I'm 18 years old now and I've never really thought about "Teenage pregnancy" and stuff. But now everything has changed. (Okay, this sounds like an introduction to a typical reality show abhout teenagers).
Right now I'm sitting in school. I don't have any free time. I'm in school from 8 a.m to 6 p.m. every day and the food here is totally horrible. Whatever. My best friend is 17, almost 18. She's totally diffrent than me. She loves mathmatics, physics and on every summer vacation she goes to a mathmatics camp for 2 weeks. And she dress like a slut. I really do like her but.. she just need this acknowledgment from guys and this is freaking annoying. Whatever.
Yesterday she wasn't in school because she was "sick". Then today she texted me "I need to talk to you". I was just like "Okaaaay. What's up?" She looked on the floor and said: "Hey, I'm pregnant" I was totally shocked. No. I AM totally shocked. This girl who has never had a boyfriend but trying to get everyone is pregnant. My first reaction wasn't right but I slapped her. She didn't cry, no. It seemed like she's proud. She smiled and said: "Yeah, I'm really pregnant. And you'll help me to raise up my child."
I'm actually not sure If I should be angry with her. She's pregnant and expects that I'll help her even when I come home at 6 p.m. Well, I'm reaaally confused right now and had to tell someone of this story.
Have a great day!
Edit: I'm NOT the father (what the hell?) and the father is just a random guy who don't wanna help her.
If she is your best friend, you have to help her in every kind of trouble. If you cant help her, thats the point of your relationship where you realize that you are just friends.
There are two directions for you: Help or break up
On September 21 2012 18:12 PiPaPoh wrote: If she is your best friend, you have to help her in every kind of trouble. If you cant help her, thats the point of your relationship where you realize that you are just friends.
There are two directions for you: Help or break up
I think you're totally right. I'm actually not sure If I would really like to help her but I don't have the time or if this is just a stupid excuse.
On September 21 2012 18:12 PiPaPoh wrote: If she is your best friend, you have to help her in every kind of trouble. If you cant help her, thats the point of your relationship where you realize that you are just friends.
There are two directions for you: Help or break up
I think you're totally right. I'm actually not sure If I would really like to help her but I don't have the time or if this is just a stupid excuse.
Sure, you can help her, but to what extent? It's her kid, her life, and you have your own life. One could argue that since she is your best friend, you have to help her. But remember that you are also her best friend, and a best friend doesn't force something upon their best friend that the best friend doesn't want or can or have time to do. (lol so many best friends in one sentence).
I can take my best friend as an example. If my best friend would have a kid, he would never say something like "you will have to help me raise this bloke" because he just wouldn't leave that burden upon me, since he was the one getting the kid, he made that choise, not me. However, I would help him the best I could, because we're friends. See how it works both ways?
My point is, I have a hard time seeing how a good friend would say something like that to you. Almost in a forcing manner. It wasn't even a question? She just said you WILL help me raise this kid?
On September 21 2012 18:12 PiPaPoh wrote: If she is your best friend, you have to help her in every kind of trouble. If you cant help her, thats the point of your relationship where you realize that you are just friends.
There are two directions for you: Help or break up
I think you're totally right. I'm actually not sure If I would really like to help her but I don't have the time or if this is just a stupid excuse.
you go to school with her? so she's probably just as busy as you are. and she has the kid. imagine having someone depend on you for everything, every hour of the day, and being unable to step away whenever you want, like you can. she's going to have to give up a lot of her dreams to raise this kid. a lot of girls drop out of school, and once you drop out, you pretty much never go back. maybe she doesn't realize it right now, but once she has the baby, she's going to have to grow up fast.
obviously your life is your own and you are in no way obligated to help her. and you shouldn't help "raise" the kid, that's her job. but just keep in mind it's a hard fucking job and she can use all the help she can get. at least try and get her to finish high school.
I was seriously thinking you were an irresponsible father until i finished and read all the comments (not raise your own child or use condoms wtf?). Your friend seems to have quite a situation on her hands. Since you are best friends I don't think she would burden you by like making you be her wife but support her for sure whatever she decides to do (keep or abort). Just realize that you are doing it as a friend should you choose to and that she's the mother and all.
so young to have a kid already... even if already 18
The decision is up to her offcourse, but if she´s 17 and loves math and physics I presume she wants to go to university. And I think it will be pretty damn hard combining a math or physics degree with a difficult home situation let alone a child to take care of....
