EPT
Suicidal thoughts, need advice.
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Scorpion77
98 Posts
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SnowfaLL
Canada730 Posts
And I have SAD, it sucks and it will always be there, but know what helped me the most? I joined the military. It forced me to be in situations where I was FORCED to be around people 24/7, sleeping in rooms with 50 guys, having to use public washrooms for 6 months (ugh) and just things to build my confidence/realize things like this doesnt matter.. I dunno how the military works where you are located but for me (Canada), It not only provided me with a great career and financial stability, it helped me grow as a person. As far as depression goes, which I also had, I found I really had to focus on my goals in life. What do you want to accomplish in life? Then work hard towards that. Having friends doesnt matter (unless thats your goal lol) but for me, its music. I want to be a great musician, so instead of being depressed thinking I had no place in the world, I rather work day and night to be a musician. Find something you want to work towards and thats what will get you through the depression | ||
Jibba
United States22883 Posts
"I don't feel like I fit into the world and adulthood is so massively complex that I'm not sure if I can cope with this." Most of us feel that way. I'm not discounting your issues, I just mean to say that a lot of us, even the confident or chipper ones, worry excessively about how we'll handle the future and whether we can deal with it or not - especially college and high school students and young professionals. I think I can at least speak for my friends in saying that while we were in school, we had issues that we didn't know the others had, and now that we've gotten out and started working, some of the issues remain but even worse, we've stopped seeing each other and a lot don't go out much anymore (ie became homebodies after work ends.) I don't think that's uncommon, although it is distressing. Just keep in mind that a lot of people are hurting, it's just that you can only see what's going on behind-the-scenes for yourself and you can only see the final product for them. I still worry too much about what I "should be," rather than just gravitating towards the things I enjoy, and even though I've learned to handle big social occasions well, they still exhaust me. I think the counselor might help. Just talking to someone, especially someone that's not your family or friends, can be relieving, even if there's no earthshattering psychoanalysis or anything. Getting things off your chest is pretty powerful. Have you done any continuing education at all? | ||
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Parlortricks
United States111 Posts
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Scorpion77
98 Posts
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run.at.me
Australia550 Posts
You are depressed though, and anti-depressants are a wise option to start. I've been on them for two years+ and I wish I took them earlier (I'm 23 now). Don't be afraid to take them, just do it. You read too much google about your condition, falsely exaggerating your state into what it isn't. You've got anxiety and depression - these two are intrinsically related. Help one, and the other gets better. Meds help both. However the more you read, the more you self-diagnose. I did the same thing. Thought I had bi-polar, schizophrenia, range of possible mood disorders. Did I have any? No... In terms of how you feel, it seems the basis of your feelings are circumstantial + bad thinking habits. You need to see a psychologist - talk about life, and grab some advice on options to improve it. Thinking positively is a skill, one that you develop over time. It doesn't happen over night, however learning to challenge negative thoughts with rational ones is very important. Life goes through phases, and your in a bit of a down phase. Acknowledge that this is a phase alone, and there are things you need to do to feel better. Step by step, do those things not because you feel like doing them, but because you should do them. 2.35 am here and up for work at 8. Good luck and you'll be ok  | ||
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jrkirby
United States1510 Posts
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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
Basically, the challenges get bigger and more complex...but the rewards are way bigger too. How much pride do you feel beating a game on easy mode??? None at all. Whereas taking out a difficult game on expert is always rewarding and you can sit back and be like 'yeah I beat the hardest the game had to offer'. You can't give up when life gets hard because you are giving up your chance to overcome some real challenges. There are loads of people who feel like you, and I'm probably more in that category than out. It's not that I can't make friends with people and be normal it's more than I can't stand pretending to be normal when I'm not, so I just don't try. I was having suicidal thoughts at just under your age but let me just say I can't think of anything worse than suicide now. So to beat the hard difficulty setting you need to get out of your comfort zone. That's basically the long and the short of it. Getting out into the real world, making an effort to get a friend or two, getting a girlfriend, getting a job, expanding your interests will be totally out of your comfort zone, but it's gotta be done, that's the 