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Anyone here ever experience this sensation when you are really down?
Me and the GF of 7 years have been having some issues which has culminated in her pulling out of the relationship...I would list the issues here but I think there are too many to talk about.
The point of my blog is that I have been pretty down on myself since this happened. Been doing an 1/8th a day after quitting for the last 2-3 months as it's the only thing that can make me smile at the moment, that and Starcraft. I felt really shitty for the first week or so anyways, but obviously once the shock of it all had started to wear off I started to come to grips with the idea a little bit. However tonight we ended up going to a mutual friend's birthday party and I gave her a lift back to her car, after 7 years you can imagine we get along pretty well until she brought up a vacation I'm taking with my family in March and how it annoyed her and it wasn't her problem anymore because we were broken up.
Ever since then I have had this bone-chilling cold I can't shake, I thought maybe my house was cold or something but even with the radiators cranked, a hoodie+scarf on I can't shake it. I can't shake the depressing thoughts that race through my mind no matter how I try to block them out; I feel better when I play Starcraft until I lose, and then the thoughts come racing back to me, with the adding insult of the fact that I suck ass at this game I love so much and I will never be more than midmasters no matter how much I put into it. I keep thinking about how this girl was my 1 shot at a normal life and how I can't even imagine how I would go about finding someone else; when you care for someone so strongly and to have them go off you and not reciprocate anymore is a terrible, terrible feeling. I honestly wish I had just fucking died on my flight back from Xmas because then I would have died a happy man rather than being left a broken excuse for a human being.
And I can't shake the fear that however long I wait I will never shake off that cold, lonely feeling.
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Why are you depressed?
Are you so unconfident that you cannot find another woman?
Is it really just being "alone" that makes you depressed? Or is it the lack of her?
It is evident she was able to leave you. And if it was not your fault? Why are you holding so much against yourself?
If it was your fault, then find it in yourself to forgive yourself and move on. That girl was not your one shot at a normal life. YOU are your one shot at a normal life. Stop fucking with yourself man. Take some responsibility. Reach for something you want. Set some goals.
A relationship is meant to ADD to you. Not be the sum of all you are. So when you take it away, you are no less a man.
You working out? Work out man. Pump up. You will think of her, so I won't suggest trying not to. Just remember that she is NOT all you are.
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On January 14 2013 07:31 Qwyn wrote:
Why are you depressed?
Are you so unconfident that you cannot find another woman?
Is it really just being "alone" that makes you depressed? Or is it the lack of her?
It is evident she was able to leave you. And if it was not your fault? Why are you holding so much against yourself?
If it was your fault, then find it in yourself to forgive yourself and move on. That girl was not your one shot at a normal life. YOU are your one shot at a normal life. Stop fucking with yourself man. Take some responsibility. Reach for something you want. Set some goals.
A relationship is meant to ADD to you. Not be the sum of all you are. So when you take it away, you are no less a man.
You working out? Work out man. Pump up. You will think of her, so I won't suggest trying not to. Just remember that she is NOT all you are.
this guy is pretty smart D: didnt realize the 2nd last line before.
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I'm depressed because I was geniunely at the point of marriage, we had talked about it many times and established that we were the people we were going to marry. We had discussed how next September when the lease on my current residence runs out, we would move into an apartment either just the two of us, or with her sister/bf(I live with her sister's bf already so its basically the same as my current living condition minus my parents, who stay here about 1 week a month). To have something so serious, so part of my life that at christmas I had to answer more questions about her from my family then I did about myself. I haven't even been able to tell my parents or my friends yet, in fact when I think about it I don't really HAVE anyone I could feel comfortable talking about this with..I guess that's why I'm here. Sure I have "friends", but those friends really only know my outgoing side, big drinker big smoker party animal etc. and don't see the me who only becomes an extrovert when I am drunk and I could never imagine speaking to these people...I guess I don't have enough nerd-friends despite being one myself! lame.