You really should have slapped her a second time. Getting pregnant and then basically commanding you to help raise it is the most retarded, dickheaded and selfish thing I've the displeasure of reading on this forum. Only majors news outlets have borne news this bad to me. So here's what you do: you leave her. Right now. Unless recently pregnant people are naturally stupider than a Down's syndrome kid who was dropped on his head, you really don't need a friend that selfish or stupid. She actually might have planned the whole thing, considering how calm she was. That would mean that even the previous excuse wouldn't work.
Honestly, having a kid at that age is borderline impossible. Not only she would have to give up university as many have pointed out, but at 18 NONE is ready to raise a child.
Tell her to seroiusly think about the fact that she will very, very likely have to give up everything she wants to do after high school if she wants to keep and raise the child.
She has family issues? best friend or not.... you need to take care of yourself, it's not your fault she opened her legs and didn't tell the guy to wear a condom..you're 18 and seems like you have a good head on your shoulders, don't let her mistakes slow you down. She's proud that shes pregnant at 17??? seems like someones been watching too much MTV's teenage mom...or whatever that crap is called
Your friend seems like a nut case, honestly. If it was me I don't know if I would support her in this, though it'll ruin your friendship with her. (but you do have to protect yourself from people that take advantage of you) gogo abortion, anyway :o
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
This.
Your friend sounds like a smart person with a great potential life ( math camp every summer ? for real ? ) in front of her. Do not let her put everything on side for raising a child alone as of now. Seing how she came to you, my guess is that the father doesnt want to raise this kid (or maybe she doesnt know who he is). Ask her why she wants to keep it. Tell her this probably means the end of her carier as a mathematician/Physicist. All the people I know that tried to raise a child as student failed to graduate.
If all of this fails, and she still wants to keep the baby, help her as much as you can
tell her to get rid of the child. my sister got a child at 18, she is now studying at university...but i can promise you that it is nearly impossible to combine, its GG to future studies, you just cannot combine those two things unless you have some steel willpower and determination.
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
An unwanted baby at that, being too young and not being able to care for a child properly and having it is just stupid.
We have enough people in this world alreay, i'd say get an abortion. If she wants children when she's a bit older she can always try to have another one. If that doesnt work out there are millions of starving children in the 3rd world
I say you should help her, but make it clear that you also have your own life to live and that you can't just throw your own life away just to help her raise an accident baby.
ps. if one of my irl mates would just blatantly expect me to help them raise it I would be pissed off, but would prolly still help.
On September 21 2012 18:12 PiPaPoh wrote: If she is your best friend, you have to help her in every kind of trouble. If you cant help her, thats the point of your relationship where you realize that you are just friends.
There are two directions for you: Help or break up
I think you're totally right. I'm actually not sure If I would really like to help her but I don't have the time or if this is just a stupid excuse.
Another point is: You cant expect a reward. You'll get nothing if you help her. I know it sounds hard, but if she ruins her life in that way doesnt mean that you have to do the same.
Think about this: Youre at school 10hrs, you leave and help her with the baby. When do you study at home? Midnight?
And the most important thing: Soon the child will be grown up and your friend doesnt need you anymore. Much time wasted for nothing. Hard world, but you have to think about the future.
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
This.
Your friend sounds like a smart person with a great potential life ( math camp every summer ? for real ? ) in front of her. Do not let her put everything on side for raising a child alone as of now. Seing how she came to you, my guess is that the father doesnt want to raise this kid (or maybe she doesnt know who he is). Ask her why she wants to keep it. Tell her this probably means the end of her carier as a mathematician/Physicist. All the people I know that tried to raise a child as student failed to graduate.
If all of this fails, and she still wants to keep the baby, help her as much as you can
So much the above.
My GFs best friend who is currently on vacation in the US told her some days ago that she "had a little accident" and "if she got pregnant from it so be it". I find bringing a child into a world where you aren't able to take care of it properly and without being able to give it what you would want to give it incredibly irresponsible. Not aborting is just as tough of a decision as aborting. Whatever it is, both have huge consequences for the rest of her live and most likely for the lives of the people around her. While I said that I find it to be irresponsible (I know 2 girls who got her kids around 17-19, both cases total disasters a few years later), I also know a girl who needed a few years to get over herself aborting her possible child.
