless life. There was no clear goal for what I wanted to achieve. It was just a means to some end that I didn't know and personally probably didn't care all too much for at the time. Yup! Young and dumb. There's a reason people always say “chase your passion” and it's quite simple why. For the most of us slackers and procrastinators out there like I was and still am, it will simply be too hard or unrewarding for you to pursue anything if your heart isn't it. Finishing up my last semester, was quite possibly one of the most difficult things I've done. On paper, it was easy. The classes were nothing different from what I did the semester before or the semester before that. My motivation for school dropped down close to zilch. I didn't know what I wanted to do and had no goal to strive to. At the time, I was living with 4 other housemates and we all got into the poker craze. We invited friends and people over and became obsessed. The stakes gradually rose to 1$/2$ and things got a little out of control. My responsibility as a student was put on the back burner and I lost sight. Playing poker all night until noon and then passing out, I began to skip classes on a regular basis. It became habit and we did this at least 6 days out of the week. I was 'rowing down shits creek with paddles this deep!' as Eminem eloquently once put it. I don't blame poker though. It was all my fault. I had to retake all my classes from the last semester except for one of them. Trust me I thought I would have learned my lesson but I apparently I didn't. It started to dawn on me why I was lacking motivation, so I started to look down all the avenues when all of a sudden StarCraft II was released. This began to rekindle my interest again at a time when I had little to none. It brought back my aspirations of playing competitively again like when I was back in high school. A little over 4 years had passed since I had played my last game of StarCraft. But it was like wacky dust and I got hooked. The first day I bought the game I was able to get into the top 200 on the NA server. Not the biggest achievement, but damn was 1 rax reaper expand a strong strategy back then XD. I played all throughout my last semester and after I finished college I decided to go for it. I remember spending my time between classes laddering and hitting HuK on ladder. One day we played closed to 11 games maybe and I lost every single one of them. Expand into 4 gate pressure was near impossible to wrap my head around at the time. 1 rax expand into 4 rax... shouldn't I have enough to deal with this properly since I have the same amount of production facilities as him!? Ah, those were the days. Little did I know I needed 3+ bunkers but anyways, I have digressed once more. The excitement of a developing game.
I moved back to my parent's house after I finished up my last semester at college and became the stereotypical neck-beard hermitting it up in a dark man cave playing StarCraft. It was definitely not the ideal place to try and pursue gaming. My parents, my girlfriend, nor my siblings didn't understand what I was doing at the time. But I sure as hell don't blame them. Why the hell would I? It sounds quite ridiculous when you take a step back and analyze it. But it was just one of those things that you have to go for. The team I was on got absorbed into Quantic and I began traveling every few months or so to MLG. It did somewhat keep them off my back for a bit but that was only temporarily. The slow creep of impending student loans, the daily babysitting of my then 2 year old niece, and the need to constantly revise and send out my job resume to subdue the temper of my parents grinded away at me.
Divine intervention seemingly happened though. It was announced that Quantic was opening a team house and I had the opportunity to finally make a real shot at going full-time, attempting to achieve what all the North American gamers out there dreamt of. My blog here goes into depth my experience there so I won't repeat myself too much. In the beginning of that blog, I said it was a fresh start for me and it really was. There were of course some setbacks and troubles, but overall it was worth it. I grinded and grinded games like nobodies business, practicing on the KR server for 8 hrs daily. It was not the most efficient practice ever, but I felt like I was slowly improving. My mentality and attitude were also improving in the months prior but the dark times for Terran came in full force following the queen buff. Regardless of my views on balance, I ended up losing most of my confidence in my play, and in turn it showed in the tournaments that I attended. It was disappointing to me that I was not able to make any tangible result after staying in the house.
As you most likely already know, Quantic collapsed and so went the house. Everyone scrambled around in the daze of confusion figuring out their next team and their flights back home. Though I was figuring out my team options as well, I was in a different predicament. Moving back into my parent's house was never ever an option in my mind after I had first left. I was still hungry and still wanted to pursue gaming. I had to sort out all of my options though. I did get approached by Electronic Arts to work a temporary spot as a balance tester. I had visions of me rising through the ranks and becoming an infamous figurehead like David Kim. It was a neat opportunity that arose. Juggling between the thoughts of staying with one of the managers in southern California, moving back East near the girlfriend, and the taking the temporary EA spot in Los Angeles, it was a tough decision. After attempting multiple times to figure out more details from the EA contact, time ran out and I had to make a decision before Christmas as they needed to book my flight. I took everything into consideration and I decided to move back East near my girlfriend. I don't regret the decision one bit because I still did deep down wanted to compete instead of moving on. A delusional quality that I think is needed.
I arrived back on the east coast and it was quite the adventure from there. I stayed at my girlfriend's apartment right off of the UMD campus. She had just finished up graduate school and had to return back home in Virginia but the lease did not end until January 1st. Luckily I could stay there and I had approximately two and half weeks to figure out the game-plan. The internet was shut down the month prior so there was none of that inter-web shenanigans. My first blog I go into detail writing about the events that happened. Could you blame me? What else is there to do but read and write like it was the 17th century when the internet is out. I would have gave an arm and a leg to watch some candlelight for entertainment like they used to do.