I guess I feel like this is my one shot because when we first got together, I was 18 and fresh, in a foreign country I was planning on leaving; I fell in love, dropped my plan to go to MacMaster uni(where my mom and dad got their MBA's together), stayed out in the UK and went to school here to be with her. Then I spent all my uni years in this relationship, while all my friends were going out, meeting girls and learning how to be men I was just being a love puppy, I'm not 25 and single for the first time in 5 years(we split up for about a month ages ago), and in that time i've had sexual contact with 1 girl aside from my girlfriend; at 25 years old I've only had sex with 4 people. So I feel like I'm just missing something, frankly the idea of a sexual contact with another girl scares the SHIT out of me; not that I don't feel confident chatting to girls, or worried about my sex game, just the idea of it just terrifies me. I cant understand how I can replace what I have lost and crave so badly, it just seems like a HUGE task and I don't even know where to start.
Ironically I have signed up to the gym today already; but already its messing with me because the only reason I signed up was so we could play tennis together, I can't help but feel whenever I look at those courts I will get a pang of loneliness at what could have been.
The tricky thing with the whole "why" question is that I barely understand it. Some of the key points from her side where:
*You never want to do anything exciting like go to Asia or India, we never travel together". I admit to this, what can I say after living the life of a divorced child and being shipped to a new house every weekend I quite enjoy my stable life, the idea of moving 1/2 across the world does scare me...I never understood the travel bit, we did do holidays, I guess they just weren't as far-reaching as she wanted(like going to Asia etc.), for example we did a romantic retreat to New Forest(in the spring) last year but she doesn't count it because it wasn't "young". But she wants to go away to be just the two of us alone. Mindfuck.
*"You are being supported by your family". This one burns me deep. Despite me being a university grad she acts like I can't get a job; kind of undermining my dream of music production which I already put 3 years of schooling and 8 years of learning into, I want to do something in my field, and while I still have my parents support till September I refuse to give up this dream to work part-time in a bar, literally I work on music 24/7 whether it's new beats for some artists, soundtrack stuff for a few companies etc.. yes it's spotty money when it is paid(like I made 750 for 3 soundtracks last week, but now this week ain't got shit to do and need to drum up more work), but it can be very lucrative.
Then if we got into the more extensive stuff that has come out of our discussions about her decision there's all kinds of stuff that doesn't make sense to me, I won't blame her 100 and just say the breakup is probably realistically 50% my fault 50% hers.
I guess I can't forgive myself for not being man enough to be able to overcome stuff like my fear of instability and my fear of flying which are obviously seriously negatively affecting my life considering I lost the love of my life partially over these personality traits, but I just can't seem to explain to someone who has 2 parents what kind of mindfuck it is to have to go to a different house every weekend in two different towns(sometimes 2 different countries, **** you USA for making my dad marry one of your kind, I love the US but those were hard times for me!), to not be able to do things with your friends because you need to go to your dad's and mow his lawn/wash his car/ follow him about on his errands while all your friends are back home meeting girls, having parties, doing kid shit. I know this has fucked me up in the head forever but I just wish she could understand and help me through it together, like the numerous things I helped her through(her parents nearly splitting up when she was 19, her getting raped by a family friend, the stress of finding a job etc.).
I wont even lie while I have been typing this my mind keeps going over options of ending my life, then considering the actual physical pain of them and not wanting to take such a pathetic action because of my fuckedupness pulls me back...but I keep imagining different ways, like the toaster scene from The Ring. Not like I actually want to die but it feels like the easy way out, but then my legacy would be even more pathetic...my mom came in to talk to me about a business meeting she helped set up with some media friends of hers and I was so upset I had an argument and ended up pushing her away from me because her voice was making me angry when I just wanted to be left alone until this coldness dissapears.
I guess I'm here because I have no one to confide in besides you wonderful TL'pedians, who despite some streaks of rudeness and unkindness, are generally a great community to be apart of. It just feels good to get these things off my chest, especially to a community where people interested in what I am interested in are treasured rather than having to deal with the skeptical looks of my roomate, or his GF whenever they come into my room while I'm burning the ladder down or watching a stream.
I feel abit warmer knowing that even at the darkest hour I will have someone to hear my screams.
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On the back of that post, im going to burn a fatty and forget my pain 
Edit: being all-inned, BM'ed, called a noob who deserve to die definately doesn't assist in my struggle for happinesss.
I am officially blocking all communications in game.