I think the choice is too hard that it would help if her best friend would bombard her with arguments and moral lectures, your best bet is to make it clear to her that whatever her plan is that she has to be aware of most consequences possible. Also she should be aware of the fact that it's her child and her responsibility. Dragging a best friend into it and expecting help is pretty damn selfish imo.
- Apologize for slapping her - Support her, but also question her thought process. Get her to think and educate her if she is ignorant. She may feel that she has to go through with this pregnancy for whatever reason.
Ultimately it is her decision and the best way to be a friend is to support her in her final decision without compromising your own emotions/future.
On September 21 2012 18:12 PiPaPoh wrote: If she is your best friend, you have to help her in every kind of trouble. If you cant help her, thats the point of your relationship where you realize that you are just friends.
There are two directions for you: Help or break up
That's absolutely terrible advice in this situation.
Her teen pregnancy is going to ruin her life. Why the hell should it ruin the OP's life too?
If the pregnant girl was going to be a good friend, she wouldn't blatantly tell and attempt to force the OP to help her raise her eventual child. What kind of bullshit is that? You just don't do that. You don't put your friends in that kind of situation.
The pregnant girl clearly isn't ready (at least from an emotional/ maturity standpoint) to be a mother. Have her get an abortion or- if she's morally against it- have her give her child up for adoption or something. Or if she doesn't want to ever get rid of the child, you need to remove yourself from this whole situation immediately. Stop being friends with her, because it looks like she's going to rely on you to do half the shit that she'll need to do. It doesn't appear like she can handle the situation alone (or with the father), and there's absolutely zero reason why the OP has a moral obligation as a friend/ best friend to sacrifice the rest of her time and money to put up with this crap.
Slapping her was exactly what you should have done. That reaction was completely justified.
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
Yep, your friend has no fucking clue how hard raising a baby is. Let alone without a reliable father. She shouldn't expect more from you than visits and presents. Seriously though she should abort.
On September 21 2012 22:29 Paperplane wrote: It's not your responsibility. Don't get dragged into this mess or you'll end up spending more time on her baby then she will.
I think you need to be really clear with your friend in that you'll support and help her out if possible but that you're not at a stage in your life where you can help raise a child.
On September 21 2012 18:49 TheKwas wrote: Serious recommendation: abortion.
Normally I'm not in favor of abortion, but in this case, adpotion or abortion might be a good idea. This girl might know who the father is, but I don't think she understands the magnitude of what has happened. She cannot go to college until the kid is older, like 7, she can't do that because if she doesn't play a role in his childhood, varying issues with the child's early childhood that can haunt him past adulthood.This girl is acting like a dumbass for someone who should be smart.
your best friend is not taking responsibility, by this i mean that even if she want a child, she should also consider the childs father, and his opinion and feeling toward this. Raising a child without a father could turn out to be "devastating" in the future, imo a child should allways have the opportunity to raised with love from both a mother and a father.
i dont need to tell how difficult it is to raise a child, as you probably have an idea about that.
On September 21 2012 18:49 TheKwas wrote: Serious recommendation: abortion.
Normally I'm not in favor of abortion, but in this case, adpotion or abortion might be a good idea. This girl might know who the father is, but I don't think she understands the magnitude of what has happened. She cannot go to college until the kid is older, like 7, she can't do that because if she doesn't play a role in his childhood, varying issues with the child's early childhood that can haunt him past adulthood.This girl is acting like a dumbass for someone who should be smart.
BTW: WHO THE FUCK IS THE FATHER
I can tell you these two aren't:
But the pregnant girl needs to worry about making sure the father will be there for the baby... not just a random friend.
Doesn't sound like much of a best friend if she wants to foist such a burden onto you. You can of course help her out, but don't sacrifice the important things in your life (education/employment/financial stability/relationships) in order to do so.
You must remember that this is HER choice, not yours, and SHE has to live with the consequences, and not you. If you end up investing a lot of time helping her raise a child that is not yours, you will miss out on the things in life, and you may end up really regretting that later on.
You are 18, this is a very important time in your own life, and it is a time that you do not get back. Please think about yourself and your own future first.
You mentioned being confused... My guess is that she finds the situation quite confusing as well.
Anyways, I guess sometimes being a friend means you will have to give more than you receive in some cases. If you still want to be a close friend of hers than of course you need to be supportive in such a difficult situation (regardless on how much time you are prepared to give up for her).
That being said, are you really the only one she has at the moment? What about her parents? Will they help too maybe?
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
This.
