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Hey, TL. It's been a while. I haven't forgotten about you, but I have mostly forgotten about SC2. News of HotS once again brought me here, and, after browsing around a bit, I decided to post an unfinished segment of part of a blog I had been working on several months ago. It was the result of one too many late night Lovecraftian readings and may or may not be entertaining to people who are not me. This section was the introduction; there is a second part that would have contained the pictures and replays and all that jazz. I would have to reinstall SC2 and look through all the replays for screen caps again to post it, so don't count on it any time soon. Just posting this to say that I didn't die or get institutionalized or anything.
If you have no idea who I am or what the hell I'm talking about, you can see my older blog posts here. Relevant entries are the ones starting with "Worker Rush" or "Bronze."
Bronze: Ex Oblivione
It had been months since I dared venture into the Bronze league. I think those months had been happier ones for it. The portal remained open, the Battle.net account still active, but I had resisted. Other games, other activities altogether, had proven saner alternatives more suited to my recent tastes and I had, until recently, almost succeeded in putting Bronze out of my mind entirely.
There is something uniquely, indescribably awful about that place which one imagines would not lend itself to repeat visitations. Each trip down seems to irreparably mar the soul with the bizarre occurrences and horrid implications one is forced to endure during his stay. Why then, fully knowing and readily admitting this terrible truth to myself, can I go no longer than the span of a few months before the pangs of some twisted longing to return begin to gnaw at the edges of my consciousness and lead me to where I know full well no man should tread? Why do I suffer myself these repeated anguishes? Any petty treasures I once sought in that abyss are no longer of any importance to me. Any academic points have long since been made. Only the compulsion remains.
New readers of mine may not understand the trepidation with which I broach the borders of this abominable league. Avid readers, or at least those dedicated enough to have also read the replies to my work, will know that one of the most common responses my detractors have to offer is the simple, albeit misguided, refutation, "who cares? They're just newbies. Let them have their fun." These are the retorts of those who do not know. Those knowledgeable few among us, those who have themselves descended into the depths and gazed with their own eyes the hellish void that encompasses this league know better than to proffer such platitudes. Of the few fellow adventurers I have met down in the deep, they have, to a man, corroborated my sentiments. We have all felt the wretchedness, although, admittedly, others seem less susceptible to its effects, for I have witnessed them arrive and depart with an apparent will of which I cannot help but be somewhat envious. Perhaps due to the nature of my initial, prolonged visitation and the analytical, documentary attitude I took therein, I have gone, in some part, mad.
I consider it among my failings that I have still not, in any of these entries, adequately described just why both the journey and the destination are so cryptically loathsome. At times, I feel I have gotten near, but complete clarity in the matter has proven elusive. Extended exposure may have rendered me incapable of such clear thinking on the matter. My perception of the depths has agglomerated into an intangible jumble of uncountable perplexities, only a few of which stand out as depraved enough to merit written accounts. It is not these drastic instances alone that create the awfulness, though, but rather the gestalt of the illimitable psychical bewilderments I have endured.
I suppose I cannot say Bronze is unlike any other place, for I have not been to all other places. For all my knowledge, the world might very well be filled with similarly malign recesses and frightening abysses. Perhaps anything can be delved sufficiently deep in to that a primal horror will make itself known to the digger. However, I can speak only on what I know, and though I wish I did not, I know Bronze. So I shall again attempt to explain the root cause of this eldritch terror before retelling some of the specific instances whence it manifested.
In this Starcraft Tartarus, there exists a hideous dualism that, once understood, serves to permanently scar the mind. This dualism makes itself known when one has both seen the Bronze awfulness that I have exemplified over the course of these blogs and then also realizes that the Bronzies, as I have taken to calling the league's denizens, are, for all other intents and purposes, not altogether dissimilar from ourselves. I imagine that, as anyone else is, they are in possession of all usual human appendages and one functioning human brain with which to direct their course. The madness contained in Bronze cannot be explained through sheer force of idiocy or physical deformity. That is too safe, too tidy a conclusion regardless of how much comfort one would enjoy in taking refuge in it. Mere idiots, on their own, could not create such a vast and unexplainable domain.