I eventually moved into a room I rented from a Vietnamese family. They were the family of one of my girlfriend's old high school friend. At first it was awkward, as no one in the family could speak English except for their kid who was in junior high but eventually there was a mutual silent agreement that I was just the weird dude who lives upstairs that doesn't leave his man cave unless he needs to pee, poop, or eat. 7 months have passed and I still don't know their names except for the kid's pet hamster Yogurt. I didn't mind at all though. It was actually rather ideal for a gamer except for some issues with the internet but I won't complain about that here. The first month adjusting there was the roughest. I didn't have a bed nor any furniture and ended up sleeping on the floor until February. I super fucked up setting up my new PC because I was a complete computer illiterate imbecile. It worked for a week before it short-circuited due to my lack of thermal paste. A silly mistake indeed. Replacing the processor took awhile to replace say the least. In the meantime I played on my macbook to make ends meet. I resorted to the crack-slanging business of e-Sports: account boosting. Boosting somewhere in the vicinity of 7-8 accounts into NA grandmaster in one season, I perfected the art of 1 base and 2 base all ins! Not very honorable, but hey! I'm sorry for all-inning everyone making NA even cheesier. In retrospect, I should have just settled on a part time job as I stabilized but I somehow convinced myself that I had to devote my entire existence to this thing if I wanted to succeed. Probably another big mistake by me but it seemed to allow me to scrape by. When I finally replaced my processor though, I was able to stream and advertise myself through coaching. It was quite enjoyable to do so and I really did enjoy teaching people StarCraft. I met some super cool individuals through coaching. Due to my sporadic late night streams, I ended up teaching a good amount of Aussies. Though all my students have been incredibly easy to get along with the Aussies are probably some of the overall nicest people I've met to date. I plan to travel there eventually.
In the end, all was not doom and gloom. I enjoyed many unique experiences and opportunities few individuals can say they have had. I was fortunate in many ways and I learned some life lessons that I don't think I ever would have learned the true value of if I wasn't put out on my own. Sometimes a kick to the balls from life can bring something positive. The first and most important thing I learned and trust me I learned this very quickly: No one owes you anything. It's the sad, stone-cold truth. No one. Not my parents, my girlfriend, my teammates, MLG or Blizzard. I, of course like many others out there, had some sense of entitlement. I'm not sure I can even count how many times I fantasized about some random person just handing me a blank check or a stack of sweaty cold-hard cash. Maybe even the possibility of getting a lucky donation discretely left in my Paypal crossed my mind a few times. There are extremely fortunate circumstances that can happen sometimes such as when I was helped out with getting a new computer, but these should never be demanded or expected. In the past, I felt entitled to certain things; whether that be money, player interviews, matches shown on the main stage, etc. It was a paradigm shift for me when I finally realized that if opportunity doesn't knock, you have to build yourself a door. Instead of expecting a salary, practice and try to attain results making you worthy enough. Instead of complaining about not getting those interviews which give you much needed exposure, make your own damn content in the form of replay packs, tutorials, blogs, etc. Everyone has a story right? If no one wants to narrate it for you, the responsibility is on you to do so. Instead of bitching and moaning of not getting a broad-casted main stage match, wear a banana suit on your stream or become so damn good that they have no option but to show your match. The list goes on but it was important that I got it through my head from the start when I first moved out on my own. A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it's own wings. Corny. I know. :D
I should wrap this up and shut up now. I could talk all night. It was a fun ride. I don't even know where I was going with this entire thing so I will just bullet list the rest. I'll answer some of the questions everyone has been asking since I announced quitting SCII.
Why did I never move into the ROOT house? There were a variety of reasons as to why I chose not to. Most importantly it was the fact that the house was essentially opened by charity money. It was too much of a risk for me to move out west again like I did with Quantic. I did not want to end up in the same predicament I did at the beginning of this year again. I ABSOLUTELY hope that it is able to become sustainable in the long run. It was just a risk I could not take; breaking my lease and having no where to relocate my belongings. Again, I hope it works out great for the ROOT guys. They are all amazing and friendly and I loved every moment that I was with the team.
Why am I quitting SCII? The are many reasons that are pointing me in this direction. It wasn't one single factor that influenced my decision. One was the lack of consistent NA tournaments (it doesn't even matter if it's region locked or not). There's just too few opportunities to make a name for yourself. I'm not blaming anyone. It's just unfortunate circumstances. Goswser was a smart man to move to Europe. The main point if I had to choose one was that the benefits of chasing other pursuits outweigh how I am currently living. Over-drafting to make ends meet is not something I want to deal with every month as I get older. Balancing practice with supporting yourself is a thin and risky line. Practice too much and you don't have enough money to survive. Practice too few and you can't compete. Unfortunately I could not stream consistently enough to keep afloat. It's just about personal sustainability. I still love the game down to my damn bones and it's not about the current balance or that hellbats got nerfed. I still enjoy it like when I first began down to its simplest form; building supply depots, hitting production cycles, microing, etc. I will not compete nor try to become a personality for the time being, but I will still play on occasion at a very, very casual level and most likely in anonymity. It will just be on the back burner for a hobby as I gather the pieces back together. I will still continue to coach for the next few months until I am back up on my feet.