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I can only speak from my little experience but i've felt this before. I was with the love of my life for 4 years and everything was amazing. We laughed, we cried, amazing sex every night. I couldn't imagine a better relationship. She got a job at Wendy's and week after week I could feel her drifting from me. Long story short she was cheating on me with her co-worker for a month before I found out. I was so devastated I tried to kill myself and almost succeeded. I was in a coma for 2 days, the hospital for a week. When I got out I couldn't help but be thankful for my life but I was always cold and felt a deep pit in my stomach almost 24/7. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and when I did it was never good for me. I started smoking, i was drinking heavily. I've always smoked pot but now I was non-stop chainsmoking joint-cigarette-joint-cigarette. I lost my job, deserted my friends and even turned my back on some of my family. I became addicted to RuneScape of all things because I had friends there that really cared about me. I still talk to one of them today 2 years later whos become my best friend even though they live 2 provinces over. If not for him supporting me and being there who knows where I would be.
Through my hermeticism after the relationship I developed social anxiety, agoraphobia and depression. Don't go down that road. The best advice I can give you is don't shut yourself down like I did! Don't distance yourself, reach out, cry, go punch pillows or a punching bag if you have a gym membership. You have to release that pain and let it out. Run like you've never ran before and don't stop until it hurts more than the emotional pain you're feeling. Start lifting it doesn't matter what exercises don't look for physical results just get that pent up aggression and sadness out of you. Scream at the top of your lungs until your body is shaking (into a pillow if you can't go to the woods or a field). You have to release it whatever way possible.
I got a little carried away there but, the pain will subside. It may take you longer than it took me, it may take less time. I'm a lot stronger today because of it. I wouldn't be the man I am today if not for her cheating and I even secretly thank her for it because we've talked a few times since and hung out. She's also changed, but for the worse. If I can give you any advice looking back it's to hold your head up high, don't think about the pain, don't think about the past, don't give her a second thought. It's over and it's time to move on. It's going to be hard, it's going to be the hardest thing you've ever had to do. But you have to do it and I promise you a month from now, a year from now, 2 years from now.... You'll feel free, happy, satisfied. You'll be a whole new you! <3 I feel for you bro
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I still think you should give us more info, what was plagueing the relationship. That said, you can't really do anything to improve her, but you can improve yourself somewhat. You can go to the gym, lighten up as a person (or get for driven, whichever is out of balance), you can take up a hobby, become more social. Really there are lots of things for your average person to be better at . Being in a relationship for 7 years means you get how girls work, use that, you now know what makes them tick, happy sad or othersie. Also, post breakup blues happen, you will get better. Don't worry, and move on when you can. It hurts to break up with a person you love.
EDIT: I should make it clear that the point of my post is to be very honest with you. There are more fish in the sea, and more than that, the cold feeling you are talking about is loneliness. They aren't seperate. That goes away with time. Furthermore, what you feel is natural, but 7 years is a lot, and I doubt it started to go bad right before it ended, I bet there were long term stressors. You need to look at yourself, stop being sad, and look hard. Make a pro con list of dating you, and place percentage weights on each thing. You want to make it so that the pros double the cons (or somewhere close). You will recover, and you will get back out there looking for a girl, but most of all you need to learn to love yourself; no one but you can teach you that.
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I tried to summarize the problems in the above post(the travelling thing, the fact I don't have a steady full time job right now and she does, she's been under a lot of stress at work for the last year and been really critical on me/ her mom. It's not like this came out of the blue but when this happened I had just gotten back from 2 weeks of Xmas with the family, we had our 7th anniversary had a great time, then all the sudden boom the next day she snaps on me over something I cant even remember(I think she wanted to go for a walk and I was like...you do realize its new years day, we are all hungover, I have the flu and its like -5 outside), all the sudden she screams at me, screams at her sister(they were in the middle of a big fight already), then basically summarizes the 2 points I posted and is like "i should be proud of you, what have you done recently to make me proud"(which cut deep cause i actually had been really buisy the 2 weeks before Xmas and the week after) and that was it....