Your friend sounds like a smart person with a great potential life ( math camp every summer ? for real ? ) in front of her. Do not let her put everything on side for raising a child alone as of now. Seing how she came to you, my guess is that the father doesnt want to raise this kid (or maybe she doesnt know who he is). Ask her why she wants to keep it. Tell her this probably means the end of her carier as a mathematician/Physicist. All the people I know that tried to raise a child as student failed to graduate.
If all of this fails, and she still wants to keep the baby, help her as much as you can
How is this different from the baby? Killing the child isn't the answer.
On September 21 2012 18:02 Xhiwi wrote: My first reaction wasn't right but I slapped her. She didn't cry, no. It seemed like she's proud. She smiled and said: "Yeah, I'm really pregnant. And you'll help me to raise up my child."
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
This.
Your friend sounds like a smart person with a great potential life ( math camp every summer ? for real ? ) in front of her. Do not let her put everything on side for raising a child alone as of now. Seing how she came to you, my guess is that the father doesnt want to raise this kid (or maybe she doesnt know who he is). Ask her why she wants to keep it. Tell her this probably means the end of her carier as a mathematician/Physicist. All the people I know that tried to raise a child as student failed to graduate.
If all of this fails, and she still wants to keep the baby, help her as much as you can
How is this different from the baby? Killing the child isn't the answer.
How can an unborn child 'sound like a smart person with a great potential life'? This isn't even a personhood argument, there's just literally no way to know any attributes at all.
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
This.
Your friend sounds like a smart person with a great potential life ( math camp every summer ? for real ? ) in front of her. Do not let her put everything on side for raising a child alone as of now. Seing how she came to you, my guess is that the father doesnt want to raise this kid (or maybe she doesnt know who he is). Ask her why she wants to keep it. Tell her this probably means the end of her carier as a mathematician/Physicist. All the people I know that tried to raise a child as student failed to graduate.
If all of this fails, and she still wants to keep the baby, help her as much as you can
How is this different from the baby? Killing the child isn't the answer.
The pregnant friend doesn't have to abort the fetus. There exists adoption. As in: Hopefully, the baby will have parents who can actually raise him or her in a safe, supportive, and structured environment with parents who are emotionally stable and financially ready for the biggest commitment of all: raising a child.
The pregnant seventeen year old girl clearly is not, as shown by her current behavior and mindset.
On September 21 2012 18:02 Xhiwi wrote: My first reaction wasn't right but I slapped her. She didn't cry, no. It seemed like she's proud. She smiled and said: "Yeah, I'm really pregnant. And you'll help me to raise up my child."
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
This.
Your friend sounds like a smart person with a great potential life ( math camp every summer ? for real ? ) in front of her. Do not let her put everything on side for raising a child alone as of now. Seing how she came to you, my guess is that the father doesnt want to raise this kid (or maybe she doesnt know who he is). Ask her why she wants to keep it. Tell her this probably means the end of her carier as a mathematician/Physicist. All the people I know that tried to raise a child as student failed to graduate.
If all of this fails, and she still wants to keep the baby, help her as much as you can
How is this different from the baby? Killing the child isn't the answer.
How can an unborn child 'sound like a smart person with a great potential life'? This isn't even a personhood argument, there's just literally no way to know any attributes at all.
Dude.The poster you quoted was referring to her friend, not the potential baby.
Her friend is a "smart person with a great potential life".
At that age... you should feel no obligation whatsoever to help raise her own kid. Do not commit to anything or get involved, just do your own thing and care less.
I'd say help her as much as you can, but the relationship like the one you describe isn't worth limiting your own potential. It sounds a lot like she knows the road ahead of her has just gotten significantly more difficult, but wants to drag another person down it too. Be careful, be smart, and remember that you have your own life to live too. Make it clear to her that you will help while you're there, but when you go away to college or when you get a job, you will be available a lot less.
On September 21 2012 18:02 Xhiwi wrote: My first reaction wasn't right but I slapped her. She didn't cry, no. It seemed like she's proud. She smiled and said: "Yeah, I'm really pregnant. And you'll help me to raise up my child."
Yes, you should be angry with her. Just for that.
On September 22 2012 00:19 danl9rm wrote:
On September 21 2012 20:28 Tyrran wrote:
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
This.
