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United States685 Posts
On June 28 2012 03:39 itsjustatank wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2012 03:17 Praetorial wrote:
Today, one of my other good friends decides that now is the time for him to tell another member of my school's speech and debate team that I dislike their personality and ability to make sound decisions. While indeed I did say this, I told my friend to please not tell anyone else. And when I asked him his justification, he said "I'm just trying to make things more peaceful" MORE PEACEFUL?! How the fuck did he figure that? I had never made my feelings against this team member public, and my friend thinks that it is a brilliant idea for him to "broker peace" between us by telling this team member how much I "hate" them.
Ahh debate team drama... how nostalgic. Just general advice: choose friends wisely, adhere to information security. Basically, keep your thoughts to yourself and don't confide in anyone if at all possible because gossip mills are ubiquitous. In terms of impact though, as long as the person in question that you dislike isn't your partner it doesnt matter that much.
IMO, even though this advice may have been given sincerely in order to help you, it would probably harm you more than it would help.
The idea of keeping everything to yourself has a certain appeal that I understand, especially when it's something as inconsequential as a crush. In fact, I'm often guilty of not sharing problems with people that are close to me even when I should, for some of us that's just a product of our personalities, for different reasons.
But when you're going through something more difficult, especially later in life, you'll definitely regret not having people to talk to. You might feel like it's not worth it, but at some point you'll want to get advice or encouragement from people who have a different, less skewed perspective.
If you feel negative emotions--anxiety, guilt, frustration, anger, etc. your friends can help redirect your thoughts more positively by providing insights that you may not have thought of. They can help break patterns in thought or perspectives on events that lead to further negative emotions.
A really straight forward example; let's say you're inexperienced with women--not assuming that you are in real life, but as a hypothetical. Seeing or interacting with this girl you have a crush on could be a cue for anxiety, because you may feel like you'd be awkward in conversation, etc. If you keep it to yourself, you're likely to stagnate and not talk to the girl because it's difficult to reassure yourself about something with which you have little experience. Unexamined feelings of anxiety lead to not talking to the girl, which leads to guilt for not doing so.
Again, the more serious the problem, the more serious the potential impact of not expressing it to anyone. My advice is that you shouldn't aspire to keeping everything to yourself, you just need to develop friendships with people who are mature and trustworthy. That may not happen right now, but college will be different than high school. Don't listen to advice which tells you it isn't possible or even probable to have friends who won't betray your trust.
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Calgary26003 Posts
On June 28 2012 03:49 Praetorial wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2012 03:41 Chill wrote:
I think he likes her too and used that to embarass you to make himself look better by comparision. I wouldn't overreact, but I also wouldn't easily forget this if I was sharing information or thinking about helping him out in the future. He's asexual.
Check this post in a year.
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One really useful piece of advice I've gotten is, don't say something about somebody unless you would say it to their face. If you kept the comment you originally said to yourself, you wouldn't be in the situation. Yes your friend sucks, hes not a friend. But definitely be prepared if you say shit about somebody, its possible that they'll find out.
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I feel like we all go through this at some point, our friends fuck up so hard you can't even understand why you were friends in the first place, but eventually everything returns to normal. If you can, voice why what they did annoyed you and that might help.
HOLY FUCKING 1000'th post LOL.
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Gotta weed them out asap, my friends never did this kind of thing, but I was always VERY selective with my friends(many times I don't go out with my real friends because one person I don't think is any good is going), nowadays I can say I have 7ish good buddies I could trust anything with,
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Canada486 Posts
that actually sucks, bitch them out
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looks like you are not friend with the right people
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The solution to all your problems: Apathy.
If you care soo much about this to make a blog about friends on Teamliquid then this girl is out of your league. I've had the same EXACT thing happen to me. In 9th grade my bestfriend (a girl) told my crush that I liked her (I'm thinking because my bestfriends bestfriend had a huge crush on me) and then I found out at lunch. I didn't freak the fuck out. I played it off as no big deal and guess what? Two weeks later she's my girlfriend.
TL:DR: Don't give a fuck, it will get you far.
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On June 28 2012 03:38 Zvenn3n wrote:
That's low. Screw friends, who needs them anyway when we've got StarCraft?
Seriously though, as fear said, find better friends. Not everyone can keep secrets, so don't tell yours to too many.
Who needs them anyway when we've got TL? :D
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See, here's the thing. Your high school friends are just that. High school friends. You'll keep in touch with a few of them once you all go your separate collegiate ways, and probably beyond, at your discretion. Everyone else, you'll never see or hear from again. So if it bothers you enough right now that you don't mind losing the friendship, bitch them out about it and see how it goes. Maybe they'll see it your way and you'll smooth things over, and maybe they won't and you'll walk away minus one dick-ish friend. If that's not something you want to risk right now, sit tight, and when you graduate, you'll either have gotten over it, or you can silently wipe them off your social calendar.
People about to graduate from high school always imagine it's this big emotionally taxing ordeal where their wonderful lives are being torn apart by the big bad world, but then three months later everyone gets to college and realizes that leaving high school behind and not looking back is fucking awesome, because now you're free to find better shit to do and find better friends to hang out with.