As an outsider traversing Bronze, it often feels as though I am wading through a waking nightmare of inescapable proportions. As is commonplace inside such terrifying dreams, its setting is, upon cursory examination, familiar. It does look like Starcraft, after all. But after some time, one begins to perceive a phantasmal taint afflicting this pseudo reality. Just as a nightmare wherein a friendly apparition might metamorphose into an abhorrent monster, so too do the people I encounter in Bronze seem unfixed and transient in nature. One moment amiable, the next hostile. Joyful, then miserable. Sane, then insane. As in the realm of nighttime fantasy wherein one may fly, move through solid objects, or otherwise defy physics, so too do the normal rules of Starcraft seem inapplicable to this singular domain. Bronze defies all rational expectation to the point where it becomes logical to assume the existence of the illogical.
Worse than all this lunacy is the unsettling fact that the native inhabitants seem to be unaware of it. If you were to ask one of the Bronzies how he ended up in such a place, he would respond, with bewilderment, "wat u meen?" For them, this madness is normal. For them, losing to a worker rush is not something to be ashamed of, but instead just… something. For them, it is standard procedure to cease entirely the production of workers after a mere dozen. For them, their possession of an irrational, childlike fear of all things outside their own base is wholly unremarkable. All precepts of generally accepted Starcraft reason are completely foreign and totally unknown in this deep, forgotten, hole.
Perhaps most vexing of all is the ease with which one can wake from this apparent nightmare. Despite the overbearing madness, it has been proven that all it takes to leave this dreamlike netherworld is a few dozen 4 gates before one meets the argent light of the league above. When one simultaneously realizes the ease of escape from and continued existence of this place, the next level of horror reveals itself as those concurrent states open for the thinker a veritable Pandora's box of questions for which there exist no answers acceptable to the rational mind.
Bronze is not a town or district which, due to the persistent nature of reality, will remain permanently on Earth in one form or another, whether peopled or desolate, thriving or ruinous. Bronze is defined by the people within it, not its location. And so the question lingers: Do these people choose to be there? Why do they not leave? Is their madness wanton? Why do they persist in such a state of seeming obliviousness toward any progress the outside world makes? To these base questions I have been able only to scratch upon the surface and reveal the faintest impressions of hints of answers.
  
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"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age."
- H P Lovecraft, "The Call of Bronze League Cthulhu"
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On September 30 2012 07:46 Gheed wrote:
My perception of the depths has agglomerated into an intangible jumble of uncountable perplexities, only a few of which stand out as depraved enough to merit written accounts.
SO. GOOD. Just one of the most hilarious sentences I have ever read. I miss you Gheed =(
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Liked your earlier blogs but this one kind of missed the mark. Verbosity =/= eloquence and while I got the point I was just kind of hoping it would end by the 3rd paragraph.
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I felt that this was a 'lets see how many large words I can get away with' blog. When you can obviously use simplistic words to describe things then do it, all large words achieve is a forced slowdown of the read. I was bored because the pace was wrong.
Also the immense question talking? Was bad? I didn't like it?
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So many big words... TT
Definitely got bored of it, and it kind of seemed to all say the same thing: bronze sucks and you are going crazy being there. Which is an exaggeration anyways.
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I saw Gheed blog and dropped everything to read it.
Did not disappoint.
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Read some Lovecraft if you're complaining about the way he wrote it... it's on purpose.
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Definitely can tell you've been reading some Lovecraft. I enjoyed this one, for its own sake.
To be fair, you have to realize the stupidity of starcraft is all relative, for the most part. I look at gold and even platinum players and get completely mind-fucked by some of the decisions, or anti-decisions, if there can be such concept, that they make sometimes. Granted, it isn't nearly as all-encompassing as what you see in bronze, (and I haven't spent nearly as much time playing gold/plat players as you have with the so-called "Bronzies") but there is still some pretty inane shit. You see things that hint at a certain understanding of some aspect of the game, then something that completely undoes that understanding 30 seconds later. It's pretty impressive, in its own way.