Your friend sounds like a smart person with a great potential life ( math camp every summer ? for real ? ) in front of her. Do not let her put everything on side for raising a child alone as of now. Seing how she came to you, my guess is that the father doesnt want to raise this kid (or maybe she doesnt know who he is). Ask her why she wants to keep it. Tell her this probably means the end of her carier as a mathematician/Physicist. All the people I know that tried to raise a child as student failed to graduate.
If all of this fails, and she still wants to keep the baby, help her as much as you can
How is this different from the baby? Killing the child isn't the answer.
How can an unborn child 'sound like a smart person with a great potential life'? This isn't even a personhood argument, there's just literally no way to know any attributes at all.
Dude.The poster you quoted was referring to her friend, not the potential baby.
Her friend is a "smart person with a great potential life".
Read the post more carefully.
Nah. He's saying the potential of the friend is no different from the potential of the baby in an anti-abortion rhetoric. Well and good, except for my point.
Wow. I'm really impressed by all these different opinions. And everyone of you is right. I talked to her a few minutes after my break and she said that abortion is not an option because she really wants to have this child. And yeah: She really wants to study but I guess she didn't notice that she could not do this with a baby.
For answering some of your questions: Yeah, she has other friends but they are not that close. Her parents aren't able to help her because they're also working every day. To me it sounds impossible to raise a child. But this is not my problem. The father is just a random guy who said: "I won't take care of this child." And yeah, she said "will". It wasn't a question.
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
This.
Your friend sounds like a smart person with a great potential life ( math camp every summer ? for real ? ) in front of her. Do not let her put everything on side for raising a child alone as of now. Seing how she came to you, my guess is that the father doesnt want to raise this kid (or maybe she doesnt know who he is). Ask her why she wants to keep it. Tell her this probably means the end of her carier as a mathematician/Physicist. All the people I know that tried to raise a child as student failed to graduate.
If all of this fails, and she still wants to keep the baby, help her as much as you can
The post he quoted was this:
On September 21 2012 20:12 Erasme wrote: A baby that soon will ruin her life, you should really tell her to abort.
His response was "This".
That doesn't sound like anti-abortion rhetoric to me?
That sounds pro-abortion.
Your friend sounds like a smart person with a great potential life ( math camp every summer ? for real ? ) in front of her. Do not let her put everything on side for raising a child alone as of now. Seing how she came to you, my guess is that the father doesnt want to raise this kid (or maybe she doesnt know who he is). Ask her why she wants to keep it. Tell her this probably means the end of her carier as a mathematician/Physicist. All the people I know that tried to raise a child as student failed to graduate.
the first sentence is saying that her friend has a lot of potential. The subject of the sentence is "Your friend", which implies that her friend is the "smart person with a great potential life IN FRONT OF HER". You didn't even READ THE SENTENCE FULLY.
a smart person with a great potential life ( math camp every summer ? for real ? ) in front of her
[/b]
a smart person with a great potential life in front of her
[/b]
Now does that make more sense?
The second sentence says that she shouldn't waste that raising a child.
The third sentence is self-explanatory.
The next sentences are good advice for a friend to counsel another.
That friend of yours is a scared 17 year old girl remember that people, she just wants to feel safe again. The reason she is trying to drag someone with her is because shes frightened . The father wont help her her next line of thinking would be to tell her best friend , but this in no way warrants her behaviour towards you .People make mistakes and from what you describe her as she seems to have self esteem issues and made a mistake now it threatens her life as she knows it and put her future in jeopardy .
My advice is tell her that she needs to make a decision regarding her future , either abort the baby finish school----> career and then kids or Adoption--> finish school---> career. Maybe if she's lucky and has a supportive family her parents can help.
Either way she needs to make a decision and either way she's going to have se baggage for the rest of her life .
P.s. what she asked you to do was a dick move ( really lessens the sympathy I have for her )
Someones life will end up being ruined. Maybe yours, probably your friends almost certainly the babies. If there's a chance to convince your friend to have a child later in life (i.e. abortion now) you should take it.
If she's not going to abort, then she should put the kid up for adoption. She can't take care of it, simple as that, esp. without parental support. Give some other couple who actually wants a kid the chance.
(I guess you can technically go and see if the grandparents would be willing to help raise the kid ... depends on how spry they are, ofc ...)
Tell her you have your own life. You'll be there for moral support, but goddamn, you need to focus on your own shit too. If she starts getting angry at you for that, then she's quite frankly a selfish friend.
If she is keeping, I would suggest you get her to look for community resources on raising a child. Being educated about it is very important if she doesn't want her baby to get fucked up.
