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"There's something with my ex right now and I'm just a bit confused... So... can we just see each other as friends, for now? I still want you to see you as much as before, but just..."
Totally the first time I've run into this. /irony off
Anyway, I guess something things are like that. It's cool. We're still seeing each other a ton (or well, I assume so!) and in the end ... forcing things never really achieve great results, so better to just take things as they come and be a nice guy. Not too, she needs to known at least in some way, that I'm wanting for more, but ... it's cool. I feel like I've been dumped quite a few times, so I guess I'm coping with it better this time.
And, in the end ... being nice and honest is about all I think you can do. I mean, sometimes it works out, sometimes it really just doesn't.
It's cool...
  
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I'm not sure I really understand what you are trying to say here. You want her back?
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This means you're setting yourself up for trouble if you stick around. Best case, she doesn't realize she's leading you on.
The correct solution is to say "Nah, it's better if we don't see each other really". That unresolved shit with the ex means she feels pressure to decide, even if it's all internal, and if you don't create a counterbalance, she's going back to him. And that counterbalance is to create space.
Don't give her what she wants out of you; the supporting, positive side of a relationship. Because then, she can go back to the shmuck she dumped for a reason.
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Clearly it isn't cool, because you wouldn't be posting a blog to TL if it was, lol.
Good luck >_<
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2520 Posts
On January 29 2013 06:06 JingleHell wrote:
This means you're setting yourself up for trouble if you stick around. Best case, she doesn't realize she's leading you on.
The correct solution is to say "Nah, it's better if we don't see each other really". That unresolved shit with the ex means she feels pressure to decide, even if it's all internal, and if you don't create a counterbalance, she's going back to him. And that counterbalance is to create space.
Don't give her what she wants out of you; the supporting, positive side of a relationship. Because then, she can go back to the shmuck she dumped for a reason.
THIS!. Seriously, girls will want to keep you around and feel wanted/desired. However, there's some reason she doesn't want you (as bf). It's highly unlikely you actually end up friends through this arrangement either.
Also, I was hoping this was about short girls 
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personally, i'd move on. baggage usually creates trouble.
however, if you truly want to continue the relationship despite the fact that she is seeing whether she can get back together with her ex then you should make sure you set some ground rules. the biggest one is are you guys allowed to fool around with others. the worst thing is if you guys get back together, and you find out that she had sex with him at the same time she was having sex with you, and all the while you thought no sex was allowed. plus, she might give you STIs, which is never fun.
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[QUOTE]On January 29 2013 06:26 DusTerr wrote:
[QUOTE]On January 29 2013 06:06 JingleHell wrote:
Also, I was hoping this was about short girls [/QUOTE]
Yeah, the only reason I clicked on this enticing sounding blog was hoping for some five-feet-goodness.
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OK bro. I'm be real.
Don't get attached. Keep hitting it till she makes a choice. Don't make any big purchases.
Get your thing in but don't get your heart and wallet broke
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if she was a bit more direct and said 'Hey Testuser, I like you, but I want to go back to this shitty relationship that I know was broken, but you can still stick around because you pining for me makes me feel good' instead of that crap she said to you, would it make it easier for you to realize that she's kind of broken and kinda most definitely using you?
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So how tall is she?
Seriously though, if you're feeling like this either go for it or get out of it. Being in between isn't fun.
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On January 29 2013 06:26 DusTerr wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 06:06 JingleHell wrote:
This means you're setting yourself up for trouble if you stick around. Best case, she doesn't realize she's leading you on.
The correct solution is to say "Nah, it's better if we don't see each other really". That unresolved shit with the ex means she feels pressure to decide, even if it's all internal, and if you don't create a counterbalance, she's going back to him. And that counterbalance is to create space.
Don't give her what she wants out of you; the supporting, positive side of a relationship. Because then, she can go back to the shmuck she dumped for a reason. THIS!. Seriously, girls will want to keep you around and feel wanted/desired. However, there's some reason she doesn't want you (as bf). It's highly unlikely you actually end up friends through this arrangement either. Also, I was hoping this was about short girls
And just when i thought work was going to be interesting.
As for advice. Be nice but keep some distance and go for other girls. At least make her feel that she has competition or something.