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On September 30 2012 11:50 corpuscle wrote:
Read some Lovecraft if you're complaining about the way he wrote it... it's on purpose.
Is anyone who hasn't heard of lovecraft supposed to know this? Or relate to it?
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On September 30 2012 12:35 galtdunn wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2012 11:50 corpuscle wrote:
Read some Lovecraft if you're complaining about the way he wrote it... it's on purpose. Is anyone who hasn't heard of lovecraft supposed to know this? Or relate to it?
I don't know, it's hard to figure out whether I'd find it amusing if I didn't get the reference being made... I can see why you would find it kind of tedious and strange if you don't "get it" though.
That said, just because some people don't get the point doesn't make it a bad one. 
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Incredibly eloquent, and hilariously compelling read. How is it that geniuses can write about one subject for 400 words plus while keeping their piece enticing?
Seriously.
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Ahaha I've missed these, saw gheed, clicked immediately!
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Oh thank god!
I though you were dead Gheed.
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On September 30 2012 12:35 galtdunn wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2012 11:50 corpuscle wrote:
Read some Lovecraft if you're complaining about the way he wrote it... it's on purpose. Is anyone who hasn't heard of lovecraft supposed to know this? Or relate to it?
You don't have to have read lovecraft to appreciate gheeds writing. You just have to have taste.
Mere idiots, on their own, could not create such a vast and unexplainable domain.
This is how I feel about most things. So I thank you for illuminating the world in a bronze light.
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I also felt while reading it that it was very lovecraftian, I guess that was the aim. Very good writing nonetheless
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wow, this blog reads so well. So...do you still worker rush bronzies these days?
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On September 30 2012 16:51 FakeDouble wrote:
wow, this blog reads so well. So...do you still worker rush bronzies these days?
....so you didn't read the blog?
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Hilarious..though it does drag on a bit too long for my tastes.
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Gheed <3 Install the game, we need more of the sadness and hilarity that is bronze.
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well, there has to be 20% of people in Bronze regardless if everyone was pro or not, right?
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Great read as usual, love your stuff.
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On September 30 2012 07:46 Gheed wrote:
For them, losing to a worker rush is not something to be ashamed of, but instead just… something.
I saw the sea of madness. When the demented winds howl, take down thy trusted mast. But jump thee not into the water.
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On September 30 2012 22:40 SEA KarMa wrote:
well, there has to be 20% of people in Bronze regardless if everyone was pro or not, right?
Careful, you will hurt yourself if you continue to try and grapple with bronze using rationality.
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I read this on my lunch break then about 2 hours later I giggled about this part here:
"For them, losing to a worker rush is not something to be ashamed of, but instead just… something. For them, it is standard procedure to cease entirely the production of workers after a mere dozen. For them, their possession of an irrational, childlike fear of all things outside their own base is wholly unremarkable. All precepts of generally accepted Starcraft reason are completely foreign and totally unknown in this deep, forgotten, hole."
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gheed,
when i read your other blogs, i was struck by your word choice and sentence construction.
your style of writing was fascinating. you talk with the attitude of a surly teenager and use sentences that wouldnt be out of place coming from an english professor. it was awesome. i loved it
but this blog takes all that to the next level, and then some. im completely blown away by the way you wrote this blog. the vocabulary and sentence structure you use is incredible. it screams intelligence and sophistication... in a blog about n00bs who suck at a particular video game.
you weild the english language like a god, and you use that power not for good or evil, but for giving teamliquid an in depth analysis of the one place none of us want to be.
i am in awe.