'objectives' of the hard difficulty setting. One thing is sure, the more you get out of your comfort zone, the more your comfort zone will expand...you got to try and give it your best shot. Jrkirby is right as well...I wouldn't run because it's boring as hell for me, but going to the gym or getting exercise is right where it's at. It is chemically good for you. And regardless of how cynical and depressing society is (and it fucking well is), I have found that some of the most friendly and welcoming people are gym guys. There will be some knobs but also some guys seriously willing to help you out. Who might become your gym bros and later your friends. If a guy comes up to me or any of my bros in the gym and asks for help, we will spend a good 10-30 mins helping them and then ask if they want our facebook so they can organise coming for another session and train with us. Another important thing to remember is that there are LOTS of people out there who feel extremely awkward and socially inept around others. But they still do it, they are trying to battle against it...you probably won't notice on the outside but if you put yourself and your vulnerabilities out there, and tell people things like 'I am really bad with people, I just have no confidence' etc, you will find way more often than not people sympathise and empathise with you. There are lots of fucking friendly people out there, the key I have found is showing your vulnerability...which is uncomfortable but the way to go. Guys who put up fronts and act like they are the boss are often really lonely inside and even sometimes commit suicide. One final thing. Don't ever think that anyone is having it easy!!! Life is difficult for all of us in a different way. Even the most sociable and confident people you see will have massive doubts and problems to overcome. We all have to strive to overcome and in that struggle you can find pride. Even if you see a guy with a properly great job you can be sure he is having doubts about whether he is going in the right direction, he is probably stressed that he has to perform really well all the time. The only thing that separates people who are looking onwards and upwards from people who are looking downwards is attitude, not circumstance. | ||
riptide
5673 Posts
Someone said that true happiness is living for people other than yourself. Have you considered volunteering a few hours a week at something like a soup kitchen or an animal shelter? If you're in university there should definitely be clubs / societies that do these kinda things. Remember, your life is immensely valuable. There is something you can give to the people around you that no one else can bring, and don't let the sorry state of the world in general ever get in the way of that reality! Having said that, please do speak to someone IRL about your suicidal thoughts. They are nothing to be ashamed of, and are actually far more common than we are led to believe. You need to voice them to someone who can help you though, and to that end it's great that you are meeting a psychiatrist. Good luck with your visit, and God bless, dude. | ||
FlaShFTW
United States10081 Posts
and talk to a professional. talk to people. do not keep this inside because it will just blow up. | ||
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ALPINA
3791 Posts
I just find some nice lines very true: - Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. - Do one thing everyday that scares you. - Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. - Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. - Don’t expect anyone else to support you. If it's not allowed, just lmk i edit it. | ||
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Fishgle
United States2174 Posts
Go to Bed/ Wake on Time Shave/ Brush Teeth/ Shower / etc Daily Dress Nicely Do your chores on a timely basis Go for a Walk every Day Call Someone at least once a week, even if it's just my mother and other stuff like that. He even made me write it down and sign it. If I could find the page I'd scan it and show you. And I know all those things seem ridiculously inane and pointless, but IT'S SO HARD. so fuckin hard. Sometimes I did like a 10 second tooth brushing, say "fuck it, why do more, not like I'll be seeing anyone today". And it may take an hour or two, but I eventually did. Pick up toothbrush. Toothpaste. Brush teeth, forcing myself to count to 300 in my head. And then maybe I'd sleep the rest of the day. And the brushing of teeth would have been the highlight of the day. And i'd feel FUCKIN GREAT about having done it. And if that good feeling lasted long enough, I'd maybe even take a shower the next day. And so on and so on. And then one day, I found myself outside, reading 77 Dream Songs, when some stranger walked by with their dog and said "Hi" and I replied "Thank you". And she gave me the weirdest smile. It was fuckin great. But anyway. Small steps. Relearn everything. Realizing you have nothing means you have everything to gain. Before you can tackle anything big on your life, you have to take care of the basics. I mean, I'm no where near having a grip on anything yet, but it seems that the "important adult responsibilities" are mostly the inane and banal. Right now I'm learning to cook, play guitar, and hoping a job runs my way. And maybe once I've done that I'll have that basic minimum level of dopamine income, the point where the flow of the faucet equals the take of the drain. Maybe this doesn't apply to you at all, but I wanted to share. I'm mostly in the same rut as you at the moment, I feel. Except for the suicide part. I often think it's odd that I don't think about suicide. Does thinking about thinking about suicide count? Anyway. I don't really know what I can say to help. And I don't know where I was going with all of this. But I wanted to say something. I hope it helps. I hope you get better. Meanwhile, I'm going to go brush my teeth. I mean everyone has to do it, right. Maybe no one talks about, and maybe some people talk about it too much, but everyone brushes their teeth. And I think that's important. | ||