I've probably contradicted myself several times while writing this blog/explanation and trust me I know...and rightfully so. We're humans after all and I would be lying if I said that this wasn't a difficult and tough decision to make.
+ Show Spoiler +
Cheers!
theognis
 
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[edited] sorry mistake
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Good read, and an interesting story. I would agree with you when you say goswser is a smart man when he went to Europe though, so many more tournaments/opportunities to succeed there!
Good luck in life.
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Will be missed, It's really sad to see how much opportunity in Sc2 is squandered by bad decisions on both a developer and content producer level. With Starcraft being the only real single player esport around right now and the slow painful death of the NA scene a lot of us are just standing around not knowing how to react. I feel like a push to popularize esports lately has lead to a complete and utter over saturation of everything and people are becoming extremely fatigued by it leading to a general malaise for anything that isn't the most prestigious competition.
I don't know what the solution is but I can feel Sc2 creaking under the pressure everyday I try to involve myself in it and frankly unless there is some drastic infrastructure and development changes I feel like the middle is going to collapse and leave nothing but a ceiling full of koreans standing.
Europe still has a decent scene but it is so esoteric(no pun intended) to the other regions.
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Really nice blog man, good read. It was good meeting you through starcraft. I remember I used to be one of your 10 viewers early on back when you were in the quantic house, I'd watch every day learning and wondering why more people didn't take notice to how good of a player you really were. I think I was the one who actually convinced you to start streaming more in the first place ^_^. I really appreciate you taking so much time out of your day to answer so many of my silly questions about starcraft, and analyzing replays that i had for free. You're pretty much the reason why i became somewhat decent at sc2 : ) Party hard, theo.
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Great to hear an actual note from you instead of ragequit tweets.
Good luck in the future. It's amazing that you even had all these opportunities to meet all the amazing people in Starcraft.
And a good photo to end with. ^^
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Great read Theo. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do next. Now I need to find a new late-night stream to follow !
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although I haven't watched a lot of your games, good luck to you.
thanks for the write up, really means a lot to people like me
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I think it was around the time Quantic disbanded that I started to watch Theo and kind of followed him ever since then and after watching his play and his stream I became a real big fan. I remember when he got picked up onto ROOT how happy I was that he found a team so he could stay competitive with some support. I guess everything must come to an end.
Thanks for posting this was a real nice read. Good luck with your future Theo!
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Katowice25012 Posts
This is a good read and I'm sad to see you go because you have the right mindset that many lack. Your passion and love shine through in your writing and I hope the journey at least brought some satisfaction in having gone down that road.
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theo ♥ wish you best of luck in whatever you do!
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Very entertaining read. I'll remember you as a very friendly and positive NA player --- just from our brief interactions online and watching your stream occasionally. Best of luck in whatever you end up doing!
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I love these stories because we are all gamers here and your story is that of a gamer. Nothing but respect for you, without people like you busting their ass for the past decade the scene would be nowhere near where it is today. Cheers mate and I wish you the best of luck in whatever life has in store for you.
Also, I am pretty sure you stomped my ass in small online tourny a couple years ago. Only reason I remember was because the guy that I beat the round before said you went to MLG and I was like ":O I'm fucked".
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Dont know many people I have known in the sc scene longer than you good sir. You started from some humble beginnings and now you really are making a great name for yourself. Pretty sure Drake wrote started from the bottom as a tribute. The transition from x17 freestyle champion to top 5 usa has been a long arduous process but I don't know anyone else who deserves it more than you man. You are a great player and a good person. I wish you nothing but the best in anything you touch bro.
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Well, you're definitely a fantastic writer. Best of luck to you in the future, I hope that you can quickly find a position that both sustains you and satisfies your spirit. 
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that balancing act of surviving vs practicing is a hard one and gets the best of me at times as well. It leads to some very difficult decisions that arent easy to make.
Best of luck to you theognis. I look forward to our random casual meetings on ladder =D
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GL in the future, I hope you finally give your tracks a direction.
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Good luck in whatever you do man!
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sad to see especially you gone
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I am happy, and proud that you were able to make such a hard decision as you did, when you did. It is hard to stop your dream so you can live your life. I only hope you can come back to it again, and soon.
This in no way means you are off the hook for giving me lessons. I will always need a coach
Brad/Niteshade
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I kinda teared abit reading that whole thing. GL THEOGNIS IN THE FUTURE.
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GL Mike, you really made an impact on my gaming career back several years ago when you patiently teaching me how to play terran @ BW. and sorry for switching protoss when you gone inactive ^_^. You got me on DoA. eventho I am a big big noob haha. But seriously I wish you the best of luck in everything you do in the future and thanks for everything.
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It makes me so sad to see you go  Best of luck to future.