On September 22 2012 01:30 Xhiwi wrote: Wow. I'm really impressed by all these different opinions. And everyone of you is right. I talked to her a few minutes after my break and she said that abortion is not an option because she really wants to have this child. And yeah: She really wants to study but I guess she didn't notice that she could not do this with a baby.
For answering some of your questions: Yeah, she has other friends but they are not that close. Her parents aren't able to help her because they're also working every day. To me it sounds impossible to raise a child. But this is not my problem. The father is just a random guy who said: "I won't take care of this child." And yeah, she said "will". It wasn't a question.
Wow she seems really illusioned;; just try to explain to her the actual ramifications of having a child without financial support. (and how ridiculously rude it is to just go up to a friend and be like, "hey, im having a baby and your helping me take care of it! isnt that amazing!!!!")
On September 22 2012 01:33 Praetorial wrote: the first sentence is saying that her friend has a lot of potential. The subject of the sentence is "Your friend", which implies that her friend is the "smart person with a great potential life IN FRONT OF HER". You didn't even READ THE SENTENCE FULLY.
Yes, that's what that poster said. Then the poster I quoted said:
How is this different from the baby? Killing the child isn't the answer.
He's comparing the potential of the friend to the potential of the baby, which is what my point is in response to.
Lol looks like she have some kinda of problem, i think she should look for help, to decide what she's gonna do, when i mean help = medic and social help.
On September 22 2012 01:30 Xhiwi wrote: Her parents aren't able to help her because they're also working every day.
Errr... That's true for the majority of the parents in this world I think. Just because you are busy doesn't mean it's not possible to prioritize. Are you sure she has actually asked her parents for help and they told her they were too busy...?
EDIT: Also, like someone said, you should keep in mind that your friend is probably scared to death. Not that it's an excuse for behaving rude towards you, but perhaps it will help you to be more forgiving if you keep that in mind (if you want to be forgiving that is).
And this is crazy, but here's my number, help me raise my baby!
Sorry OP. To be honest you sound like a stuck up girl because you comment on the way your friend dresses and desires attention. Whether you go help your friend out with the child or not is up to you, and it's a choice you have to make.
Lolwut? Since when? You don't have to do that. Even though you're friends. If you want to of your own goodwill, God bless your merciful, patient soul. But know that it's not your issue she couldn't abstain and/or the guy didn't bother with a condom.
On September 22 2012 01:34 obesechicken13 wrote: Let's not turn this into a prolife/prochoice debate.
Yes, please. It will not end well if it does, I know it....
On September 22 2012 01:30 Xhiwi wrote: Wow. I'm really impressed by all these different opinions. And everyone of you is right. I talked to her a few minutes after my break and she said that abortion is not an option because she really wants to have this child. And yeah: She really wants to study but I guess she didn't notice that she could not do this with a baby.
For answering some of your questions: Yeah, she has other friends but they are not that close. Her parents aren't able to help her because they're also working every day. To me it sounds impossible to raise a child. But this is not my problem. The father is just a random guy who said: "I won't take care of this child." And yeah, she said "will". It wasn't a question.
I'm curious: did she give you a reason as to why she wants a kid? It sounds as though she thought to herself, "I'mma have sex, and if I get a kid from it, I'll just raise it, ezpz." Like it's some happy, innocuous coincidence rather than a pretty f-ing big deal for her.
WTF? I actually giggled a little when I visualized the situation... -What's up? *looks at floor and says timidly* -I'm pregnant... -Oh. That's sucks. *looks back up at him with evil smile and giant teeth and with a red background* -...And YOU'll help me raise the baby. Hehehe... just sounds wierd to have a teenager being happy about being pregnant. I mean, a teen's body is still undergoing growth, and pregnancy fucks things up alot.
Maybe you should see if she'd consider giving the baby up for adoption? I can't imagine that she would be terrible well suited to raise a child, seeing how she is 17 and all.
On September 22 2012 06:47 Gunther wrote: I don't reccomend adoption because it's clear both the girl and the guy should never breed children. Abort it
Human life is precious and not to be thrown away lightly, especially based on judgements on people who made it. Plus, genetics should never determine someone's fate. You don't even know if the parents are good people who just made an honest mistake. There are plenty of infertile couples out there, and with a good set of parents, her child can have a good life. If I were you, OP, I would recommend adoption to this girl. She seems like she would be incapable of raising a child in her current position.
