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Perhaps I am just too old for this place.
Or perhaps there just aren't enough actual adults creating content in the blog section.
Maybe, just maybe, no one cares about real life problems, and the drama of high school resonates the most with Team Liquid readers.
Either way, I decided I would write a little bit about my life for my own reflection. In a place where I know none of my peers will ever see.
I was first married right out of college. I had met her there my sophomore year. We were introduced a typical party in the city. In one of those apartments I cringe at now. Dirty floors. Greasy appliances. Second hand furniture. Tons of hormones. Loud terrible music. Keg of beer that tasted like water. 5 dollars to get in.
At the time I had played Diablo 1. Then Diablo 2. This was the game where I came up with my current gamer name. Smancer. Skeleton necroMANCER.
I would play at night when there was nothing to do, and most of the day when I wasn't competing in Judo, at the gym training, or in class.
I had graduated college a year early. Of the 3 interns at the tech company I had interned at, I was asked to stay on board. After graduation I had expected to receive a full time offer. No luck, but they wanted to keep me on part time.
It was early in our marriage, and I was basically dependent on her family for food and shelter. My parents had sold the house I grew up in and downsized to a small condo down south. There was no way I was welcome there.
I knew I would have to find work if I wanted to ever be independent.
Having a degree in mathematics from a respectable school I didn't know how lucky I was. I basically fell into a job teaching calculus at a high school. With no formal education classes or training; my first day on the job was my first day ever in front of a classroom.
If you think being a student is hard, trying being on the other end. I was able to hold my own. I had gained some small respect from the students by way of my knowledge. It was clear that I knew quite a bit about mathematics. Almost all the high school math teachers I had met over the course of my employment there knew very little mathematics. They were simply people who had an education degree that did will in Algebra 2 back in the day.
But the respect was only from a select few. I had great reviews from the department heads, and the administration for the three years I was there.
I was miserable though. The salary was barely enough to get by. And I was now throwing my life away playing WoW.
I bought the game the day it came out. Collector’s edition. I played and raided, and raided, and raided. Undead warrior. Off tank for the top guild on my server.
The day my wife told me she had cheated on me was the worst day and the greatest day. She had wanted children, and had pressured me heavily. I wasn't ready. I couldn't afford kids. She was also in the school system and we couldn't have possibly afforded it.
I had since moved away from teaching and landed a job as an analyst for a startup software company. I had done this for her. So that we could have a better income. Eat better. Live in a bigger place.
She had made no sacrifices. She never helped with housework. And now she drops this bomb on me.
The divorce was very difficult for me. I never told my family what had happened. Simply that she wanted kids and I didn't. I have a feeling they now know what really happened. She 3 months after the divorce was final; she remarried the fellow that she worked with. Big surprise.
I didn't take this very well to say the least. I had moved into a shitty apartment. One where the elevator smelled like piss and I didn't talk to my neighbors. I just prayed they didn't rob me. There were nights I was afraid. I was completely on my own.
The original plan was I would get both dogs for a week and then her. This didn't work in the long run and we ended up splitting them up. At least I had my guy. I probably would not be alive today if it weren’t for him.
I had slipped into a really bad state. I smoked a pack a day; I smoked pot multiple times per day, and drank. I had put on a good 40-50 extra pounds. I didn't go out. All of the friends I had once had, sided with her. After all, they all grew up together. I was the outsider. My boss at work told me I was in danger of being let go. I stayed home every weekend drinking and smoking for almost 2 years of my life in a shitty apartment. Fitting that it could have been that same apartment that we met.
I almost jumped from my balcony a few times. As my dog watched from inside the sliding door. My only friend in the world. Tears in my eyes, a blank, curious gaze from slightly tilted head looked back at me. That stare saved my life on more than just one night. I love my dog.
New Year’s Eve a few years ago was a great night. I had my last joint and last cigarette that night. I wrote down three things on a piece of paper that I titled "Things you need to do to save your life".
1) Work - Really work hard at work.
2) Quit smoking, everything.
3) Go to the gym.
The cigarettes were pretty easy. After about 2 weeks the cravings were pretty easy to get passed. The pot was pretty easy to stop as well. Although I believe it did some real long term damage. I have very difficult time with memory. I can't remember if I have taken someone to a restaurant 3 or 4 weeks after. I can't remember a lot of college, or my twenties.
I did start producing at work. It became an outlet for me. I really shined. I grew my skillset by teaching myself SQL. I started working closely with a lot of the people on the Database team. Being a person that is able to really understand business from a marketing perspective and being able to do some pretty technical things is a great niche roll that companies will pay a lot for.