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Grettin
42381 Posts
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Deleuze
United Kingdom2102 Posts
Keep up with the blogs it'll be a really good for you to get things clearer and see how your mood and thoughts progress. What Fishgle is saying about keeping to a routine is very important in overcoming depression. | ||
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wwJd)El_Mojjo
Sweden173 Posts
But if you don't mind that, I sent you a pm with my skype name. ^^ | ||
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halldor
Iceland43 Posts
and no this is not a joke article, helped me with my social anxiety, and multiple other problems,seriously read this. | ||
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ThePhan2m
Norway2743 Posts
I've found a lot of joy in my part time job. It makes me feel like I do something, earn my living and contribute. It makes me do my best and try be flexible, also get that "forced" though kinda fake social contact with people. And then I sometimes try to expand from there. I think Fishgle has strong points, I'm going to test some of that basic still meaningful in a way. I'm also Christian, even though I have my ups and downs, those times that I pray and seek God, I feel that I get strength and peace from it to go on Good luck! I don't mind chatting about these things either. I don't talk to many people about these things either as much I'd wish, but I've learnt that it always helps to talk. | ||
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Mothra
United States1448 Posts
One more thing. Help your parents when they cook and do laundry. Ask to go grocery shopping with them. Learn those things from them. It helps to not feel useless and helpless. | ||
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krndandaman
Mozambique16569 Posts
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
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Assault_1
Canada1950 Posts
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Steveling
Greece10806 Posts
Half the internet population thinks that has add and aspergers, well stop reading about such things on the net and you will be cured, simple as that. Now, change your habbits, games and internet mainly. Read more, exercise, learn an instrument and get a job, any kind of job. And that's a personal opinion of mine but stay away from psychiatrists. | ||
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Deleuze
United Kingdom2102 Posts
On February 11 2013 06:49 Steveling wrote: Stop fucking reading fucking wikipedia articles about random syndroms and thinking that you suffer from them. Half the internet population thinks that has add and aspergers, well stop reading about such things on the net and you will be cured, simple as that. Now, change your habbits, games and internet mainly. Read more, exercise, learn an instrument and get a job, any kind of job. And that's a personal opinion of mine but stay away from psychiatrists. Did you even read his blog? He was diagnosed with AS. He didn't 'read about it on wikipedia and decide he had it'? Are you stupid, do you really think the world is populated by people such as that? And of course you are the paragon of all things, the one we should follow as an example? What is your problem? | ||
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Daogin
Canada2308 Posts
On February 11 2013 06:49 Steveling wrote: Stop fucking reading fucking wikipedia articles about random syndroms and thinking that you suffer from them. Half the internet population thinks that has add and aspergers, well stop reading about such things on the net and you will be cured, simple as that. Now, change your habbits, games and internet mainly. Read more, exercise, learn an instrument and get a job, any kind of job. And that's a personal opinion of mine but stay away from psychiatrists. You don't know how to read, or completely ignored everything the guy said, also your ignorant so stay the fuck out of this thread. It does not need people like you. Anyways, I'm sure there is a point in everyones life where we all feel like giving up. I know many people who have reached that stage many time's which is why a lot of people say life is a rollercoaster, always with it's ups and downs. I know what it's like to feel useless and worthless. It sucks and it's hard to look up from that point, the best thing to do is to find something, anything at all that you feel will help you and just go for it. Don't let anyone tell you anything bad because no one else really matters if their only trying to get in your way. Also, as i'm sure you see people care, we might no be here beside you but hey were here to listen. Keep writing blogs as I'm sure a lot of these posts will probably help you in some sort of way which is good. Shoot for the stars my friend and keep on pushing through that barrier, you'll break through eventually. | ||