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Sad to see you go,but I wish you all the best in your future.Kick some ass
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Good luck in the future TheOgnis! I've always gotten a good impression of you whether it be as a guest on talk shows or as a programer. I hope you find something that you can be as passionate about as SC2
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That was an especially great blog. Really enjoyed reading it. There were two parts which really resonated with me -
It was a paradigm shift for me when I finally realized that if opportunity doesn't knock, you have to build yourself a door. Instead of expecting a salary, practice and try to attain results making you worthy enough. Instead of complaining about not getting those interviews which give you much needed exposure, make your own damn content in the form of replay packs, tutorials, blogs, etc. Everyone has a story right? If no one wants to narrate it for you, the responsibility is on you to do so. Instead of bitching and moaning of not getting a broad-casted main stage match, wear a banana suit on your stream or become so damn good that they have no option but to show your match.
This is something I find myself preaching regularly, however nowhere near as articulate. In the ~14 years I've been in competitive gaming, I've never seen self-entitlement at such a concerning peak. People are really pushing it beyond acceptable levels, and you truly hit the nail on the head.
The other paragraph that hit me was this one:
One was the lack of consistent NA tournaments (it doesn't even matter if it's region locked or not. There's just too few opportunities to make a name for yourself). I'm not blaming anyone. It's just unfortunate circumstances.
It's heartbreaking to see this from an American resident. This is something we've suffered from in Australia for over a decade. Last year I traveled with the team to MLG and it was the most mindblowing experience of my life. We have nothing that compares. We have 3 small LAN's per year with like $1,000 prize money and a few dozen players. Without ACL, we'd be dead in the water and the whole scene here would evaporate, just like it did in BW and WC3.
It hurts us even more when we strive to be included with the rest of the world/community, but we're often disregarded and mocked simply because of our geographic location. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we know how you feel. And if this syndrome is hitting you guys, I'm genuinely concerned. (And I honestly don't feel like WCS is the culprit. Without WCS, you'd just have one less event to participate in!) It may not be perfect, but the grass is still fairly green over there.
Anywho, thanks again for the great blog, and best of luck with your future.
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very wise words... This was so bittersweet to read... I wish you the best of luck!
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Glad you went into detail about it, it just seemed sudden but you gave very good reasons. I hope that you may stream again from time to time and perhaps go on some shows like meta in the future. Thank you for what you have contributed to Starcraft and I wish you luck in everything you wish to pursue.
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"7 months have passed and I still don't know their names except for the kid's pet hamster Yogurt"
hahaha oh i fucking love you
what an awesome read. even tho we were apart of x17 together i felt like i never got to know you that well until you joined root, but once i did i gained alot of respect for you. youve always put in the work and never bitched about anything.. i knew how hard your life was in general but you never said anything about it and just kept grinding, thats the sign of a really strong person and for that youve gained my respect/admiration for life. i always considered myself as being extremely spoiled whenever i compared myself to you. regardless of what happens in your life i hope that you'll always be happy knowing that your a great human being, anyone who gets to know you should feel lucky~
i wont say goodbye because im hoping that you'll find a job in the industry, if anyone deserves it its you
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Bearded Elder29903 Posts
X17... yeah, good old times, lol :D
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good luck with everything theognis
you will be missed
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Good luck sir. Glad you took the time to write some much. More people need to talk about the issues in NA and the lack of events for NA players to compete in, region locked or otherwise.
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Amazing post, amazing understanding of life. Props to you and hope you have good luck in the future!
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Nice read, good luck with everything.
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By a starcrafter for a starcrafter. Damn, i had an infamous one basemuta too.Thanks for sharing your story. Funny how your world revolved around it for so long.
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I remember seeing you at Anaheim a month ago. There was such an aura of "this guy will fuck shit up" you were playing so well. Your paragraph about being entitled is also extremely good. It sucks that SC2 was not substainable for you because you seem to have the right mindset and attitude. Good luck in your future <3
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C'est la vie. You're a survivor, Theo. And just like you got through all those confusing, difficult times in high school and college, you'll find your way. And for you, it will be bigger and better than StarCraft ever was.
My only request/hope is that if and when you do find yourself playing SC2 again, it's not quite so anonymous. I can't tell you the levels of excitement that would come over me if, on a rare day in the next months...years..., I saw your stream on my followers tab in twitch.tv
All the love Theo!
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I guess the announcement seemed a bit like a rage quit but I applaud your decision, people seem to think that everything is hunky-dory when most players barely scrape by. I hope you find something with more future soon.
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Your mindset is an inspiration
Gl in your future.
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We'll miss you mate, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Takes a man to mark these kind of hard decisions.
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Really nice blog, especially what you wrote about entitlement. GL in the future!
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honestly best blog I have ever read,
I can connect with this a lot and I never really made it to your level.
JP missed a good interview. lol <3
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It was pretty cool to watch you progress Theo by taking note of your skills, watching your bracket runs and even predicting some upsets over strong players. The section about a lack of tournaments to build your name resonates with myself. When the local scene died over here my passion fell sharply going into HOTS. It removed my foundation and everything just collapsed.
I wish you good luck on whatever the future holds for you Theo!
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pretty good blog I'd say.
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I remember your first sc2 stream, was like 180p and probably still lagged. I think your tvp strat was like tanks and hellions. I was glad to hear you were giving sc2 progaming a shot. after seeing your progress in bw, it wasn't a surprise to me that you were doing well in sc2. it'll suck not to see your wcs games, and stream whenever I can catch it. Im sure things will go badass for you, and stay in touch!
btw, where's the TS part in your blog? surely cuteguy made an impact on you
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Great read, sad to see someone so talented go. Loved listening to you on Meta. Best of luck in everything you do!