I was a top performer. I was awarded stock. I was able to afford my own condo. I met a really nice girl who coincidentally had my old job as a math teacher. Very sweet girl, pretty, caring, nothing like my ex. She moved in last week. I got a new job outside of the software business. Something with a bit more security, and yet another pay bump. I do okay for myself.
It's further away from the city. Perhaps in a few years I'll be able to buy a bigger place. Perhaps I'll marry her.
It was really a struggle to get my life together. It takes a lot of work to keep a clean place. To have nice looking things. To perform well at work. To get to the gym. I really am starting to look in shape. I am very happy with my deadlift, squat and bench numbers. And I am working hard to get them better. I start the day at 5am to get to the gym. The days I don’t lift, I run. I hate the shit out of running but I do it. My dog comes with me.
I don't have that much time for Starcraft. I love the game, and I love to play. I guess I now just love my life a little bit more than the video game. Finally.
I wish I could tell you all how important it is to really work hard. You get rewarded for it in the long run. If you are in High School or College, set aside some time that would have been Starcraft time to really study. Not half assed. Set aside some time to take your clothes to the dry cleaner. To clean up your room. To make a proper meal with real food. You need to work at it.
 
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real life has pretty good graphics.
but the physics engine sucks.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
On July 02 2012 23:56 Smancer wrote:
I met a really nice girl who coincidentally had my old job as a math teacher. Very sweet girl, pretty, caring, nothing like my ex. She moved in last week. I got a new job outside of the software business. Something with a bit more security, and yet another pay bump. I do okay for myself.
so happy for you!!!!!! fuck yeah.
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your blog resonates with me. 5/5
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Fuck yeah brother keep spreading the truth!
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Here's to hoping that work becomes a similar sort of outlet for me. Not that I have anything rough going on right now
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On July 03 2012 00:07 Paljas wrote:
real life has pretty good graphics.
but the physics engine sucks.
Nah, it's the entire gameplay. You grind and grind and when you finally get to the max level, you die.
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Great story. If only we could all listen to our elders' advice... I've thinking about this for a while.
I also remember being in high school, and feeling only contempt for people who "conformed", wearing the traditional suit and going to work from 8 to 6. But then I had a real talk with an uncle, a lawyer and a consultant and pretty much a very conformist person, a "good citizen". He told me that his suit was his uniform, a costume, a disguise he would put on every day to send the message that everything was OK, and that while he did have dreams of greatness when he was young, he learned to appreciate the small gifts of life. You only know their value after being confronted to the toughness and randomness of life.
Oh, and my life has only been better since I stopped playing SC, just saying...
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On July 03 2012 00:07 Paljas wrote:
real life has pretty good graphics.
but the physics engine sucks.
lol. But in all seriousness good read, I work pretty hard in college, and really only play SC 2/ video games on the weekends during the semester now, because as I am getting deeper into my program, I have realized that I need to spend more time to understand this stuff, since it is what I will be doing the rest of my life.
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Amazing job dude  this is a great turn around story. What made you decide to have a degree in Math? Why not a math based science like physics so you didn't have to teach and could do physics work at a firm?
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Awesome blog, thanks for sharing!
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Written from the heart, thanks!
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good read, glad you came to the place you did!!
ps that last girl and her new husband, will prolly split up at some point. cheaters never wiN
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I wish I could just accept the way things are and live a normal life but I can't live a normal life if it means exploiting the planet and people who didn't have opportunity to know anything else than famine and fear.
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On July 03 2012 01:23 docvoc wrote:Amazing job dude this is a great turn around story. What made you decide to have a degree in Math? Why not a math based science like physics so you didn't have to teach and could do physics work at a firm?
I've come to learn that Math is an incredibly versitle degree. When I see job descriptions that require a degree in a list of pre defined fields, "Or related field", 9 times out of ten that math degree is applicable in some way if you market yourself correctly.
This could include physics, finance, business, comp sci, engineering, accounting, etc.
In my experience and the experiences of a few people I know, what you do in college has little to do with your day to day work in industry. You learn a lot on the job.
You know how you always hear people say "oh I hated math". Well turns out if you get really good at it, people will pay you a ton to do it. I liked that I was good at what everyone else hated, or at maybe saw as difficult.
I actually started out as a Comp Sci major. I remember I was a freshman, and it was time for my first internship. The school I went to was big on the Co-op/internship and required quite a few. Anyway, I went to the Co-op advisor and told him I was struggling to find a job. He didn't speak a word to me and just pointed a computer that was meant to search open listings. Which I had done and applied to around 30-40.