Also, LOL at Chill's second post in this blog.
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wtf this is highschool right T___T I've never heard of such betrayels sheesh
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Maybe he can tell she's into you, but you can't see that, so he reassured her that you are in fact interested?
Resolve your standing with the lady, and then see how you feel about the first friend.
As for the second, do you really care about that random guy? The chances are he doesn't care what you think of him.
On June 28 2012 06:24 Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2012 03:49 Praetorial wrote:On June 28 2012 03:41 Chill wrote:
I think he likes her too and used that to embarass you to make himself look better by comparision. I wouldn't overreact, but I also wouldn't easily forget this if I was sharing information or thinking about helping him out in the future. He's asexual. Check this post in a year.
He's most definitely not asexual, he just hasn't found any girls he's into, isn't out of the closet, or a combination of both.
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On June 28 2012 09:41 Cyber_Cheese wrote:Maybe he can tell she's into you, but you can't see that, so he reassured her that you are in fact interested? Resolve your standing with the lady, and then see how you feel about the first friend. As for the second, do you really care about that random guy? The chances are he doesn't care what you think of him. Show nested quote +On June 28 2012 06:24 Chill wrote:On June 28 2012 03:49 Praetorial wrote:On June 28 2012 03:41 Chill wrote:
I think he likes her too and used that to embarass you to make himself look better by comparision. I wouldn't overreact, but I also wouldn't easily forget this if I was sharing information or thinking about helping him out in the future. He's asexual. Check this post in a year. He's most definitely not asexual, he just hasn't found any girls he's into, isn't out of the closet, or a combination of both.
Oh no he's asexual, I've known him my entire life.
It's pretty darn obvious.
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5/5 because I like you and hope you get through this. 
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On June 28 2012 10:46 Anacletus wrote:5/5 because I like you and hope you get through this.
Thanks, friend.
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On June 28 2012 03:17 Praetorial wrote:
What the fuck motivates people that I've known for years to do something as fucking idiotic as making other people hate my and think that I am weird with not clear benefit?
Is it because they think they are doing the right thing? Or is it because they want to share this very sensitive information that I shared with them in confidence, just so they can do something with it and get personal closure?
If you truly want the answers, ask your friends the above questions directly.
Regardless; would you really miss the company of someone who 'hates' via mere hearsay?
On June 28 2012 03:17 Praetorial wrote:
Goddamnit, I'm not talking to them ever again. TL is literally the only place that I can talk about my personal life and feeling and not have people talking about it behind my back very single fucking day.
Yet here you are talking about your friends behind their backs, and telling us how you talk about other people behind their backs ("I dislike their personality and ability to make sound decisions"). Poetic justice I say
You know the solution: never say anything about anyone you wouldn't say to their face. That, and telling THEM everything you wrote here. If, when people do things you don't like, you don't reflect back to them your honest feelings, you'll keep getting what you're getting. Honesty never costs you anything worthwhile.
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ok, i'm "abrasive" i believe the word is. so dont get all hurt or whatever, i dont really care anyways.
get the fuck over it, it doesn't matter. everyone (you and your friends included) has stupid days where they screw things up
your friend telling the girl that you like her was doing you a favour anyways. dont be such a pussy next time and tell the girl instead of your stupid friend.
your friend telling the debate person that you "dislike" them. so fucking what? cry more.
Either apologise and try to get along with this person, or tell them they are an assclown but you will make an effort to be civil if they will too. or get in a fistfight i guess (punch him first, the person who punches the other dude first usually wins)
basically stop being such a pussy & tell people to their face. or keep those thoughts to yourself.
dont go bitching about people to your friends.
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HEY GUYS THIS HAS BEEN RESOLVED YAY
On June 28 2012 12:31 Kh0rne wrote:
ok, i'm "abrasive" i believe the word is. so dont get all hurt or whatever, i dont really care anyways.
get the fuck over it, it doesn't matter. everyone (you and your friends included) has stupid days where they screw things up
your friend telling the girl that you like her was doing you a favour anyways. dont be such a pussy next time and tell the girl instead of your stupid friend.
your friend telling the debate person that you "dislike" them. so fucking what? cry more.
Either apologise and try to get along with this person, or tell them they are an assclown but you will make an effort to be civil if they will too. or get in a fistfight i guess (punch him first, the person who punches the other dude first usually wins)
basically stop being such a pussy & tell people to their face. or keep those thoughts to yourself.
dont go bitching about people to your friends.
Okay. You're abrasive, and honest. But I'm also going to sorta kinda warn you about that.
Not because your advice isn't good, it's most b/c the highlighted bits show that you kinda didn't read the whole thing.
Next time I write a crying blog, I'll remember to let you know.
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so, how was it all resolved?
i'm kinda hoping it was the fistfight
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On June 28 2012 13:00 Kh0rne wrote:so, how was it all resolved? i'm kinda hoping it was the fistfight
nah
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EPT