On September 21 2012 19:24 rabidch wrote: extreme girl blog... with a twist.
good luck to you
lol
Yeah but srsly depending on how much her parents are willing to help her she might want to think about adoption or something. It's just really a hard life for single teen parents, and for their kids too - it's not just about her.
Abort the child, at the age of 18 humans are emotionally too young to properly raise children to become responsible adults unless if they are helped by an elder.
She needs her own parents or the father's parents to help raise the child if abortion is too late.
Tell her to think it out and get help first, then decide if she really wants it. It might be some extreme hormonal thing that makes her think she wants it. Or that she doesn't want to admit she made a mistake.
Wait a minute, let me get this straight, your best friend is : - intelligent - a slut - pregnant ( and seemingly proud of it ) - ordering you to help her take care of her baby Is all of the above correct ? Do her parents know about it ? From the way you wrote that it seems like she kind of had it all planned ( having a baby, no father, having you help her with the baby ).
My opinion ( given the informations you gave us so far ) : You have no moral obligation to help a friend who pulls that kind of sh*t on you, but try to convince her to either abort, or have the baby adopted. The thing is : she can fuck herself up however she wants, but she's potentially effing up someone else's life, regardless of your stance on abortion. A 17 years old mother and no father ... i mean, it's not exactly the ideal environment to raise a child.
LOL @ this girl expecting you to help her raise her child. Tell her to go fly a kite and that you have a life of your own to worry about, you're 18 FFS!
If you live in the US I'm pretty sure the father is required by law to pay child support (or you can make him do it).
I'm also surprised by all the people telling you to tell your best friend to fuck off. You're not obligated to help her raise her kid, but if you are her best friend you may as well help out a little.
On September 21 2012 18:07 Xhiwi wrote: No, I'm a girl and her best friend. Not the father oO
lol, didn't see that coming at all...
Wait what?!
My god.... :/ that's......wow. That story is just really really depressing on so many levels... You have no obligation to help her as far as I know, and it's rather stupid she actually expects you to raise a child with her... I have no experience in this so I can't offer any advice. Incredibly shitty situation going on, I'm sorry :[
I became a dad eleven months ago and well it's awesome but it's also a lot of work. If she's alone about it she def has to drop out of school for atleast a year.
Don't tell her what to do, but advise her. In the end it's entirely her decision.
She has to understand the burden of raising a child as a teen parent though and has to be ENTIRELY committed to raising that child. If she's not, she needs to get rid of it right now. If you want to help her you need to know that you're going to have to commit ratherly heavily to it as well and it could very well ruin your life. If you're not looking for that then you have to tell her, now.
If she's going to keep it she needs to find a father for her child or her parents are going to have to be heavily involved. Either way its going to make the next several years of her life extremely difficult.
Number one recommnedation is get rid of it, its too much too take care of too early in life. Ultimately that's a decision she has to make though.
On September 22 2012 23:50 fire_brand wrote: Don't tell her what to do, but advise her. In the end it's entirely her decision.
She has to understand the burden of raising a child as a teen parent though and has to be ENTIRELY committed to raising that child. If she's not, she needs to get rid of it right now. If you want to help her you need to know that you're going to have to commit ratherly heavily to it as well and it could very well ruin your life. If you're not looking for that then you have to tell her, now.
If she's going to keep it she needs to find a father for her child or her parents are going to have to be heavily involved. Either way its going to make the next several years of her life extremely difficult.
Number one recommnedation is get rid of it, its too much too take care of too early in life. Ultimately that's a decision she has to make though.
I think that this is a very good post. However, I wouldn't necessarily jump to the recommendation of "getting rid of it." Yes, she is making the biggest decision of her life if she has the child: having that child will dictate the rest of her life. That doesn't necessarily mean it is the wrong decision though.
The knee-jerk reaction for most people is to say "get rid of it." While that is the easy choice, it is not always the best one for a young parent. If she understand all of the impacts and responsibilities of having this child, and she decides she wants to do it, she should be free to live her life that way. I am quite sure that she currently doesn't appreciate how significant of a commitment having a child is in addition to it being irreversible.
The best thing you can do as a friend is help inform her and play devil's advocate during discussions. You should make it clear to her what sort of help you'd be willing to provide. If you don't have time to do much, save maybe watch her for a few hours in the evening while she gets some rest, make that clear.
EPT