I would weigh out the pro and cons but frankly all the "good" things I could list about myself I really don't feel like I am that person right now...I just feel empty and bitter, like I said I just had a fight with my mom despite her trying to help me get some connections and maybe some more work, I dont feel like the person I once was. I feel burnt out as fuck on love, like I literally put so much blood,sweat and tears into this relationship to make it work and just because I haven't had a steady job for the past 3 months(still some freelance but in September I was DJ'ing 3 nights a week and making a killing) and am stuck in between the decision to go to teacher's college or to continue what I'm doing, my only support system in this country decides she's had enough of me like I'm some kind of failure.
We even had sex since the breakup so I know the passion is still there; I performed my new album the other night and had a little launch party and she came because my parents were there and she understands I'm not ready to tell them yet(im just not ready for that criticism that i will face as they will just assume its my fault), she planned to stay at mine so she could go to work with her sister, next thing I know we are in bed snuggled up and she's kissing me and we go at it like jackrabbits. I won't even lie that night I felt happy but in the morning she ruined it by going "I enjoyed our 1 night stand bye" before going to work, I just went back to sleep till about 5pm because I dared not to face the world.
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yo that shit is classic. You will fuck your ex for a while. It may or may not lead back into something with her. Don't let it fuck you up more or prevent you from moving on.
been there done that
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Haha hear that bro. It does fuck you up though. It fucks me up because she wants the good sex, she wants the companionship(shes tried atleast 3-4 times just this week to meet up as "friends" becasue im her "best friend"). Actually got mad at me today because she wanted to go to see this ice sculpture thing with a friend who cancelled on her and I couldn't go because I was doing house chores(changed like 15 halogen bulbs, FML), some laundry and had to help my mom keep up her accounting for her business(she pays me just over min. wage a month to do her income and expenses totals, draft presentations for clients and general office manager shit like letting her know people are looking for her when shes not in-country). She wants everything we had in our relationship BUT our relationship. And the thing that hurts me the most is I know she has guy friends who are either gay or she's not interested, and the idea of merely being on par with these guys hurts me so bad, it's like someone is ripping my soul out.
The "proud of you" thing is really bugging me, I think I have a lot to be proud of recently, here's what I been up to.
1. In the last year built my stock portfolio from 9k to 15k, which is ok for a amateur who just invests in tech companies(yes I own Blizzard shares, I'm part of the evil empire
2. Released my first official album with my partner(out on Spotify in the next couple days, check out for Amzo-Still Living if your interested), we got some cool stuff coming up, a few open mics and a few concert dates in France and the UK we are working on.
3. Done about 4-5 video soundreels in the past 2 months, and just got commisioned to do the audio for a pilot 1/10 documentary on life in diffferent cities, which could end up bringing me major bank if the producer can get investment from someone like ITV, Channel 4 etc. to finance the 9 other episodes.
4. Just started teaching a friend of mine's daughter how to play piano, I'm not getting paid but I plan on using these to help my application for teacher's college should I decide to go. I want to get more kids, hopefully if it goes well with this one I can get her friends hooked on me
And yet this isnt enough for her, just because she is making 25k a year working 9-5 in her chosen industry and im not she treats me like im just slacking off jerking my dick and playing starcraft all day while getting high(sure, I do have a big ladder sesh atleast once a week) because of this I just can't get motivated to crack on with anything cause I feel like I just wasted my time.
I guess musicians are only sexy once they get famous.
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Yeah girls are basically bullshit about that. My ex wanted to be friends and also we had sex. Just use it. Let it soften your landing and find other girls to mess around with.
throw me a link to your music i couldn't find it.
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No matter how hard things can get, remember that you would've been there for her, right?
Then all you need is this quote, which I actually got from 4chan a while ago
"the whole thing is that if you give your heart to someone and it gets rejected, she's the one who lost someone who would stand by her... you merely lost someone who wouldn't."
I don't know whether or not that will help you, but it helped me.
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Your ex sounds like a bitch lmao, GL!
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Wow AxUU that shit is deep. I heard that quote and it resonated in my soul, deep for a 4chan quote too.
Might have to write a song about it lolz.
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Seven-year itch? Sounds pretty typical to me, as it happens to a lot of long-term relationships that are close to marriage. One or both persons often freak out about being committed to one person for life, even if that person is someone who they still love and can practically marry.
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7 year itch. Ain't heard that in awhile but very fitting
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EPT