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sam!zdat
United States5559 Posts
And what did philosophy teach you? asked the Dead Father. It taught me that I had no talent for philosophy, said Thomas, bbbbbbut - But what? But I think everyone should have a little philosophy, Thomas said. It helps, a little. It helps. It is good. It is about half as good as music. Donald Barthelme | ||
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I_Love_Katheryn
United States41 Posts
It's always been hard for me to make friends, but I did have one very good friend in my whole life. I met him one day in 2nd grade, he would actually bully me, but my mom took me to his house one day and we got to know each other. Since then I would go to his place whenever I could and we had countless sleepovers in elementary, middle, and (occasionally) in high school. The funny thing was that he is an extrovert while I am an introvert. While he had tons of friends, he was my only friend. My family moved away from his school district at the start of high school, which was why I became more lonely from that point on. But anyway, he was a good friend and I realized that although we were so different, we had much in common. Another thing I would like to add is that my parents were always very protective of me and my brother. Especially in high school, this led to a lot of insecurities which I developed. They didn't let me hang out with friends, have a girlfriend, or party, which is understandable in many respects. But it also made me more afraid of the outside world. Consequently, when I got to college, I found myself suddenly free from their control. It was liberating but it also felt like the floor had been removed from under me. Instead of going to classes and studying, I spent all my time playing computer or video games and watching porn. My dad put me under pre-business major, which I didn't understand why, because I didn't even like economics and would have much rather taken engineering or computer science classes. The other thing was that he chose my courses when course selection came rolling around, which undermined my confidence in myself in many ways. In any case, I spent 2 years of my life basically drifting and not studying, failing many classes in the process because I felt so lost, until I was put on academic probation. Of course my parents were upset about my academics but they thought I was trying hard. So it all came down a summer semester and one class. If I got an A in this class I could stay in college or else I would be suspended. I got that A and ever since that summer I had been on the Dean's List until I graduated. Granted, I was still socially awkward, but I felt successful in my academics which gave me some confidence. I was still afraid of the world, of the adult responsibilities like having a job and a family and a social life, so I spent much of my time playing games...again. But this time I had a sense of when to play and when to study. Even though I was still a loner, my professors liked me because I often knew the right answers. For once I didn't feel like I was dumber than people around me, maybe still socially awkward and nervous, but not dumber. Although my college GPA was quite low, my GMAT score was good and I got good recommendations from 2 professors who I worked with in my senior year on class projects. In about 3 years I had gone from being on the verge of getting kicked out of college to being accepted to an MBA program in Accounting, which I will start from this May. The only job I had in my life was a retail job at Target, which I was fired from after 3 weeks because I showed up late a couple times. That being said, being part of a team like that helped me in some ways too. Overall, I feel that things will never drastically get better overnight. Self-improvement comes from self-awareness, and it takes time. You can't rush it or it ends up being superficial. Recently, this Christmas, my family visited my cousin's family and, once again, I had trouble talking. But, I felt more open to talking to my cousin, who is 2 years older than me and also a nerd and has a programming job in Boston. The thing I really loved about him was that he didn't give a f#ck about what anyone else thought of him, and I admired his courage because I've always been rather shy and timid, but here is this guy who is a lot like me but he has the balls to speak his mind at all times. I have another cousin who is doing his PhD in biochemical engineering, and he is basically perfect in my eyes...he's tall, funny, smart, loud, has good fashion sense, has a girlfriend, he never runs out of stories to talk about, and my parents love him. So he is also a definite role model in my eyes, I see things in other people that I would like to acquire, things in their personalities that I would like to emulate, and that gives me hope, for a brighter tomorrow. Also, my friend who I was talking about earlier? Unfortunately his dad died a few weeks ago. His dad was disabled but didn't have disability benefits, healthcare, or life insurance. And his dad was not old, he was only 63. The sad part is that his dad always loved to talk, but about a year ago, he had a stroke which messed up the right side of his brain, limiting his communication abilities to simple gestures. His dad loved to stay active, but in his final days he was confined to a wheelchair. It's a shame that this man who loved to talk and express himself should have that ability taken away from him. Even when he was alive he didn't have a job so my friend's mom had