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On October 01 2012 03:31 EatThePath wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2012 22:40 SEA KarMa wrote:
well, there has to be 20% of people in Bronze regardless if everyone was pro or not, right? Careful, you will hurt yourself if you continue to try and grapple with bronze using rationality.
hahaha
Yeah I think the question isn't necessarily "why is there still bronze?" but "why is bronze THIS bad?". I mean D/D- ICCUP had players who were mostly functional and knew lots of basic things about starcraft and made rational decisions. Bronze is just a stochastic abyss of complete disregard for reason or intelligence.
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On October 01 2012 00:42 Sated wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2012 11:50 corpuscle wrote:
Read some Lovecraft if you're complaining about the way he wrote it... it's on purpose. Ke$ha's music is on purpose. It does not mean that it is good.
Are you calling Lovecraft's work bad? I just want to know where you stand on this.
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Nice blog as always, would have liked some ingame screens though =/
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On October 01 2012 09:59 snively wrote:
but this blog takes all that to the next level, and then some. im completely blown away by the way you wrote this blog. the vocabulary and sentence structure you use is incredible. it screams intelligence and sophistication... in a blog about n00bs who suck at a particular video game.
you weild the english language like a god, and you use that power not for good or evil, but for giving teamliquid an in depth analysis of the one place none of us want to be.
i am in awe.
No offense but it seems like you're impressed by the fact that he uses a lot of big words. That's great, but the verbosity was pretty unwarranted and just detracted from the writing in general. It's the same kind of writing you see from kids who spent all summer doing SAT prep - essentially a regurgitation of every possible big word out there.
Still, though, Gheed was clearly doing it intentionally, so I guess that somewhat justifies it, but I found it more tedious than anything else.
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On September 30 2012 16:11 EatThePath wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2012 12:35 galtdunn wrote:On September 30 2012 11:50 corpuscle wrote:
Read some Lovecraft if you're complaining about the way he wrote it... it's on purpose. Is anyone who hasn't heard of lovecraft supposed to know this? Or relate to it? You don't have to have read lovecraft to appreciate gheeds writing. You just have to have taste.
Most presumptuous thing I've read in a long while. You mean "You have to have MY taste."
On the subject of the blog, I don't agree with a lot of your conclusions but you do make me read to the end which is always a sign of good writing. Some lines were funny, only complimented by their needless complexities.
EDIT: too harsh
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Haha reads just like Lovecraft, strange!! Some of the best writers you will ever read, Lovecraft, Howard, Sprague De Camp, etc.
EDIT: It's intentionally written that way peeps, get out more, go to library, leave your town for a while.
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On October 01 2012 15:27 sanddbox_sc2 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 01 2012 09:59 snively wrote:
but this blog takes all that to the next level, and then some. im completely blown away by the way you wrote this blog. the vocabulary and sentence structure you use is incredible. it screams intelligence and sophistication... in a blog about n00bs who suck at a particular video game.
you weild the english language like a god, and you use that power not for good or evil, but for giving teamliquid an in depth analysis of the one place none of us want to be.
i am in awe. No offense but it seems like you're impressed by the fact that he uses a lot of big words. That's great, but the verbosity was pretty unwarranted and just detracted from the writing in general. It's the same kind of writing you see from kids who spent all summer doing SAT prep - essentially a regurgitation of every possible big word out there. Still, though, Gheed was clearly doing it intentionally, so I guess that somewhat justifies it, but I found it more tedious than anything else.
its ok, im not insulted by the fact taht you told me im only impressed by big words. and since im not insulted i wont reply with something offensive about your mother and/or your sexual preferences
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Northern Ireland25328 Posts
Haha this was great! For me the juxtaposition of such verbosity with such a trivial subject matter makes it all the more hilarious.
Wish I could write like yourself Gheed, wp sir, wp.
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Felt like reading a 1960s supreme court opinion. Call me a cave man but i prefer practicality to eloquence. Couldn't finish.
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I've been following this blog from the beginning and while this one takes a somewhat different route then your normal blogs I still found it just as amusing.