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Good luck on what ever you do. You will be missed.
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I wish you luck theo, I will miss you! I have known you for so long.. maybe 2005? or for sure 2006 wcg.. Old school. I know you will be alright in life, I will just miss a great terran and an overall great guy in our scene. Good luck sir you will be missed <3
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What a read, thanks for sharing your story Theo! I'm sad it didn't work out for you, but with your mindset I'm sure you'll have a good life ahead of you .
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I enjoyed playing ladder games against you. I haven't played in a long time but your name definitely sticks out from when I did actively play.
May your new pursuits bring you maintainable happiness and I hope that you can become comfortable financially in the next few years.
Cheers
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The saddest part about Theo retiring is that the SC2 community loses someone who genuinely loves the game and has a great mindset. GL in the future Theo and I hope that you leave a good positivie lasting influence on this community. SC2 would be a lot better if more people had your passion and attitude.
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nice read. really sad that youre not playing anymore. good luck with your future endeavors
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I think this is the best. Playing SC2 for fun without pressuring yourself is a lot of fun.:D
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Good read. Always enjoyed your play and listening to you talk about the game on different shows. GL in your new life.
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Going to miss you man, had great times playing you on ladder and watching you in tournaments! Good luck with everything!
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Great read, good luck with whatever you do in the future !
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account boosting? what's the point if you can't play once you get the account back, you get the GM icon and that's it? People these days...
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The first and most important thing I learned and trust me I learned this very quickly: No one owes you anything. It's the sad, stone-cold truth.
It's good that you understand this, it's something most others seem to lack.
I don't really know who you are as I mostly watch Korean games and finals, but judging by this writeup you are a good lad, good luck in life
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Is a "Kappa" in a blog a warnable offense since the TL policy change or does that just apply to the non-blog sections of the forum?
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when you wrote: "I've probably contradicted myself several times" I had to smile because I felt that way so many times in my life.
It's like saying I hate Starcraft then ending up playing till 4 in the morning the following day.
I wish you all the best. Keep your mind open, you'll find a new mission in life soon.
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T.O.P
469 Posts
gl hf hope you will still be on meta!
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Ognis, thank you for sharing your experience with us. I hope you fine happiness and succeed on whatever you set on doing. Your passion for the game and self-awareness really grounds me and inspires me. Thank you again Ognis, kick some ass.
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Interesting read. Should try and focus on yourself and not be in the position to be let down.
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On August 02 2013 23:46 lovelyrose wrote:I remember your first sc2 stream, was like 180p and probably still lagged. I think your tvp strat was like tanks and hellions. I was glad to hear you were giving sc2 progaming a shot. after seeing your progress in bw, it wasn't a surprise to me that you were doing well in sc2. it'll suck not to see your wcs games, and stream whenever I can catch it. Im sure things will go badass for you, and stay in touch! btw, where's the TS part in your blog? surely cuteguy made an impact on you
herman made an impact on us all
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I would not play at all if I was you, not even anonymously
Best of luck theo
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There's a lot to learn from reading that.
Best of luck in future endeavors.
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Gl in the future! You've done a lot for the NA sc2 scene
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GG wp Theo, glad to have joined you for the ride
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Thanks for the open-hearted write up.
I've only learned of you recently, thru Meta and WCS AM.
I enjoyed the read because I can relate to many things you have gone through. I don't plan on getting a tattoo, but if I did, it would be text of the part about the bird and her wings. It's beautiful.
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gl hf; gg..
you were my favorite upcoming NA Terran; better than most of the other guys on Root imo...
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I hope you still stream your casual play sometimes -- would be sad to see you disappear entirely!
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Great blog. I really liked that picture of you at MLG. I got a chance to chat with you there, which in a lot of ways was the highlight of my weekend. You were by far the most approachable progamer for me. I hope you will get the opportunity to do esports again in the future, it sounds like you still have the itch! Best of luck to you though no matter what you do. Keep posting on TL so we know what you are up to and that you are doing well . Good luck!
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THEOGNIS, JATOPLESUS, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN OUR HEARTS, GIVE IT LIKE 1-2 MONTHS AND YOU WILL BE BACK. LOL .... YOU CAN TAKE THEO OUT OF STARCRAFT BUT YOU CANT TAKE THE STARCRAFT OUT OF THEO!
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
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Good luck in whatever you pursue next, you seem like a smart and nice guy so I'm sure you will find success.
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I feel like you left at a very inopportune time. You were gaining alot of popularity, especially since you were on artosis's new show and I and many others were becoming a fan. It's sad to see you go but good luck in your future pursuits!
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
On August 03 2013 00:25 sumsaR wrote:
Is a "Kappa" in a blog a warnable offense since the TL policy change or does that just apply to the non-blog sections of the forum?
There is a two-ish week grace period outside of LR threads.
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Incredible, thank you so much for writing this. You were always a player that stood out to me (and always will be a person that stands out to me) because the life you've lived is so similar to my own.