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Don't do that to yourself mate, sticking around her while you love her and she doesn't or is unsure.
That will really hurt you emotionally in the long run.
it's not easy to let her go, but if the love is not mutual, move on, don't waste your years hoping she will change her mind. you only have 1 life.
Btw I also came here in hope of some short girls lol
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Katowice25012 Posts
This is a lot less clear than most of these blogs, usually it's the dude pining for her and trying to develop some intricate plan to win her back. Maybe you're actually well adjusted. I had this happen to me a few years ago and I said okay and started dating other women and she spent the following 3 years trying to get me to date her so live your life and it will probably work out.
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From personal experience I would have to agree with most of the people above and give her space and move on. She's asking you to be the healthy nurturing presence in her life while completely knowing you want more.
Best thing for you to do is to break off all real pretenses of a relationship with her, even a platonic one.
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On January 29 2013 07:54 KillerSOS wrote:
From personal experience I would have to agree with most of the people above and give her space and move on. She's asking you to be the healthy nurturing presence in her life while completely knowing you want more.
Best thing for you to do is to break off all real pretenses of a relationship with her, even a platonic one.
You make it sound so primitive: if he sees her he will pine for her and can't help himself. How about he sees her and doesn't pine for her?
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On January 29 2013 08:06 Grumbels wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 07:54 KillerSOS wrote:
From personal experience I would have to agree with most of the people above and give her space and move on. She's asking you to be the healthy nurturing presence in her life while completely knowing you want more.
Best thing for you to do is to break off all real pretenses of a relationship with her, even a platonic one. You make it sound so primitive: if he sees her he will pine for her and can't help himself. How about he sees her and doesn't pine for her?
I'm not saying its perfect advice, only advice given to me in a similar situation that I wish I'd followed.
Everyone's different.
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Well, I think it won't do you any good to see her so much. I had that with my ex and it took ages to really get over her.
Now I think I should have just cut her off and maybe, after having enough distance, slowly start being friends again, but only if you seriously are over her.
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no see her was cool. Just get ur priorities straight. For the most most important part, improve your self value
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On January 29 2013 05:31 Testuser wrote:Show nested quote +"There's something with my ex right now and I'm just a bit confused... So... can we just see each other as friends, for now? I still want you to see you as much as before, but just..." Totally the first time I've run into this. /irony offAnyway, I guess something things are like that. It's cool. We're still seeing each other a ton (or well, I assume so!) and in the end ... forcing things never really achieve great results, so better to just take things as they come and be a nice guy. Not too, she needs to known at least in some way, that I'm wanting for more, but ... it's cool. I feel like I've been dumped quite a few times, so I guess I'm coping with it better this time. And, in the end ... being nice and honest is about all I think you can do. I mean, sometimes it works out, sometimes it really just doesn't. It's cool...
Dude, if you're attracted to this girl, you should cut her off immediately to not only giver her space, because she is going to tear you up inside. She's not really going to do anything, but there's always going to be that doubt. And she might want to try to date both of you at the same time, in which case you should tell her no, or at least no until she tells you differently.
Also, something I've started doing with people is telling them they have one chance to tell the truth at a given moment when shit has been going down, and I'm not sure what to think. I do this because if she is screwing with me and lying about her and him, I have the perfect reason to stop things for the moment, which I'll want to do if she comes back to me and plays with me.
I'm not saying any of this is going to happen because she wants it to. Girls do stupid shit just like guys do. People act on natural reaction sometimes, and while it's a mistake, you still have to give yourself some space to analyze what's really going on.
Sorry if you didn't really want advice, but I just thought I would share my experience in these situations. It's not a ton, but I've dealt my self some pretty nasty hands before, and had to do a lot of thinking after about what went wrong, haha.
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Most likely her being "confused" is a nice way of saying "I don't find you attractive" (or: "I don't find you as attractive as my other options). If you're into emotional masochism, keep seeing her. If you aren't, stop seeing her and do other socials stuff (including girls) to get your mind straight.
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On January 29 2013 13:17 r.Evo wrote:
Most likely her being "confused" is a nice way of saying "I don't find you attractive" (or: "I don't find you as attractive as my other options). If you're into emotional masochism, keep seeing her. If you aren't, stop seeing her and do other socials stuff (including girls) to get your mind straight.
