Real Life

On July 02 2012 23:56 Smancer wrote:
Perhaps I am just too old for this place.

Or perhaps there just aren't enough actual adults creating content in the blog section.

Maybe, just maybe, no one cares about real life problems, and the drama of high school resonates the most with Team Liquid readers.

Either way, I decided I would write a little bit about my life for my own reflection. In a place where I know none of my peers will ever see.

I was first married right out of college. I had met her there my sophomore year. We were introduced a typical party in the city. In one of those apartments I cringe at now. Dirty floors. Greasy appliances. Second hand furniture. Tons of hormones. Loud terrible music. Keg of beer that tasted like water. 5 dollars to get in.

At the time I had played Diablo 1. Then Diablo 2. This was the game where I came up with my current gamer name. Smancer. Skeleton necroMANCER.

I would play at night when there was nothing to do, and most of the day when I wasn't competing in Judo, at the gym training, or in class.

I had graduated college a year early. Of the 3 interns at the tech company I had interned at, I was asked to stay on board. After graduation I had expected to receive a full time offer. No luck, but they wanted to keep me on part time.

It was early in our marriage, and I was basically dependent on her family for food and shelter. My parents had sold the house I grew up in and downsized to a small condo down south. There was no way I was welcome there.

I knew I would have to find work if I wanted to ever be independent.

Having a degree in mathematics from a respectable school I didn't know how lucky I was. I basically fell into a job teaching calculus at a high school. With no formal education classes or training; my first day on the job was my first day ever in front of a classroom.

If you think being a student is hard, trying being on the other end. I was able to hold my own. I had gained some small respect from the students by way of my knowledge. It was clear that I knew quite a bit about mathematics. Almost all the high school math teachers I had met over the course of my employment there knew very little mathematics. They were simply people who had an education degree that did will in Algebra 2 back in the day.

But the respect was only from a select few. I had great reviews from the department heads, and the administration for the three years I was there.

I was miserable though. The salary was barely enough to get by. And I was now throwing my life away playing WoW.

I bought the game the day it came out. Collector’s edition. I played and raided, and raided, and raided. Undead warrior. Off tank for the top guild on my server.

The day my wife told me she had cheated on me was the worst day and the greatest day. She had wanted children, and had pressured me heavily. I wasn't ready. I couldn't afford kids. She was also in the school system and we couldn't have possibly afforded it.

I had since moved away from teaching and landed a job as an analyst for a startup software company. I had done this for her. So that we could have a better income. Eat better. Live in a bigger place.

She had made no sacrifices. She never helped with housework. And now she drops this bomb on me.

The divorce was very difficult for me. I never told my family what had happened. Simply that she wanted kids and I didn't. I have a feeling they now know what really happened. She 3 months after the divorce was final; she remarried the fellow that she worked with. Big surprise.

I didn't take this very well to say the least. I had moved into a shitty apartment. One where the elevator smelled like piss and I didn't talk to my neighbors. I just prayed they didn't rob me. There were nights I was afraid. I was completely on my own.

The original plan was I would get both dogs for a week and then her. This didn't work in the long run and we ended up splitting them up. At least I had my guy. I probably would not be alive today if it weren’t for him.

I had slipped into a really bad state. I smoked a pack a day; I smoked pot multiple times per day, and drank. I had put on a good 40-50 extra pounds. I didn't go out. All of the friends I had once had, sided with her. After all, they all grew up together. I was the outsider. My boss at work told me I was in danger of being let go. I stayed home every weekend drinking and smoking for almost 2 years of my life in a shitty apartment. Fitting that it could have been that same apartment that we met.

I almost jumped from my balcony a few times. As my dog watched from inside the sliding door. My only friend in the world. Tears in my eyes, a blank, curious gaze from slightly tilted head looked back at me. That stare saved my life on more than just one night. I love my dog.

New Year’s Eve a few years ago was a great night. I had my last joint and last cigarette that night. I wrote down three things on a piece of paper that I titled "Things you need to do to save your life".

1) Work - Really work hard at work.
2) Quit smoking, everything.
3) Go to the gym.

The cigarettes were pretty easy. After about 2 weeks the cravings were pretty easy to get passed. The pot was pretty easy to stop as well. Although I believe it did some real long term damage. I have very difficult time with memory. I can't remember if I have taken someone to a restaurant 3 or 4 weeks after. I can't remember a lot of college, or my twenties.

I did start producing at work. It became an outlet for me. I really shined. I grew my skillset by teaching myself SQL. I started working closely with a lot of the people on the Database team. Being a person that is able to really understand business from a marketing perspective and being able to do some pretty technical things is a great niche roll that companies will pay a lot for.

I was a top performer. I was awarded stock. I was able to afford my own condo. I met a really nice girl who coincidentally had my old job as a math teacher. Very sweet girl, pretty, caring, nothing like my ex. She moved in last week. I got a new job outside of the software business. Something with a bit more security, and yet another pay bump. I do okay for myself.

It's further away from the city. Perhaps in a few years I'll be able to buy a bigger place. Perhaps I'll marry her.

It was really a struggle to get my life together. It takes a lot of work to keep a clean place. To have nice looking things. To perform well at work. To get to the gym. I really am starting to look in shape. I am very happy with my deadlift, squat and bench numbers. And I am working hard to get them better. I start the day at 5am to get to the gym. The days I don’t lift, I run. I hate the shit out of running but I do it. My dog comes with me.

I don't have that much time for Starcraft. I love the game, and I love to play. I guess I now just love my life a little bit more than the video game. Finally.

I wish I could tell you all how important it is to really work hard. You get rewarded for it in the long run. If you are in High School or College, set aside some time that would have been Starcraft time to really study. Not half assed. Set aside some time to take your clothes to the dry cleaner. To clean up your room. To make a proper meal with real food. You need to work at it.