Your attitude and mindset is truly inspiring. At the core of your desire to play is a simple need to master, to improve yourself. When everything else is stripped away, you and I keep returning to the fundamentals! I can see it in your play, I can see it in the way you speak.
And that is something that transcends videogames. That mindset will get you ANYWHERE in life. I know you will succeed no matter the way you sail.
And I would also hope that the one little meme he used would be ignored due to his standing and the fact that this is his goodbye >.>.
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fucking made me shed a manly tear theognis..loved watching your stream even though I was a protoss player. Always ROOTed for you whenever I saw you in tourneys and such. Everyone always comes back, I know you will eventually!!
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Afraid to sound corny, but this blog moved me. I understand your decision, but I hope maybe that once your life becomes stable or whatever, you might choose to pursue your dreams again. Cause I believe that is what life is all about.
Best of luck!
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I remember back in X17, you said you were gonna quit Broodwar to go pro in SC2, and I was like "Yeah right, everyone is saying that." but then you actually did it. YOU WERE ONE OF THE FEW WHO MADE IT...
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5/5 just for the trayvon martin comment.
good luck in your endeavors mate.
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GG, enjoyed your play. Best of luck in the future!
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Canada16217 Posts
Good luck in the future! Thanks for the blog
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gl dude... are you party of asian descent?
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You had a huge hand in getting hellbats nerfed. Whinned and whined about losing to them in TvT in SOTG and meta with your buddy Demu.
You damaged the terran race and now are taking off. No good wishes from me.
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On August 03 2013 09:13 DaveVAH wrote:
You had a huge hand in getting hellbats nerfed. Whinned and whined about losing to them in TvT in SOTG and meta with your buddy Demu.
You damaged the terran race and now are taking off. No good wishes from me.
? I'm pretty sure that I always said that it rewarded the multitasking player in the last few episodes I did. I was one of the biggest mechers out there before, during and after the patch.
Thanks for the support guys!
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This was really interesting. Thanks for the story bro!
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I can relate to everything you're saying, I feel like I'm in a similar predicament. Point is, I'm beginning to realize all the philosophies you've summarized in your travels, and I really appreciate your courage, independence and decisions. I wish you good luck in your future! Please let us know what happened when it all settles, so we can have a success story to look up to
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On August 03 2013 09:13 DaveVAH wrote:
You had a huge hand in getting hellbats nerfed. Whinned and whined about losing to them in TvT in SOTG and meta with your buddy Demu.
You damaged the terran race and now are taking off. No good wishes from me.
Serious? You know a unit is broken when it forces a matchup into a single unit composition/strategy. Hellbats were broken as fuck in TvT, would you like hellbats to evolve into the shitfest that was WoL broodlord/infestor? Not saying they nerfed it in the right way (completely broke it for TvP) but a nerf was definitely needed. Bashing this man for saying what everyone was thinking in a thread that has nothing to do with balance really only makes you look like a cunt.
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Your story was enlightening, I found myself relating to it more than I expected to. It is a pity that the NA scene lacks the infrastructure to consistently support the entirety of its professional players. And some potential up and coming players never even get the opportunity to enter the scene in the first place.
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5/5 . would read it again even if it breaks my heart ..
maybe blizzard will read this and make go4sc NA .
how kick ass would be to have a go4sc100$ daily that is region locked for america ?
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I only heard of you in SC2 rather than BW, but you you always came across as a smart and decent guy and I ended up cheering you on. Its a shame you have to move on, but you will be remembered and respected (by the pros as well as noobs like myself).
Best of luck dude, I hope you get all you are aiming for. I kinda think you don't need the luck though :D
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Theo you are a boss! Was a good read and hope all works out for you (I'm sure it will). Was a pleasure working with you during my short time managing :D
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I read this blog and it makes me wonder what the hell am i doing with my life.
I just finished my undergraduate and i feel exactly as he described, tracks for a directionless life
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Good luck in the future Theognis!
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On August 03 2013 11:43 Brandish wrote:
I read this blog and it makes me wonder what the hell am i doing with my life.
I just finished my undergraduate and i feel exactly as he described, tracks for a directionless life
Sadly it's not unique to us. It's the majority for the most part and the reason why many, many people out there are unhappy with their job/career. 
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On August 03 2013 12:16 ROOTheognis wrote:Show nested quote +On August 03 2013 11:43 Brandish wrote:
I read this blog and it makes me wonder what the hell am i doing with my life.
I just finished my undergraduate and i feel exactly as he described, tracks for a directionless life Sadly it's not unique to us. It's the majority of us for the most part and why many, many out there are unhappy with their job.
Life's shit. There is no magic secret to a happy life, you just have to accept it. That's the lesson I learned.
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Good read and good luck !
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Good luck in the future Theognis! Great blog, hope to see you around in the esports (and local!) community from time to time.
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I remember playing with you in x17 thinking how much raw talent you have. That was probably around the time you went to college, since I heard you talking about quitting and how socializing owns nerd life. I doubt there were people that could have convinced you to keep playing at the time, even though you made it sound as if you weren't sure. I sure did try for a couple of days, lol. You were one of the rare people that combined inherent niceness with e-swag and being good. You are a rare breed and you should be proud of yourself.
