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On January 29 2013 13:17 r.Evo wrote:
Most likely her being "confused" is a nice way of saying "I don't find you attractive" (or: "I don't find you as attractive as my other options). If you're into emotional masochism, keep seeing her. If you aren't, stop seeing her and do other socials stuff (including girls) to get your mind straight.
I don't really think it usually has much with "I don't find you attractive". Sure, this could be a possibility, but it seems unlikely that anything would have every occurred if she didn't find you attractive to begin with. Some people just have a hard time leaving their comfort zones, even if it's for the best for them to move on from an ex that is toxic. Your entire social life, including friends, can revolve around that relationship.
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I did this once. We had an argument, broke up. She kept asking if I wanted to go out for coffee, a meal and stuff like that from time to time.
Eventually she asked if we could get back together, provided I changed some stuff. She was right to ask, was mostly my fault for the breakup - apart from the day of the breakup and possibly the following day I have never hinted/talked about wanting to get back together, just treated it as done.
2 weeks after that she went away for a month and I never called her again, she never called me. We still saw each other in school, being classmates and all but only interacted as friends. It was so easy and painless compared to the initial one. I had been cured of love during the breakup. May have been the fact that she wanted to reset the physical affection part and take the relationship slow, from a "let's date and see what happens" point, instead of "hot drunken night and followup months" like it had started.
Take it as you will, going out with my ex turned into closure for me, and "healing". Retrying just didn't work as planned.
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Echoing the advice here.
Just finished up 6 months of the same thing. Things were going great, seeing a lot of her, things were progressing, but this.
So yes, back away. If she fixes the other stuff, then great, but for now, simply apologise and say that until she has it worked out one way or the other, there will be nothing more between you.
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my advice is similar to the advice of many others: dont let her play you. someone put it really well quite early on; if you give her what she wants(compliments/niceguy/support) from you she will go to her (in all likelihood douchebag) ex for her other needs, which will fuck you up emotionally, and will perpetuate the age old 'girls latching onto guys to make them feel good about themselves' problem.
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The answer is simple; keep your self respect and stop seeing her.
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Haha, thanks guys!
First of all, sorry for the misleading title (man, do I feel bad now! leading you guys on!) and for the very very vague explanation of the situation. In the end details doesn't matter that much - you all know the situation I'm talking about.
I'm more or less on page with all of you: this is probably not ending well for me either way, but just cutting ties doesn't seem right to me. She hasn't really done anything morally wrong so far (as far as I can see) thus I think I'll let her do her thinking and ... well...
We're seeing each other the day after tomorrow and I'll probably ask her how things are. She's had more than a week to think things through in her head so ... she must know something and if she doesn't, I guess that' it, huh? Silly, that such a sweet girl as her should be in a situation as this, but ... well, most of the time you're quite well aware of who you like and how, so...
I guess it'll go the way it goes. No big harm either way. She wants to be with me? Cool, I'm all in! haha ... She wants to be with him? Alright, will take a few steps back (probably a bit more) and then I guess that deal is done. She's just a person that I really wanted to speak with, so the fact that something "extra" came out if it is just nifty I guess. Oh yes, I do quite like her, but, come on, you live life and things happen.
Thanks! I'll try to post back and up-date you all on which way things went!
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Beware of the word soon. I now hate that word.
Or really, any implication that she still wants to be with you, just not now.
If you get that, apologise and cut it. The forced cut will either save you a lot of pain and trouble, or force her into action.
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'Soon' - As defined by Blizzard Entertainment: "Soon" does not imply any particular date, time, decade, century, or millennia in the past, present, and certainly not the future. "Soon" shall make no contract or warranty between Blizzard Entertainment and the end user. "Soon" will arrive some day, Blizzard does guarantee that "soon" will be here before the end of time. Maybe. Do not make plans based on "soon" as Blizzard will not be liable for any misuse, use, or even casual glancing at "soon."
Beware. Beware of any who uses the term 'Soon'. Beware my friend, beware.
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Well, we talked it over and she made her choice.
As you might guess, it wasn't quite what I'd have loved it to be, but the important thing is that she decided what she wanted - the way this works out might have me a little sad for a day or two, but in the end, I understand that not everything works out your way.
I guess we'll still see each other and do "friend-activities", which I can live with. It might be a tinsey bit tough to stomach at first, but it's quite alright. Things progress and regress, I guess the fact that something happened is what I should hold on to.
Thanks all of you for listening to me vent and for the valuable advice! 
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EPT