to overcompensate with 3 jobs. He also has a younger sister who is going to start college next year, and she actually got partial scholarships. My friend didn't get a job out of college, like me, but he founded his own start-up business with a few friends and he hopes to make it rich someday. Meanwhile, he has a degree in psychology and wants to get a PhD and become a psychiatrist someday as well. So what I'm trying to say is, I always thought my friend had this perfect life, but after his dad died and his family stopped getting the pension benefits, they actually fell close to the poverty line. This is compared to my family where my dad is 60 but still healthy and my mom takes good care of me and my brother. My dad paid my whole way through undergrad but I was never able to appreciate that (sadly) and I have to take out loans for my MBA. On the other hand my friend is neck deep in student loans, and he also has a big hole in his heart because I know he loved his dad very much. I am a lot luckier than my friend in some respects. Sure, he's social and has all these friends, but imagine if he didn't. He probably would have cracked from the pressure. I know I wouldn't be able to live his life even though I was always a bit jealous of him. On the surface things might look great but you have to dig deeper to find the real truth. I always thought I might have been handicapped or autistic or antisocial, but it helps me when my parents talk about their own childhoods and the struggles they had to face. It helps me when I see people like my cousins and my friend who I admire as people and want to be like on some level, it helps to have positive role models who you can look up to and aspire to be like them. And it also helps to be hopeful, to have the hope that tomorrow will be a better tomorrow than today. And change never happens overnight. I'm still shy and nervous about social situations, my heart still pounds almost out of my chest when I have to talk to someone I don't know, and I'm awkward as heck in many situations. But I have hope, I know that I won't always do as well as I might want to but I probably won't do as bad as my worst case scenario is in my head. Slowly, things started to look up for me. Getting better grades, talking to professors, finally having some success in my life, starting to go the gym, talking to random people (and even girls) just to be nice, and having people around me who are supportive and accept me for who I am...that helped a lot too. So it wasn't one big thing that helped me, it was the accumulation of all these little things, all these small personal victories that gave me hope and made me smile. Also, I have a speech impediment, and I go to a speech therapist and attended a conference for stutterers this summer in Florida, which helped me see that other people with stuttering issues were living happy healthy normal lives, some were even doctors or had graduated from Harvard. Sometimes it really is all the small things that eventually add up in the long run, instead of a silver bullet that will all of a sudden solve all your problems and change your life completely. edit: sorry this is really long  | ||
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eSen1a
Australia1058 Posts
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
On February 11 2013 02:10 Fishgle wrote: A few years back, when I could afford therapy, this is the advice I was given: Go to Bed/ Wake on Time Shave/ Brush Teeth/ Shower / etc Daily Dress Nicely Do your chores on a timely basis Go for a Walk every Day Call Someone at least once a week, even if it's just my mother and other stuff like that. He even made me write it down and sign it. If I could find the page I'd scan it and show you. And I know all those things seem ridiculously inane and pointless, but IT'S SO HARD. so fuckin hard. Sometimes I did like a 10 second tooth brushing, say "fuck it, why do more, not like I'll be seeing anyone today". And it may take an hour or two, but I eventually did. Pick up toothbrush. Toothpaste. Brush teeth, forcing myself to count to 300 in my head. And then maybe I'd sleep the rest of the day. And the brushing of teeth would have been the highlight of the day. And i'd feel FUCKIN GREAT about having done it. And if that good feeling lasted long enough, I'd maybe even take a shower the next day. And so on and so on. Wow. That's really cool, the advice from the therapist. The daily call always makes people happy. Walks and exercise are good too. I really enjoy just being outside. It seems to brighten my day when I spend an hour outside during lunch. @OP. I'm just going to echo that the things you're feeling are not unique. I don't have asperbers but I often feel like I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and I don't want to be an adult. I'm not ready. I'm lazy. I have those thoughts. But then I just give myself hope. I think, things will get better soon. That little thing bothering me now won't be a big deal in a week. This helps. I write in my diary every day. I have been for several years now. I may not be ready for adulthood yet but I'm getting closer. I like to think back to what I was like as a child and how behind the rose tinted glass I was just so immature. And I like to think about how things could always get worse if I let them. I have talked to school counselors but never really felt like any went an extra foot to actually care about my struggles. My experience with counseling is not good. | ||
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