The way you described playing bw is how I felt as well, minus the competitive part (I was your regular B- at the time and was getting destroyed by you basically toying around). As soon as I found out you were trying sc2 I proclaimed you would crush the scene on pure skill.
People that dedicated years to bw do often feel empty and aimless outside of it. You have a way with words and describe it beautifully. There were no incentives outside of improving back then, maybe that's why every decent old bw player is a character.
Keep us posted at least, I do wanna know what happens with you.
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gl d00d, great blog, hope u hop out of the nerd cave for local sht, etc etc <3
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Wow theognis
Thanks a lot for taking the time to share your story. I am not any of the categories for whom you said you were writing this blog, but I enjoyed it a lot. Pursuing your dreams, knowing when to stop, and why, having courage, feeling entitled are all things that are worth discussing, and extremely important !
Thank you for that blog entry, it was very interesting to me
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Korea (South)11570 Posts
I always enjoyed your play, and the first time we met in WCG 2005 (at springfield mall, and then east coast finals in rockville? rockbridge?) was awesome. I think everyone goes through this phase, where they realize that gaming just isn't what we made it out to be. It's fun, competitive, and many awesome people are involved in the scene, but we put in so much work for so little return (with the exception of a select few).
Even though I pretty much quit gaming, every once in a while I go to a PC Bang and load up BW for nostalgia. Gaming to me has become something that I once again can enjoy, but don't feel the "need" to prove myself anymore. It's now a fun past-time. I hope one day we can meet again in the future!
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Micheal is was awesome getting to see you back in Orlando a few years ago and catching up on old times in Bw during my NooKS era. I wish you only the best and as always I'm down to Facebook chat anytime with you. Keep in touch
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On August 03 2013 12:16 ROOTheognis wrote:Show nested quote +On August 03 2013 11:43 Brandish wrote:
I read this blog and it makes me wonder what the hell am i doing with my life.
I just finished my undergraduate and i feel exactly as he described, tracks for a directionless life Sadly it's not unique to us. It's the majority for the most part and the reason why many, many people out there are unhappy with their job/career.
Yep, it is a feeling that is hitting many millenial's hard. This section from your blog is also spot on:
I studied Biology with a concentration in Pre-Medicine. It was the path to take if you wanted to become a doctor. I actually don't know exactly why I chose this degree to study. I think it was because I didn't find interest in most subjects but I was quite good at memorizing facts and numbers. This seemed the obvious choice for me then. I wasn't a 4.0 student though. I was a B student. College was just the train tracks for my directionless life. There was no clear goal for what I wanted to achieve. It was just a means to some end that I didn't know and personally probably didn't care all too much for at the time. Yup! Young and dumb. There's a reason people always say “chase your passion” and it's quite simple why. For the most of us slackers and procrastinators out there like I was and still am, it will simply be too hard or unrewarding for you to pursue anything if your heart isn't it.
I know so many people who simply went to college to go through the motions without much passion for their studies. It is unfortunate, as when you graduate with no passion, it is very hard to pursue/find a job in your field.
Good luck in your future endeavors, whatever they may be. I hope you find a successful career and can pursue gaming as a hobby in the future and get more fun out of it that way.
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United Kingdom36158 Posts
Thank you for writing this, Theognis.
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This is an amazing blog you wrote. It really touched me and made me know a bit more about you. I never realized the struggles you have been through. You always seem like a very strong person on stream and always kept positive. I thank you for also giving me insight to your life and I hope you the very best in life! BibleThump <3
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On August 03 2013 12:18 Rhaegal wrote:Show nested quote +On August 03 2013 12:16 ROOTheognis wrote:On August 03 2013 11:43 Brandish wrote:
I read this blog and it makes me wonder what the hell am i doing with my life.
I just finished my undergraduate and i feel exactly as he described, tracks for a directionless life Sadly it's not unique to us. It's the majority of us for the most part and why many, many out there are unhappy with their job. Life's shit. There is no magic secret to a happy life, you just have to accept it. That's the lesson I learned.
Not really true, with a good education, a little bit of luck and a goal in your life you get close to a happy life. Fulltime gaming unfortunatly will not pay you for the rest of your life. Maybe time will change this.
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damn one of the few terrans i enjoyed watching, Great guy and i wish him all the best.
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We all wish you luck. Are fully quitting the game or just competitive play?
+ Show Spoiler +![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/mTQrZ.jpg) baller
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Sad but you've also included a lot of things in here that resound true throughout life regardless of direction or social standing. Your playstyle always reminded me of BW games, even on those tiny, old, shitty maps you pulled it off. I really hope you're successful with whatever you decide to pursue next.
ggs gl!
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Read the entire thing. You seem to take some great lessons from all you've experienced, which is great. I still remember you from BW and you always seemed like a very amusing and nice person. Best of luck in your future pursuits!