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Come back Gheed! (but you don't have to stay in bronze)
Loved the blog as usual, I haven't read any Lovecraft, but I certainly enjoyed the writing style regardless.
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This was an awesome read, but I couldn't help but notice the lack of use of the word nameless (and you might want to throw antediluvian in there as well) 
Edit: For those of you who still haven't noticed, this is basically what it would look like if H.P. Lovecraft wrote a blog about starcraft. Anyone who has ever read the works of Lovecraft will know that he liked to use these "big" - and often somewhat archaic - words (according to Lovecraft himself, he would fit better into colonial-age America than the early 20th century he lived in). If you want to get into Lovecraft (which i highly recommend), I suggest you start with the short story Dagon, as it is very typical for his writing style - and really good as well 
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I enjoyed it The thing that got tedious for me was not the words but the abundance of commas. And appositives? Anyways, I loved all the uncommon and/or archaic words.
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Was really good even and you really imitated really well the way Lovecraft tries to describe the unknown
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Truly the most philosophical piece of literature describing Bronze League. You have my respect.
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I keep re-reading this giving you the benefit of the doubt, and telling myself that there is something clever in between the lines that I don't understand. Why did you change your writing so much for this one? The way you wrote before resonated much better. This one sounds like you got fucked by a thesaurus and shat out an illegitimate child. I'll continue suspending reality because I don't want to believe that the man I respect so deeply could think this is change for the better. Hope to read more soon.
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Loved the blog, as I love all your blogs, I don't have a problem with the big words because I do crosswords and there were no words in the blog I hadn't seen before, just had to look up Tartarus to make sure I knew where you were going, but it could be implied from context. Anyway, keep 'em coming.
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Gheed! Come back, we miss you oh so very much.
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On October 01 2012 12:03 Drowsy wrote:Show nested quote +On October 01 2012 03:31 EatThePath wrote:On September 30 2012 22:40 SEA KarMa wrote:
well, there has to be 20% of people in Bronze regardless if everyone was pro or not, right? Careful, you will hurt yourself if you continue to try and grapple with bronze using rationality. hahaha Yeah I think the question isn't necessarily "why is there still bronze?" but "why is bronze THIS bad?". I mean D/D- ICCUP had players who were mostly functional and knew lots of basic things about starcraft and made rational decisions. Bronze is just a stochastic abyss of complete disregard for reason or intelligence.
I wonder... Time to start where Gheed left off.
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On October 19 2012 00:17 Jealous wrote:Show nested quote +On October 01 2012 12:03 Drowsy wrote:On October 01 2012 03:31 EatThePath wrote:On September 30 2012 22:40 SEA KarMa wrote:
well, there has to be 20% of people in Bronze regardless if everyone was pro or not, right? Careful, you will hurt yourself if you continue to try and grapple with bronze using rationality. hahaha Yeah I think the question isn't necessarily "why is there still bronze?" but "why is bronze THIS bad?". I mean D/D- ICCUP had players who were mostly functional and knew lots of basic things about starcraft and made rational decisions. Bronze is just a stochastic abyss of complete disregard for reason or intelligence. I wonder... Time to start where Gheed left off.
Results so far are... Interesting...
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On October 19 2012 04:50 Jealous wrote:Show nested quote +On October 19 2012 00:17 Jealous wrote:On October 01 2012 12:03 Drowsy wrote:On October 01 2012 03:31 EatThePath wrote:On September 30 2012 22:40 SEA KarMa wrote:
well, there has to be 20% of people in Bronze regardless if everyone was pro or not, right? Careful, you will hurt yourself if you continue to try and grapple with bronze using rationality. hahaha Yeah I think the question isn't necessarily "why is there still bronze?" but "why is bronze THIS bad?". I mean D/D- ICCUP had players who were mostly functional and knew lots of basic things about starcraft and made rational decisions. Bronze is just a stochastic abyss of complete disregard for reason or intelligence. I wonder... Time to start where Gheed left off. Results so far are... Interesting...
You don`t have a blog yet >: (
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EPT