I had a math professor at the time who was friendly and impressed I was the only freshmen in his Abstract Algebra class. I told him I was having trouble finding a co-op and he told me "Oh, professor K is looking for someone". I went to talk to Professor K, and after a quick reference call to the professor who referred me, he shared his grant money with me for the summer.
In short I liked the math department. I liked the professors and the environment. I liked sitting inside a cool brick academic building sipping coffee well into the night (and sometimes mourning) writing proofs.
Sometimes when the libraries closed, and the other buildings were locked I would head downtown in the city to a hotel. And I would work on the math proofs there at ungodly hours.
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What can I say, highschool drama and teenage stories are also real life, worthy of its own podium. You are just older, your interests have changed and your priorities took a u-turn. I'm saying this because I was on my own since 19 in a foreign country, with no outside support and just my own pair of hands to survive. I still played bw for 5-6 years, which provided me with some of the fondest memories, while making ends meet. You start to regret it when you look around and consider the wasted potential, but all in all it is only a matter of personal preference at the time.
I did drugs too and I quit too and your story resonates with me a lot aside from a broken relationship. You are in great shape my friend, because you did get solid education and built a foundation for your future. Consider all the people that didn't and have to start fresh. I don't know if you were ranting (it seems so from the title) but this is nothing. You are educated, you're past your drug habits and alcohol, you're in good relationship and good spirits. Seems like RL ain't so bad after all?
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I'm very happy to read that
I'm in the situation where you were after the divorce.
Staying in a uncleaned flat, smoking pot and playing games all day;
Me and my girlfriend also had 2 animals, 2 cats, she got to keep them because cats are very territory dependant and she kept the house. I feel alone but my ex gf is leaving the house that we used to share to settle with her new man. I'll re-settle there and got to to keep the cats.
As soon as I move in, I plan on stopping straight the smoke and go to the gym. I'm planning of developping new competences and start to hard work in the field that interest me the most.
In life you fall, and you bounce and it always repeats. I'm enthousiastic to the future because I know I can't really fall much lower than right now.
Your Story was heart warming for me, I just picture you as me from the future
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On July 03 2012 02:28 ecstatica wrote:
What can I say, highschool drama and teenage stories are also real life, worthy of its own podium.
Yup. I was a bit presumptuous.
On July 03 2012 02:28 ecstatica wrote:
You are in great shape my friend, because you did get solid education and built a foundation for your future. Consider all the people that didn't and have to start fresh.
I can't say anything to this other than yes, I am very lucky. But I didn't realize it or appreciate it when things were bad.
On July 03 2012 02:28 ecstatica wrote:
I don't know if you were ranting (it seems so from the title)
I was just trying to tell my story. And encourage people who think they are in a bad spot to work hard to get themselves through it because there is light at the end of the tunnel.
On July 03 2012 02:28 ecstatica wrote:
You are educated, you're past your drug habits and alcohol, you're in good relationship and good spirits. Seems like RL ain't so bad after all?
Not bad at all. Thank you and good luck!
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On July 03 2012 02:33 Diks wrote:I'm very happy to read that I'm in the situation where you were after the divorce. Staying in a uncleaned flat, smoking pot and playing games all day; Me and my girlfriend also had 2 animals, 2 cats, she got to keep them because cats are very territory dependant and she kept the house. I feel alone but my ex gf is leaving the house that we used to share to settle with her new man. I'll re-settle there and got to to keep the cats. As soon as I move in, I plan on stopping straight the smoke and go to the gym. I'm planning of developping new competences and start to hard work in the field that interest me the most. In life you fall, and you bounce and it always repeats. I'm enthousiastic to the future because I know I can't really fall much lower than right now. Your Story was heart warming for me, I just picture you as me from the future
Dear Me from the Past,
You shouldn't wait for a special occasion to quit smoking, hit the gym, and start working toward your goals. However, I promise the day you do quit smoking, hit the gym, and start working toward your goals will be a special occasion.
The first two months of your new routine are going to suck. You will hate every morning you have to get up to go to the gym. You will hate every late night you spend at work. You will crave a smoke more than you ever have.
You may end up failing. I tried to get into shape 5 or 6 times just to fail a few weeks later.
If you stick with it though, if you just do one day at a time, consistently, without excuses, something awesome will happen. You will crave the gym. You will crave success. You crave a better life, a better career, and another two 45lb plates on that barbell. And you will wake up one day to come to the realization, that you have it.
-Future me.
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EPT