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Wow. I read the whole post and thought to myself there are parts of what this guy, whom I barely know even from watching tourneys, is saying that resonates with me a lot right now. I'm not a progamer, though I'm striving for it, and I'm in a very different position that what you were in. Sc2 does seem to become addictive in an indescribable way, and if you don't believe me I can tell you that I used to *hate* Starcraft (no joke). I'm not exactly going to go into details about that but I do want to thank you for talking about the transitions in your life and what you learned from those transitions. It doesn't matter where a person is, (these moments of clarity just can't be defined for people), you have to do what you have to do. I'm glad that I've at least seen you play and I'm glad that you decided to leave with dignity for your fans/teammates whereby all technical standards you didn't have to. You just did it anyways. I commend you for that.
That being said, gl hf IRL. As Lowko says, "Don't forget to smile" and perhaps we shall see you again even if they are fun ladder games or something.
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Loved the read man, honestly just getting some insight into other 'gamers' lives is really making me think about things.
I hope whatever it is your doing right now your happy and have enough to eat
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Northern Ireland24261 Posts
Thanks for the writeup, good read and best of luck with your future activities!
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I enjoyed your streams man and you had very insightful commentary while playing the game. Will Miss You. all the best in whatever you choose to do =)
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you were getting better!
GL
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Superbly written blog. Best of luck for the future, I didn't get to see you play all that often, mostly due to NA's lack of tournament scene I guess, but I enjoyed your thoughtful insight on SotG. You will enjoy visiting here if that day comes
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this is a great read, thank you!
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Being any kind of professional is hard, but being a professional gamer in the united states is harder. You have a better chance of winning powerball. Theognis i love you bro, u dont know know me i used to manage and i recruited you for one of my teams and i thought u were so awesome! Goodluck!!
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Just curious how long did it take you to write all this wonderful story? :D
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Theo, I will miss you man and your late night streams man! As a night owl, you were my favorite Terran to watch. This story nearly brings me to tears. So inspiring what you gave up for your dream. I'm sure you will be successful in whatever you try.
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Dear comrade,
We have walked very similar paths in life, I thank you for sharing your experiences, mistakes and insights.
On August 02 2013 17:11 ROOTheognis wrote:The first and most important thing I learned and trust me I learned this very quickly: No one owes you anything. It's the sad, stone-cold truth. No one. Not my parents, my girlfriend, my teammates, MLG or Blizzard. I, of course like many others out there, had some sense of entitlement. I'm not sure I can even count how many times I fantasized about some random person just handing me a blank check or a stack of sweaty cold-hard cash. Maybe even the possibility of getting a lucky donation discretely left in my Paypal crossed my mind a few times. There are extremely fortunate circumstances that can happen sometimes such as when I was helped out with getting a new computer, but these should never be demanded or expected. In the past, I felt entitled to certain things; whether that be money, player interviews, matches shown on the main stage, etc. It was a paradigm shift for me when I finally realized that if opportunity doesn't knock, you have to build yourself a door. Instead of expecting a salary, practice and try to attain results making you worthy enough. Instead of complaining about not getting those interviews which give you much needed exposure, make your own damn content in the form of replay packs, tutorials, blogs, etc. Everyone has a story right? If no one wants to narrate it for you, the responsibility is on you to do so. Instead of bitching and moaning of not getting a broad-casted main stage match, wear a banana suit on your stream or become so damn good that they have no option but to show your match. The list goes on but it was important that I got it through my head from the start when I first moved out on my own. A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it's own wings. Corny. I know. :D
Eerie, this paragraph certainly struck home. Having recently returned to eSports, very much uncertain what worth my name still held, if any... There are stages that you, too, seem to have gone through. Entitlement. Rejection. Frustration. Enlightenment. Acceptance. And finally, re-dedication - not just to the scene, the game or to competing professionally; to something beyond what you first set out to achieve. In a sense, only to yourself. I struggle to put it into words, but I believe that you´re in a somewhat unique position to understand exactly what I mean.
This blog has been a great read through and through! I´m in such a weird mood today. I sat in silence for some time, feeling existential; connected to a kindred spirit in some mind-fucked way... Like our paths are intertwined though they never cross...Like your past just had an impact on my future.
If nothing else, know that you´ve helped at least one lost soul - still in love with "that one RTS" and the dream of pitting his own mind and body against that of the best. I need to finish the story, write the last page of the final chapter that was left blank. Know that you played a part in guiding me in this decision (which I know now, was the right one), by sharing your own thoughts, personal and professional, in such great detail.
For that, no matter the outcome of my own journey, you have my sincere thanks. Yours have truly been an inspiring one.
I´m saddened that I never got a chance to meet you face to face after having spent so many hours studying your stream and listening to your thoughts on the game (dat Hellion/Banshee Meta-prediction!), I would have loved to pick your brain.
Nevertheless, I wish you nothing but the best for the future. That you find something to fill the hole that so often consumes people that are so highly competative in nature, when we leave progaming behind. And that you´ll always look back fondly on your memories of years of strife and success within eSports.
Regards,
Alexander "Glaive" Angleby
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EPT![[image loading]](https://sphotos-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/343_1024731669541_7300_n.jpg)
![[image loading]](https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/321_1023557480273_7393_n.jpg)
![[image loading]](https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc1/20340_1280186375966_3682400_n.jpg)
Yes I did happen to lose btw lolol.![[image loading]](https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1072106_1303760993098657_146544915_o.jpg)