I don't really think it usually has much with "I don't find you attractive". Sure, this could be a possibility, but it seems unlikely that anything would have every occurred if she didn't find you attractive to begin with. Some people just have a hard time leaving their comfort zones, even if it's for the best for them to move on from an ex that is toxic. Your entire social life, including friends, can revolve around that relationship.
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I did this once. We had an argument, broke up. She kept asking if I wanted to go out for coffee, a meal and stuff like that from time to time.
Eventually she asked if we could get back together, provided I changed some stuff. She was right to ask, was mostly my fault for the breakup - apart from the day of the breakup and possibly the following day I have never hinted/talked about wanting to get back together, just treated it as done.
2 weeks after that she went away for a month and I never called her again, she never called me. We still saw each other in school, being classmates and all but only interacted as friends. It was so easy and painless compared to the initial one. I had been cured of love during the breakup. May have been the fact that she wanted to reset the physical affection part and take the relationship slow, from a "let's date and see what happens" point, instead of "hot drunken night and followup months" like it had started.
Take it as you will, going out with my ex turned into closure for me, and "healing". Retrying just didn't work as planned.
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Echoing the advice here.
Just finished up 6 months of the same thing. Things were going great, seeing a lot of her, things were progressing, but this.
So yes, back away. If she fixes the other stuff, then great, but for now, simply apologise and say that until she has it worked out one way or the other, there will be nothing more between you.
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my advice is similar to the advice of many others: dont let her play you. someone put it really well quite early on; if you give her what she wants(compliments/niceguy/support) from you she will go to her (in all likelihood douchebag) ex for her other needs, which will fuck you up emotionally, and will perpetuate the age old 'girls latching onto guys to make them feel good about themselves' problem.
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The answer is simple; keep your self respect and stop seeing her.
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Haha, thanks guys!
First of all, sorry for the misleading title (man, do I feel bad now! leading you guys on!) and for the very very vague explanation of the situation. In the end details doesn't matter that much - you all know the situation I'm talking about.
I'm more or less on page with all of you: this is probably not ending well for me either way, but just cutting ties doesn't seem right to me. She hasn't really done anything morally wrong so far (as far as I can see) thus I think I'll let her do her thinking and ... well...
We're seeing each other the day after tomorrow and I'll probably ask her how things are. She's had more than a week to think things through in her head so ... she must know something and if she doesn't, I guess that' it, huh? Silly, that such a sweet girl as her should be in a situation as this, but ... well, most of the time you're quite well aware of who you like and how, so...
I guess it'll go the way it goes. No big harm either way. She wants to be with me? Cool, I'm all in! haha ... She wants to be with him? Alright, will take a few steps back (probably a bit more) and then I guess that deal is done. She's just a person that I really wanted to speak with, so the fact that something "extra" came out if it is just nifty I guess. Oh yes, I do quite like her, but, come on, you live life and things happen.
Thanks! I'll try to post back and up-date you all on which way things went!
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Beware of the word soon. I now hate that word.
Or really, any implication that she still wants to be with you, just not now.
If you get that, apologise and cut it. The forced cut will either save you a lot of pain and trouble, or force her into action.
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'Soon' - As defined by Blizzard Entertainment: "Soon" does not imply any particular date, time, decade, century, or millennia in the past, present, and certainly not the future. "Soon" shall make no contract or warranty between Blizzard Entertainment and the end user. "Soon" will arrive some day, Blizzard does guarantee that "soon" will be here before the end of time. Maybe. Do not make plans based on "soon" as Blizzard will not be liable for any misuse, use, or even casual glancing at "soon."
Beware. Beware of any who uses the term 'Soon'. Beware my friend, beware.
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Well, we talked it over and she made her choice.
As you might guess, it wasn't quite what I'd have loved it to be, but the important thing is that she decided what she wanted - the way this works out might have me a little sad for a day or two, but in the end, I understand that not everything works out your way.
I guess we'll still see each other and do "friend-activities", which I can live with. It might be a tinsey bit tough to stomach at first, but it's quite alright. Things progress and regress, I guess the fact that something happened is what I should hold on to.
Thanks all of you for listening to me vent and for the valuable advice! 
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